My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy You knitted socks for the little dog! 😊 That is so sweet! I bet the little dog appreciated them too on those cold days ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you twist.
What a wonderful drawing you found - I can see he also is wearing the vest for the cold - but he forgot the socks!
@Iamwhoiamwhoami How are you Iam? You've been in my thoughts. I have to admit I miss reading your posts. I don't mean to pressure you or make you feel like you're being pressured in any way of course. I think about the Christmas tree you did for the community here sometimes. The time and effort you put into it. It was a very beautiful thing to me. You have a beautiful heart Iam - even if there are days you don't believe it or can't see it. Lol - now I'm the one rambling. Guess I just wanted to remind you in case you needed to hear what I see. If not feel free to disregard and tell me to stuff it lol 😊 get your hat and we'll go pick on @Helgafy 😁
@mytwistedsoul
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Helgafy
@mytwistedsoul
I appreciate your kindness as always. Your continued communications have not gone unnoticed by me. I just don’t have anything new or worthwhile to say.
Still on the same downward spiral mentally, physically and now my work life has joined into the mix.
I am getting more and more lost everyday, when I start to think that I can’t possibly get any lower , I slip further away.
I think at one point ( at least by my writings) that I actually wanted to try and explore the religion aspect again.
I am rambling again. I just wanted to say I still read your communications, I just don’t want to inflict my extreme negativity into your beautiful positivity.
That is true but not completely the reasons. I have suffered through life alone and even though I have been lucky enough to stumble across this wonderful community, I still revert to suffering in silence when things get worse. I wish people who actually have people who love and support them would be able to open their eyes and recognize and reach out and grab ahold before they get to the point I have gotten to.
I understand that I have support here but it isn’t the same as having that support in person. Maybe it should be, but I have never had that love and support and I have become so separated and isolated from people that I have been forced to rely on myself even though that is the worst person to rely on.
Rambling again. I will wrap it up , this has turned into a negative post again when all I wanted was to express my gratitude and appreciation for both of you.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I am glad to see you posting here. Even if you think no one is interested please keep posting , rambling etc. I think all of the people here want to hear from you and show support to you no matter what you post. Its helpful to get it out right ?
I understand about the negativity. I grew up in the most negative environment and I have trouble with this too. It was drilled into me very young so theres a kind of conditioning I guess you could call it. It was kind of a cult like environment .
Sharing here helps me and it makes me want to help others here. I just wanted to reach out and let you know I was thinking about you.
You deserve kindness and support my friend.
ABB💟
@amiableBlackberry92
Thank you as always for your support and kindness. I think I have written some recent periodic ramblings in previous posts and I believe I have actually created a few newer ones. I try and let the positivity that @Helgafy and @mytwistedsoul have blossomed here in this area continue unhampered by my constant negativity. I appreciate what they have created out of everything written prior. If I have any other ramblings I try and keep them in other areas.
I had something else to add but my brain is flickering again. Sorry, maybe I will be able to think of it later, Thank you again.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Iam - I bless you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm sorry to hear that work has joined the other issues. The would be difficult and would add to any anxiety and depression. I wish there was a doctor or specialist some where that had the answers you've been looking for and a treatment that would help.
@mytwistedsoul
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Friends.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@mytwistedsoul
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5
@Helgafy How are you? The weather's started to get nicer here. Time was used to start some seeds for the garden. Strawberry plants were cleaned up and in the greenhouse they starting to flower already. It won't be long until there are fresh strawberries to eat. The peach trees are blooming and the plum tree
@mytwistedsoul
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Friends.
I'm a little bit down in energy so I don't know when I can come back to write to you.
@Helgafy
Please take care of yourself, we will be here whenever you gain the strength to talk to us again, Your brothers on this earth. Hopefully @mytwistedsoul doesn’t take offense to my speaking for them on this point.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami No offense taken at all ! :)
@Helgafy I'm sorry your energy is so low right now. Rest and relax. Be gentle and patient with yourself. We'll be thinking of you and sending you strength and good vibes ❤️ Take good care of yourself
@mytwistedsoul
You come first. You are too important.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Thank you so much for your writing. I have been reading this line each day.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Here is a verse for you (and for me Iam): Jeremiah 23:24 KJV. Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Helgafy *sending you both good vibes* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy You're more than welcome to hang out in my pocket :) This is a favorite time of the year. The woods are greening up and the peepers sing at night. You helped plant some flowers and peas this weekend. There's no need to fear the cat because he's not allowed in the house anymore
@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Helgafy Thought I'd share the day with you both
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much for the photo. What do you have inside the small house?
@Helgafy It's just a small tool shed. There's shovels and rakes and a few bags of mulch in it I think.
@mytwistedsoul
A word that I thought fit for you who loves nature:
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.
@Helgafy
That's really beautiful!~
@juliak1968
Friend @Juliak1968
Hello @Helgafy I learned to take part in a few activities which is my only real socialization. It is so important to be secure amongst friends who are easy going
Blessings, Day
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy Hopefully he can soon live his dream soon
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you sweet twist.
@Helgafy Hey :) It's nice to see you. ❤️ Spring is cold and rainy. Lol life is far from perfect. There's things going on right now that I don't quite know what to do with. Depression hit hard and tbh - I didn't have the words to say much to anyone. I hope you've been ok. I thought of you everytime I saw the bluebird. There's a sparrow that hangs on the porch now. She's very noisy lol
@mytwistedsoul
Friend. I just want to shower you with the love of Jesus Christ.
