Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Tinywhisper11
I haven’t been here much either. I behaved myself for awhile then I got restless and I tried doing a few things. I’m not sure what the source of this is but I definitely have made it angry.
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you in your time of need, I've had a few health issues of my own.
gives you a huge hug ❤ I know it's not easy to just try and rest through the pain, mentally it's impossible. I wish there was a way to get around it🙁 it won't be too long now till you go for your mri scan ❤ your doing amazingly well, in so very proud of you ❤ how have you been the past couple of days?? Did the angry pain settle down at all?? Please just don't give up ok? I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
No apologies needed. Our struggles can take the reins at any given moment. As long as you are okay, that is what matters.
My pain is settling in for the long run. It is what it is. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami what about mentally, this is a stupid question, but how are you managing?? When is your appointment??? I'm really bad at remembering dates. Have you been in touch with your doctor?
@Tinywhisper11
Mentally, I am not doing that well. It has been extremely difficult for quite awhile to be able to come here and write. However currently, it is near impossible.
I think the appointment is on the 14th. Other than messaging, no.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok so only a week to go, your half way there ❤❤ mental health really sucks🙁 if it helps you at all, you can write just gibberish here, you don't have to write about anything in particular, just write anything. And know I'm hugging you in my heart forever and ever ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami good morning sweetie ❤ how are you doing? Sending you rainbows of love 🌈🌈
Same things as usual .How about you? ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's not quite midnight and I've not long woke up, so just the same as you ❤😂😂 but I'm ready to face another day🙂 you know oneday we'll be healthy, and take over the world😈
@Tinywhisper11
With the bright light that shines inside of you, I am confident that you will.❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂 thanks ❤😂😂 I'm gonna go and get my pigs out for a cuddle (guinea pigs) have you ever had any pets?? Here's my little ones
@Tinywhisper11
They look adorable.
I vaguely recall that I did, but I don’t honestly remember whether I did or didn’t.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami what pet would you like? If you were in good health?
@Tinywhisper11. They are so cute!
@adventurousBranch3786 thanks branch ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
So adorable!
@amiablePeace77 thanks Ami ❤ they are sooo cute, I love them so much
@Tinywhisper11
I don’t have any idea. I have been by myself for so long, I have struggled for longer, I am barely able to take care of myself. I just can’t imagine being responsible for an animal.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yeah I understand ❤hugs you tightly ❤ how's your pain levels?
@Tinywhisper11
Currently not bad. Just constant. Once I stand up and move a little it goes up really quickly. I am getting used to it. It would be nice if I had someone to help with the stuff for insurance for disability and the rest. By the time I get to my desk I am in too much pain to try and concentrate.
❤️Hugs back ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami will the doctor help you sort out disability? Cause you shouldn't be expected to work🙁 that's the last of your worries right now. I really hope this will all be sorted out for you soon. Hugs you tightly ❤ only 7 days and counting
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hii sweetie ❤❤ just checking in on my favourite person ❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Hope things start looking better soon ^-^
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Tinywhisper11 I really hope your ok ❤❤
I have completely lost track of everything, I am in this fog of something. I can’t think of a name for it. I don’t know what day it is, time itself seems nonexistent.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh, does it feel like your heads clouded over? Your going through so much right now, bless you 🙁 all you need to remember is your hospital appointment is on Wednesday ❤ is there anything I can do to help?? I really wish there was a way I could help. Hugs you tightly ❤ I'm right here for you, always. I know your not particularly religious, but I still pray for you every night ❤ I'm really worried about you
@Tinywhisper11
I suppose so. There’s really nothing to do until the 14rh. I appreciate your concern. ❤️Hugs accepted and hugs you as well ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😥 waiting for an appointment can seem like an eternity way. It's really bad that you had to wait this long🙁 in so sorry sweetie. Have you had any luck yet from insurance and disability??
@Tinywhisper11
The first step for disability for me is through my insurance. If they approve I would get a percentage of my normal income while I am not working. That way I would have a little income to pay bills. Depending on what happens with all of this, I would then apply for disability through the government.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I bet that's all playing on your mind a lot to🙁 how is your anxiety, are you worrying about your scan? Or are you just gonna be glad to get it over with at this point?
No matter what happens, I know I can't be there physically, but I'm holding your hand. And I'm never gonna leave you. I'm right here every step of the way ❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
These latest things have all been added to the mix in my head. Pretty much all my issues are walking the high wire. As far as the scan is concerned , the main thing that concerns me is keeping my claustrophobia in check. At this point I’m wanting the results to show it’s serious enough for surgery. That is the only chance I can see that this pain can be minimized long term.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami not gonna lie, this is not a nice thing to say, but I hope they give you surgery aswell😕 the spine is not something to be messed with or taken lightly. But I know how painful it is, and it's hard to know your going through all this alone 😥 I'm also hoping and praying you will make a full recovery ❤❤
Thank you ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ❤❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I just found some drawings I did last xmas, and they made me think of you😁❤ may an angel be always by your side ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
❤️You already are by my side❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami awww ❤❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I just had a nap, it's so hot here, I had to take my brace of to cook down then fell asleep🙂 I have to wear this huge special designed brace, cause otherwise I can't sit up, it just big makes things 10x hotter.
I hope the weather is a bit cooler where you are ❤ how are you feeling now? Does your head still feel foggy?
It is hot here as well, not as hot as a lot of other places. But I am in bed most of the time and I have a fan if I need it to help.
I can’t imagine how miserable how the combination of the heat and the brace makes you.
Still foggy. Actually looked up recovery info for spinal fusion and I probably shouldn’t have. A lot longer than I expected. It just added to the stress of I am already dealing with.
❤️Hugs you❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oooof!😕 yeah never look up illnesses on the computer, they always tell you the worst that can happen. If you look up symptoms/how to deal with a common cold, they will convince you your dieing😂😂 try not to look it up on the internet, I know it's easy to do though.
How are you feeling? Are you ready for Wednesday, don't be nervous, everything will be ok ❤ are you gonna be ok driving yourself there?? I'm really hoping your brain fog has cleared, ready for the drive. Hugs you tightly ❤ I'm here for you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11.
I am worried that between the extreme pain and panic attacks that I won’t be able to complete the scan. Then it will be another long wait for a mri with sedation appointment . Physically I am really struggling with the pain, everyday the pain levels and affected areas increases. Add in everything else and I am having my limits tested daily.
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️❤️Thank you….
@Iamwhoiamwhoami damn! I'm really worried about you getting to this appointment safely🙁 does music help to calm your nerves, or constant reassurance from the doctor, when your having the scan?? Cause they offer those things in the UK, so just ask them, if it helps. Just remember it's ok to ask for help ❤❤ just relax now today, it's all gonna be ok ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
No need to worry, the driving part is the easy part. Painful but if it helps find a root cause and a start to a fix then it’s ok.
They tried things like that before. I would think that it should be similar this time. . I need to call them tomorrow and see what help I can get as far as wheelchair and whatever other assistance I may need for the appointment.
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami well I'm your friend, so it's my right to worry😁❤ if I could take all your worry away, I would ❤❤ I gotta go ❤ I'll check in on you as soon as I can ❤ I love you ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm not sure what our time difference is, but have you managed to sleep at all?? I'm guessing your sleep routine is all over the place right now, but I hope your getting some rest
@Tinywhisper11
I sleep off and on. You’re completely correct in the fact my routine is messed up. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami time kinda gets lost, or doesn't exsist when your in pain, just trying to get through the days 🙁 but you will get your routine back one-day soon. For now rest when you can. Hugs you tightly ❤❤I love you ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Tinywhisper11 good morning ❤❤ how are you??