Eva’s Crazy Mind

(slowly going more insane)

the previous page had a text that was sent before being whitened so i suggest you don’t go check that out 😊

no really save your brain and mind. it’s really really dark-

oh well, this ‘warning’ will probably just send you to go and investigate. 

just so you know, it was something to do with tw death or su. 

yeah this warning is probably pointless. 

@justmeeva 💙 It did 😅 you know us all too well

If I remember right (and it's questionable right now lol) why are we still here. Because we care. We consider you a special person in our lives. You mean so much to a lot of people here Eva 💙

i actually have a ton of really dark thoughts that i have to try to keep to myself because- just because you’re depressed eva, doesn’t mean you gotta make others depressed, haha-

maybe though i can spill just some of those thoughts…….. i mean i don’t force anybody to be here, i honestly don’t know why you are here since it’s- just me venting and saying “i’m done” over and over because apparently no matter how done i am, life still keeps getting worse and worse which is just kinda funny atp because it’s all simply not gonna matter soon lol-

um so yeah dark thoughts below ⬇️ 

tw

i quite often imagine scenarios where there’s a guy with a g*n like breaking in or something and me saying “wait, you can shoot me but just let me tell my friends, you can watch just let me tell them so they’ll know” :p

same when i’m driving somewhere in the car. every time, i imagine getting into a car crash, and then looking for my phone and quickly coming to this thread. i know what i’d say lol. but i’m not gonna say it rn-

i’m so depressed lmao.

going more insane every day

i wonder which will come sooner, the day i go actually insane, or the day i- 

too dark eva you gotta stop that

there’s thunder and lightning but no rain. that’s a first.

@justmeeva

*Sits with Eva 🥺*

There is a book titled 'the depression book' by cheri Huber. It explains depression & how to manage living with it. It is written in a light hearted way. 🥺

..she could’ve found it. she was so close. i’m surprised she didn’t see it- or did she? no, i’d know if she saw it. ...right? she would’ve told me something. right?

..

i had an okay day today. a genuinely okay day. i never have good days so an okay day is a big thing to me. and then came mom, and just started targeting me and ruined it all. she said that the house being messy (it wasn’t that messy) is depressing. that’s depressing? i..- she wouldn’t survive being me. i usually don’t care about her complaining but my almost good day being ruined.. idk it just hurt in a different kind of way. 

i probably deserve it. *** happiness. shouldn’t have let it get to me. 

the little flicker of happiness got snatched away from me, just like that. i won’t let it get to me anymore. i won’t believe it anymore. 

“ur nothing without a smile :)”

”guess i’m nothing”

i have no social skills, whatsoever. you’d think it’d be easier online, right? well apparently not. i have to google conversation starters or games like ‘would you rather’ and those don’t even help. how pathetic is that? i have to practice having a conversation, what i’m gonna say. i have no idea how to keep a conversation going, it’s like my brain’s goal is to just find a response and that’s it. but that’s not it- and when you have to talk to a person who’s like you? two antisocial people trying to make a conversation. it’s awkward but funny but still awkward. why do i have to be like this?

“i hope you’ll fulfill your dream of becoming a pilot, so we can both fly high.”

i really wanna give her a piece of my mind ngl. 

with every passing day, i can feel myself getting closer to that snapping point. 

i want to scream i want to snap i want to shout so loudly and make everyone shut up already 

i’m just done i’ve been done for so long i’m done with my sister i’m done with my mom i’m done with myself i’m done with my life i’m just done

i remember being younger and sometimes crying so much that i literally couldn’t breathe or say anything properly or even cry properly just sobbing. 

i’m running out of time again. 

and don’t forget eva, you’re never special to anyone. you’re nobody’s only one. nobody’s one of a kind. to them, you’re just another person to talk to. don’t ever think otherwise. 

@justmeeva

you are special, Eva 🥺 you have a purpose in this world. 

@VictoriaLove7 I agree 💙

@justmeeva We barely know each other but from the things I read here - your friends here - You are special - they see it in you. I see it. I wish you could see you the way we do

*offers safe hugs* 💙

@VictoriaLove7 @mytwistedsoul @unassumingEyes 

i appreciate you all <3 thank you for being here 🩷 *hugs if okay*

@justmeeva

*hugss Eva* 🫂 

@justmeeva *hugs* love you eva 🩷

@justmeeva no. Do think otherwise. Think the fact that you are an inspiration to lots of us. Think the fact that you impacted us in ways no one else did. Think the fact that despite being younger than me, you have always seemed to me wiser, kinder, better, the type of person I strive to be. Think all of this, because it is true, it was always true, and it always will be true. I dont care what bad you may have done in your life eva. That does not erase the good you have caused. And i will say it as many times as you need to hear it- you help me breathe. Not cups, not my irl friends, not my sister, You, specifically, help me breathe, help me go on. That is special. You are special. Nothing can change that, not for me, not for us.

soon. 

everything is triggering.

nah. nahhh- i just caught my sister stealing money from me- twice- she tried to be all sneaky and i pretended to not look, she was trying so hard not to get caught but she’s such a bad liar- she tried to cover it up by talking a lot and playing dumb saying she was searching for something- o m f g- i’m so gonna confront her about it later.

@justmeeva

*confused eyes voice* yall have money- 🤓 also help that sounds like something my sis wld do xD if i wasnt broke 🤓

@unassumingEyes 

birthdays are my only consistent income resources ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ :’) /lh

@justmeeva better than nothing, i guess? Wow, money xD I have a little bit from some competition I won but like mom has it- shes saving it up for…i don't know xD 

a few tears are okay. 

@justmeeva

*hugs Eva if okie 🥺*