Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
The pain method is no longer working. Pain level increases too high too quickly. Now I’m getting serious headaches, migraine intensity, but it feels like it’s all around my head not in one general area
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh no migraines are horrible🙁 I'm glad you heard from the doctor ❤ trying to find the biggest mri machine is very kind of them. I know it won't make much of a difference with your claustrophobia, but remember I'll be holding your hand the whole time ❤ I hope it's soon though, it's not fair to keep you waiting for something like this. Dont worry about me, I'm doing ok, apart from heatstroke😂😂 just one issue, the hospital they found to send you too, is it easy enough for you to travel too??
@Tinywhisper11
I think the migraines come from the pain. I think maybe if I quit pushing my very limited limits they should go away.
The last MRI I had the first machine they tried my shoulders and arms were actually just about rubbing . Panic attack started before I even started getting moved into the machine. I went into full panic as soon as arms brushed it.
Once I calmed down they contacted another location that has a larger machine, I am now told it’s a different style machine. What that means I have no idea.
I went to that one and the nurse put a cool damp towel or washcloth over my eyes and forehead and I still had a panic attack but was able to somewhat keep it in check until it was over.
As far as location. It is around 25 miles or so. If this can help find the issue and it leads to a start to a possible solution, then I will not worry about the pain suffered getting there. The question is can I avoid another panic attack.
I am thankful that you are doing ok, I care about you, I think worry is a part of that. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yeah hopefully oneday they will come up with a different machine design, cause even if your not claustrophobic, those things are scary. But your gonna be ok, cause this time I'll be holding you close to my heart keeping you safe ❤ ok 20 miles extra isn't to bad😕 let's just hope it's done as soon as possible. And thankyou for caring about me🙂❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤I love you ❤
Same struggles just a different day. The depression side of things seems to have taken the reins. It is normally very present but today, for whatever reason it wants control.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I always think pain contributes to it and makes it more pronounced. You've been hurting for a while now and having to wait for the doctors to schedule the MRI and then having things you need to do but struggle with because of the pain just adds to any frustration and feelings of defeat 😔
I keep coming back here with intentions of writing something, anything. But I just can’t. I stare at the screen, the only thing that I can manage to grasp on to is the words..why bother.
The pain in the left leg has stayed centered in the knee. There is still pain and numbness throughout but it is staying constant and intense in the knee. Back pain is consistent and mid level pain. I have been having trouble walking already but now every step is excruciating. If I don’t hear anything about appointment by tomorrow I think I’ll have to go to the ER.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami It sucks that they're taking so long with scheduling an appointment. I know it takes time but things seem to be getting worse and worse for you 😞
I was just notified that the MRI appointment is in two weeks. The earliest appointment available. I just can’t deal with this right now.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Omg! I'm sorry they didn't have anything sooner 😞
I suppose I don’t have a choice in this step either. I guess I go to the ER tomorrow.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 2 weeks 😮😮😮😮 that's shocking 😮😮 it's like they don't think this is a emergency, I'm a bit angry at that🙁 yes please go to ER, I think that's your only option right now. I'm so sorry sweetie 😥 please inform us as soon as you can, if your going to ER ok? Gives you the giantist tiny hug ever ❤❤
TW for pain and trauma
I decided not to go in. I keep remembering a traumatic event that happened there because I didn’t have somebody to drive me. The doctor tore a hole in my throat. I went in for food blockage in the throat. The doctor refused to sedate me because I didn’t have someone to drive me home. Also, refused to admit me into hospital. He forced the tool down my throat and my gag reflex kicked in and he continued resulting in tearing my throat. At that point I was admitted for a few days.
Recently found out these details were not put in the records.
Just laying here debating this I have had a few panic attacks. I
can’t put myself through the physical pain to go in plus be forced into the smaller machine not sedated. I may be better off waiting.
Still struggling with this decision, I think this is my only option for now. I am not sure what to do.
I had minimized my movements, stayed in bed, pains had all minimized dramatically. Took a quick shower and the pain is back with a vengeance.
If I went to ER what would it accomplish? I think more harm than good.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami You're probably right. Especially with the memories of that traumatic experience. Holy .... Thats crazy that they did that to you. You might just have to do alot of bed rest until you can make the appointment. Do the bare minimum if you can
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yep! I agree with soul. I don't think ER is worth it, or safe by the sounds of it 😕 just take it day by day now, knowing that every message is a little bit closer to your hospital appointment ❤ squeezes your hand, and hugs you tightly ❤❤ I'm right here for you ❤
I have tried to stay off here , Same nonsense different day. Still struggling with everything.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi ❤❤ sorry I haven't been here much the past couple of days. Are you managing to take it easy? And not over push yourself?? Gives you a huuuggge hugg ❤❤
