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My daily ramblings

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 1st, 2022
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I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.

My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.

Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.

Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.

That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.

That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.

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mytwistedsoul April 17th, 2023
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@Helgafy You're more than welcome to hang out in my pocket :) This is a favorite time of the year. The woods are greening up and the peepers sing at night. You helped plant some flowers and peas this weekend. There's no need to fear the cat because he's not allowed in the house anymore

I hope you're feeling better ❤️
Helgafy April 19th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Good morning to you twist.
The little, grey mouse d i e d. The body is transformed to dust. Now I'm just a little, white bunny jumping after you in your foot-steps.

mytwistedsoul April 19th, 2023
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@Helgafy Well that sucks that the little mouse died - hopefully it wasn't my fault. Now you're reincarnated as a bunny? I like bunnies too 🐇


mytwistedsoul April 17th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Helgafy Thought I'd share the day with you both

img-20230417-153457894-hdr_1681760184.jpg

Helgafy April 18th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Thank you so much for the photo. What do you have inside the small house?

mytwistedsoul April 19th, 2023
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@Helgafy It's just a small tool shed. There's shovels and rakes and a few bags of mulch in it I think.

Helgafy April 18th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

A word that I thought fit for you who loves nature:

Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.

juliak1968 April 18th, 2023
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@Helgafy

That's really beautiful!~

Helgafy April 27th, 2023
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@juliak1968

Friend @Juliak1968

I know you're humble regarding suffering. But how do I carry the weight of being depressed often the whole day long. I know other people in the world are suffering also. There is nothing to do about it - I take my med.

juliak1968 April 27th, 2023
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Hello @Helgafy I learned to take part in a few activities which is my only real socialization. It is so important to be secure amongst friends who are easy going

Blessings, Day

Helgafy April 24th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend twist.
Do you know that you're living someone's dream? I watched the news and a soldier in Ukraine was intervjued. He had been fighting against Russia for 10 years now. He is 28 years old. His dream when the war is over is to work at his farm and work on his house there.

mytwistedsoul April 26th, 2023
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@Helgafy Hopefully he can soon live his dream soon

Helgafy April 29th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Good morning to you sweet twist.

I think you don't need my greetings now because your life is perfect in the Spring because of all the growing on your farm.
But - when I was a teenager we were dancing a dance called "twist". If you want to you can also listen to the Beatles singing "Twist and shout".

mytwistedsoul April 30th, 2023
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@Helgafy Hey :) It's nice to see you. ❤️ Spring is cold and rainy. Lol life is far from perfect. There's things going on right now that I don't quite know what to do with. Depression hit hard and tbh - I didn't have the words to say much to anyone. I hope you've been ok. I thought of you everytime I saw the bluebird. There's a sparrow that hangs on the porch now. She's very noisy lol

I know that song! I like Chubby Checkers - Let's Twist Again :)

@Iamwhoiamwhoami you've been in my thoughts :)

Helgafy April 30th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend. I just want to shower you with the love of Jesus Christ.

Helgafy April 30th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Maybe this is good for you to read. If you want to I can also hold you in my arms a little bit to comfort you. The Old Testament was for the Jews. But now, after Jesus came we all can read the words as ment for us.

Jeremiah 31:20 NIV

"Is not Ephraim (twist) my dear son, the child in whom I delight? I still remember him. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I have great compassion for him,” declares the LORD.


mytwistedsoul May 1st, 2023
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@Helgafy I - thank you. I wish I could believe in his compassion but I think maybe it's reserved for other's that have a goodness in them that I lack. Maybe some are just too lost they can't be found or saved. Can we get too many marks against our souls? Do you think that's possible? I don't mean to sound however that sounds. I appreciate you and a part of me does find comfort in your verses and your faith ❤️ You're a wonderful person with a very big heart ❤️

Helgafy April 23rd, 2023
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Friends

@mytwistedsoul @Iamwhoiamwhoami @juliak1968

A little bit of this and a little bit of that:
I watched a doc. at BBCWorld from an island not noticed on the map. There was not enough food for the small birds there. So they went to the big birds, removed a feather from them and drank the blood. I think (maybe) they ate some louses.
So - for us; we can take a mouthful of water and bread pretending it's the Lord's blood and body. He conquered everything by his death and resurrection. John 6.56:
"He who feeds on My flesh and drinks My blood dwells continually in Me, and I [in like manner dwell continually] in him."
juliak1968 April 23rd, 2023
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@Helgafy

Amen

Blessings, Day
🙏

Helgafy April 28th, 2023
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@juliak1968

Friend @juliak.

