Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Tinywhisper11 *sits and waits with Tiny for Iam's return* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul shares ice cream with soul while we wait
@Tinywhisper11 Yum! 😋 Thank you! I hope he's doing ok ❤️
I hope you are too Tiny. I know you're having trouble too 😞❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul don't worry about me🙂 I'll be ok ❤
I'm kinda hoping iam managed to sleep on the journey there. I'm kinda nervous about what the surgeon will tell him. It's not an easy thing when it comes to your spine. Bless him. Just praying for a good outcome whatever that may be
@Tinywhisper11 I hope he could sleep too but I know when the anxiety kicks in it's hard to relax enough for that. Hopefully it's not a very long trip to get there
@mytwistedsoul part warrior part angel and part smurf😁
@Tinywhisper11 Those smurfs were pretty bad** getting around Gargamel and his cat all the time ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hoping your ok ❤❤ hugging you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️❤️I just got back home and fell into bed, I tried to heart the recent messages but I am in a lot of pain that the medications decided to stop working and I’m going to lay here for awhile and possibly go to sleep. I will be back after awhile and respond to the messages I missed. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hugs you tightly ❤❤ my poor angel, I'm sorry it hurts so bad 🙁 but I'm so proud of you ❤ you did it well done ❤❤ praying you have a good sleep now, and wake up in less pain ❤❤ I love you, I've been so worried ❤ Thank you for letting us know you returned safely ❤
@Tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul
I am just going to update a little bit then I will probably stay off here until tomorrow.
Trip there and back went ok, but the surgeon appointment was informative but a waste of time. This consultation was with the head of surgery who verified basically what we already knew,, and then we had to make another consultation appointment with the surgeon that will be performing the surgery, which is another 4 hours of riding in a car for *******…That appointment is October 4th , I think, I will double check that later. After that we supposedly can schedule surgery, no idea how long a wait that will be.
So right now I just am going to lay here and…I don’t know what. I just am going to lay here.
I’m going to turn my phone off so notifications won’t get to me. I just need to curl up and…I don’t know what. Just curl up and be myself I guess. I want to respond to you messages but I just can’t right now. I probably won’t be back on here until maybe tomorrow sometime. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami thanks for letting us know ❤ I've been very worried, october 4th is only a couple of weeks away. So that's at least not long to wait. You did so good, just rest now my angel ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Your message popped in before I shut off my phone, I realized it was from you so I will respond to you just on this message for now. I am not in a good place right now and I’m having more difficulty than normal choosing my words. I am aggravated, frustrated and a little bit angry, maybe a lot angry, I don’t know actually what all I am feeling, I am just tired of living like this and there’s nothing I can do to speed op this red tape crap that is impeding the only action that should be done is still way too far away.
I have said multiple times that I am completely overwhelmed, and that is the world’s biggest understatement.
That appointment on October 4th is basically the same thing I did today, Then it will probably be another month after that before surgery. When in reality that surgery should have been scheduled today, even the head surgeon today put on his notes that I need this done ASAP.
I apologize for however my ramblings sound. I’m just not in a good place right now, and I’m not sure if I’ll be back here tomorrow or not, right now I can’t think that far away.
❤️I love you too ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
That was very disappointing to you. I bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm so sorry Iam. You have got to be beyond frustrated and disappointed. You've been dealing with this pain and you were patiently waiting for this appointment. I guess maybe we forgot that it takes time to set everything up and get things ready. There's probably other things they need to do in order to get the surgery going. The surgeons schedule is probably full already right now. But the idea of you having to wait two weeks for another appointment is well - it really really sucks. Hang on ok? I know it would be really easy to spiral down in to despair right now and it's pretty hard to see and think logically why this isn't something they can just rush into. I'm so sorry if I'm saying all the wrong things or if it seems like I'm minimizing what you're going through and dealing with - that's definitely not what I'm trying to do
@Tinywhisper11
I am sorry. I feel like I owe you an explanation, but I can’t come up with the words. I don’t know anything right now.
I am trying to come up with the right words and I can’t. I’m sorry. I guess that’s all I can manage to say. I don’t know when I will get away from this whatever this is, whenever that is, if there are missed messages here , I will try and respond. However I am sure that there probably won’t be.
❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's ok sweetie, you don't owe me or anyone else an explanation ❤❤ take your time, just know we are ready to be here for you, when your ready ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Iam. You're having a really bad time now. I wrap you up in the arms of your Father in heaven.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yeah I was hoping the surgery would of already been put in place for you, and everything was gonna happen quick for you🙁 anger is something I don't really ever feel. But I get how angry, disappointing, upsetting this must all be for you🙁 especially knowing how much pain your in, and with your mental struggles. I'm so sorry sweetie. I'll be here waiting for you, whenever your ready to talk ❤ giving up sometimes feels like the only option left 🙁you are strong, remember that ❤ I'll be here waiting for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Beautiful written Tiny.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I apologize for not responding to anyone . I believe I said that I wasn’t going to be here for awhile yet. But I feel a responsibility, an obligation to my friends, my family here to at the very least write a little update. Little update? I don’t know if that is possible for me.
First off, I love each and every one of you ❤️❤️❤️. And I am blessed with the presence of each and every one of you.
I am thankful for your kindness and support, I am still not in a good place right now, I will probably still ramble, but I am struggling with nearly every word I am writing here. So the time it’s taking is probably 5 times longer than it normally would take me.
I’m also having trouble focusing my eyes, so I will try a doctor appointment timeline….
Head surgeon consultation appointment yesterday…consultation with surgeon performing the surgery is on October 4th (I think , I still haven’t looked at the paperwork from yesterday), ……Supposedly then surgery would be scheduled…from there I don’t know.
I was under the impression that yesterday’s appointment was with the surgeon performing the surgery and that the surgery appointment would be next. I was wrong. The surgeon yesterday at least attempted to get a sooner appointment with the next surgeon. He actually put ASAP due to pain in his report. It didn’t accomplish anything but he tried. First one to expedite the process.
As far as me , I am struggling more and more everyday. I keep finding a new low point it seems, on a regular basis.
I probably will come back here and lurk, but I don’t know about writing anything. I just want to lay here and it sounds stupid but I just want to lay here and rock back and forth until the 4th. that is it.
Even though I am saying it from my darkest of darkness,
❤️❤️ I love you all, and thank you ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami It's okay<3 You don't have to write if writing isn't comfortable yet. I do appreciate you updating us regarding the situation and it is really disappointing and frustrating that there's more waiting. It feels like that to me so I can only imagine the pain and anger it must be causing in you. I'm glad the doctor did acknowledge your pain and put Asap in his report and I really hope it helps speed up the process.
I won't tell you to be hopeful or positive about this situation cause you've held on for so long waiting for this appointment and for there to be more wait is just devastating. But please feel what you need to, express what you have to and let yourself hold on again. You made it this far and you can make it till the surgery too. Hopefully after that this will all feel like a nightmare that you survived. We are all with you always.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yep exactly what aurora wrote. We are here whenever your ready to talk and share. Just know you are loved and deeply cared for. Hugs you tightly ❤❤ even when you give up on you, I never will ❤
Thinking about you all and sending good vibes and love everyone's way ❤️
Doing the same <3
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi lurker ❤❤ remember your appointment next week, make sure you prepare yourself for the journey ❤ and remember I'm still right here with you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love you
@Iamwhoiamwhoami pain levels are very high, so I'm calling it a day ❤ just wanted to say.... Goodnight angel ❤ I hope your ok! I hope your sleeping well ❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 don't forget to take your meds, stick to the times you write down ❤❤
