My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
Hey :) and welcome to the group @seashell145
Tbh I sort of think it just happened? We imagined it into being? @Helgafy and I wrote to @Iamwhoiamwhoami and then we all just sort of started talking to each other.
Tbh I often feel like I should apologize for not being female. I just see myself as the little bashful rat hiding - like in my pfp. I can give you my word though that I'm a safe person. I'm not a creeper or a pervert or sexist. I hope it doesn't change or affect how we interact. As I told someone else here - I'm still the same Soul. But I also understand if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry
You asked at the end of your post - if you ever feel like no one cares about you - I know it was in reply to Helgafy but I hope you don't mind if I answer too. I feel that way all the time
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for the answer Soul. I'm sorry you feel that way too, I guess we can wait to see what happens in the following days. Your bio gave me a feeling of catharsis. I too am full of self hatred and self doubt, I'm trying to manage the feelings. Thank you for writing them so clearly.
"Apologize for not being female"- do you mean you feel like a female inside? I don't mind about that. Or do you mean most people perceive you as a female?
You were nice to me in previous replies and you seem to have a good understanding with your emotional situation so I don't feel like you'll be a pervert or anything.
I'm glad we got to talk.
@seashell145
About the summer party, I mean like if you guys actually talked about it how Helga described it, with food items and the sceneries or did Helga write it from her imagination?
@seashell145
Hi Seashell, I am WorkingitThrough2. It is nice to meet you. I may be out of pocket by intruding on you and my Twistedsoul conversation.
But Soul is such a compassionate person to all of us that I was just certain he was a female. I have never seen nor met a male who was so easy to talk to and supportive. When he told me he was a male, I was totally shocked. But he is my Bestest Friend😂 He is a very good friend and Supportive
@WorkingitThrough2 Idk what to say. This is so sweet 🥺 thank you ❤️ I can't remember anyone ever standing up for me this way *hugs*
@mytwistedsoul
That's really nice to know you felt touched Soul. I'm glad Working stood up for you <3
@WorkingitThrough2
Hi.
I hope you can come to out summerparty too!
From Helga.
@Helgafy
I got the grill and meat. Then we can take a dip in the pool😂
🍔🍖we need music🎤🎼
@WorkingitThrough2 Good weather for a pool! It's been hot! I'll let you all decide on the music because my taste runs more heavy metal than most lol
@WorkingitThrough2
Hi friend. So nice you could join the party bringing both grill and meat. If you want to you can tell your age, if you're a man or a woman and in whitch country you live. (The others are presented above). You have a fine day with us here today - if you want to you can bring the rest of your family - your spouse and your daugter. We can do ball-games, but then I think Soul's dog, cat, 4 roosters and 13 hens will come to play with us. I think his horse will be standing still watching.
@WorkingitThrough2
Hello WorkingitThrough, it's nice to meet you. I don't feel interrupted at all, rather I feel validated that I wasn't the only one who felt that way about Soul.
I always imagined males could be compassionate too, though I haven't noticed if I met one. I think I'm going to notice how the males I meet from now on. Can you believe it, we perceive people as male or female just based on how nice they have been to us? It fascinating how males generally have been throughout our lives, though not every male is harsh. But this is some valuable thing I learned right now based on our conversation.
I'm glad he is your best friend and you two have each other. I feel like you are a nice person too though we haven't talked before. Okay, nice to have you on the summer party, we'll talk again soon! Sending you a lot of love and warmth. <3
@seashell145
Hi. Thanks for the blanket. We can tickle each other a little bit so we laugh! And music. Guess what - when I googled and listened to that old song about the heart, another song came up afterwards: "Nothing compares to you" by Sinead O'Connor. So friend - remember that; nothing compares to you (in a good way).
Please sister on this earth, check all your values at the doctor. I take vitamin pills each day. I was low in iron for a period of time and took some pills also for that.
Ha.ha. - take a pill for everything in your life and everything will be fine!
I deeply agree with you in your sentence: "It's wonderful how our story matches, it makes me feel like I'm not alone." as I told you before.
@Helgafy
I will go to the doctor one step at a time, it's really hard for me to do. I have been a victim of bad treatment from the doctors here, I have lost a part of myself, so I have to mentally prepare myself before going to one. It takes a lot of time and multiple attempts. The doctors aren't that much experts either especially with relative things like pain.
