Chat for annacat and raymond ☺️

You have to remember:you’re not dumb! You’ve learned valuable skills throughout your work history. You’re always trying to improve and learn. You bring needed skills to the company. Coworkers will be ***. They’ll be passive aggressive; they’ll be jealous; they’ll pick out what you did wrong instead of what you did right. Trainers will act like you’re asking too many questions or bothering them. BOTHER. THOSE. ***. You’re training to LEARN, the correct way, so you can expand your skill set. Don’t give a flying *** how that makes anybody feel. And if people aren’t willing to train you, do it yourself! Read the work instructions, take notes, watch the *** company information videos (sometimes they’re actually informative lol), ask for feedback, google ***, etc. You can always advance yourself. It just may take some creativity and dedication. But your improvement doesn’t have to rely on other’s jealousy.

Coworkers. Are. Not. Your. Friends. They’re your ⭐️work⭐️ friends. Unless you’re meeting those *** off the clock, spending time doing non-work activities together, telling each other secrets, making blood 🩸 pacts with the devil together, you don’t know these ***.

Sure you may like some coworkers better than others. You might relate to some better than others. You may spend time with some more than others. But these are your ⭐️work⭐️ friends. They don’t truly know you; they don’t deeply care (not to discourage you; some people genuinely do care about how you’re feeling that day, what's going on in your personal life, remember your favorite activities or food, such as myself). But most people are caring for those 8 hours, talking to you for those 8 hours, then dipping the *** out to live their lives.

Remember: they don’t owe you *** but workplace curiosity and respect; you DEFINITELY DON’T OWE THEM 💩 ***💩 but workplace curiosity and respect. Continue to work hard, be genuine to others, be true to yourself, but leave ALL those workplace feelings at work after your shift BEFORE you start living your life after work.

I’m glad you had a heart to heart with someone. Having open communication with your supervisors is important. You should be able to, respectfully, tell them what’s bothering you, how the job is affecting you, how your needs have changed etc. A superior that cares and VALUES you will listen, offer feedback and solutions, and, most importantly, won’t try to retaliate or be vindictive against you.

FINALLY, I hope you have a better day today. And an awesome start to your weekend. I unfortunately have to get ready for work so I’ll chat with you later ☺️.

Lol I love the positivity but it kinda reminds me of an aggressive sports coach 😂😂😂. But you have a good day too!

⭐️be the best you can be⭐️

⭐️give it your all⭐️

⭐️you got this bro⭐️

😭😂😭

Work was long. Another no lunch and no breaks day. I really gotta stop doing that.

My ex partner did get pizza and cheese sticks though, so that cheered me up a bit. We were gonna spend time together later in the evening.

But then he started freaking out that I was pulling away this week. Admittedly, I forgot the reasons why he always says “I love you” before someone leaves (it’s a childhood situation).

I really struggle at conveying my emotions and feelings. I’m working on it, but it takes me awhile to articulate what I’m trying to say. I’ve been working on saying what I mean.

But he took what I said and concluded that I was calling him a “distraction” from working on myself. That is NOT what I meant at all. But once his mind is made up, it’s made up.

Like me, he bottles up his feelings and doesn’t share them until they’ve spilled over. When I ask about his feelings, he’s not always fore coming (military things and all that). So I think he let his emotions build up from the week and couldn’t reasonably accept what I was trying to say.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like he doesn’t fully listen to me, which hurts. Don’t get me wrong, he’s caring and attentive. But when I finally get the courage to truly talk about things that have been bothering me/going on with me, sometimes he doesn’t fully understand or can accept what I’m saying. I think it’s mostly due to his military background (toughen up and go on, don’t talk about your feelings, etc.) but it still hurts.

Now with this event last night, I don’t know if I should talk about my feelings on it today or wait until a few days. I’ve been working on giving space and time between disagreements and discussing them. It’s actually something I’ve been talking about with my therapist.

But I don’t think I followed through on that advice last night. We usually have “sleepovers” on Saturday and watch a movie. But we had the argument, didn’t watch anything, but still went to sleep in the same bed.

I honestly should've went to my room to cry and work through my thoughts and put physical distance between us. I’ve found that’s been really helping in keeping me calm and giving me perspective and insight after a disagreement.

Now it just feels like I have emotions I haven’t dealt with and are bottled up, which is something I did a lot in the past, and it’s one of the reasons I couldn’t communicate well.

