Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
tw.
imagining like.. what would certain people think of it. how would they react. how they’d find out.
my uncle. we went to my grandparents’ house to celebrate easter, like every year. all my mom’s side relatives were there (that means my mom’s sister (my aunt) and her 4 children (2 of them like 18+ tho, all girls) and my mom’s brother (my uncle) with his new woman and 2 children (this time 2-) and obv my grandparents. i never thought anything of my uncle, until today. i don’t wanna overthink it or overreact, but he came behind me, and put my 2 braids around my neck (gently, not like- ok?) and then started massaging my shoulders. idk if it’s normal, i do not want to make it a bigger deal than it is, just- it was pretty uncomfortable. i tried to avoid him for the rest of the visit, just.. to avoid any other uncomfortable moments like this, and it worked out, except one time when he came to talk to me and my sister about the change of the floor of our house- (random, ik) as if we, t h e c h i l d r e n, would know a n y t h i n g about it- yeah idk. he’s always been this kind of.. physical interaction kind of person, picking us up, touching (not inappropriately tho) or tickling (more when we were younger), and i didn’t think it would be something unusual or not normal. until now. maybe i’m just more aware now, and read more into things like this? idk. idk idk idk.
the first part happened when my mom and few other people were there too, so my mom saw it. she didn’t think anything about it. maybe i shouldn’t too, then?
@justmeeva hmm i dont think it should depend on her opinion. Just how you felt
and- can i ask- if you can have like a safeword/phrase kinda thing with your mom, when ur outside? Like, you could say something like. Idk “the tiles are really nice” or something, and ur mom can know that you want/need to leave, and hurry up a bit? That kinda thing can help when visiting people. Um, i tried to introduce it in my house but my parents didnt agree. But you think you could try that?
@unassumingEyes
i think it’s a good idea, and i’ll remember that “trick” for sure, but i’m not sure if it would work with my mom lol. she tends to.. absolutely ignore what we say when she’s anything near busy doing anything, and we have to repeat like 3 times and then she’s like “talk already i’m listening!” (she was in fact, not). and uncomfortable cases like this aren’t common, so it’s not necessarily.. necessary lol. but it’s a really good idea and i’ll remember it. thank you 🩷
@justmeeva um, it might have to do with our age, thats making us more aware as you said of the extra touches, but either way, if it makes you uncomfortable, you should either avoid him or tell him that. Whichever you feel is safer. And- it didnt sound very comfortable to me. Like, the most touch my uncle would do is like, a pat to the head. Affectionate but respectful. So i cant imagine, you know, and i think id be uncomfortable too
it literally feels like everyone has some sort of weird uncle atp what’s up with that.
@justmeeva huhhh youre right even i have one- altho in a different way-
@justmeeva
…. yeah. definitely… :') it’s alarming how many people have weird uncles. :')
possible tw.
literally why is living so hard. i’m like trying to exist and cope here, but that means.. doing something.., and then i have to hide it but not make it obvious that i’m hiding it because i don’t want everyone to be concerned or ask questions, and sometimes hiding it is basically inevitable which means i have to cancel on that plan or something which is gonna mess other things up.. why?