@seashell145
I'll send a prayer to our Father in Heaven (I'm a Christian) today that you can do it.
@seashell145 I'm sorry you deal with the self hatred and self doubt too. The two are like a double edged sword in that they feed each other. I don't know how to manage either of them
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for your compassion Soul. I'm sorry you have worse memory, I imagine it will be hard to manage.
"The two are like a double edged sword in that they feed each other" this is wonderful to learn, it's a nice way you put this into words. Now remembering this will help me self soothe, like using affirmations to remove self doubt.
I didn't think you had bad motives. I got surprised seeing you as a male, and I feel fascinated how I perceived you as a female despite not ever asking you directly. I didn't even ask to myself about your gender, just my mind thought this way. I'm sorry for all the females here who went through difficult experiences from other guys.
@seashell145 You're very welcome. Do affirmations help? I struggle to believe them when I use them
@mytwistedsoul
I find affirmations very helpful for me, for some reason it reminds me of the good things that I have. I understand you finding it hard to believe. If I think of a way that would work- doing one or two that resonates you very well might be helpful. For example, say you know you are kind. Then use this affirmation- "I am kind". After practicing this, then you will grow in other areas of life and then using those affirmations will help too. I read a blog by someone with BPD who said affirmations don't work for them, rather getting insights help them. But a youtuber with BPD said, "Hating ourselves is easy, all day we say many negative things to ourselves, what would happen if we said positive things instead?" Something like this. I like her approach better because it gives me hope. I don't have BPD but I follow some of their coping mechanisms and apply them in my life to manage my emotions.
So I just want to say, in my experience, it's not possible to always think positive thoughts but we can try to think one positive thought each day. Over time it will grow, that's what I believe. Hope this was helpful for you.
Yes, I agree. Some people use this site as a dating app. But ever since I started to interact only in the forum sections and became very choosy about listeners, I haven't found these people for a while. I actually forgot about them.
You're welcome that my assurance helped you. Yes, it's hard going to the doctor, and the feeling that I have to go recently causes me a lot of stress. And you know, I have to visit doctors so many times it feels like it doesn't end. Especially the trauma turned my world upside down, and how the doctors here treat me, not many doctors are respectful here. I have doctor phobia.
@seashell145 I'm glad they work for you. You're right - we could try to think of at least one positive thought a day. I'll admit I should try harder with them. That blog is right too - about saying bad things all day - what if we were to switch it up and say positive things instead? Even just changing one negative thought to a positive would help a little. I do need to work on my gratitude. I am seriously lacking in that area. An affirmation for that would be good too. Because there are good things in my life and I should appreciate them more. Thank you!
@mytwistedsoul
Hey soul, that's a wonderful reply about affirmations, doctors etc. I will write soon, feeling really weak. Take care!
@mytwistedsoul
It's wonderful you are open to change your inner narrative, want to practice positive affirmations and want to be better at practicing gratitude. Many people just discards anything that would need years of work and growth. I really appreciate this about you.
I re-watched the video and realized she didn't say you use one positive affirmation each day and grow from there. I see it was just my belief and intuition that it might work. But what she said might be helpful too, she said she says the positive things to herself, "I am a decent writer", and noticed how she felt. She felt a shiver of uncomfortable feeling and she said it gave her an insight about her childhood, or the people she had in the past. Maybe it's possible the words they used that brought her confidence down wasn't true, that maybe they were flawed so they told her she was flawed. So she was using the affirmations to see what kind of emotions they brought up and they gave insights into her past. And this insight makes her believe that maybe all the compliments she receive aren't false, maybe her writing is good, and maybe people do enjoy her company. And maybe one day she will feel like she is enough. I just hope you find this helpful somehow, it might be different than my initial approach but it might help you, I don't know. It might help me too.
About finding female doctors, they were equally disrespectful and they don't really care about the patients. But I will overcome this someday, it may take time but I will overcome. Thank you for your compassion.
I'm really sorry you had bad luck with listeners.
