Ramblings 3

I am extremely blessed to have some very special friends here. No matter where my thoughts guide my writing, they are here , continually reminding me of the positive things that they recognize in me via my writings. I don’t recognize anything I do as positivity in me. I recognize the positivity coming out of my writings, however I believe that the strong threads that they have woven together that has taken hold in me, there must be an offshoot that has managed to make its way into the mess of thoughts bouncing around in my head and therefore is able to use there love and positivity to twist my negative to positive in my messages to them.

My eyes can’t focus. I hope that bit of rambling makes sense.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami you always make perfect sense to me ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

That’s good because that makes one of us that it makes sense to ❤️❤️💕

Ok , take my meds and I am wide awake. …… 😖😖😖😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Well, I suppose I stay awake It is currently about 3 hours from being picked up. I will probably try and take a shower in about an hour. Then lay down for awhile, try to shave, lay down for awhile, brush my teeth, lay down for awhile, try and make sure I have the few things I need for the little trip are by the front door, lay down for awhile, get dreams piece by piece laying down in between, then it should be about time for my ride to get here.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I can tell you - persons with ME/CFS (as I have) do just the same as you and it's called "pacing"; doing one thing, rest, doing another thing, rest.

@Helgafy

Thank you. That is very interesting.

It is about time to start my day. Shower first. Then each step until it is time for us to be............

@Iamwhoiamwhoami you worked out how to use gifs😁😁😁 yaaay! 

@Tinywhisper11

It took awhile but found one at least.❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami you did great ❤

I finally made it into the shower for the intense wake up call to the pain. The usual few minutes under the water and out, dry what I am able and hobble to bed.

What would Tiny do? ………. That’s right…cry. Ok I think I can accomplish that fairly easily.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm here now ❤ you can cry to me 

@Tinywhisper11 well done for having a shower ❤ please tell me you use a electric shaver??

@Tinywhisper11

No, just a manual one

@Tinywhisper11

Might have to keep that pose for the next few hours if the meds don’t work as well as hoped for. ❤️❤️❤️

@Tinywhisper11

If it’s ok with you, I am going to focus on getting ready to leave. My ride should be here in about 45 minutes.

I will try to keep you and the others at the forefront of my thoughts throughout this ordeal today.

❤️❤️❤️❤️. Thank you for coming back here when you did just a little while ago, it means a lot to me . ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

💕💕💕I still am permanently locked in the holding of your hand while embracing you in a warm hug. I love you. 💕💕💕

@Iamwhoiamwhoami good luck sweetie ❤❤ we'll talk when you get back ❤❤ I love you ❤ 

@Iamwhoiamwhoami next time you order shopping but yourself some chocolate cake,you deserve to spoil your self ❤❤ I'm really slow at typing, sorry. How are you feeling now?

@Tinywhisper11

That is really tempting but I could eat a small slice or two and then the rest would go to waste. My actual sweet tooth disappeared, but the cravings are still strong.

I am really slow at typing as well.

I am really anxious and nervous more about how the ride is going to go.

I’m sorry but I do need to finish getting ready to go.

❤️❤️❤️I love you, ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 

@Tinywhisper11 *sits and waits with Tiny for Iam's return* ❤️

@mytwistedsoul shares ice cream with soul while we wait 

@Tinywhisper11 Yum! 😋 Thank you! I hope he's doing ok ❤️

I hope you are too Tiny. I know you're having trouble too 😞❤️❤️

@mytwistedsoul don't worry about me🙂 I'll be ok ❤

I'm kinda hoping iam managed to sleep on the journey there. I'm kinda nervous about what the surgeon will tell him. It's not an easy thing when it comes to your spine. Bless him. Just praying for a good outcome whatever that may be

@Tinywhisper11 I hope he could sleep too but I know when the anxiety kicks in it's hard to relax enough for that. Hopefully it's not a very long trip to get there

