My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
Feels like the walls are moving. My rooms are getting smaller. I’m not liking this feeling, ok they stopped. Claustrophobic reaction in my own home? Why?
I had something else that I wanted to say but I forget what it was. That little episode took away my focus.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I dont know what is going on of course and i know doctors are concerned about something physical or at least doing tests and trying different things but also some of these visions and hallucinations could be caused by sensory deprivation and isolation i know you normally work and are not doing that now and its also been so cold out when you might normally go outside but even if they have nothing to do with your environment and its all physical it could just help you ruminate less
something on here or a few things could help https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-loneliness-during-coronavirus-4799661
How can I be in a fog when my thoughts are still racing.
Slept but exhausted. Head pulsing, pain down left side of neck into shoulder. Thoughts/images screaming through but extremely hard to focus on any, Identity confusion. Panic/anxiety attack when woke up in the dark. I’m still breathing, why? Depression still extreme. I have to trust that the writings I read are mine and the plastic card with a picture of what kind of looks like me is actually me.
I’m so sick of all this , I am not everyone else. I’m broken, stop piling this nonsense on me.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I might be wrong - I'm sorry if I am but that stuff doesn't work for me either
@mytwistedsoul
I don’t understand? What doesn’t work for you?
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Writing the positivity in journals. And I should apologize to you. I should have kept that thought to myself
@mytwistedsoul
I am not bothered or offended by anything you say. I have written a lot of things here and anyone who may have read any of it, may stir up some thoughts, I am ok with those thoughts freely being expressed in response, to those writings
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Thank you for being so gracious and understanding. I had just read a suggestion to you about writing gratitude and how it will start to show positivity. Perhaps that works for some people but it doesn't work for everyone
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
A message from me to you at page 11.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi.
I just want to say hello to you since I see you here at "Iam's" site. You helped me to send his tree to Glen, our leader here. I have told "I'am" that I'm a woman (very old - ha.ha.) 70 years, living in Bergen Norway. We have snow here now just as there is snow at Iam's place in the USA. Yesterday I saw you in a little vision. (Or it was my mind making it). You were a beautiful, little blue bird, flying happy around. You also played with the water. If you want to you can tell your age, if you're a woman or a man and which country you live in. "I'am" is in his 50th.
@Helgafy Hey :) I remember. It's a beautiful tree. I'm glad Glen got to see it
There's alot of symbolic meaning when it comes to bluebirds. I take it as a compliment :) Thank you
Wow Norway? That's so awesome! We don't have any snow here at the moment. We did but then had a warm up but it's early yet. I'm sure we'll get more than enough
I don't think 70 is old - just wiser :)
Well the I'm not close to either of your ages. I'm a male - 26 and I live in the Northeast US
It's nice to meet you!
@Iamwhoiamwhoami @mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you both at this 1. day of 2023.
From my place with snow i brought myself in my aeroplane (ha.ha) to "mytwist" were there is no snow. "Iam" also came (if he wants to) from his place where there is also snow. We all go to "mytwist"s kitchen. I brought omelette, coffee and brown bread for breakfast. I hope you like that, if not we'll find something else to eat/drink.
I see your animals around "mytwist". If you want to you can tell me what kind of animals it is.
From Helga.
@Helgafy Animals consist of a horse - a dog - a cat and 4 roosters and 13 hens :) so we have plenty of fresh eggs - plus there's plenty of wildlife
Are there animals where you are?
@mytwistedsoul
Wonderful young man, "only" 26, but a grown-up!
I was thinking of a song today as the "blue bird" is flying very fast through my rooms (ha.ha!). I thought it was named "Bluebird", but then I remember it is named "Blackbird" - Beatles - Remastered 2009 - it has some fine lyrics if you would like to listen. Well. well. Beatles was very "hot"! at my age. We loved them!
All the best from Helga.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi.
1. Thank you for writing. And - you're not obligated to write with me - you can stop any moment you like!
2. You grew up with your grandparents. That's sad you could not grow up with your parents, but I guess your grandparents took good care of you. And they are gone also and you're just 26. I had my father until I became 50 and my mother until I became 60+ so that is a big difference from your life. I once was a teatcher for young persons (13-15) up north in Norway. One of the children there grew up with his grandparents.
3. So many animals you have. You have a wonderful heart, never able to hurt a living thing. I saw a doc. about bulimia. They used a horse for treating the girls mind.
Guess what - the bluebird came back to my home today. It is a bit cold here now so he likes to come to my bed in the morning under the blanket. Only his small head is above it.
I hope you sell your eggs so you get income!
No, I live at the outside of a city and there are no animals here. Well, some deer come around and people have their dogs and cats just as you have.
4. You write "we" have many eggs to eat - if you want to you can tell who "we" are.
From Helga.
@Helgafy 1.I offer the same to you. There's never any obligation to reply :)
2. I didn't start to live with them until age 15. I think I was pretty messed up by that time. I think they probably did the best they could but they were really nice. They taught me many things
Your parents were nice? A teacher?! That's pretty cool. In charge of shaping young minds :) Did you like being a teacher?
