Eva’s Crazy Mind

i- i just have no words at this point. just ok. cool. great. 

death would be a welcome visitor right now lol.

i’m out. 

@justmeeva

be safe 🩷

so this is the start of the end. 

my birthday is in a month. exactly in a month. or, well, it was exactly in a month a few hours ago. the 14th. i’m not sure if i’ll see it tbh. 

maybe i’ll stay 14 forever. 

so she has started to ‘work on me’.

gave me a list of things i should do every day

@justmeeva what- just. What- 

She really doesnt get it- 

@unassumingEyes

nope. she doesn’t. :')

“socialising and experiences” my ***.

those are one of the *** reasons i’m like this

atp it’s just funny. just so absurdly funny. 

i’m a terrible person. 

who’s done some terrible things

@justmeeva 

Nfta but ur bad deeds do not cancel ur good deeds- and u literally saved me from ruining my life by running away more than once and uve helped me breathe literally and accepted me tho I'm so weird and uve helped flowers and nadia and nothing, wherever he is, and Steph and probably so many others and  maybe ur not amazing? But ur not horrible I swear and even if u were I'd still love u- 

@unassumingEyes and Noah* that was the stupidest autocorrect I've ever seen in my life. 

@unassumingEyes 

thank you eyes :’) your words always help <3 i love you too, no matter what 🩷

unforgivable things

and it’s not just self blame it’s true it’s a fact not an opinion i’m a terrible person

anyone would hate me if they knew me the way i do

yeah so ignoring memories didn’t work out this time. 

hope i don’t have to wake up tomorrow but considering my luck, i’ll be breathing just the same then. 

what a surprise. still breathing. 

@iloveyouxx 

i read the 2 replies in your space i’m not ignoring i just didn’t (don’t) want to give you a cold or short reply and i haven’t been in the right headspace the entire time apparently, i’m sorry

i appreciate you lots though /gen and i’ll try

@justmeeva

i genuinely did not get notified for this d: 

you don’t have to apologize 🩷 you keep doing that but you really really don’t have to d: it’s okay🩷it already was okay without me having to say it or you having to apologize💕I get it and it’s fine🩷one of my friends is talking bad about me cos I apparently didn’t try hard enough and now we’re apparently pretending it’s all normal and it’s not? xD so I get it xD don’t push yourself- I appreciate your trying but tyt friend really🩷it’s not like I’m checking every 5 minutes if eva replied to that *one* message hehe<3 tyt. 🩷

i like it how my late at night thoughts became my anytime i’m conscious thoughts. 

i saw death in my dream :’) 

it was strangely comforting. 

i wonder if it would work irl too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

(we’ve come to the point where the first thing i think about after waking up is death)

(and the last thing i think about before i fall asleep)

(and the main thing on my mind all the time in between.)

btw when i’m in a bad headspace then i often only come to this thread, post, and leave so if you reply literally 2 minutes later and get no reaction from me then it’s likely that i really just didn’t see it because i left so uh just a heads up that i’m not mad or ignoring or purposely rude

@unassumingEyes @LoveMyMoonflowers @iloveyouxx

@justmeeva

(dw lovely we know and I understand. you being okay to me matters so much more than when or how fast you reply)/gen🩷

@iloveyouxx

i second this 💜💜💜 ni friend agrees with nadseyloaf 

@LoveMyMoonflowers @unassumingEyes

awwwe🥺💕I love niloaf and eyes love and eva friend 🩷 you mean so much to me 🩷 @justmeeva and we’re here for you friend <3

@iloveyouxx agreed with this^^ 

i’m not here.