Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
i want to journal about my feelings and problems. i want to express myself with art. i want to write all those appreciation letters to my friends, to show them their values in my eyes. i want to have a hobby, a single one would be enough. i want to write a song about my struggles, something to completely relate to. i want to learn an instrument. i want to try to be a good student, for once. the one everyone thinks i am. i want to try to make a vent edit, to see if it works for me. i want to write stories. i want to make animations. i want to work on myself. i want to try different things. i want to find out things about me. i want to talk to someone. i want to get help. but i can't. i really just can't.
man i'm not in the mood for studying at all. i came across a kinda deep emotional video and i wanna keep that mood and just.. think. but as always, i don't have time.
''any questions?'' the teacher asked her students before handing out the papers. the boy labeled as 'the quiet kid' raised his hand. ''yes?'' the teacher said. ''how to get over depression?'' the boy asked. it's like every sound just disappeared from the world. the silence was loud. and long. everyone was quiet. even the teacher, who the kids thought knew everything, stayed silent. this was the boy's first attempt of asking for help, and might've just been the last.
those ways of coping are ways of coping but they're not making anything better. but it's really okay tho, because i don't wanna be better. i can't, i won't, i tried, i failed, no more, enough. i don't have words to explain it but the ways of coping are keeping me in my *** up world and i have nothing against it.