*should probably warn that I can ask alot of questions sometimes too. But you never need to answer any of them*
3. I do better with animals tbh. People can make me nervous. I've heard of places that use horses for all kinds of therapy now. It's pretty cool. Horses can sense so much and they can help people gain confidence. They're peaceful animals
I'm glad your bluebird came back :) sounds like it's found a nice cozy spot to warm up :)
Most of the eggs are given away tbh. There's some neighbors that have fixed incomes and it helps them out
Deer are so graceful. Beautiful animals but they get into the garden and cause a lot of damage
4. Is complicated. We is complicated
@mytwistedsoul
Hi bluebird.
Maybe I can get to know you a little bit here at "Iam's" site. I have been living alone my whole life and have no children. What about you - is there a mrs. bluebird in your life who laid some eggs for you? The bird stays at my bon sai tree (half my hight) during the night. (I like very much to use my imagination). He puts his little head under his wing when he sleeps. I have put water and grain out for him to eat and drink.
@Helgafy I'm alittle conflicted with bringing too much of myself in to Iam's space
But - no there's no Mrs Bluebird lol. Not even a Ms Bluebird. I don't go out much into the world tbh and spend most of my time with the animals. I used to live with my grandparents but they passed away a few years ago
A good imagination helps keep a young mind and spirit yes? :)
🐦
@Helgafy @mytwistedsoul
Please do not be conflicted about my space . You are welcome to share whatever you want to in any of my threads.
No matter where my mind has ventured everyone not voicing hate is welcome here.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Thank you :) You'll get no hate from me that's for sure. Life's hard enough without having someone else make it harder
We seem to have the same bad luck this year. My latest is my truck lol and I laugh because the way this year has been *smh*
How are you Iam? No pressure to answer of course ok?
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning to you blubird. Thank you so much for visiting me here in Norway. But it seems like it was a little bit too dull for "you" here - ha.ha. Yesterday you flew west - over the Atlantic ocean back to your home. He likes to ride your horse, and I have no horses here!
My parents were very fine and wise and loving. I got everything I needed until I went away for studying when I was 18 years old.
How nice of you helping your neighbors with eggs!
You're right - the deer eat the flowers in the garden of the people.
Did I like being a teacher? I liked the most when the class were small, 13 persons in the class. That was up north in Norway at a small island called Andørja. But poor young persons. There was nothing to do for them in the free-time. I started a Christian group for the girls in my class. The question was - "why did Jesus die?" - and they all came.
My education is chemistry; I'm an engeneer so I have worked for many years with chemistry.
Maybe you have seen - I wrote that also to our friend @Iamwhoiamwhoami - that I have the sickness of ME/CFS (lack of energy). I was crying a bit today because of my physical weakness. I should wish that Jesus Christ would heal me. Well. well.
All for now. Your very old friend Helga from the wonderful country of Norway!
@Helgafy I'm sorry you were crying. I wish you didn't have the weakness to make you upset. I hope today gets better for you
Chemistry! You must be very smart. It must have been nice to have the smaller class - more one on one with your students. It was really nice of you to start a christian group for the girls. I bet they appreciated it - to learn about Jesus and to have something worth while to fill their time
I'm glad you had such nice parents :)
I like being able to help people. I don't like to think there are people who could be hungry or cold. Or hurting
You live in a beautiful country. I looked it up online. :) I live in Pennsylvania up near New York but it's not nearly as beautiful as Norway looks. The mountains there look amazing
I enjoy listening to music alot and I did listen to the song Blackbird. I found this today and though maybe it would help brighten your day
Paul McCartney - Bluebird
@mytwistedsoul
Well. well. Thank you for writing.
The blue bird flew out of my window ha.ha. But I had great pleasure of him visiting me for a day and a night! Thank you.
@Helgafy You're welcome :) Happy New Year from my little part of the world to yours
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I hope - this new year brings you some answers. Happy New Year Iam
@mytwistedsoul.
Good morning to you young friend and thank you for writing.
You have such a tender and nice spirit/soul - like to help others - how wonderful is that. I hope you appreciate yourself for the beautiful person you are.
Thank you for the song - many birds with "The Beatles"! I had no idea that they wrote about a blue one as well as the black one.
Yes - thank you - I'm stronger today.
In the evening yesterday I became better, could make porridge from oats and apple. I also made omelette with cauliflower.
I see our friend @Iamwhoiamwhoami also wrote a line and that is good.
All for now - Helga.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami You've been in my thoughts today my friend *sending you peace and hope*
With everything I am trying to handle right now, it seems my negativity is rubbing off onto everything else around me in my own home. Stove quit working, snowblower won’t start, vehicle dying. Fridge starting to operate like my brain on and off. I know it can always get worse but really??? Why keep piling it on???
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Friend. Why don't you give your whole situation to Jesus Christ to help you.
