My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
Things are no worse or no better than they were yesterday. All the depression stuff still at extreme lows. Flashbacks regular and mixed. Brain flickers are regular but random. Some brief, some extreme ( near impossible to come back). Head pulsations and headaches random but regular. Varying levels of pain throughout body. I have not pursued the CTE idea. Barely surviving minute to minute.
My frustration level is at an extremely high level. Not at anything in particular but everything in general.
Simple household chores I can’t even start. It is probably unhealthy, but I look at them and know that I should do them but I then realize I don’t care anymore. I’m so close to throwing away the dirty stuff and just buying new throwaway dishes and clothes so I have clean stuff regularly. But that doesn’t take care of the house part of it.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Hi brother on this earth.
I bless you in the name of Jesus Christ.
Here in Norway where I live - if we cannot clean our house or other things we need because of sickness - the state will give us a person to help us. Can you get that kind of help where you live in America? Or - if the state do not provide the help - do you have the opportunity to rent a person to do the work? From Helga.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I must admit it's nice to see your words but I'm sorry you're struggling with everything that you are. Tbh alot of what you say is similar to how I've been feeling. The depression is horrible - the apathy. How it all just seems so pointless. But the anxiety is just as bad. I have to admit I buy paper plates anymore. Just throw them away afterwards. Ecologically it's bad I'm sure but currently I don't care
Would you be in a position to hire someone to come in once a week for a few hours? They could do the harder tasks - sheets and cleaning? Or what ever you would need done. I think you can add or substitute things each week too if need be
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Thinking about you and glad to see this post from you. You have many supporters here. I think your idea to buy new items rather than cleaning the old ones is a-ok 😉
Your doing the best you can right now and that's all you need to do my friend.
Best always ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
Thank you . I hope you’re doing well.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
The thing is life's got it's ups and downs. It's difficult because some of these ups and downs are out of our control. All we can do sometimes is hang on for dear life and ride the whole thing out the best we can. Your doing the best you can my friend. 🤗 Hugs For you, your not alone you have all these 7cup friends who care about you.
ABB 💜
This is how my whole life has become
@ThunderStorms20yrs
Hi friend.
Can we sit down together and have an icecream and coffee?
I hope you'll have many nice meetings with people here at 7Cup.
@Mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you.
I miss you a little bit.
Sunday I was visited by a friend from collage in Haugesund where I had my childhood. She comes once pr. month to visit. This last year she had 2 new hips - working good. She has arthrosis.
Yesterday my cousin came. She also visit me once pr. month. Last year she got a new knee - that's more complicated that a new hip. So young man, maybe you should be glad that your body still is young.
My uncle was in China and bought me a vase. Some days ago I looked at it and it has a blue bird printed.
I also looked at an ashtrade (I don't smoke) I bought in Mallorca, an island in the Mediterranean sea. It has a red robin printed.
From Helga.
@Helgafy Hello :) How are you?
You popped into my thoughts yesterday. There were about 6 bluebirds at the one bird feeder. They were so pretty
I'm glad to hear that your friend is doing so well after two new hips. There's an older man at the feed mill who had a knee replacement a few years ago and they say he has to have his replacement replaced because it's failing
I heard an owl earlier this evening behind the house. Farther away you could hear another one call back
@mytwistedsoul
Friend - thank you for writing.
6 bluebirds! - that's a lot.
I also can hear the owl in spring - but not yet - it's too early. I always find the sound of it funny, it stops singing in the middle of a tune.
Can I say I have love for you - not the love one sex has for the other - but the love one human being has for another human being.
@Helgafy There were 2 eagles yesterday. It was amazing to see them. There are usually a pair of redtail hawks and some falcons but you don't see eagles as often
I think that's absolutely fine for you to say :) If I'm honest I feel the same. Imagine how wonderful the world would be if we all felt love for each other
@mytwistedsoul
2 mess. this morning:
I have about 22 plants in my home, 6 of them are peace lillys - small and big ones.
From my niece I got a white Amaryllis - Barbados lily - for Christmas. It has now 3 big, white flowers.
All for now!
@Helgafy Ah my weakness! Flowers and plants - especially lilies :) I don't have any peace lilies though. Amaryllis are beautiful! And they come in such beautiful colors. I'm glad your's is blooming. They're so nice to see especially during the winter months
@Mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you. Thank you for writing. Eagles - I saw a doc. once about them. They have very good sight.
(edited by amiablePeace77 2/5/2023)
@mytwistedsoul.
I need to write a new mess. here for the rest, the letters became to big.