@mytwistedsoul part warrior part angel and part smurf😁

@Tinywhisper11 Those smurfs were pretty bad** getting around Gargamel and his cat all the time ❤️ 

@mytwistedsoul yep I am half smurf 😁 or at least the size of a smurf😂😂

@Tinywhisper11 Good things come in small packages ❤️ 😊

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hoping your ok ❤❤ hugging you tightly ❤

@Tinywhisper11

❤️❤️❤️I just got back home and fell into bed, I tried to heart the recent messages but I am in a lot of pain that the medications decided to stop working and I’m going to lay here for awhile and possibly go to sleep. I will be back after awhile and respond to the messages I missed. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hugs you tightly ❤❤ my poor angel, I'm sorry it hurts so bad 🙁 but I'm so proud of you ❤ you did it well done ❤❤ praying you have a good sleep now, and wake up in less pain ❤❤ I love you, I've been so worried ❤ Thank you for letting us know you returned safely ❤

@Tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul

I am just going to update a little bit then I will probably stay off here until tomorrow.

Trip there and back went ok, but the surgeon appointment was informative but a waste of time. This consultation was with the head of surgery who verified basically what we already knew,, and then we had to make another consultation appointment with the surgeon that will be performing the surgery, which is another 4 hours of riding in a car for *******…That appointment is October 4th , I think, I will double check that later. After that we supposedly can schedule surgery, no idea how long a wait that will be.

So right now I just am going to lay here and…I don’t know what. I just am going to lay here.

I’m going to turn my phone off so notifications won’t get to me. I just need to curl up and…I don’t know what. Just curl up and be myself I guess. I want to respond to you messages but I just can’t right now. I probably won’t be back on here until maybe tomorrow sometime. ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami thanks for letting us know ❤ I've been very worried, october 4th is only a couple of weeks away. So that's at least not long to wait. You did so good, just rest now my angel ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

Your message popped in before I shut off my phone, I realized it was from you so I will respond to you just on this message for now. I am not in a good place right now and I’m having more difficulty than normal choosing my words. I am aggravated, frustrated and a little bit angry, maybe a lot angry, I don’t know actually what all I am feeling, I am just tired of living like this and there’s nothing I can do to speed op this red tape crap that is impeding the only action that should be done is still way too far away.

I have said multiple times that I am completely overwhelmed, and that is the world’s biggest understatement.

That appointment on October 4th is basically the same thing I did today, Then it will probably be another month after that before surgery. When in reality that surgery should have been scheduled today, even the head surgeon today put on his notes that I need this done ASAP.

I apologize for however my ramblings sound. I’m just not in a good place right now, and I’m not sure if I’ll be back here tomorrow or not, right now I can’t think that far away.

❤️I love you too ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

That was very disappointing to you. I bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm so sorry Iam. You have got to be beyond frustrated and disappointed. You've been dealing with this pain and you were patiently waiting for this appointment. I guess maybe we forgot that it takes time to set everything up and get things ready. There's probably other things they need to do in order to get the surgery going. The surgeons schedule is probably full already right now. But the idea of you having to wait two weeks for another appointment is well - it really really sucks. Hang on ok? I know it would be really easy to spiral down in to despair right now and it's pretty hard to see and think logically why this isn't something they can just rush into. I'm so sorry if I'm saying all the wrong things or if it seems like I'm minimizing what you're going through and dealing with - that's definitely not what I'm trying to do

@Tinywhisper11

I am sorry. I feel like I owe you an explanation, but I can’t come up with the words. I don’t know anything right now.

I am trying to come up with the right words and I can’t. I’m sorry. I guess that’s all I can manage to say. I don’t know when I will get away from this whatever this is, whenever that is, if there are missed messages here , I will try and respond. However I am sure that there probably won’t be.

❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's ok sweetie, you don't owe me or anyone else an explanation ❤❤ take your time, just know we are ready to be here for you, when your ready ❤ hugs you tightly ❤