My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
Daylight can’t come soon enough. I am going to do this. Actually I can’t go until they plow the roads. This figures . I get a plan, build up motivation to attempt to complete said plan and roadblocks start popping up.
I am sorry for being me . I am sorry I have to push people away, I don’t want anyone else hurt by my negativity. I’m a bad influence on all those hurting and in need . They need the care and support of the wonderful people who tried to reach me. There is so much giving that goes on here. I am too far gone for that giving to help me. I sincerely hope those that tried to help me, treat me as a passing thought, one registered under lost cause. I am not giving up , just giving in. Waving the white flag of surrender. I don’t know of any other way.
I am now back to where I was. Officially alone again. The misery that claims me can only hurt me. This ugly body with its equally ugly thoughts that never stop. This ridiculous list of issues that seems to keep accumulating and not disappearing. This never ending deluge of negativity can only claim me now. I have nothing new to say here anymore. I should figure out how to close this account or whatever. I wish I knew how to just erase anything and everything I have ever posted here. That way my negativity would disappear from this community as well.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami. Don’t worry about us. No one is forcing us to read your negativity. I personally don’t find it harmful to me. We read and respond because we care ❤️.
I want to just vanish like so many people do in this world. One second there next …poof….gone forever. And any trace of my having been here gone too. That’s what my brain is doing to me why can’t it happen with the rest of me as well.
It’s been far too long experiencing these things. I am out of the fight. I surrender. I can do this no more. I know not how to proceed when there is no true purpose for anything. Without purpose there is no chance for a positive future.
I will try and figure out how to close this account a little later. Stop the leak of extreme negativity from my little spot in this community.
That is the only positive thing I foresee coming from me.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
You have a far greater purpose then you can realize by your kindness you spread all over 7Cups!!~
..........................and never forget that!~
Blessings, Day
@Iamwhoiamwhoami i really hope you dont do that you expressing the truth about how your really feeling not trying to sugar coat anything just the truth your feeling very bad about yourself and thinking about your past a lot and regrets - everyone has regrets everyone has a past that they think about - your not bringing anyone down the only thing that will do is make people feel less alone reading it so it in a positive thing you are giving to this world theres nothing more positively powerful that letting people know the pain and confusion and sadness that they are going through its not just them and theyre not alone so please dont take this great good that you made away from everyone ok <3
This is a habit I have to break very quickly so I can close the door on this account. I need to figure a way to let the thoughts flow uninterrupted. Go back to the way it was
Even my dreams are getting really strange. Having current surroundings in the dreams with items in strange disarray. The trees mounted on the wall and ceiling, dresser upside down, etc etc,
I fall asleep for my 1/2 hour or so naps and have these weird dreams/ nightmares.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I would hate to see you go. We accept you Iam. The good - the bad and the ugly. Under the negativity we see your heart. It's a good heart you have. As someone else said - noone is forcing us to be here. We're here because We want to be here. We don't see a lost cause. We see you
Thoughts interlaced with visions to fast can’t focus. Head throbbing. Body pains extreme, severe depression raging, try to stand ..dizzy. Pressure in ears like elevation change. Left eye twitching, right can’t focus very well. Brain flickers… none marked on board. Panic attack when it sounded like someone in my driveway.