Yes, I hope it'll be fun to try S'mores, thank you :)
Sending you lots of love and warmth <3
@seashell145 Oh that definitely sounds interesting. Because most of the bad things we say to ourselves are repeats from past things we've heard - usually from family first. Those are the strongest because our foundation is built on those first lessons. It's hard to build a strong foundation when the words we heard were meant to tear us down instead of building us up. Or maybe it started out as a compliment and had a but thrown in. Compliments are easy to give but hard to accept. I'm definitely willing to try it. Thank you! I hope you'll give it a try too
@mytwistedsoul
So - we all had fun today - did we not. At last staying under the stars of heaven with our fire, nature was silent. All the animals went to bed.
@Helgafy
That sounds wonderful Helga. Lying down under the stars, while there's fire kindling, so calming. I imagine crickets are screaming from time to time.
It would be nice to fall asleep at soul's house after such a wonderful time in the party with nature.
(Thank you for your prayer so I can go to doctor. No option to reply beneath the comment) <3
@seashell145
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy It was fun :) We topped off the evening with s'mores. The stars were so bright as we settled into our sleeping bags. The crickets and peeper frogs sang us lullabies until we fell asleep. We woke early in the morning to the birds singing and watched the fawns play in the field below ❤️ Thank you my friend for bringing us all together
@mytwistedsoul
S'mores sound wonderful. I never got to eat them though, someday I will have the chance.
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy You're welcome 🙂 I thought we could have some fresh berries with the eggs. There are raspberries and strawberries
@Helgafy
Hey, I live in South Carolina. I want to go to Souls house and look at the stars😊
@WorkingitThrough2 There's always a space here for you beside the campfire ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Hey you :) I was wondering how you made out with the testing the doctor had done. No pressure to answer of course. You do pop into my thoughts * sending you good vibes my friend ❤️
Sending all here good vibes. It's been quiet here in the land of nod :)
@mytwistedsoul
Thought I would check to see if my check-in had been posted yet. Still got this bad headache and my whole right side of my head and neck hurt pretty bad. I have taken some meds but it is not helping. I also rubbed my neck with icy hot but no relief. This is not good.
Soul, I am sorry I missed the group chat, time slipped away from me. You stay the good guy you are. You bring a lot of sunshine to people here especially me/🌞
@WorkingitThrough2 Hopefully your check in gets posted soon. Waiting gets frustrating and you'd probably like to make sure you've got things taken care of before you go on your trip
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks, yes I wanted to know she approved of it before the last minute in case something had to be changed. I had not tried ice but I used heat and I have been laying down all morning but my head and neck are yet hurting. I may need to go to urgent care to have them check my before I go out of state and have no doctor. It is raining and gloomy out. I would hate to have to go but I will if I am not feeling better in the next few hours. Still got to get my husband's things packed and the dog's food and sleeping gear packed. But I am not able just yet. I hope I still feel up to going there are no refunds on this trip
@WorkingitThrough2 Hopefully your head and neck are feeling better. It's good there's an urgent care you can visit if you need to. Regular doctors offices can take a while to get an appointment. But it's a really good idea before you go on a trip. It's hard to enjoy yourself if you're hurting. You're taking your dog with too? That's so sweet! I hope everything is alright with you and you have a great trip!
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks for your concern. My blood pressure was up pretty high and I have a pinched nerve in my next that is affecting my head. Also, he said my stress levels were high. He prescribed me blood pressure meds and anti-depressant meds. After about an hour or so I began to feel some relief. Not as bad as it was but still there.
Yes, I am taking my dog with me he is so spoiled. I don't trust him being in a kennel or at the doggy hotel where I use from time to time just so he can interact with other dogs and I can watch him no matter where I go on video camera. Max is my Companion Service Dog. He goes where I go😊. I can feel safe he is my bodyguard and security alarm. He thinks and acts like a 100-pound Doberman and he is only 10 pounds😂. I really think he thinks he is human but he really acts better than some people,😂
@WorkingitThrough2 Omgosh! I'm so glad you went and got it checked out! High blood pressure isn't a good thing for sure but I also figure you're under a lot of stress with everything you're dealing with. I hope you're feeling closer to 100% by the time you leave for your trip. Thank you much for letting me know ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Keep rambling. We are all here for you
@Helgafy ❤️ You've been in my thoughts the past couple of days. How are you my friend?
@mytwistedsoul
Hi soul.
We wrote almost simultaneously at this site. You can read what I wrote to sea above, the moon is your too - ha.ha.
@Helgafy I like the moon. Especially when it's full and it lights up the night. The last full moon here
@mytwistedsoul
Soul - thank you! I love that photo. (I don't know why I like the moon so much these days).
