@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Iam.

I was thinking of you yesterday, how you want to bear my! burdens. I don't understand how you can say that - you who have so many burdens of your own. But you're fulfilling the highest law of Christ: Galatians 6:2

@Helgafy

I am glad you are feeling better today,

Thank you for thinking of me again.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

My cousin has a lot of pain in her hip. She went to the hospital to see a doctor. I prayed for her that the doctor would be an instrument in Gods hands. She did not get the doctor she was going to see, but one who was much better for her to answer her questions.

@Helgafy

Sounds like your God did help .

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I wish God would give you the best doctor to help you.

@Helgafy

I do too, but unfortunately very little is known about this thing , it is something that realistic details are only known about the after effects when the brain can be scientifically analyzed.

There are some behaviors that are associated with but they don’t have the knowledge yet to make any effective decisions.

I am 100% serious, ask your God to transfer your burdens to me, I will carry them for you

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Well I am.

As you write here at 7Cup, I have a small book where I write to Jesus Christ. I'm as open to Him as you are to us at 7Cup. I have been writing since I was in my 20th.

@Helgafy

Is that what mainly helps provide you the strength you need?

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Yes, I think It is good for me to express myself.

(I have tried to post you something, but I didn't come through).

@Helgafy

From my limited knowledge, God makes most decisions to guide not to take control,is that correct?

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Here is what the Bible say:

Psalm 37.5: "Commit your way to the Lord;

ztrust in him, and he will act."

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I have read here about your fight with your brain-system.

@Helgafy

I need to step away for a few , my brain is starting to go goofy.

I am grateful to have you and your God with me. Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you so much for the exclusive talk! Set your boundaries for your brain!

Helga.

@Helgafy

Thank you,

That was stranger than normal, is that what I have to look forward to?

My brain literally started playing static. Louder and louder and louder. Then like a switch was flipped My brain focused like nothing happened.

Trigger warnings for suicidal ideation and thoughts ( not acting on them) only thoughts in my head . I have had thoughts like this everyday of my life ever since I was very little. So, please don’t overreact and think I am going through with any of these thoughts.

I just want to put down in writing these things so if my suspicions of my head issues is correct, maybe this and my other writings here might help in the process of understanding CTE.

A lot of things fly through my mind most of the time. Like a subliminal message, ending my life is scrolling through, intertwined in all the rest.

The latest is just going outside and walking and letting the cold overtake me. (Sub zero with wind chill here) . No jacket, just go and be done. But then I think about the poor person that finds my body. I have been there.. that is a sight I have seen too many times and the images haunt me. So I don’t do it.

When I had my break down and actually made several failed attempts, I now blame myself for failing as usual.

Why isn’t it legal for people with conditions that have no positive or real future to be assisted legally to end their own life peacefully and without judgement?

To make them suffer so everyone else can say they didn’t give up on them, they held on to hope for them? Really?

If an animal is suffering they are “put to sleep “ to end their suffering. So does that mean we respect animals more than humans. We let humans suffer unimaginable pain mentally and physically and emotionally just because we think we know everything and that we know better than the person actually dealing with the issues what to do and their suffering doesn’t matter.

When a person reaches a certain point when so many attempts to heal and get better have failed. When physical issues prove to be more than doctors understand, of course most doctors don’t understand much anymore, they guess if they don’t know and usually don’t try to research and find out any answers. Just prescribe another medication. The world we live in. If we are so pill happy why not give me a pill to help me drift off into that eternal slumber?

No instead I am forced to suffer through this and once it gets bad enough other innocent people whether it be nurses doctors or whomever, has to deal with my dementia messed up self. So make others suffer also when it could’ve been avoided if things were legal.

I gotta stop, brain goofing up again.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Maybe this is good for you to read:

Psalms 91:4 NIV

@Helgafy

yes

@Helgafy

Thank you for the verse. I trust in you and your beliefs. Maybe someday I’ll actually feel something from those wonderful words. I understand the meanings behind them , I just don’t relate to them.

I try not to discuss religion or politics, but because I believe that you are truly trying to help me and I don’t want you to ever be hurt by anything I may say, I want to say a few things.

I am neither a believer or nonbeliever, I will never disrespect anyone else’s religious beliefs. I have no issues with others praying for me or whatever else. I understand a couple of religions vaguely. I did attend churches before.

As a child I was dropped off by one of my parents at church and picked up after, they never attended. I don’t remember when it was but at some point I don’t remember details, though I am sure it involved a tantrum,(I had a lot of those as a child) , I was no longer forced to go.

That is probably at the root of my thinking. Over the years I attended various churches with different people. I witnessed a lot of people including pastors/priests who only seemed to practice their faith when they attended church.

Now, I see that I had blinders on as far as the last part. We are only human and our beliefs shine through the brightest when it comes to how we treat others who are struggling.

But I also saw too much petty pressures to conform and control in those churches. Whether it was what clothes you wore or how you cut your hair, certain traits of people were condemned, teaching hate in a loving environment.

I also always struggled with depression and social anxiety. I didn’t understand it then and didn’t handle things very well.

Anyway I’m getting off track as usual .

I appreciate the verses you send to me and I hope you will think enough of me to keep sending them . Someday, maybe, I will not just understand them but I will feel them also.

You are a wonderful human being and I am a very lucky person to have had you beside me for so long. Thank you , you truly are a beautiful person.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hi.

It is OK that you're telling of yourself. Well - there will always be something trying to make us. Today social media do a lot of that (not 7Cup in a negative way) and many young persons become unsecure about themselves.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hi.

Here is a nice verse for me: Jer.15.16 "Your words were found, and I ate them,

And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;

For I am called by Your name,

O Lord God of hosts."

@Helgafy

Thank you, you’re such a wonderful, beautiful,thoughtful human being.

I tried working on the tree idea, long way from done. Brain fried…..

Does anybody even want me to do this tree thing?

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I was looking forward to you doing the tree BUT only if you really want to still do it. I’m sure we’ll all be happiest if you do what’s best for you.

@hopefulPond6108

Thank you. I will really try to get it done by sometime tomorrow night. It’s not for me it’s for everyone here. If it’s something you think that people will truly appreciate not just with words. This is my gift back , while I still am able.

@hopefulPond6108

I finished the tree dedication, page nine has a few links to short video clips of it if you’re interested.

I finally got to the hanging ornaments with the messages part of the tree idea. Starting that now , I may have taken on a bit much for this project. By myself this seems like I will never get it done. I didn’t realize how many times people actually reached out to me responding to what I wrote. I know I didn’t buy enough ornaments to hang one with each message, so I will probably have to hang a bunch of messages without ornaments. I am just grabbing and hanging, no preferential treatment for those with or without ornaments. I am appreciative and thankful to everyone here , not just a select few. This is a community…a family, a very special place to come to.

I better try and get motivated to get back to this project, I think I may be up all night trying to finish it as promised.

P.S. I hate glitter…….

I will try and post a picture or two of what I have started so far

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

WOW!

@Glen

@Helgafy

I appreciate your enjoyment.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Friend.

I guess you're tired today doing all with the tree. I told Glen (our great leader here at 7Cup, also a psychologist I think) about it.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

@glen

@GlenM

@Iamwhoiamwhoami. Thank you for posting this! It’s looking good🎄!

@adventurousBranch3786

Thank you, I am trying to keep going, my brain is fighting me a lot actually, I am going to do my best to finish it up by tonight. No idea time wise . I have an additional thing I need to add but it involves some computer stuff that I am not much good at. That will take awhile I think.