Ramblings 3

I am still awake I haven’t even had any old geezer naps. I feel sorry for the one driving me tomorrow, because I’m going to be extra cranky and irritable tomorrow. Of course maybe they will get lucky and the meds will kick in enough that I will sleep both ways.

Anxiety has mellowed a little for, I don’t know, about an hour or so maybe.

I know I am a big crybaby, my writings here, when they are focused on me whether it involves what is going on inside or outside of me, they portray a person who would miserable to be around because it appears that all you would here from me is lots of the same things I write here.

However, in person I am completely the opposite. I barely speak, I keep everything inside, I am very uncomfortable speaking to anyone, even my own doctor. She gets more than frustrated with me behind closed doors and never completely to my face . She is very patient, but I can never seem to speak on my own behalf to her, I say the bare minimum. Now that I understand just a little bit about navigating the app for sending messages and scheduling, etc., I think she gets a little frustrated with me because I ramble on in my messages there like I do here.

She is a very busy doctor and I am assuming she is as well in her own life as well. So reading my novellas I send is probably a bit tedious for her.

But either way, if one of you were to meet me you wouldn’t believe I was the one behind these writings . Unless you stuck around for a day or two, then reality would set in and you would realize that my being pure negativity and being so introverted that your only chance of being around me for any term, long or short, it could only be done in short bursts, maybe an hour or so max with a eight hour break then maybe another quick burst.

I am on a self hatred streak obviously. But if it keeps my anxiety at bay…..

It is tempting to take it a little early but that would defeat the purpose of moving the time between a shave closer.

I don’t think I will be writing here during my trip there and back. Of course whenever I state something like that, I usually do just the opposite. Probably just to tick myself off.

I am extremely blessed to have some very special friends here. No matter where my thoughts guide my writing, they are here , continually reminding me of the positive things that they recognize in me via my writings. I don’t recognize anything I do as positivity in me. I recognize the positivity coming out of my writings, however I believe that the strong threads that they have woven together that has taken hold in me, there must be an offshoot that has managed to make its way into the mess of thoughts bouncing around in my head and therefore is able to use there love and positivity to twist my negative to positive in my messages to them.

My eyes can’t focus. I hope that bit of rambling makes sense.

Ok , take my meds and I am wide awake. …… 😖😖😖😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Well, I suppose I stay awake It is currently about 3 hours from being picked up. I will probably try and take a shower in about an hour. Then lay down for awhile, try to shave, lay down for awhile, brush my teeth, lay down for awhile, try and make sure I have the few things I need for the little trip are by the front door, lay down for awhile, get dreams piece by piece laying down in between, then it should be about time for my ride to get here.

It is about time to start my day. Shower first. Then each step until it is time for us to be............

I finally made it into the shower for the intense wake up call to the pain. The usual few minutes under the water and out, dry what I am able and hobble to bed.

What would Tiny do? ………. That’s right…cry. Ok I think I can accomplish that fairly easily.

@Tinywhisper11

If it’s ok with you, I am going to focus on getting ready to leave. My ride should be here in about 45 minutes.

I will try to keep you and the others at the forefront of my thoughts throughout this ordeal today.

❤️❤️❤️❤️. Thank you for coming back here when you did just a little while ago, it means a lot to me . ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

💕💕💕I still am permanently locked in the holding of your hand while embracing you in a warm hug. I love you. 💕💕💕

@Iamwhoiamwhoami next time you order shopping but yourself some chocolate cake,you deserve to spoil your self ❤❤ I'm really slow at typing, sorry. How are you feeling now?