Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hii ❤ how are you doing right now?? I'm still kinda exhausted from yesterday, so I'm relaxing in my bed, it's a uppy downy , it's pretty cool😁 ❤
so I watched someone try to park their car for like 10 minutes. Anyway I didn't see the driver, and I'm not sexist, so I'm not going to assume what gender she was 😁
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Sorry I'm just catching up. Oct 23 is insane. It's ridiculous to make you wait so long. I'm sure you're resigned to the fact that it is what it is - so me and Tiny will be outraged for you. Hopefully the neurosurgeon can get you an appt long before that. I know alot of places seem to take forever to get in. Even just the regular doctor seems to take forever. If you call because you're sick by the time you can get in you're not sick anymore 😕
I'm sorry things are taking so long Iam 😞
Nice to hear from you .
At least I’m not young, because I have a feeling that the longer this goes without intervention there will probably be nerve damage and/or related issues.
Checked in on my claim for disability through insurance and the referral to surgeon that has to get approved through insurance and neither one have been approved by insurance yet. That must be where the major holdup is.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Ugh why does that not surprise me 😕 We pay into insurance because we have to have it but yet they screw around and hold things up when we need it! It not right 😐
Maybe they can, probably not because the original claim is still under review. I am just to the point it is what it is. I am done with phone calls and emails I am not getting anywhere. . Advocating for myself is not for me. I will resign myself to laying here waiting.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Oh man that really sucks. I hate waiting. Self advocating isn't easy either. You did really good though getting to this point though. I mean I know it hasn't solved or fixed anything but you at least got to this point with a referral to a neurosurgeon. That's something in it's self
@mytwistedsoul
I am not emoji literate. That is partly why I don’t use them, anyway I was just wondering what the Purple Heart means?
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Love and support. I just sort of picked it because I like the color lol. Do you have a preference? I can use red hearts too. Or blue. I didn't know if maybe it was weird for a guy to send another guy heart tbh. I'm not too literate with them either. So I'm kind of winging it myself 😅 But googling it apparently they have have a meaning lol! I probably should have known it would - it is the Internet after all
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Hello, hope you're resting when needed ^-^ Hope you get some relief from the pain as soon as possible.
Thank you. Resting seems to be all I can really do anymore.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami healing is the most important thing so try not to feel too bad if rest is all that you're doing. You'll feel thankful that you did when you're healed.
@BluDarkAurora
I am thankful for you and the others who continue to share their thoughts and support with me.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami With all that you're going through, you still have kindness and gratitude in your heart :) and you never fail to express that. I'm so glad you have people who care, cause you do deserve to have them in your life<3
I do read your posts but most times I'm not sure if what I have to say is of any help so I don't usually ^^ Words are no help for the physical pain but I hope the care and support of all the people you have is healing to your heart.
As long as those word don’t carry hate, I am grateful for any and all words you would be willing to share with me. Say whatever you feel like . I know that what you say to me has the greatest of intentions and comes from a compassionate person. Thank you.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I assure your that nothing that I share here or say to you will ever have any negativity attached to it<3
I’m definitely not insinuating anything of the kind, I was only expressing the fact I am accepting of anything you want or need to say to me. You are a wonderful friend.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yep! Aurora is amazing ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 space only reserved for amazing people*-* we're all amazing<3
@BlueDarkAurora that's right 😁❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami goooood morninggg ❤ it already Wednesday here, well 2:33am but that's still Wednesday. So good luck with the phone call today, or whenever Wednesday is for you ❤
I think it's come at the right time, I'm praying social services will be able to help you in the areas, you want them to ❤ do you have any idea what you want to ask of them? I'm not sure about you, but I have to try and work out what I want to say to doctors and stuff before I speak to them. My piggie just escaped😂😂😂 be back soon ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Your 2:33am Wednesday is my 8:33pm Tuesday. I think the appointment is at 11, I will have to check to be sure.
Transportation is one thing, trying to figure out how I can come up with something for mobility. How to get groceries. I don’t know what else.
Hopefully you can catch your escapee….❤️❤️❤️
@Tinywhisper11
I am so sorry for my wording in my response about your pig getting away. I didn’t think before I wrote. 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's ok ❤ I know what you meant ❤❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I got him😂😂😂😂 I'm gonna have to redo that part of the cage much higher😂😂😂 I made their cage myself, cause I wanted to make them a big one that's a s shape to fit the area properly,and I didn't want a cage with a roof😁 they also come out and run around a large area, with lots of cool tunnels and stuff, for a couple of hours each morning, that little piggie, couldn't wait to come out and play with me this morning 😁❤
So ok yes that's good hopefully they will be able to find a solution for all that, perhaps ask for help with picking up meds too ❤ I bet your really running low on food now😕 that's a big concern. Don't worry they'll help you with it all ❤ that will be a lot of stress and issues you hopefully won't have to worry about ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
Your piggies sound like they have a lot of fun.
