Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
can’t watch a good movie because it’s gonna leave me with a strange empty feeling afterwards. can’t watch a bad movie because that’s simply not worth the time. can’t watch a good series because if it ends, i’ll be ‘depressed’ over the fact that it ended and feel like there’s a part missing of me. can’t listen to good songs because they stop hitting the same way after a while. can’t have fun because that only creates memories that will haunt me forever afterwards. can’t do anything related to happiness because once the happy moment is over it’s only gonna make everything worse. can’t feel emotions because that’s just overwhelming. can’t feel numb because that’s not living, that’s existing and there’s no point in that. everything is wrong. suddenly, finding a reason to keep going became a task.
@justmeeva This is…relatable 😔 *sits* 🪑
@unassumingEyes
i’m really sorry it is.. *hugs if okay*
i wish there was a way for me to express myself, try to explain what’s all going on in my head but the only yk healthy way to do that is art (music, drawing, poetry etc) and i can’t *** do any of that so i’m just stuck with those thoughts that don’t *** leave but instead keep coming until i can’t anymore and then- …
oh and the difference between my night self and my day self is decreasing, my days are becoming as bad as nights *but* the nights are becoming worse than they’ve ever been.
(lol i really struggled to find words for what i wanted to say here so it sounds very unprofessional lmao.)
lol my brain isn’t working at all right now when i want to explain myself but it is indeed successfully overloading me with new thoughts and ideas.
i’m probably *whatever the word for talking nonsense was* a lot rn, at least feels so, but my brain actually can’t do words rn.
i clearly did not think this through.
oh apparently she has chosen what gymnasium i’m going to (i’ve never heard of that name in my life and rn i’m wondering if i can manage 9th)
