I haven’t cried yet. I think I’m a bit dehydrated. But I know it’s something I need to do/will involuntarily do at the wrong moment.
I think I’ll try to get out the house tomorrow (today). I need fresh air. I need to be away for awhile. I need to cry in peace.
I don’t feel like going to work this week. I don’t even feel up to doing anything for Christmas anymore. I’m just so confused, lost, and beyond hurt right now.
i’m not rly feeling xmas either. but i gotta put my face on for my nieces. they are expecting me lol but im soooo not in the mood for santa lol
a good cry could rly help. i hope you’re able to get it out at a good time.
just hang in there. you’re doing rly great. keep doing what you’re doing and time will do the rest
i feel like i’ve been home for like 20 min and it’s already time for bed 😭 😭 why does personal time go so fast when you don’t want it to lol
one more shift and then i’m off for a week. i offered to pick up a shift xmas eve assuming we would be short. the one manager said don’t worry we’re good but i def got the vibe that he can’t stand my s.hit anymore lol idk maybe it’s the paranoia but i get the vibe that not many people want me at work. idk what happened but i can’t seem to switch back to light and funny. i’m like serious and miserable.
I’m sorry about work. Almost done though!
I hope you have a goodnight 💤.
having a real hard time shutting down my brain enough to sleep. this shift is prob gonna be a headache bc the crew is super light again. the other manager with me is still out. i tried taking to my main manager about not feeling good rn but they kinda don’t rly care. idk i just feel like everywhere i turn im failing. i dont know anything im supposed to know and its been pointed out to me that no one respects me. i rly wanted to be good at this. i tried really hard. but for whatever reason i am the one who can’t do it
we got this!! today is our day. it’s gonna be a good one 🙂
omg idky i thought today would be easy lmfao work is insane right now! it’s like black friday in this bit/ch lol hope you’re day is better than mine
that shift was crazy lol no break no lunch lol i swear im gonna work on that it was just esp crazy and i wanted to help my manager. so i have one reallllllly great manager but she recently had a loss and has been out. she’s been trying to come back but it’s hard after a death esp a close one. but she knew i was absolutely screwed tonight and she came in to back me up. it was sooooo nice of her. i know i wasn’t the sole reason but i know that was an impt one to her. all in all it was a pretty smooth night. i offered to work tomorrow 10-7 but i haven’t woke up before ten in months lol i used to looooove waking up super early and opening the store but now im a closer. so well see maybe i’ll bail and spend time with the fam tomorrow lol
how are you feeling today?? have you two been able to talk yet?? i rly hope you’re feeling better. you’re a really great person and fr like one of my all time favs. i know it’s hard rn but you got this. keep pushing forward. time will pass and all of this will be behind you. and it’ll come faster than you realize it’s just that in the moment it feels like an eternity. but i promise you will get there bc you are that strong smart and caring.
🎄🎄🎄🎅🏾Merry Christmas🤶🏾🎄🎄🎄
merry christmas!!!!
heyyy hope you had a wonderful christmas!!! i know the holiday itself can be especially hard even when you don’t expect it to be…so if you need to talk to someone blow me up!!! all of my xmas stuff is done and now im just relaxing for the rest of the week bc i had to use some last min pto.
tell me about your christmas. this was prob a very different Christmas for you. you’ve been doing great tho! the pain is temporary but glory is forever! lol i talk silly but im very sincere and im proud of the work you’ve done.
any plans for new years? does your city do a parade? mine does a RIDICULOUS parade 😂 🤣 it’s actually like a super serious thing for strong blue collar men it’s so funny. it’s a huge mess lol always fights always tooooo much drinking. before i was old enough to drink it was sooooo much fun lol but now im old i def don’t wanna be out in this weather with these animals haha its called the MUMMERS PARADE. give it a google and lmk what ya think hahaha
soooo this is just me rambling lol literally nothing important just wanted to message ya lol so you can totally skip this nonsense if you want lolol
heyyy friend 🙂🙂 i’m a bit bored rn lol playstation is doing an update lol i feel like c/rap lol i think my sister or her kids got me sick. omg it hit me so fast and i rarely get sick. i’ve been sleeping a ton. i’ll walk to wawa to get fresh air and something to eat. why does chicken broth go so hard when you’re sick hahaha omg hot broth and cold ginger ale…elite s/hit 🤣 🤣
thank god i have this pto bc i could not work this week. im not like thaaat sick but i walk to work and it’s cold so id prob just get sicker and sicker.