@Helgafy You're welcome! I'm glad you like it. I take a lot of pictures of the moon. Especially when it's full 
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much soul. Beautiful! We can go out in the night and howl against the moon as it is told the wolf is doing. LOL.
Remember you're loved. Maybe you've heard the song "It's only love" by T.Turner and Bryan Adams. It's sad she is not among us anymore. She gave so much of herself. She was a true rocker as Bryan is.
We had a nice summerparty at your farm - did we not - gathering some of your friends.
@mytwistedsoul
Lol - there is a person here who calls herself "Moonflower" - so I had to google it. And yes, it is a simple, white and delicate flower - not to be eaten!
@mytwistedsoul
Those are beautiful pictures, I do the same thing when the sky and moon is colorful or just the stars twinkling in the sky. I went to the doctor and he feels it might be stress or a migraine. A pinched nerve in my neck on the right side is causing me so much pain. He had me get Tumeric and take 2 daily for 2 weeks and Ibprohane. He wants to send me to get injections in my neck but I am not going to do that.
@mytwistedsoul
Soul - the news said that the Russian spaceship exploded on the moon. They tryed to find water. It was the same day you sent me the photo of the moon, but I cannot see the spaceship there! LOL.
@Helgafy Tbh there is a part of me that would like to howl at the moon with you 😊 I think we would have fun ❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 Thank you 😊 There's something magical about the night sky isn't there? Fills you with awe and wonder. It's nice to imagine you and @Helgafy gazing up at the moon at the same time I am
@mytwistedsoul
OH. You had moonflower! And it blossom in the night....
@mytwistedsoul
Hi.
If you want to you can also read about beneath my listener from "Kiribati".
@Helgafy
What's up, my friend?😊
@WorkingitThrough2
Well - I'll tell a bit today. This L and I discussed a bit in a group and she told we could do it 1:1 - and so we did. She was living at Kiribati and I thought that was so exciting. I like to google places and read a bit about the places where persons live. She and her husband were from the US and had saved money to live at K. inbetween. So we talked for 10 days and she told different things and I also did. I questioned more about K. - why they choosed that island. Then she said it was just in her imagination because she lived a dull life. So I have told now that I don't know who she is and need a break. (I don't know if the rest of what she said also was just in her imagination).
@Helgafy
Wow, That kind of sucked🤔. I myself am doing a lot better than I have over the past few weeks, The weather is to hot to get in the pool and it rains really bad in the evening so I have not been able to use the pool.
I did find out I have a pinched nerve in my neck that is causing these bad headaches.Along with stress from my husband's Dementia.
@WorkingitThrough2
Friend.
I'm sorry your husband has dementia. I hope there is a home where he can stay for a bit so you also can have your freetime without him.
So - you're not in the pool these days. I think often the American people have a privat pool. It's more seldom here. Remember you talked about we could go to the pool at Souls summerparty?
I have prayed for your neck/head today in the name of Jesus Christ. I hope you soon will be better - you have also seen a doctor I understand.
@WorkingitThrough2
@Heigafy........Thank you for the Prayers, They have reached me and I am feeling a lot better.❤️🙏🏽
@WorkingitThrough2
Working - can it really be that you feel better? Please - you don't have to say that to be nice to me. I have prayed for you today also that your blood shall flow freely in your bloodvessel to your brain so that the pain in your head goes away.
@Helgafy I'm sorry that happened. It sounds like you had a really nice connection with this person for quite a while. Maybe you could ask this person about the other things you talked with them about? Maybe it would help ease your mind to know if the other things were true or not?
@Helgafy It hurts when this happens. You're always so nice - I'm sorry this happened. ❤️ It's mostly an anonymous site. And it's not as if she had to share her name and address or anything really personal. I'm half afraid of what she could be telling other members tbh
@mytwistedsoul
I agree with you soul. I manage very well, afterall I got a nice trip to Kiribati on the map and with google-photoes! But I was thinking the same as you (what about the others she listen to); to be a listener is a serious work - I didn't rapport her. You have a wonderful day - you're loved.
@mytwistedsoul
@WorkingitThrough2
Hi.
I reported the person who talked about her living at Kiribati today because I saw her at a post and she has not changed the flag.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Hello my friend, how are things going for you? Are you still posting? I can't find you
@WorkingitThrough2.