@mytwistedsoul
Maybe this is good for you to read. If you want to I can also hold you in my arms a little bit to comfort you. The Old Testament was for the Jews. But now, after Jesus came we all can read the words as ment for us.
Jeremiah 31:20 NIV
"Is not Ephraim (twist) my dear son, the child in whom I delight? I still remember him. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I have great compassion for him,” declares the LORD.
@Helgafy I - thank you. I wish I could believe in his compassion but I think maybe it's reserved for other's that have a goodness in them that I lack. Maybe some are just too lost they can't be found or saved. Can we get too many marks against our souls? Do you think that's possible? I don't mean to sound however that sounds. I appreciate you and a part of me does find comfort in your verses and your faith ❤️ You're a wonderful person with a very big heart ❤️
Friends
@Helgafy
Amen
Blessings, Day
🙏
@juliak1968
Friend @juliak.
You use the words "blessing", "amen" and the symbol of hands praying. Can I ask you if you consider yourself to be a Christian as I am?
@Helgafy
No, sorry ; I don't think so
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968
OK - thank you for the answer.
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy Thank you :) for your thoughts and for your words to God. Your words give me something to think about. The lost sheep and yes the sheppard would go look for the lost one. I meant to reply sooner but every time I tried I would get choked up and emotional. That hasn't happened in a long time
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much twist for your writing.
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin."
@Helgafy I had bought a new one a few years ago but idk what happened to it. My grandparents went to church. Grandmother was very active. She sang and played the organ and did things with the ladies church group. Grandfather went because she made him lol. I went too when I started living with them. Used to do a youth group thing on Wednesday nights. That stopped after a few months cause the youth group minister had a thing - well you know. He went -away - for awhile. I've been baptized and saved - twice. There's a lot of anger towards god. I feel bad saying that to you because I know he's a source of comfort for you. I'm sorry - I don't mean to waste your time - my thoughts about god are really complicated on this subject ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Friend. I'm so, so sorry for all the complications other people have brought to your life. I don't understand all those things because most people have treated me with love. You can be mad at God. He can handle it. I'm also glad you see a therapist with whom you can talk. Maybe it is better for you that I talk of other things than the Creator, (please tell me!). But still this is the verse that is on my mind today: Romans 8:35-39 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
@Helgafy I don't mind at all that you talk about god :) it's part of what makes you - you and I'm grateful for you. And the verses you share here - you're sharing yourself and they do bring a sense of comfort and they make me think about the bigger picture of life
I'm grateful too that you've known nothing but love from the people in your life because you are a good kind and gentle person ❤️ Thank you for being you
@mytwistedsoul
Friend twist. I hope you are well.
@Helgafy The bunny is pretty small. I think a backpack is a wonderful idea or maybe bunny would prefer to ride in alittle wagon instead?
How are you? It the weather getting nice there?
@mytwistedsoul
Friend of mine.
A little wagon is very fine. The bunny wants to eat a salad-leaf and a carrot today. Yesterday I (my body) was weak, so I wore my pink nightsuit all day long, 3,5 months since that last happened (but my head was feeling light so I could watch TV - also about D.Trumph who will be intervjued by CNN. He was convicted in the case of April in NY I hear.) But today I'm stronger (I hope) so that I can give water to 4 of the flowers in my livingroom and harvest a little bit of onion from my garden for my schrimps.
I hope your day can be fine.
@Helgafy Bunny is in luck! There's some fresh lettuce and carrots here. And some fresh picked strawberries :) They're nice and sweet
@mytwistedsoul
The bunny got a friend - how awesome is that! Can he come with when you pull the 1. bunny (me-lol!) around. Can he (I think he may be a cloned you) also have carrot and salad please. He likes the waggon very much.
@Helgafy They're very cute bunnies aren't they? Of course they can ride around together and there's plenty of carrots and salad for both! It's a very nice wagon :) I'm glad they like it ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy I'm sorry to hear you were so low. I'm glad you were able to get dressed today.
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy I always liked to bake. Its fun and it's something that helps me slow down a little. Relaxing I guess 🙂
You are both kind and gentle people.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami *hugs to you my friend* ❤️ You've been in my thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
@Helgafy Please don't stop. Please don't be afraid to share that part of yourself 😞 You being the kind person that you are - I can't imagine a better person to show that God is good. My relationship with god IS difficult because of past experiences. You're helping me gain new experiences that are good and kind and come from a good heart ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Friend.
Yes - I have been baking cakes, bread, making dinners - all kinds of good stuff also. But 2 years ago I had to stop - not enough energy to do that.
I'm glad your therapist can help you. And of course I hope all your scars will become your stars. (Easy for me to say).
Wow - you've matured not to drink to solve your things! And not SH for months. Congrats!!! (I guess that is hurting yourself). When I grew up we never heard of SH.
I lift you up to our Father in Heaven's knees and ask him to take good care of you.
@Helgafy It must have been frustrating to have to give things up with your illness. I'm sorry it affects you so badly. I wish there was something I could do to help
@Helgafy
please continue to be you. Talking about God with the sincerity and purity that you do is what religion should be about. Speaking of God and all the wonderful things you do is a big part of what this thread has become. You, Twist and all the others that periodically chime in.
Both of you have built a friendship that transcends everything. You both are amazing people. So please continue to be you, you are wonderful.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Thank you so much Iam. That was such a wonderful message from you.