Well - about the gratest issue: L o v e.
A song: The Beatles, "All you need is love" and self love - maybe what people here at 7Cup work the most to find, Whitney Houston: "Greatest love of all."
@Helgafy There was some concern about the chickens with the Eagles. Yesterday there was a fox in the field near the house
I'm developing a fondness for the Beatles and I've actually heard that song! Whitney Houston is ok. I've listened to a few of her songs. Do you have a favorite singer or group?
@mytwistedsoul.
Good morning to you! Thank you for your reply.
Some birds climbed at my pillow yesterday, comforting me when I went to sleep.
Fox - I got a Christmascard with a fox and a small Santa Claus from the forest sitting beside. The tip of the tail is white. A fairy-tale from my childhood said that it was white because it had been dipped in cream.
More to come......
@mytwistedsoul
2. message:
@Helgafy I'm very careful with the chickens :) they're my feathery friends. I can sit and they come cluck and coo at my feet. We have many conversations together
I've seen ads for that movie. I haven't watched it. She's in a couple of movies. Mad Max beyond Thunderdome is the one that comes to mind
I've heard that song by Aha but I didn't realize they were Norwegian
I found a site that has Norwegian fairy tales but haven't had the chance to read them. I'm curious to read about the foxes tail being dipped in cream :)
I hope you're doing ok
@Mytwistedsoul.
Hi.
@Helgafy Hello :) Peaceful. I wish I was. If anything I'm just learning to keep the chaos to myself
The ducks remind me of the deer here. They know the sound of my truck and will start coming towards the house in hopes of corn and apples
Roxette :) I've heard those songs. Their songs Joyride and Spending My Time are good too. I didn't know she had passed from cancer. From what I've read she fought for 17 years. A long hard battle. So sad
Cliff Richards I haven't heard of before. Good thing there's YouTube to help us out when it comes to music!
That sounds like a lovely card to have beside your bed. So many symbols of hope and love close by. Is that where you find your peace? If you don't mind my asking of course
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Hey you :) You're in my thoughts alot - sending you strength and good vibes :)
@Helgafy @mytwistedsoul
I hope you’re doing well. How I am doing doesn’t matter. It is not positive so I will leave it at that. My brain and my issues fighting me and I read your writings and want to respond but can’t. I want to like or what is it….upvote your writings but can’t even get myself to do that anymore. I’m not on a good path and I don’t have the strength of desire to find another.
I wish you all the best
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Blessed Iam.
I'm so sorry that you're not doing good. It does not matter for us your friends if you don't respond to the writings. What matters is that you should feel better. I lift you up to our Father in heaven in the name of Jesus Christ and ask him to let you feel better and get the strength of desire to find a better path to walk on.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Hey :) there's never any pressure to reply or up vote anything. To me what matters is that you're struggling. Friends can be there so you don't have to walk the path alone - so I hope you don't mind if we keep you company no matter what path you're on
@mytwistedsoul
friend.
I wish your mind was calmer. I will not dig into your life except you ask me to. Do you know anything about the difficulties in your mind? Could you have a therapist at 7Cups to help you? I'll pray for your mind in between when I remember that you will have peace. There is also a nice verse from the Bible I want to quote for you:Philippians 4:7-9 7" And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
You have a truck - so you're a farmer. Well - we should all be farmers I think. Ha.ha.
And apples - I baked some with walnuts, cinnamon and some dough. My brother got some warm with ice cream.
Yes, in my bed and around I have many quotes, photoes, pictures to look at when I wake up. (You can ask whatever you like to!).
@Helgafy @Iamwhoiamwhoami and I share similar childhood back grounds. I grew up in an abusive house. It's really messed me up and I'm in the process of unpacking everything now. I have a therapist - I'm on my 4th one tbh. There's self harm issues - depression and anxiety. The hardest one to deal with is - well a diagnosis of DID. I struggle with that one the most because I lose time and myself. At times I'm allmost embarrassed to admit it because I don't think many people
Thank you for your prayers. I'm not much of a believer tbh. I have a very complicated relationship with God. I guess maybe I'm alittle envious of people who get comfort from something intangible. I'm sorry if that sounds bad
Lol! I guess in a way I'm am alittle like a farmer. I have gardens and chickens. Mostly self sufficient :)
OH gosh that sounds delicious! Sort of like apple dumplings? And warm with ice cream! Oh man Your brother is so lucky he has you make tasty treats for him
Well now that I've probably shared entirely too much lol - I'll spend alittle time regretting that I did and hoping I didn't scare anyone off
Take care Helgafy And you too Iam 💙
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you wonderful twist.