so do you have any plans or goals for the new year? i’m normally not the type for new years resolutions bc they tend to be a lot of smoke and not a lot of fire lol but i do have a couple things in mind and this seems like a good reason to start.
WORK STUFF
i wanna change how i work (stop skipping lunches lol)
be more of a leader…less of a friend
learn learn learn…theres a lot about this job i still don’t know and it triggers my insecurity so fast
work towards some kinda promotion…i got complacent for a while and i think its time to make positive change for the future…get myself in an even better place
LIFE STUFF
i gotta get to the drs…all of the drs lol i kinda never had a regular dr. i’ve been paying for insurance for yrs and never ever use it lol i need to find a good primary dr, i need glasses and i need a dentist
there’s a gym right next to work and it is kinda super perfect for me but i procrastinate with the best of em lol im not gonna focus on that one too much bc thats the biggest bs ny resolution ya know lol whenever someone says their res is to join a gym you’re totally allowed to roll your eyes hahaha
hope you’re feeling alright. jsyk you have helped me tremendously!! im dead serious. just being able to chat with someone cool has really really helped bc i was so painfully lonely. you have def helped make my 2024 pretty great 😊
Hey. How are you doing today? How has your week been so far? How was your Christmas?
Sorry I’ve been MIA. I haven’t been getting notifications for your messages recently 😭😭😭. And I’ve been really busy and super tired lately. I’ll try to answer your messages on my lunch break.
haha yes def take your lunch today! yea the notifications here are brutal. how was your christmas?? mine was good. i’ll go back to work sunday.
My Christmas was okay. I just made lasagna and we watched a movie.
I didn’t do a lot for Christmas this year since my ex partner was having a really rough time with it this year.
That day he disappeared for hours, he had a bad PTSD episode. He had some really dark thoughts and wasn’t thinking straight that day. I finally asked him where he went the next day. My anger definitely disappeared when he finally broke down and explained his feelings. He keeps soo much bottled up and it’s hard to get him to share.
I'm not trying to share all his business but his relationship before me was really abusive. He shared all his past traumas and bad military experiences with her and she used it against him.
He also has an estranged daughter he hasn’t seen in awhile. He thinks a lot about her this time of year so he was going through that too.
Overall, Christmas wasn’t anything too exciting or special. I’m honestly kinda disappointed we didn’t do more, but he wasn’t able to handle celebrating this year. So maybe next year.
I’m just happy he came home safe.
No big New Year’s Eve plans. I may cook 1 or 2 things and make a drink, but nothing too exciting planned. I’m off pretty much all next week so I’ll just probably relax and do some activities that makes me happy.
Your resolutions sound doable and are good goals. I feel you on the gym one though. Don’t let the commercials reel you in!!!
My Goals
-Save money. I don’t have ANY savings, which I don’t like. I used to have a lot saved, but I gave most of it to my parents.
-Find a new job. I’m miserable at my current one. I’m really ready to move out the lab and into a different position. I still want to help people and be involved in science and medicine, but I just can’t handle the lab anymore. There’s not much career growth and my company is soo ***.
-Do what makes me happy. I haven’t been doing any of my hobbies or self care routines. All I do is work, eat, clean, and sleep. It feels like I’m missing out on life. Just not living up to my full potential and on autopilot. It’s just hard trying to make ends meet that everything else gets swept to the side. But I have to try to incorporate what I enjoy to keep me going. I can feel myself starting to slip away into a depression spell and I don’t want that to happen.
