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My daily ramblings

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 1st, 2022
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I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.

My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.

Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.

Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.

That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.

That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.

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Helgafy March 16th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Hello twist and Iam.

Thank you so much for writing, I'll comment on that tomorrow. Today I choose to write about myself.
I'm very low in energy - just staying in my bed (as I usually do until 5 p.m.). I wish Jesus Christ would heal me (I guess I have said that before to you). There is this verse in the Bible: Isaiah 53:5 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him and by his wounds we are healed." So He took both our sins and our sicknesses on the cross. But it seems like most often we have to go through doctors to get healed.

I dreamt last night. Someone asked me: "How is your life?" I answered: "I don't have a life. I'm just indoors. I can't go outside to meet life with strength."

Well. I have told you earlier about my brother living on the island Sotra. Last week on the local news they showed 2 sea eagles from there. They were sick, poisoned by lead. Some (I guess they were professionals) took care of them and made them well. We could see when they let them out to flee. One of them (the he) - when he was held, the feathers at his neck and head rose - meaning he was ready to bite!

So they let him out of the cage. He rose, high, high and flew. Very mighty. The girl went out of the cage, not really knowing if she was free, but then she flew away also.

So this is what I wanted for my days: Isaiah 40:31 " but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."

But instead I became a hen who is not even good at walking.


Helgafy March 17th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Hi twist. I will write to you today also.

Thank you so much for writing. Thank you for your fine description of the sky. It's really beautiful.
I always liked owls because I like wisdom and some said owls are wise, but I don't know. I have 3 owls in my house. 1 blue from China, my uncle bought it there and two woven in a carpet.
The colour of sand - nice.
The spring is late where you live and where I live. In the news yesterday it was said that it has never been earlier than this year in Japan. The cherry trees are blooming.
Disney did some photoshoots at Svalbard. They thought it was fine for a new movie by Tom Cruise. But they're only allowed to land about 20 times (or places) with a helicopter because of the nature/wild-animals. So they are discussing it up there now.

mytwistedsoul March 18th, 2023
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@Helgafy I'm sorry you've been low with energy. Is there nothing that can help? Your faith brings you comfort. My grandmother would have said that even though it's doctors that treat the illnesses, God works through them. I struggle with the concept because I have many questions and the answers seem vague.

It's wonderful that they were able to save the eagles. Maybe the male wanted a quick snack of someone's fingers before he flew off.

People came to believe owls were wise from Greek mythology. The goddess Athene was supposed to symbolize wisdom and there is often an owl near her. There's one owl here that I'm aware of but there may be more hiding. The one that I see is wearing a plaid bow tie. He sits next to a fox wearing a sweater.

I remember reading something about how they wanted to film parts of the movie there. I don't really blame them for balking at the idea. It's quite a landmark there. It something were to happen to it, it would never be the same.
Sending you strength ❤️
SunShineAlwaysGrateful March 17th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hello from Newfoundland & Labrador Canada 🇨🇦 the home of iceberg alley! The season has started ! Yay ! 🦅🐻‍❄️🦭🥶❄️🧊

I am thrilled to see the activity here on this thread … just beautiful support all the way around.

Just wanted to say hello 👋 it’s my first day as Forum Supporter … these messages here made me smile right large …. 😊


Cheri



Iamwhoiamwhoami OP April 1st, 2023
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@SunShineAlwaysGrateful

The thanks for that deserve to be sent to @Helgafy and @mytwistedsoul. They are the ones continuing to bring their sunshine, their positivity and support to this very dark spec in the universe. They continue to build a friendship in a place built upon negative things. Proving that there is true humanity still in existence in this world. I have nothing to do with their beautiful interactions here.

They deserve the recognition for your kindness and support of their efforts. Thank you.

mytwistedsoul March 21st, 2023
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@Helgafy @Iamwhoiamwhoami You've both been in my thoughts ❤️

Helgafy March 22nd, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Always wonderful twist. Thank you.

Helgafy March 22nd, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Friends Iam and twist.

I was so very down with depression. I could not even see God, I was thinking like an atheist. And I didn't see the meaning of being positive and thankful.
But the day passed. I could see myself in my mind running over the green hills towards my Father. Luke 15:20-24 "So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and k ill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was de ad and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Helgafy March 23rd, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

@Mytwistedsoul

Hi!

Yesterday I was thinking of one line of a song. The line is "Turn around". You can hear it 2 times in the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. (The rest of the poetry in the song has nothing to do with me - ha.ha. It is a bit scary with the eyes and the students are too young for her..). What I want for the lives of the 3 of us is that our lives turn around to be very good and fulfilling.

Helgafy March 24th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

@Mytwistedsoul

To my brothers at 7Cups.

Today I give you the old song "Chain Reaction" by Diana Ross. Let us all get into the chain reaction so our lives become better and better and we fly higher and higher. Ross was married to the Norwegian mountainclimber Arne Ness and she has a son together with him.

mytwistedsoul March 25th, 2023
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@Helgafy Hey :) I'm sorry that you were so down with depression. It's horrible feeling that low that you can't see any light any where. It's heavy. Are you able to sleep when you feel that down?