I hope this day will be a wonderful day for you, @Iamwhoiamwhoami and me ha.ha.
I'm very sorry to hear that you shared a similar childhood back ground as Iam. I have read much of his story, thinking and feelings and thought that you always responded in a very sensitive way.
As he did you're unpacking many of your things now. I honor you for that. To work with oneself is a hard work. I hope all your "scars will become into stars" (simple for me to say).
You have a therapist - how good. (I have had 5! myself talking about my life. I thought it helped me to come closer to myself).
Please - don't harm yourself. I have heard your chicken say: "Oh no! "twisted" is harming himself - Now he will not come out to talk with us."
For depression and anxiety maybe you get tab.
Please don't feel embarrassed about DID. You can't help it. Be proud of yourself (I'll pray about that) how far you have come and that you're working so hard with your self. I'll pray that you find yourself in a wonderful loving way. (hah! I have to write down now what I promise to pray about...)
You can have whatever relationship with God you want to. I think God wants to be as gentle to you as you're to the animals and things growing. I saw this doc. about persons rescuing owls who lost their mother. One they placed in a box with wool, maybe to feel the mothers warmth. Maybe that is the right way to treat our hearts in between.
Please don't regret what you have told. As you recognized yourself in Iam's writing others will do in yours. If a person don't like what they read at 7Cups, they can stop reading.
You're good at writing. There are also writing-sessions at 7Cup - you can go there.
At last: Another day my morning was not so good. I came in here (my writing-room) and found a mess. from you, writing about your animals or whatever. I got better because of connecting. So here is a song for you. Josh Groban - "You raise me up."
Good bye! (long message).
@Helgafy I'm sorry to hear your morning wasn't so good. I hope this morning was better for you and greeted you with sunshine and little birds to keep you company
Thank you :) it is hard work. I sometimes think therapy was a bad idea because it seems the deeper you dig the more you find things you don't like. Did it help you come closer to yourself?
My grandmother had a close relationship with God. She used to say that he knows I have a good heart and sees the way I care for the creatures and respect the land. But Idk - some days it feels like my heart holds more anger than anything good
People get the wrong ideas. I don't mind people asking questions but I don't like that they assume I'm violent or that I have a part that is or worse. It hopefully explains that complicated we I mentioned before
I think a few of the prompts that pop up for writing have been visited but its been awhile
You're the second person that's told me that if people don't like what they read they can stop reading lol
It does feel nice connecting here. I usually feel better too. It's kind of scary being vulnerable though
I have to admit the message you wrote choked me up alittle - it was just really nice and gentle
Thank you for the song :) I've left one for you too Here
@Mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you sweet person on this earth.
Well - not so many small birds this morning - blackbirds are here the whole winter I think. Sunshine - ha.ha. When I (we) were young we loved/adored the sun so we could get a little tan on our skin. But now - grey weather, storms, snow is quite OK for me - more like my inner self I assume. But light is good for us. Yesterday and the day before yesterday Jesus Christ gave me some energy to work a bit in my garden. I cut down my lavender. I also have 3 lavender-soaps in my home.
I liked to get to know myself a little bit more in therapy.
I'm not a therapist. What I can say is that 2 of the ones I had were psychologist, 3 were psychiatrist. The first ones (psychologists) were not so good for me so I just saw them for a couple of hours. Maybe the psychiatrist is not digging so deep, but giving you med. (for me depression). But persons are different - what is good for one is maybe not so good for the other. You have much deeper hurts than I ever had. What I wish for you is for Jesus Christ to soak you in His love just like the Greek people soak their cakes in syrup - ha.ha. They are much too sweet!
I guess your anger is very natural. Many not good things have been done to you (maybe also when you could not stand up for yourself). I'm a little bit afraid to talk to you about this since I'm not a therapist. I hope you can learn to let your anger out in some way. You can let it all out on me perhaps - I can take it (maybe - ha.ha. - well - nothing to joke about - it must be very hard).
Of course your gm. is right. You're a fine person and you must learn to appreciate yourself (as so many here at 7Cups have to learn). We are what we are, please don't condemn yourself.
I agree with you that we don't like that people assume things that we are not. I hope this will not happen to you again and you get healed of what they have said/assumed that wasn't right.