I’m at my wits end . I don’t know what to do . This battle with my body, doctors and my mind. I have to figure out the next steps in my future. I am going to have to make a decision as far as my work. I can’t do it.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
There is nothing wrong in retire because of health issues. I had to stop working when I were 50 years old because of my health.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Hope you’re doing ok.
Same thing’s different day, I just am really struggling with putting words to the lows I am experiencing.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I know this all too well myself. You've been in my thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Hi friend.
I just thought I would mess. you a little bit. Maybe you took a break from 7Cup. I don't think you saw my message at page 14 some days ago, and that is OK.
I hope you're doing good.
I'm in a weak period with my sickness, crying a bit each day for 3 days. I don't know why we shall suffer. But I think of the President V.Zelenskyy of Ukraine. How much he and his people suffer from the war. But still, each evening he gives a message to his people that they like to hear.
Well - the blue bird is not here now. A bigger, snow-white kakadue came instead.
All the best from Helga and as I have told before, please don't feel obligated to write.
@Helgafy Hey :) I hope it's ok to reply to both your messages here
I thought of you this morning. I saw a bluebird at one of the birdhouses. I'm alittle concerned that the weird weather that's been happening here has brought them too early because they usually don't show up until the end of February. It's been unseasonably warm this winter
You're welcome for the song. I love music and listen to all kinds
Oats and apples sounds nice. I've never had an omelette with cauliflower
I'm sorry the weakness is bothering you so right now. I wish I had an answer to why we suffer so. I have a number of thoughts about it but no real answers
A Kakadue - I had to look that one up :) another beautiful bird! It might like to eat some of your apples 🍎
I'll light a candle for you today and send you good vibes. Maybe it will ease the weakness and dry your tears ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much for writing. Thank you for your thoughts and the light. You're a very sensitive and fine person. I lift you up to our Fathers feet. So - you saw a bluebird already. I'm a little bit stronger today. I have a small film of a man playing an Elvis-song for 2 kakadues. One of them is spreading his feathers around his head, very wild, nodding - the other one is just standing there wandering why his friend is so crazy. It is at my f b where I'm not active. And there is no way to send it to you.
From Helga.
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much for writing.
I'm SO! happy you found the song. Especially the "yeah, yeah" in the end is funny.
No seed in my garden. I once had carottes. They came up very small. I don't have a big garden here. Mostly I have roses, 8 bushes in different colors.
I wish I could bring you joy continual.
Regards from Helga.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi again @mytwistedsoul.
2 messages from me to you this time. You mentioned you had seen the bird Robin. I was dusting in my livingroom. And on my table I have two napkins with the picture of Red robin.
@Helgafy Hey :) How are you today? Oh I like roses. I don't have many myself - a big rose bush and two teacup roses. 8 bushes - I bet they're beautiful to see and probably smell so wonderful! I grow alot of lilies. And a garden. I've actually started doing more container gardening because where I live the ground is pretty rocky
That's so cool that you have napkins with robins on :) I haven't seen the bluebirds lately. Maybe they went back to warmed climates. I have seen a bunch of geese though. Do you get wild geese there?
@mytwistedsoul.
Good morning to you!
Yes I have 2 brothers. Kjell is the youngest one. When he comes he sit down for 1,5 or 2 hours. I give him coffee without coffein since it is in the afternoon he comes and some cake. He is the best, very sensitive as you are. He and his wife live at Sotra, an island outside Bergen where I live. I told him that you asked about wild geese. He said there are wild geese at the island where they live. Their nephew lives there. The birds eat all that's on the ground. Now they try with laser to make them go to another place. (I don't know if they have planted things there to grow).
I have a similar experience as you had with the wren. 2,5 years ago I had trapped off my medication for depression. 2 months after I stopped taking it I became very depressed. So I went to the ER. The doctor said that some time after stopping to take those tbl. one could be depressed.
The next morning I went to my kitchen to make myself breakfest. Because it was summer I had my door to the balcony open. A small bird with an yellow chest was on the floor in the middle of my livingroom, not scared at all. For me it was like Jesus Christ came to comfort me. I greeted him with a "good morning" or something like that. Then he silently just went out of the room.
A friend here sent a photo of a red robin today from outside her house in the snow.
All the best. Helga.
@Helgafy I'm glad he stays to visit for alittle. It sounds nice :) You both live in a beautiful place. Google helps me travel anywhere in the world I'd like to see
Oh gosh yeah geese can really do alot of damage to grass and crops. There's a man I know that has alligator decoys in his pond to keep the geese away. It doesn't really work too well because I think the geese have figured out that they aren't real
That little wren did come to comfort you :) a pleasantly bold little visitor to brighten your day!
I like robins too. To see them usually means springs not too far away but this winter has been so mild. I'm seeing so many birds that are here too soon :/ so I keep the bird feeders full and try to make sure there's something for everyone to eat
Has your depression been better? I bet it hits harder on the days when your tired :(
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Sometimes rambling helps clear the clutter in our thoughts!
If you ever need to get some things said, feel free to reach out!
