Ramblings 3

The old adage of being careful what you wish for still holds true. It seems like surgery is in my future. Which in itself I am fine with, not having any home support puts a big wall in the way.

Trying to focus on what needs done while going through this is impossible. I had a hard enough time focusing before much less now. Trying to figure out this computer stuff out to attempt to get the information to my insurance for disability claim. Everything is just so jumbled.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami well I guess the good news is you know the doctor has referred you to a top surgeon. I get injections in my back every 3 months, they really really help ❤ so that's good, that's really good. Hopefully you won't have to wait much longer to get things started ❤ with no one at home to help you, I'm sure the surgeon will have a few options for your recovery process, try not to worry about that to much. Let's hope this disability and insurance all starts getting a move on for you. Your going through enough without having to worry about that stuff. I've just woke up, to a terrible headache. Bright lights hurt at the moment. But I'll keep trying to come on here and check in with you, hopefully in a hour or so it'll pass over. Hugs you tightly ❤ 

@Tinywhisper11

Don’t worry about me, take care of you and your pain . ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Thought I'd reply here because jumping back and forth between replies gets me lost 

You know you're actually a real sweet guy. Bet you didn't see that coming :) 

You know we both care about you because we consider you a friend 

Hopefully they can put a rush on this referral? Or do you need to make the call? Two slipped discs?  No wonder it's so painful with it pushing on the nerves like that! You've had this pain for awhile but it's been getting worse to this point right? I'm not sure where I was going with that thought tbh. Well - wondering if it could be causing the brain fog and stuff for you too I guess. I googled it and it said probably not. But it can cause weakness and loss of balance and pain would add to depression - now it's my turn to ramble lol

Sending you good vibes Iam ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

I am not good at the jumping around thing either. I apologize for that , I was backtracking and trying to make sure I read and replied to anyone I may have missed in my state of mind.

A rush would be good but it will be in a larger city and I am they are extremely busy as well. So I am forced to try and refrain from getting too impatient at least till maybe mid week.

The brain fog is probably just a progression of the brain flickers I have already been having, adding in to being so completely overwhelmed and lost, plus the pain and a brain that goes the speed of sound most of the time.

I am just hoping long trips are very minimal. Driving/riding in a vehicle is becoming just as aggravating to the pain as everything else.

I have dealt with so many aches and pains, arthritis really started acting up the last couple years and I did bring up the arthritis to my doctor and they basically told me to use over the counter medication to manage it. I don’t remember when the onset of the leg pain began. But I know this year at work I would have to sit down and alleviate the pain which was basically limited to my left thigh. Do that a time or two and I was good to go for awhile. It was progressing but I was being stubborn, and I was just going to make do. Then I was at work and trying to do a job I had done plenty of times over the years and I would do a minute or so of work and then I was in excruciating pain and tried sitting down right next to where I was working and I repeated this numerous times and it dawned on me that continuing this was not feasible. I went home and finally called the doctor.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami It's ok. I do appreciate you replying though. Thank you! The tagging here is kind of screwy at times too and the collapsing replies of ridiculous 

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi ❤ how are you feeling now?? Yeah like you guys said waiting is the worst, especially when it's to do with pain🙁 athritis, you suffer with that too😥 one of the old men here at the care home has it really bad in his hands, I think he takes painkillers, but he said there's nothing the doctors can do. 🙁 it must be a very painful thing. My wrists and hands lock a lot when I'm doing art and craft, only briefly a minute or so at the most but that's bad enough. Bless you ❤ I often wonder if reincarnation was a real thing, who must we have been in our past lives to deserve this😂😂 probably hitler or someone😁 gives you a giant tiny healing hug ❤ I hope you've managed to get some sleep ❤ I love you ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Sometimes it helps me to think about how much better it will feel after the hard part is done. Do remember to eat well and keep yourself hydrated as much as you can. The efforts you're making show the strength that you carry inside you<3 Hoping for the pain to go away with each step you're taking towards your healing. 