I can also tell that my eldest (74) brother, who is a doctor in medicine, still doesn't believe in my sickness - also being worse the last 10 years. He says I'm playing a game and still he knows me and knows that I don't lie. (He's the only person who doesn't believe me). That's also why I connected 7Cups, to talk a little bit about that 3 years ago. I didn't know if I could raise again, but (thank you Jesus!) I did.
I'm glad as long as you choose to stay at 7Cups. When you dare to be vulnerable you're brave. I have seen persons in chat-room telling things for the first time and feeling better later. (But the last time I went in there it was all chaos).
I tried to listen to the song, but I was not admitted to - ha.ha.
In Oslo where I lived before I went to a concert with Prince. You can listen to "Purple rain" if you want to. Well - all my songs are from long time ago - ha.ha.
From Helga.
@Helgafy. It’s terribly frustrating how many doctors don’t believe in me/CFS! I’ve had some very bad experiences with doctors myself. I’ve walked out of doctor offices that have yelled at me and told me there is no such thing. It must be so hard having to deal with your brother not believing you.
@adventurousBranch3786
Hi branch.
How very nice to se you here again. Oh - yes. One doctor said it was all in my head. I know exactly what you you're talking about. Now there is a new sickness, Longcovid - symptoms after having Covid. Maybe 1 out of 10 get it, very much like ME/CFS - having to lie on their sofa watching TV when they were really active before. Beautiful person - I wish you all the best!
From Helga.
@adventurousBranch3786
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Mytwistedsoul
Oh- I forgot what I really wanted to tell about myself. In the afternoon/evening I watch TV (thank you God for TV - I had 7 months where I could not watch). The last Summer my niece (26) told me about "90Days". And since that time I've been watching. Each day I watch 1 hour of news - but they are so sad. So I watch 3 min. of news, a little bit of "90 Days" and then back to the news again. When I see the news I think: "well, they are in war, I'm not - and try to be thankful". So "90 Days" is a very light American program. People from there find a person from another country and fall in love (online). He/she can visit in the US (engagement-visa), but they must get married after 3 months if they shall be able to stay (green card).
@adventurousBranch3786
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Mytwistedsoul
Oh- I forgot what I really wanted to tell about myself. In the afternoon/evening I watch TV (thank you God for TV - I had 7 months where I could not watch). The last Summer my niece (26) told me about "90Days". And since that time I've been watching. Each day I watch 1 hour of news - but they are so sad. So I watch 3 min. of news, a little bit of "90 Days" and then back to the news again. When I see the news I think: "well, they are in war, I'm not - and try to be thankful". So "90 Days" is a very light American program. People from there find a person from another country and fall in love (online). He/she can visit in the US (engagement-visa), but they must get married after 3 months if they shall be able to stay (green card).
@Helgafy Hey :) Today there were two pileated woodpeckers flying around. I think they think it's spring too. I enjoy being outside in the sun. I do enjoy a good thunderstorm but I don't really like being inside much. I'm so glad you were able to get out to your garden today! Lavender smells so nice!
It can take some time to find a therapist that we click with. The one I have now is nice. He's an older guy. We've been going slowly. Things were going pretty good but then this virus hit and everything sort of came to a crawl. During that time there were other things that happened that needed to be dealt with before we could move forward again
I'm sorry your brother doesn't believe you. That would be hard to deal with especially since he's a doctor! It's not something people play a game about. You're genuinely struggling with it and it affects you daily. I'm glad you came here and found a place to talk about your struggles
You saw Prince!? That is so cool! He has a bunch of really good songs!
I like the oldies - I normally listen to heavier stuff but I do enjoy alot of the older musicians
* I'm glad you were able to listen to that song. I came across it and it was an upbeat and catchy song. And well - robins made me think of you
@mytwistedsoul
Hi.
The birds you saw have a really nice hat! (I googled them).
Yes - the virus hit hard everywhere. I'm glad you have a fine therapist.
Much love from your very old sister at this earth.
@Mytwistedsoul.
Hi - I found the song Rockin Robin by Bobby Day. I'll write more about that later.
@Mytwistedsoul
A little bit about myself today: I very much like the rythm in the Bobby Day-song. Rock'n roll. When I were about 30 years old I went to some courses learning to dance swing. One of my dance-partners became my then bf. We stayed together (living in our seperate homes) until I was 42. Then we were friends until I became 51 and moved from Oslo to Bergen.
Yes - the consert with Prince was very filled with energy!
This verse is very fine for me now. I especially like word "sustain" - many meanings in Norwegian. Also I like to be carried (if needed).