-Work out. I’ve gained weight and lost confidence. So working out will help me tremendously. I actually hate the gym and would rather work out at home. The problem is I need to find a spot in the house to do it in. Not a lot of options with dogs interrupting everywhere lol.
My ex partner is really leaning hard into his dreams (homesteading, cryptocurrency, working on a business, etc.). I’m happy for him and am trying to be supportive, but, honestly, I’m jealous. He just has soo much more time to work on things outside of work (he works from home). I should be using his motivation to get me motivated, but I need to get over my jealousy first. I just want to follow my dreams too.
Any big plans for the weekend? Did you do anything specific for Christmas?
My coworker is having a surprise retirement party today but I don’t think I’m gonna go. My anxiety is really bad today and I can’t handle being in a room surrounded by people. It is only about 15-20 people, but that’s still too much for me today. I just hope my non-appearance doesn’t come off like I’m being an ***.
work will def understand and if they don’t it won’t be anything more than a two second gossip session lol you have no need to worry. you’re doing great. i’m sorry christmas wasn’t more positive. you’re on a difficult path but it’ll def get easier and better and you will be happier than ever.
off all next week is amazing!! maybe use that time to work on your setup at home. maybe you’re next job can be WFH and by then you’ll already be setup.
doggie yoga is def an option hahaha jk but i haven seen that a lot. don’t get bogged down with reasons why it WONT work. try keeping it simple…all ya rly need is to block off a corner for you. you dont rly need a ton of space to work out.
you had a realllllly hard year but im impressed by how you’ve handled everything. and even while you got all that going on…you still found time to realllly help me.
She did understand, which is nice. But she did want a picture, which I hate lol. Are you a picture person? I absolutely hate getting mine taken. I always look terrible lol.
It was difficult but overall makes me sad. I don’t like seeing anyone sad. And I normally absorb the energy/mood around me, so I end up being sad too. But he’s doing better so that makes me happy.
I forgot my sister and brother may be coming down for New Years. I’d invited them awhile ago but now I don’t feel like having them over lol. But they haven’t been down to see me nor have they meet my ex partner, so I may still invite them down. I just don’t feel like cleaning the house 😭😭😭.
I hope I can accomplish all my goals. Overall, I just want to be more stable. Emotionally, physically, financially. I’ve had a lot of extreme highs and lows this year. I want stability next year.
i can really commiserate with a lot of the things you say. a lot of your goals are totally in line with what i’m trying to do for myself. i can def be an accountabilibuddy if it helps 🤣 sorry again i talk silly but i am sincere 🙂
i think the fam coming down for nye is perfect. its going to force you to do some things you might have procrastinated on and felt bad about after. i nvvvr feel like cleaning the house but im alllllways happy after i did. it helps the mental clutter soooooooo much. i do it to be clean, it looks nice, but rly it helps my mind allllot. maybe bc i beat myself up really bad and thats an easy one to put my down about ya know.
i kinda hate pix bc my teeth are rly bad and i wont smile lol im half cute actually lol its just the smile breaks my confidence ya know. i will take a lot of pics. i have a good eye for it and the camera on my phone great.
dont beat yourself up for not going (or anything rly) bc even if someone is upset with you they are NEVER as upset as we are. we beat ourselves up. mostly bc we love others so hard. but it’s rly time we treat ourselves the same way we treat others.
The german shepherd would definitely not let me get any yoga down. He’d be all in my face and licking me to get pets lol.
But you’re right, I’ll try sectioning off a small corner or something. There is a room that needs carpet I could use I guess. But I’ll see. Space is the one thing holding me back. But I can’t keep using that as an excuse.
guys get jacked in jail lol in a 5x8 cell hahaha you can absolutely do this. aggressive coach mode activated lolol 🤣
just playing around. take your time. make a plan. think of the specific exercises you’d like to do and what you’ll need to comfortably do them on a regular basis. you’re super smart i know you’ll figure it out 🙂
and don’t beat yourself up for making excuses. that’s the standard reaction for most humans lol at least you actually think on it and make moves to better yourself. a lot of people don’t a lot of people can’t