I've heard that song Total Eclipse of the Heart. I'll have to watch the video. I've heard of Diana Ross but know absolutely none of her music but it was an ok song. Her husband passed away doing what he loved. I hope to be that spry at his age. You find good messages in songs ❤️
Helgafy March 27th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you for your writing twist.
You asked me about my sleep. And yes, I sleep more than I have done my whole grown-up life. Because of depression I take Duloxetin Pensa 120 mg each day (blood test showed that 60 mg was not enough). They keep you a little bit awake (I take them in the morning) and therefore I take a small dose (15mg) of Truxal in the evening. I can be very depressed during the day and lighten up at 6 p.m. and have a good evening.

Today you 2 birds are following me around, flying around my head and climbing on my sweater of wool - so I don't feel alone. We have snow and 0 degrees Celsius again today. My sweater has 2 reindeer, 1 person skiing, 1 fir tree and a four leaf clover.

Helgafy March 27th, 2023
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@Mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hi.

I came to think of a song "The wind beneath my wings" by Bette Middler (she is funny in movies). Iam and twist - you are that (wind) to me.
mytwistedsoul March 28th, 2023
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@Helgafy I'd like to thank you too. For writing and for your friendship. They both give me something to look forward to :) and help me feel less lonely

Depression is hard to deal with. I'm sorry that it plagues your days but I'm glad it lightens up enough so you can have a good evening
It's been warmer here but rainy alot. We've even had a few thunderstorms this spring already. We didn't get much snow this winter as we usually do. Your sweater sounds perfect for a cold day! I'm happy to spend the day climbing on it with @Iamwhoiamwhoami and keeping you company
*Sending you both warmth and much love* ❤️
Helgafy March 29th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you twist for your writing.
You 2 birds are flying around today. But you think it is cold in Norway so I knitted you socks, vest (so you still can fly), scarf and hat.

When I was 22 I had finished studying. I went to Switzerland. For some time I stayed at a woman's house and did some housekeeping there. She had a white poodle. It was wintertime with snow in the mountains so I knitted socks for the dog when I took it outside.

Helgafy March 31st, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Ha.ha. You 2 bluebirds don't want to be bluebirds (in my home) anymore. You changed unto eagles and rose high, high into the sky.
mytwistedsoul March 31st, 2023
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@Helgafy You knitted socks for the little dog! 😊 That is so sweet! I bet the little dog appreciated them too on those cold days ❤️

Oh wow Switzerland is such a beautiful place too! You've been to many beautiful place in your life. I think that's so awesome! I'd like to visit some of those places one day. Alaska is on that list. I'm half afraid that if I go there I won't want to leave lol
I think I'd prefer being a bluebird - eagles reach heights that might be a little scary sometimes 😬
You knitted socks for the little dog! 😊 That is so sweet! I bet the little dog appreciated them too on those cold days
Oh wow Switzerland is such a beautiful place too! You've been to many beautiful place in your life. I think that's so awesome! I'd like to visit some of those places one day. Alaska is on that list. I'm half afraid that if I go there I won't want to leave lol
I think I'd prefer being a bluebird - eagles reach heights that might be a little scary sometimes 😬
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Helgafy April 1st, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Good morning to you twist.

What a wonderful drawing you found - I can see he also is wearing the vest for the cold - but he forgot the socks!

mytwistedsoul March 31st, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami How are you Iam? You've been in my thoughts. I have to admit I miss reading your posts. I don't mean to pressure you or make you feel like you're being pressured in any way of course. I think about the Christmas tree you did for the community here sometimes. The time and effort you put into it. It was a very beautiful thing to me. You have a beautiful heart Iam - even if there are days you don't believe it or can't see it. Lol - now I'm the one rambling. Guess I just wanted to remind you in case you needed to hear what I see. If not feel free to disregard and tell me to stuff it lol 😊 get your hat and we'll go pick on @Helgafy 😁

Helgafy April 1st, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Twist - like you I've also been thinking of Iam. Maybe he's not feeling so good. So here comes some things for you to do. Please put him in his small bluebirdbed. I have some homemade carrotbread with crisp crust that you can give him. Please also remember to drip some drops of water on his very small birdtongue. Then you can put his wing in your wing until he falls asleep.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP April 1st, 2023
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@Helgafy

@mytwistedsoul

I appreciate your kindness as always. Your continued communications have not gone unnoticed by me. I just don’t have anything new or worthwhile to say.

Still on the same downward spiral mentally, physically and now my work life has joined into the mix.

I am getting more and more lost everyday, when I start to think that I can’t possibly get any lower , I slip further away.

I think at one point ( at least by my writings) that I actually wanted to try and explore the religion aspect again.

I am rambling again. I just wanted to say I still read your communications, I just don’t want to inflict my extreme negativity into your beautiful positivity.

That is true but not completely the reasons. I have suffered through life alone and even though I have been lucky enough to stumble across this wonderful community, I still revert to suffering in silence when things get worse. I wish people who actually have people who love and support them would be able to open their eyes and recognize and reach out and grab ahold before they get to the point I have gotten to.