I’m sorry for dropping this all on you. I just needed to write it down. But I really don’t know how to move forward from this: try to convert and change his view into what I really meant? or agree to disagree and carry on? But I feel that’s kinda pretending like last night’s conversation didn’t happen, and I can’t let go of it, at least not yet.

I’ll try responding to your previous messages today. I know you’ve been going through a lot and need the support. I honestly may not get around to it today though, since I’m dealing with a lot today.

But I do hope you have a fantastic, relaxing Sunday! I hope it’s a good day to end a *** week ☺️.

Thank you for the advice. I’ll try waiting until Christmas, but I honestly don’t know if I can go so long without talking about something serious.

I get what you’re trying to say, but he’s absolutely NOT like that at all. We’re not doing anything “intimate” at the moment if that makes sense. And we’re both not looking for anyone else. We’re separated and both trying to work on ourselves before maybe coming back together. Or maybe going our separate ways. Either way we’re both trying to move past our mistakes and embrace the future.

I know a lot of girls say “he’s not like other guys 🤣🙄🧐”. But he’s seriously not like other guys lol, at least not the ones I’ve been around. He’s caring and attentive. Most important he’s HONEST and listens (besides what I just vented about earlier lol). He truly cares for me and loves, unconditionally and without me having to give “anything” in return. Me being me is purely enough.

Thats something I’ve never experienced and, honestly, it’s scary and still taking time to get used. I’ve never felt “me” was enough. I’ve been giving something my whole life: to family, to friends, to strangers, with previous partners. I thought I NEEDED to cook, clean, bring gifts, not complain, etc. for people to like or appreciate me. But no one has ever truly loved me. They loved what I did for them, what I gave them, my docile-ness.

It’s different and new and nice and scary to see that you being is enough and worthy of life and loving. I know I can’t rely on someone to make me whole, I’m trying to work on loving myself in therapy. But I won’t lie, he does complete my life nicely.

Im sorry for defending him and kinda saying “you don’t know him like I do” 🤣🤨🧐🙄 lol. But I think it’s important to reiterate that he truly is a nice, good guy. Looking back, I was the problem most of the times. Sure, he definitely had his moments. But I caused a bunch of problems.

Now we’re both just living in our new reality and trying to move forward ☺️.

I apologize if I shared anything too personal. But I don’t mind sharing with you ☺️. If you can handle hearing about Puffy’s final few weeks, you can handle this ☺️.

Also thanks for reminding me this a public forum. It truly feels like my own/our own personal dairy. ….a personal dairy that hundreds can read 😳😳😳.

Thanks for the response and advice ☺️.

I had a *** day so unfortunately didn’t get around to replying to your other messages.

We had plans to work on the greenhouse today. Both of us woke up late but he’s been really wanting to do these projects so I was trying to be supportive. He was going to run to the store for supplies while I started seeds.

Well he didn’t say goodbye (he normally always does) and was kinda avoiding me. I just started working and didn’t read too much into it. I made sure to text him saying I loved him and be safe, trying to be nice. Well he texted saying not to worry about doing the projects today, it was too late. I went ahead and finished them.

The hardware store is 20 minutes away. This man was gone for 3 hours. I was trying to give him space, thinking maybe we could talk when he got back. I even text asking if he was okay. I really didn’t expect him to be gone so long. He finally came home and text me he had to “go find his center”. I asked if he wanted alone time. He didn’t say yes but said he wanted to keep things “light” and didn’t want to talk about anything serious. I gave him space, texting him goodnight.

Mind you, instead of coming into the house to say this to my face, he TEXT me all this, not wanting to be around me. We haven’t seen each other since this morning.

I am sooo hurt. I tried honestly expressing myself last night and he concluded what he wanted to, not hearing me the way I wanted. We said we were going to be honest. He said the break was to help me grow and learn what I needed. He said he had hope for us, but it was ultimately up to my actions and how I was getting better. I have been trying soo hard to grow. I haven’t been saying or asking things I’ve wanted because I didn't want to create any type of chaos.

To top it off, I asked him if we could talk about things tomorrow, giving him more time to cool off. He said “we’ll see how tomorrow goes 1st”. I really just want to know what I’ve done wrong. I’ve been replaying what I said over and over, trying to pinpoint where I *** up. I’m anxious and nervous and really hurt.

I just want answers. I just want to clear up any confusion. I just want to profusely apologize and admit whatever the *** it is I did wrong. And he’s not even giving me that. I’m just so hurt.