I guess I haven’t written anything for awhile. I will try and remember to update in the next day or so.
Thank you for inquiring.
Hopefully things are going well for you.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Things are ok, I guess. Having trouble with a pinched nerve in my neck that has been causing bad headaches. Yet all is well. Take care of your self😊❤️
@WorkingitThrough2
Through - that's so funny - the telephone!
@Helgafy
I really meant that I am feeling much much better. Prayer does change things😄
The telephone idea wascute😄
@WorkingitThrough2
I'm very happy because of that working.
Friends @mytwistedsoul and @WorkingitThrough2
@Helgafy
That kind of seemed one-sided and put you in an awkward, do you still talk to him? 🤔
@WorkingitThrough2
No friend - as I already told the conversation became a bit odd so we separated.
@Helgafy
I think that was a wise decision❤️
@Helgafy That would definitely make things awkward for you. I can kind of understand why he couldn't say where he was from but at the same time it's pretty anonymous here. And just because he's from Russia that doesn't mean he supports the whole war thing going on. People do as their governments tell them to do for the most part
It just really makes it hard when things happen like that - it's a pretty big blow to any trust you might have built up with them
@mytwistedsoul
Friend thank you for your fine answer. All war is terrible. Here is an old song for you; Whitney Houston You were loved. (Just pick the words that is good for you - I don't hope I make you sad by the lyrics - In all case - If you didn't have enough love by human people - God/Jesus Christ loves you each moment of your time).
@Helgafy I'm glad you reported that listener. It's misleading. I always thought that the flags were automatic for the location - I'm not sure why I thought that lol
Thank you for the song ❤️ I've never heard that one before either. You're broadening my music experiences 🎵
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Helgafy
Oh my goodness, really? This is getting to be a bit scary. Please be careful, and next time try to screenshot the screen for evidence and then you can report this to web fraud as well s 7cups>
@Helgafy Could have been about money or well - some like to engage in s*x chats. Some just like to be abusive. Sometimes it starts out as just friendly chat and they almost groom the people to give a little more and then more. Maybe it leads to n*de photos and blackmail? I'm glad you reported that person too - there seems to be more and more of them here lately
@mytwistedsoul
That is why I stopped being a listener
@WorkingitThrough2 I don't understand why people have to cause trouble like that. Whether they're here as a member or a listener they should treat people with respect. I bet you were a good listener too. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and stopped because of it ❤️
Thought I'd share a picture of the August moon :)
@mytwistedsoul
Soul. that is so pretty😊
@WorkingitThrough2 It did make a nice picture ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks for sharing it
@mytwistedsoul
Twist.
Maybe you also saw the message I wrote beneath about the Kirivati-L. You don't have to comment - walking already did.
@Helgafy I just read it. It's amazing that this person can just keep changing their country like that in their profile. I wonder if anyone -a leader or admin even talked to them. I get alittle disappointed at how they handle things like that here. They don't seem to realize how it affects people when trust is broken ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Well, well twist. She was away for a while. And not everybody is like that.
The small, blue bird was visiting me in my bedroom this morning! It was flying a bit in circles around my head, climbing a bit on my shoulder on my turqoise T-shirt and climbing a bit on my curtains at my window.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@mytwistedsoul
@WorkingitThrough2
Hi.
Just thought I would tell you a story about a L. I told you about before. (Maybe you're not interested at all, so then just stop reading). This is the one from "Kiribati". I told 7Cups about her and she was away from "us" (lol) for 1 week or so. I found her again now (I'm not going to have contact with her - I can't have contact with persons who are lying as much as she is). And guess what; (she told me she was from the USA) - now she has the flag for the Marshall Islands. And the language she speaks (all new to me!) is Esperanto, Russian, Spanish, Xiang - and of course English. She also do "American sign language" - I have no ideae why she tells that - noone can see her signs here.
Well - I don't know how and where she "learned" all those languages. To me she told she started working when she was 14 to save money - so at uni. she has not learned them it seems (lol - I'm a little bit bad now - but she must be one of those persons who has great delight in lying. I told her she could be an author because she likes to tell stories).
@Helgafy
ha, ha...OMG...... What is she getting out of pretending that makes her keep up this charade of deception? Some people are just habitual.. and can not help themselves.🤔
