Ramblings 3

@Iamwhoiamwhoami bless you. It's that time of day my pain levels are at the maximum, I can hardly focus on  letters to types, I think I'm gonna be calling it a day soon ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you goodnight sweet prince ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami good morning ❤ hope you managed to get some sleep last night ❤

same as usual, off and on. ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I bet you can't wait to hear of the surgeon, the wait is just always so hard😥 hugs you tightly ❤ hopefully you will hear now in the next few days🙂

I got to have the injection in my spine today. I can't wait, although I always get a bit nervous. But cause of the pain levels, since towards the end of July I've been stuck in a electric wheelchair. I prefer the manual, it keeps me moving and gives me a bit of independence. So hopefully by tomorrow I'll be back in the manual wheelchair😁❤

@Tinywhisper11

Hopefully you get back in the manual chair. ❤️❤️hugs you as well ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm playing with my 3 little pigs 😁 they help me keep calm😁❤

How are you managing mentally?

They are lucky to have you. Same old, same old. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami did you have any toys growing up?? What was your favourite?

@Tinywhisper11

I’m sorry, I don’t remember much about my childhood. What I do doesn’t involve positive things.❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh of course sorry ❤❤ I wasn't thinking. I'll check in on you in a bit ❤ hopefully you will get some news today ❤

Laying here as usual, everything still in a fog

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi sweetie ❤ I'm sorry your struggling so bad, it's not nice, bless you 🙁 gives you a huge hug ❤❤ 

Just heard from the pain management referral and the earliest appointment is October 23rd. Still nothing from neurosurgery.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami the end of october!?!!😮 damn! How do they expect you to survive that long🙁 that's not great news😥 I'm sorry sweetie

@Tinywhisper11

Hopefully neurosurgeon appointment will be a lot sooner. Otherwise I will have to figure out something for mobility. . Wheelchair room in my home is extremely limited . Plus I couldn’t roll myself without excruciating pain. A walker? I don’t know..,

it is what it is…

❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami a walker is worth a shot if you lean on it hard enough it might take some of the pressure of your back and legs. Electric wheelchair you'll need, but if your house isn't adapted I don't know either😕 it's just so terrible to know you have to work theese things out alone😥 let's pray the neurosurgeon is a lot sooner.

Dogs and sleigh😁 just joking😁❤

Dogs and sleigh, I would consider if it weren’t for the fact they wouldn’t come near me because I would probably keep running over their tails with the chair. ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 yeah it wasn't a great suggestion ❤ I really hope your doctor, steps in and helps you. I know you let him in mentally and emotionally. But other than y your physical problems your facing, does he know about the situation you live in at all?

Yes they know. I have a phone appointment with the social services office at my doctors office Wednesday.

My doctor I think doubted the validity of my pain . She is frustrated with me in regards to the depression and other issues because I refuse to go back to any psychiatrist or counseling due to the excessive amount of people I have seen over the years and the fact it always hits the wall and fizzles out.

I think now that the MRI has shown that the pain is very real she is a little less frazzled with me.

❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's not nice to think the doctor didn't quite believe you were in pain😥 and therapists and meds, are a personal choice. Many people don't want to do either and they should respect that choice. But I guess everyone thinks differently. I'm glad social services are involved, it might seem all a bit scary for you, but they are really nice, and can offer so much. I'm glad your doctor seems more on board with things now ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

I read your writing questioning when your life begins, I understand where you’re coming from . As far as I am concerned you are living everyday that you come to this community and share your strength and love. ❤️ ❤️❤️Hugs you snugly ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami awww snugly hugs ❤thankyou ❤ yesterday was a long day I guess, lots of anxiety, then depression kicked in. But your right, I have everything I could ever of wanted, and I have a good life here ❤ and friends like you that make me happy, and thankful ❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11 how are you today? Are you upset about the pain management thing?

Same as every other day I suppose. Still overwhelmed. Issues still on high. If I can figure out how to get pain meds picked up and if they work, that will have to do. More frustrated than upset. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami does your chemist do delivery services? Might be worth asking. They do that here. Frustrated and overwhelmed is exactly what I would be feeling to🙁 hugs you tightly ❤ 

they do through the mail for some. If I lived near them there is a possibility of that. But controlled substances have to be picked up. ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 🙁 oh, perhaps social services can help you with that. Sorry for the late reply. Hugs you tightly ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hii ❤ how are you doing right now?? I'm still kinda exhausted from yesterday, so I'm relaxing in my bed, it's a uppy downy , it's pretty cool😁 ❤

so I watched someone try to park their car for like 10 minutes. Anyway I didn't see the driver, and I'm not sexist, so I'm not going to assume what gender she was 😁

Same as usual. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Sorry I'm just catching up. Oct 23 is insane. It's ridiculous to make you wait so long. I'm sure you're resigned to the fact that it is what it is - so me and Tiny will be outraged for you. Hopefully the neurosurgeon can get you an appt long before that. I know alot of places seem to take forever to get in. Even just the regular doctor seems to take forever. If you call because you're sick by the time you can get in you're not sick anymore 😕 

I'm sorry things are taking so long Iam 😞

Nice to hear from you .

At least I’m not young, because I have a feeling that the longer this goes without intervention there will probably be nerve damage and/or related issues.

Checked in on my claim for disability through insurance and the referral to surgeon that has to get approved through insurance and neither one have been approved by insurance yet. That must be where the major holdup is.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Ugh why does that not surprise me 😕 We pay into insurance because we have to have it but yet they screw around and hold things up when we need it! It not right 😐

Maybe they can, probably not because the original claim is still under review. I am just to the point it is what it is. I am done with phone calls and emails I am not getting anywhere. . Advocating for myself is not for me. I will resign myself to laying here waiting.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Oh man that really sucks. I hate waiting.  Self advocating isn't easy either. You did really good though getting to this point though. I mean I know it hasn't solved or fixed anything but you at least got to this point with a referral to a neurosurgeon. That's something in it's self

Thank you..

@mytwistedsoul

I am not emoji literate. That is partly why I don’t use them, anyway I was just wondering what the Purple Heart means?

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Love and support. I just sort of picked it because I like the color lol. Do you have a preference? I can use red hearts too. Or blue. I didn't know if maybe it was weird for a guy to send another guy heart tbh. I'm not too literate with them either. So I'm kind of winging it myself 😅 But googling it apparently they have have a meaning lol! I probably should have known it would - it is the Internet after all 

I am not offended in the least. I don’t understand them and I hesitate using them because too many people interpret everything differently, and I don’t want to offend anyone,

I have no preferences, purple is fine with me. I also take no offense to a guy sending me a heart. Or anything else as long as it’s not hateful . I welcome whatever you want to send me.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I can understand that. I know alot of people use a combination of letters together too and I have no idea what they mean

@mytwistedsoul @iamwhoiamwhoami 

😂😂😂😂😂 I'm the queen of overusing emojis I just think their cute, and express my face as I'm writting 😁 but yeah I really struggle with the bunches of letters, I never know what they stand for either😂😂😂😂😂