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
@Helgafy
test
@Helgafy Google is so helpful when you want or need to look things up. That's how I saw your beautiful country
Omgosh! I've seen videos on people doing swing dancing! It's wow - very active 😄 but it's alot of fun to watch
It must have been hard to leave such an old friend. Had you lived in Oslo your whole life until you moved to Bergen?
The verse reminds me of the poem - Footprints in the Sand. Have you read that one?
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you sweet friend. I hope this will be a fine day for you (and for me).
Well - leaving Kurt, my earlier boyfriend was not so hard. I was not attracted to him anymore. What was difficult for me was to leave my life in Oslo, living there for 25 years. Like a tree, lifted up with all its roots, leaving places and persons.
I was born in Haugesund, West part of Norway and lived there happily until I was 18 and started to study science. From I was 27-52 I lived in Oslo. I also lived at Ås, at the countryside outside Oslo for 2 years, working as a chemist at the University of Agriculture there. There were different animals. When it was raining we could smell the pigs very much. There were fields of grain. I used my bicycle there. I also went to Drøbak, a small place nearby to take a bath.
Yes - some colleges gave me that poem - Footprints in the Sand. It is fine. Maybe you'll like this verse I got today:
“Though the mountains be shakenand the hills be removed,yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,”says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
I think maybe I'll write some more later.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami You popped into my mind today. I caught myself doing something and I wondered if you do it sometimes too
Did you have to be really quiet when you were growing up? Making noise drew attention - which was never a good thing. It usually lead to trouble or work - usually both. I catch myself going through the day being as quiet as I can be - afraid to make noise because that meant trouble. Trouble meant getting punished
@mytwistedsoul
Hi!
@Helgafy I try to remind myself that it's ok to make noise but I guess sometimes it gets triggered. There seems to be alot of triggers tbh
Not talking during meals. That was a big thing in my house too. There was no joking around -no laughing - no small talk - no telling about your day. You ate what was put in front of you. It didn't matter if you liked it or not or if it made you sick. You sat until it was finished. If you didn't finish it greeted you in the morning for breakfast. No wonder I have issues with food *smh*
@mytwistedsoul
Friend.
I read your writing about meals. Maybe we can have a meal together today? I plan to fry 2 eggs for each of us and put them on 2 slices of bread with some salt, thin slice of smoked meat underneath the egg. I put some ketchup on the bread. You can tell me what you did during the day.
(Maybe you also read about the light shows I watched on TV above - you don't have to comment).
Please - when you get tired of writing, take as many days free as you need to have.
@Helgafy Hello :) Your breakfast sandwiches were delicious! It was a nice day out and we spent some time on a walk in the sun. We of the chickens joined us. Some time was spent in the green house getting pots ready to start some plants for the garden
Haugesund is beautiful. The country side is just amazing. I've read that there is a Viking village there. That would be amazing to see
25 years in one place is a long time. I think it would be both exciting and scary to leave all you knew behind
A chemist! You're very smart! Being around the different animals would be fun but I have heard that pigs do smell lol. They say they're really intelligent animals but Idk if that's true or not lol
The same applies to you too ok? If you need a break or anything. I don't want to wear out my welcome ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Test.
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you wonderful soul on this earth.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I will not put burdens upon you in asking too much of the "w e" and "u s". I just put myself in the "w e" - so I walked with you in the sun. How nice for me that was. And then I think you call one of your chickens "w e". He joined - very nice. (Please don't feel sad that I just try to find things out - you know my heart is open and warm for you). I like to hear you tell of your day.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi.
I cannot send the rest of my message. The code 064 comes up, I'll try tomorrow.
@mytwistedsoul
well - I have no idear why my mess is not sent. Maybe you get 17 messages. I give up (I have tried to put a space between some of the letters also).
@mytwistedsoul @Iamwhoiamwhoami
Good morning to you!
The time difference between our world's is fascinating because as you were starting your day the day here was ending
Today is supposed to be a warmish day. The chickens have been getting into the flower beds so the needs to be some lower fencing put up to keep them from digging up the flower bulbs. They have acres and acres to run around on but they go into the flower beds. Silly birds!
@Helgafy
a few of those messages did post I don’t know how many you tried to send to them.
@Mytwistedsoul
Wonderful friend at this earth.
@Mytwistedsoul.
I wrote Kroatia here, of course it shoould be Ukraina.
@Helgafy Those are the best kind of eggs :) the chickens are happy and getting sunshine and eating bugs and grass
I can’t explain how much I relate to this…
@Freemindedpark7468
Good morning to you wonderful soul.
We here at this site wish you much love today.