You use the words "blessing", "amen" and the symbol of hands praying. Can I ask you if you consider yourself to be a Christian as I am?

juliak1968 April 29th, 2023
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@Helgafy

No, sorry ; I don't think so

Blessings, Day

Helgafy April 29th, 2023
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@juliak1968

OK - thank you for the answer.

Helgafy May 1st, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend. My heart goes out to you. Also - when we're depressed we often think lower of ourselves than when we feel better. Remember your grandmother telling you you have a good heart. So - we have commercial channels and state channels on our TV. In Norway we have a bag of different small chocolates called "twist". These days the TV-channel shows commercials about this product. So about 5 times yesterday when the c. came up I remembered you and asked God to bless you.
The Gospel, God's mercy, grace is for everybody. Maybe you remember that the person (robber) hanging next to Jesus Christ at the cross was saved. He just asked JC for a thought. “Jesus answered him, ‘Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.’ Luke 23.43. Maybe you could listen to old speeches of Billy Graham. He tells the gospel very clearly.
Also I will remind you of the compassion of Jesus Christ as a shepherd. He leaves the 99 sheep and goes to find the 1 that is missing. In Luke 15.4-5 you can read JC's words about that: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders."

mytwistedsoul May 3rd, 2023
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@Helgafy Thank you :) for your thoughts and for your words to God. Your words give me something to think about. The lost sheep and yes the sheppard would go look for the lost one. I meant to reply sooner but every time I tried I would get choked up and emotional. That hasn't happened in a long time

There's an old bible here. A big thick heavy one it has really beautiful pictures in it from various stories. It was given to my grandparents when they got married. Years ago I used to spend hours looking at those pictures. Fascinated by Jonah and the whale and Daniel in the lion's den
Thank you for your kindness ❤️ It means alot
Helgafy May 4th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Thank you so much twist for your writing.

And what a treasure that old Bible is. If you want to, you can also buy a new one. I have the "amplified" Bible to read when I want to read in the English language. It is easy to read. I recommend you to start reading the New Testament. If you want to, you can get a Bibleverse for free each day online. I do that in English. This is the one I got today:" Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin."
If you want to know it is very easy to become a Christian. You just ask Jesus Christ to come and live in your heart. And then you can pray the verse above. Jesus Christ took all our sins and they were nailed with him at the cross.
When I was a teen-ager my aunt sent me a plan for reading the Bible for teen-agers. After that I read the book.

mytwistedsoul May 4th, 2023
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@Helgafy I had bought a new one a few years ago but idk what happened to it. My grandparents went to church. Grandmother was very active. She sang and played the organ and did things with the ladies church group. Grandfather went because she made him lol. I went too when I started living with them. Used to do a youth group thing on Wednesday nights. That stopped after a few months cause the youth group minister had a thing - well you know. He went -away - for awhile. I've been baptized and saved - twice. There's a lot of anger towards god. I feel bad saying that to you because I know he's a source of comfort for you. I'm sorry - I don't mean to waste your time - my thoughts about god are really complicated on this subject ❤️

Helgafy May 5th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend. I'm so, so sorry for all the complications other people have brought to your life. I don't understand all those things because most people have treated me with love. You can be mad at God. He can handle it. I'm also glad you see a therapist with whom you can talk. Maybe it is better for you that I talk of other things than the Creator, (please tell me!). But still this is the verse that is on my mind today: Romans 8:35-39 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

mytwistedsoul May 5th, 2023
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@Helgafy I don't mind at all that you talk about god :) it's part of what makes you - you and I'm grateful for you. And the verses you share here - you're sharing yourself and they do bring a sense of comfort and they make me think about the bigger picture of life

I'm grateful too that you've known nothing but love from the people in your life because you are a good kind and gentle person ❤️ Thank you for being you

Helgafy May 11th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend twist. I hope you are well.