Those are definitely things I should ask about. Whether I am able to do so is the question, I freeze up when asking for help for myself. Do you want to take the phone meeting for me? Just kidding, I will struggle through it somehow. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 I would happily take the phone call for you ❤😂😂 yeah! It's not easy asking for help, but you can do this. And if you cant, and miss things out then you can ask again another day ❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami are you ok?? You don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing🙂❤ your my ftiend, and I know you well enough now, to know you never mean any harm. You have one of the kindest would I've ever met ❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Be careful what you ask for.. I have been trying to keep my ramblings to a minimum and I have obviously relapsed with the following……
I am basically the same as usual, as you well know, I have always struggled with many issues. I am at a new low in my depression since this latest addition was added in. I have been very open about that here.
I think I am accepting of the possibility of whatever results of this come to light. I am not handling the way this scenario is playing out very well . I have no control of anything that is going on . The things I should have a little say in , advocating for myself, I am not handling well at all.
I have spent a lifetime of ignoring pain and continuing with activities such as work with extremely minimal down time. Now I’m being controlled by pain . Not being physically mobile for more than a few minutes. I feel ashamed of myself for writing these things here when you and so many others are in a wheelchair long term.
I feel trapped. Forced to be in bed full time. A month of this and it is forcing me to lay here with my racing thoughts to entertain me 24/7. I have said before about my struggles with my darkest of thoughts everyday, my work was my biggest distraction from that. Granted my time not at work mainly consisted of what I am doing now. But I was able to go to my garage and tinker around for awhile just to try and distract my thoughts.
I no longer have those things. So those darkest of thoughts are the ones I grasp onto the most, and they are thoughts that seem to be laced with glue because I struggle and struggle to try and push them away.
Please don’t worry though, remember I have struggled with these thoughts for nearly 50 years.
It is a very heavy load I am carrying, no wonder my back is failing. I can talk till I am blue in the face but it makes no difference. These issues I deal with are not going anywhere. As I get used to them they just get stronger while I seem to get weaker.
It is the people like you that help to keep me from staying down when I fall.
Ok I rambled just a tiny bit . I will stop here for now.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you should never feel bad for expressing your pain. You have it just as hard as anyone else. In my opinion your struggles are the worst I could ever imagine. I like hearing you express yourself your ramblings help me to put things in my thoughts and life into perspective too. This is your safe place and you have every right to ramble on as much as you like ❤ knowing someone hears, and cares is sometimes all we need to make things a little better ❤ I'm always here for you, and I pray for a miracle for you every day ❤ gives you a giant hug ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Tinywhisper11
Sorry for the long read above. I started writing and couldn’t stop. I think that one took me about an hour to write. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 that's ok I was just worried about you ❤❤ write as much as you like ❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami This is your space :) The rest of us are just ghosts here *-* Never hold yourself back from writing what you feel or need to express, it helps.
@Tinywhisper11
I have to say thank you to you and the others who have checked in on me and keep reminding me that I am not alone, that I have friends who will listen here. Even though my world consists of the darkness, you all continue to support me.
There have been a few times that the darkest of thoughts were overwhelming me and thoughts of you and the others managed to somehow interlace in those thoughts and helped to calm the waters a bit.
I miss taking a long hot shower. At this point I miss bathing properly period. I’m in severe pain just stepping into the shower, it is a bathtub shower, so a large raise of the legs to step in. Which then in turn due to pain limits movement to the point it’s soap the necessary areas and struggle to stay upright while I try and rinse off. If I go down in the shower I am not sure if I could get back up or out. Can’t even dry off very if at all. I’m close to collapse and struggle to bed
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh damn! A bath shower is not ideal🙁 I don't even know how you manage to get in at all🙁 if things turn out for the worst (which I'm praying it wont) is your house adaptable? Or would you have to consider moving??😕
I really hope you get the neurosurgeon appointment very soon, and everything is done quickly for you ❤
Me, soul and aurora care about you very much, and always will ❤ you deserve so much more than what life has given you. You deserve to be loved, and I will always love you ❤ your a great man, I just wish I could be there with you physically, so I could nag you more😁
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oops! Completely forget about what I said about house adaptions/moving,😕 you don't need that playing on your mind too🙁 sorry!
we have that in comon I guess😂😂 speak out mind them think about it after😂😂😂😂😂
❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 speak our* minds then* think about afterwards ❤
