Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
i’m too weak to keep going..
i’m not supposed to be here.
@justmeeva where is here?/nfta
@unassumingEyes
just.. here. in general.
@justmeeva
Any place without you is thoroughly missing out.
(Only two types of people dont belong here
Those who try to break others
And those who take advantage of the "broken"
You are neither
You belong here...thats why its so hard to stay)
@justmeeva I gotta go bath
(And if brain had a mean response to that, then no, im not leaving because of you)
*bonks mean brain with bagguette*/lh
No seriously i love you and im super glad youre still alive and id like it to stay that way till like as long as is humanly possible thank you very much ❤️❤️
(I dont hv the brains to know how to help but i love youuu)
and it all happened because of one single flashback.
@justmeeva
😞 flashbacks are painful. and oftentimes we don’t know how to cope with the pain… :') it gets too much. it gets overwhelming…
@LoveMyMoonflowers
i tried so many ways of saying what i wanted but to sum it all up, thank you for understanding 🩷
@justmeeva
💜 i guess i understand how it builds up and it gets messy in our heads… and so damn overwhelming. and in that moment it’s hard to know what to do. so we just… mmmm. 😞💜
ni friend don’t wanna be insensitive or anything… 💜 but from what me read me picked up… sh…? 😞 (you don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfy answering ok? 💜)
@LoveMyMoonflowers
mhm.. and to think just a couple of months ago i told myself i’d never ever do that.. idk what happened to me.
tw (you don’t even have to read those)
it’s like.. the 3rd time in my entire life, and they’ve always been triggered by flashbacks.. :’)
@justmeeva
then maybe we should come up with a safety plan, lovely? 💜 some kind of plan? 💜 for whenever you have flashbacks. 💜 idk. :')
has evabuddybeanie cared for the wounds… yet…? /nfta 😞💜 mmm. one of my buddies on here once told me… while we’re hurting self… it’s hard to… idk - we really don’t think about being kind to ourselves or anything. it’s complicated but in short we might believe we don’t deserve kindness, we aren’t worthy of others’ kindness and our own. (a little secret, we do deserve it 🥺 but it hard to see that after everything we been through. 😞) 💜 even if it hard to be kind to self then, maybe we can try to be kind to self afterwards? by caring for self…? 🥺💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
tw.
idk, atp basically anything can tigger those flashbacks. sometimes they just come and go by, just bringing the mood down for a little, but sometimes they stay and then i- mm. it all just happens so quickly, and though there are certain “signs” that i might do something soon, i (at least feel like i) can’t do anything anymore because once the “signs” appear, it’s already certain something’s gonna happen. it’s like nothing can help anymore, like it’s too late to prevent anything.
@justmeeva
okay ): i think me understand that now, a little better, friend. 💜 if it’s okie to ask, what are the signs? 💜 again i don’t wanna sound mmm insensitive or nosy :') i’m so sorry if i do sound like that, i don’t mean to 💜 feel free to skip any questions i ask okie? evabeanie’s comfort is important. 💜 me don’t wanna pressure you to answer or anything 💜
do the signs come in a certain order…? 💜 perhaps if you caught the first sign and felt okie enough to try to cope a different way? 💜 i think me understand how… you see the signs that you gonna do it ): and everything unfolds so quickly, like flipping the pages of a book quickly… it all goes by so fast and by the time things get a little less blurry, by that time we already hurt self… 😞
@LoveMyMoonflowers
tw
questions are okay 🩷 mm, the flashbacks that lead to.. this.. affect me most when i’m alone (quite obviously), and the way i know something’s likely gonna happen is that (idk how to explain it so it’s gonna sound very weird and dumb) i get restless, i start “playing” with my fingers and “squeezing” my blanket like a stress ball, looking around for either distractions or.. something else. idk i just know when it’s gonna happen, and by that time it’s already too late.
tw again, no need to read
i also don’t use the “classical” (classical?) objects.. but idk if i’m allowed to talk about that so rn i won’t.
my brain’s making me be all numb and away as if nothing ever happened lol. but i know, you know. doesn’t change the past or make it nonexistent.