The bunny can't jump so maybe you must carry it in a backpack. But that's too heavy for you so I don't know what to do.

mytwistedsoul May 12th, 2023
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@Helgafy The bunny is pretty small. I think a backpack is a wonderful idea or maybe bunny would prefer to ride in alittle wagon instead?

How are you? It the weather getting nice there?

Helgafy May 12th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend of mine.

A little wagon is very fine. The bunny wants to eat a salad-leaf and a carrot today. Yesterday I (my body) was weak, so I wore my pink nightsuit all day long, 3,5 months since that last happened (but my head was feeling light so I could watch TV - also about D.Trumph who will be intervjued by CNN. He was convicted in the case of April in NY I hear.) But today I'm stronger (I hope) so that I can give water to 4 of the flowers in my livingroom and harvest a little bit of onion from my garden for my schrimps.
I hope your day can be fine.

mytwistedsoul May 12th, 2023
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@Helgafy Bunny is in luck! There's some fresh lettuce and carrots here. And some fresh picked strawberries :) They're nice and sweet

I'm sorry to hear you were so weak yesterday - I hope you're ok . I'm glad you were able to water your houseplants today ❤️
I haven't watched the news in the past few days - spending most of the day outside being busy. Today I mowed the field that's here. The deer will soon have their young and they take them to the field to play - so it's nice that the grass is short
image_1683933009.png
Helgafy May 13th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

The bunny got a friend - how awesome is that! Can he come with when you pull the 1. bunny (me-lol!) around. Can he (I think he may be a cloned you) also have carrot and salad please. He likes the waggon very much.

mytwistedsoul May 15th, 2023
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@Helgafy They're very cute bunnies aren't they? Of course they can ride around together and there's plenty of carrots and salad for both! It's a very nice wagon :) I'm glad they like it ❤️

Helgafy May 16th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friends twist and Iam.
I was so very low in the pit yesterday. For 3 days I could not put on my clothes. For 2 years this happened to me 10 years ago (when I was 60 years old). But today I could put my clothes back on again. Friends - if you want to - you can pray for strength for me (each day ha.ha.).
So I'm telling of myself. Please don't hesitate to tell of yourself.
Here is from the godly Helga the verse I got today: "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens."
So - @Iamwhoiamwhoami - came to our wagon as a bluebird. He really wants to eat a raspberry. Can he have one please?

mytwistedsoul May 17th, 2023
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@Helgafy I'm sorry to hear you were so low. I'm glad you were able to get dressed today.

I'll definitely send you some good strong vibes. I hate to think of you being so low for so long 😞 I know it happens but it's never easy. I hope the day was gentle to you ❤️
I've been learning to cook! More than just microwaving hot dogs lol! I seem to go from being depressed to highly anxious. The restlessness is sometimes the worst. It feels like I can't fit into my skin. It's hard to share my thoughts and feelings
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm afraid the raspberries haven't come in yet but there's some sweet strawberries in the green house

Helgafy May 17th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Friend.
Thank you so much for your writing.
I love that you cook. So many fine hours to spend in the kitchen!
I hope your therapist can help you with your mind. I hate to think of so many bad and unfair things that have been done to you. I don't know if your "depressions and anxiety" is the brain's way of trying to handle it all. I don't know - maybe some kind of breathing-exercise could help. I guess there are some online.
Things have been done to you when you could not stand up for yourself. You're good at expressing your thoughts and feelings.

In English I often mix strawberries and raspberries. Ha.ha. Beatles has a song "Strawberry fields forever".

mytwistedsoul May 17th, 2023
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@Helgafy I always liked to bake. Its fun and it's something that helps me slow down a little. Relaxing I guess 🙂

The therapist has been alot of help with something's. Idk if anyone can fix my mind tbh it might be a little too broke for that but I'm learning to cope. I don't drink like I used to and there hasn't been any SH in months. Those are pluses in my book. I do alot of breathing exercises. I pay close attention to my breathing because it helps me get an idea of where the anxiety is
I love that song! They played it on an oldies station the other day 😀❤️
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP May 7th, 2023
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You are both kind and gentle people.

mytwistedsoul May 8th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami *hugs to you my friend* ❤️ You've been in my thoughts

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