@BlueDarkAurora

Thank you for reaching out.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami <3 ^-^ I know you're dealing with the pain on your own but you've got people here who are with you in spirit and I'll keep you in my thoughts too.

@BlueDarkAurora

I am thankful and grateful for your support.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami <3 :) 

I have been commanded by my body/pain that driving is not a thing I can do. Tried driving to town to pick up a new prescription for pain medication and made it out the driveway in extreme pain, stayed the course and I got about a mile or so and had to pull off the road and try and get the pain in check. Ended up going back home.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 🙁 as the pain settled a bit now?? Ok don't worry, um I'm not sure what to suggest😕 you mentioned before how expensive other travel options are🙁 I'm sorry sweetie, but you did so well to keep driving up to this point. I don't think many others would have been able to do that in so much pain. On the internet I know you can get groceries delivered to your door, but I'm not sure how to do it, sorry. What are your thoughts right now? What's going through your head? Hugs you tightly ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami this night make you smile (hopefully) I drew pictures and cut out the heads and stuck my guineas heads through them😁

@Tinywhisper11

They are definitely adorable. ❤️❤️

@Tinywhisper11

Don’t worry. You have read enough of my writings to know that this is just another thing piled on. It’s the way things are meant to be. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hugs you tightly ❤ the world really does suck sometimes, but remember if it didn't suck, we'd all fall off🙂 ❤ no matter what you believe, you don't deserve all this. I know your not really religious, but I believe we all have a purpose, a reason. It's just not always clear till we meet the guy in the sky, what that reason is. I wish I knew what to say, and how to make things better for you. Remember I love you ❤

Just knowing that you are here supporting me is enough. Things happen for a reason, or so they say.❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I will always be here for you ❤ I don't class myself as any religion. But I do believe in God, angels and heaven🙂 in my darkest hours faith keeps me going ❤ but we all have our own beliefs, and everyone should feel accepted by everyone for what they think.❤ Do you ever daydream about how life could've been, or what you want it to be??

Honestly, no I don’t. The closest to that I’ve been is being honest with myself as a child and accepting help to find myself then.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm not sure what you want through as a child, I'm guessing something very bad happened🙁 I'm here to listen, if you want to talk about it ❤ I find venting really helps me sometimes, I know no One can do anything, but it's nice to just know someone hears you and cares ❤

Trigger warning for childhood abuses.

I don’t remember much about that time anymore. I am sure that I have written about it before, probably a few times, I know I was sexually and physically abused by my sperm donor of a father. I don’t remember many details. But that is about all I can say about it right now.

❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami aww honey I'm so sorry. Some people are just pure evil.not remembering to much about it can be a blessing and a curse. Blessing for obvious reasons, a curse because not knowing can really  mess with your mind 🙁 I can't remember the last year or so I was with my owners. If it comes back to you, I'm always here to listen and hug you ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

Thank you, ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami because you couldn't get to town, so you have good in the house you can eat?? I know sometimes when your tired and in pain, you just can't bring yourself to eat. But you do need to keep up your strength 

❤️❤️ I have some food here for a little while yet❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami so you know how to get a grocery delivery if you need it?

There is no delivery to my area

@Iamwhoiamwhoami damn! Ok what about the doctor looking into a social worker to help with your needs

Maybe I will check into that next week. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami please do, you need help right now ❤ I know you don't like it, but hopefully it will only be for a little bit, till you get back on your feet ❤ you can do this ❤

I will try and figure out something.. ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm not sure what services they do or can offer😕 I'm not much help with stuff like this, I just worry about you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

❤️ I appreciate your ideas. Thank you.❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami ❤❤ i worry my questions and suggestions  might seem as nagging or ordering/bossing you around. But I'm not, and you can just tell me to shut up at any time😁 I really just do worry about my special friend ❤

I am fine with your suggestions and questions. No worries. ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok thankyou ❤❤ hugs you tightly. How are your pain levels today?

Still up there.❤️❤️❤️