I understand that I have support here but it isn’t the same as having that support in person. Maybe it should be, but I have never had that love and support and I have become so separated and isolated from people that I have been forced to rely on myself even though that is the worst person to rely on.

Rambling again. I will wrap it up , this has turned into a negative post again when all I wanted was to express my gratitude and appreciation for both of you.

amiableBlackberry92 April 1st, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I am glad to see you posting here. Even if you think no one is interested please keep posting , rambling etc. I think all of the people here want to hear from you and show support to you no matter what you post. Its helpful to get it out right ?

I understand about the negativity. I grew up in the most negative environment and I have trouble with this too. It was drilled into me very young so theres a kind of conditioning I guess you could call it. It was kind of a cult like environment .

Sharing here helps me and it makes me want to help others here. I just wanted to reach out and let you know I was thinking about you.

You deserve kindness and support my friend.

ABB💟

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP April 1st, 2023
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@amiableBlackberry92


Thank you as always for your support and kindness. I think I have written some recent periodic ramblings in previous posts and I believe I have actually created a few newer ones. I try and let the positivity that @Helgafy and @mytwistedsoul have blossomed here in this area continue unhampered by my constant negativity. I appreciate what they have created out of everything written prior. If I have any other ramblings I try and keep them in other areas.

I had something else to add but my brain is flickering again. Sorry, maybe I will be able to think of it later, Thank you again.

Helgafy April 2nd, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Iam - I bless you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

mytwistedsoul April 2nd, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm sorry to hear that work has joined the other issues. The would be difficult and would add to any anxiety and depression. I wish there was a doctor or specialist some where that had the answers you've been looking for and a treatment that would help.

I've had that thought too occasionally. Wondering if the peace I seek lies in scripture and prayers. Maybe being part of a congregation would help bring people into your life?

I do understand the isolation and separation from other people and being able to rely only on yourself. There was never anyone else to turn to. I also understand that the worse things get, the farther you withdrawal. Some times we feel safer alone or maybe it's that we feel it's safer for others? This place, as wonderful as it can be sometimes, has too much forced positivity and having someone say I hope it gets better for you doesn't ease the struggles or suffering. Nor do the affirmations muttered to a reflection in a mirror each morning. But I must admit that it's a nice thought at times. If only life were so simple.

For what it's worth, I see nothing negative about anything you wrote here. You were honest with your thoughts.
This got longer than I intended. I apologize for that. Thank you for replying. There's never any pressure to do that okay? I know sometimes that takes energy we just don't have.

Helgafy April 2nd, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Friends.

I have a plan for you 2. You have many things in common - so why don't you meet now over a cup of coffee and talk. You can meet for example outside the "Trump building" at 2 p.m. in New York City the same day as he'll be arrested, on Tuesday. After that if you feel like you can go to twist's farm and he can show his animals to you Iam. He can make an omelette for the 2 of you because he has many hens.

Helgafy April 2nd, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”



Helgafy April 3rd, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Helgafy April 6th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

@mytwistedsoul

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise to the God of All Comfort

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5

mytwistedsoul April 6th, 2023
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@Helgafy How are you? The weather's started to get nicer here. Time was used to start some seeds for the garden. Strawberry plants were cleaned up and in the greenhouse they starting to flower already. It won't be long until there are fresh strawberries to eat. The peach trees are blooming and the plum tree

The living room walls are painted and the trim is being ever so slowly finished. Trim seems to take forever it seems
Guess I got a little lost a long the way but I saw a bluebird this morning and it made me think of you and showed me the way ❤️
Helgafy April 9th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Friends.

I'm a little bit down in energy so I don't know when I can come back to write to you.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP April 9th, 2023
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@Helgafy

Please take care of yourself, we will be here whenever you gain the strength to talk to us again, Your brothers on this earth. Hopefully @mytwistedsoul doesn’t take offense to my speaking for them on this point.

mytwistedsoul April 10th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami No offense taken at all ! :)

mytwistedsoul April 10th, 2023
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@Helgafy I'm sorry your energy is so low right now. Rest and relax. Be gentle and patient with yourself. We'll be thinking of you and sending you strength and good vibes ❤️ Take good care of yourself

Helgafy April 15th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Good morning to you twist and thank you so much for your writing and reaching out. I guess this is your favorite season, plants blooming and growing. I guess I don't have so much of the writing-creativity these days.
Today I'll just be a little, grey mouse, staying in your pocket and following you around at your farm. I'll hold myself up with my 2 front legs looking out over the edge of the pocket, watching what you're doing.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP April 9th, 2023
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You come first. You are too important.

Helgafy April 16th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you so much for your writing. I have been reading this line each day.

Helgafy April 18th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Here is a verse for you (and for me Iam): Jeremiah 23:24 KJV. Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.

mytwistedsoul April 13th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Helgafy *sending you both good vibes* ❤️

Helgafy April 16th, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Twist.
You have a cat you told. If I (the little grey mouse) is allowed to run around in your house, can you then please fasten a bell to the cat's neck so I can hear him and hide so that he doesn't eat me for dinner or supper.

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