Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Tinywhisper11
Please, I am begging you to at least acknowledge that you are ok. I am sorry for hurting you.❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami please don't stop writing here. I love you, you haven't hurt me. I'm hurting because a 14 year old girl, I was trying to support in penal forums, as been in life support for over a month now. She's in critical condition, I should of tried harder
@Tinywhisper11 it's all a lot another person in Kampala I was trying to support, called me some nasty words, cause I wasn't doing more to help her, she left the site🙁 its all just a lot in a short period of time. I don't want to ever let you down. Or not do enough to help you. I don't want to loose you
@Tinywhisper11 I've upset you, I'm so sorry.😭😭😭
@Tinywhisper11 another person I was supporting in penpals*
I don't even know what kampala means, damn! Autocorrect😁
@Tinywhisper11 apparently Kampala is a place in Uganda 😂😂🤣
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm sorry I was just upset I'm ok
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm so sorry the anxiety got to you so bad, phone calls are very scary, and for you to ask for help, I'm so proud of you ❤ I'm just sorry it didn't help you at all🙁 America sucks🙁 I wish you were here in the UK ❤
@Tinywhisper11 other than me scaring you so bad. Have you stopped rocking back and forth?? Has your anxiety calmed down a bit?
@Tinywhisper11 I'm here for you ❤ never be afraid to express yourself ❤❤ always be yourself🙂 and never worry about me 🙂 I'm just as stubbon as you😁 I'll never give up ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Things are the way they are meant to be for me. I am in a bad place right now and when I realized that my writings upset you that much it made me sick to my stomach.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm sorry sweetie ❤❤ I'm here for you ❤ I love you friend ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I gotta take meds and my carers are here to get me dressed I'll be back as soon as I can ❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Aww Iam I don't think it was anything you wrote that upset her. You've been very gentle in what you say. Even though you're in so much pain you've always been nice to everyone that visits you ❤️
@Tinywhisper11
You’re the best thing that happened to me. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami souls right you are always kind and gentle ❤❤ I love you ❤ but I'm crying and my carer is worried do I gotta get off this site and calm down ❤ I'll check in as soon as I can ❤
@Tinywhisper11 It's ok Tiny. Make sure you take care of yourself. I'm sorry that person said bad things to you 😞 you don't deserve that at all. You're always so sweet to everyone too ❤️ Offers safe hugs ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami You ok Iam? I hope you know you didn't say or write anything wrong. Tiny and I both know you're struggling right now. And you've always been nice. She tries really hard to listen to people and help where she can. Some times some of the people aren't as gentle with her as they should be 😐 and she gets hurt but it's nothing you did ok? I hope this eases your mind alittle?
As my latest writings state, I am far from ok.
As far as Tiny is concerned, my writings did upset her. Both of you are special people. It is near impossible when I am this overwhelmed to think beyond my words.
Thank you
@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Tinywhisper11
That was a pretty stupid question for me to ask. Sorry about that
@mytwistedsoul thankyou for being here for iam when I couldn't ❤ and for being my voice🙂 you said my thoughts exactly ❤ I love you soul ❤
@Tinywhisper11 You're welcome ❤️ I'm just glad I read your thoughts right ❤️ I Love you too ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I hope you're doing ok. Will you please come back so this can be talked over and cleared up? I think maybe you'll both feel better if it is ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami are you ok?? Your probably sleeping now, cause I think it's early morning for you ❤ I really hope your ok, I'm here for you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you ❤ let me know your ok when you can ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
My words made a very special person cry . The guilt I feel is tremendous. I am sorry that it happened. I am conflicted on the desire to take back the words that caused the distress and the fact that I write honestly what I am feeling and going through from my perspective. My words were not of hate or anything like that. Just words of how I truly feel after being let down by a government system designed to help.
She has so much love to share that she felt responsible for my pain. Which is not remotely possible. My guilt regarding this is still plaguing me and I am not sure If I should continue my writings considering that I live in the darkness and I am lousy at social interactions. For fear of hurting her or anyone else who are trying to stay by my side, I am considering not writing anymore. I am so sorry for causing distress because of my distress. I am so deeply sorry my words hurt someone enough to make them cry. I’m sorry……..
@Iamwhoiamwhoami there you are I've been so worried about you ❤ this is your thread, your place to write your feelings and thoughts, you are not to blame for my or anyone's reactions. Your words are always filled with gentleness and deep emotion. Your kindness to everyone here, amazes me ❤I upset you and I'm so sorry, I bet for your forgivness, and I bet for you to keep expressing yourself here ❤ I love you and one of the reasons I love you is because how honest your writings are. Please can we just get passed this and move on, still as best friends, please?
Our friendship was never in doubt as far as I was concerned. I just don’t want to take a chance of hurting you because of anything I write here. You and the others here are special people and deserve to receive kindness and support not distress from people like me. My guilt in this runs deep, along with fear of it happening again.
Like I said I am in uncharted territory for me now and with the fog there envelopes me I struggle to get the words written and I am not thinking clearly enough to realize all consequences of those words.
@Tinywhisper11
I am so very sorry that my words caused you distress to the point you cried. You have so much love to give that others distress causes distress in you.
I am in uncharted territory for myself regarding my mental and physical state. I didn’t think about the fact that you would get hurt by my words. Every suggestion you make is valid and I would not have explored any option that wasn’t. Nobody should expect to ask for help from an agency supposedly set up to help to only get turned down on all fronts. I write down whatever thoughts I can grasp for a bit, I am not used to having anyone truly care at all about me. Plus my world of darkness is built around negativity to the extreme.
I am seriously considering not writing anymore because I don’t want to have anything like that to ever happen again.
❤️❤️❤️🤝🤝❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😥 I promise you I won't act like that again, I need to learn to think before I say. This is your thread, your place to write your feelings express yourself. I will happily step aside and not intervene here in your post, if that what it takes to keep you writting here ❤