My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
Test post
Test
Time keeps blowing turbulently by, yet I still am trapped in the miserable darkness of my own creation. Still struggling with health issues, both mental and physical. Underlying, intrusive thoughts that have plagued my darkness for decades, still rule my world. Brain episodes are still persistent. Loneliness is a strong contender with everything else. Yet I am well aware that it is better off for everyone that I continue living my hermit lifestyle. Hiding underneath the granite mountain of baggage left by my life choices/experiences/regret.
I have rebuilt the walls thicker and sturdier than they ever were. I have regained the mastery of extreme play acting being “normal” . I have actually went beyond anything that I ever thought possible, considering my anxieties and issues. Severe depression and extreme social anxiety at the top of the list of surprises.
It’s like I am a complete stranger experiencing interactions with others. Extreme overcompensation in all interactions with people. Once I am alone I feel so drained and extremely miserable. Putting on a show to everyone that I am everything I am not. This behavior is compounding my issues and this has ensured that I remain buried underneath baggage mountain.
