Eva’s Crazy Mind

i’ve been gone for a long time now. 

“you beautiful person” -my little brother said.- 

..

awe-..

:’)

:’)

so yeah she’s not all bad. that’s why i have mixed feelings about her. that’s why i sometimes feel guilty for saying bad things about her. 

@justmeeva

don't mean to make this about me friend but i'm v sorry if it does sound like that. but i get what you mean :') it’s pretty much the same with my mom too. but friend… she may have her caring side and her caring moments and she might not be all bad, but what she’s done to you that’s bad… that still isn't justified. :') *sending hugs if okay* <3 

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

*hugs you* (and don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong <3)

i’m so dizzy. so weak. so tired. 

and all i did today was stay in bed. literally. the whole entire day. 

i think my little brother loves me. maybe even needs me. that’s gonna be a bit difficult..

i might’ve missed some tags or posts, everything’s so messy and all over the place. lmk if i did. <3

me and my sister turned my brother into shrek. we made him a foil hat with those shrek ears, colored it green and his face too. depression or no, i can still have fun and laugh my heart out sometimes.

“this is not goodbye, just a… long a** see ya later.”

“i’m… sorry.”

“for what?”

“for… for being such a bad brother.”

”you’re not a bad brother”

“but i am.”

”no you’re not.

you’re just sad”

”...

i guess i am.”

“..but i’m not mad”

”but you should be.”

”but i’m not”

“..why aren’t you?”

“..because i’m sad too”

hurting again. 

i can’t allow myself to relapse.

gotta keep me as distracted as possible, otherwise i might. 

this is gonna be interesting. 

that.. did not help. at all. ***-..

shaking a little. that’s.. new. 

@justmeeva *sits with you* is there anything I can do to help? 

@mytwistedsoul

hehe i didn’t see it :’) i didn’t come here at all before now. i didn’t do anything, i managed somehow. thank you for being kind <3

@justmeeva That's ok! Hey that is awesome! Yay you! 😊 I'm glad you were able to not do anything 💙 I know it can be hard not to. I'm really proud of you! 

@mytwistedsoul 

thank you soul ❤️

tw. 

you know what’s real torture? when you’re starting to get tired, so tired in fact that it’s hard to keep your eyes open, but you can’t close them because the second you do, your brain shows you the most disgusting, traumatising, terrifying images or clips possibly imaginable. 

@justmeeva I'm sorry you deal with this problem too. 😞 The sad thing is lack of sleep makes it worse. But it's hard to sleep or even want to because of having these images pop into your head. Have you ever tried visualization? I do one with balloons that has helped

@mytwistedsoul 

no, i haven’t tried it, i usually just distract myself until i fall asleep without even noticing hehe- but i’ll check it out and maybe try it tonight if i have to. thank you <3

@justmeeva I hope it helps 💙

like your own personal *** horror movie. but worse. 

*** 3:35am. 

“pay attention to what people say out of anger. they’ve been dying to tell you that.”

*ahem* mom. 

when they’re supposedly your friends but when they share something between each other you suddenly become invisible. 

i just realised how pathetic i am. like- it’s almost funny-