in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{goodnight I guess, you know, if anyone’s here xd not to be annoying but, I hope I die in my sleep, haha. anywhoo goodnight bye I’ll maybe manage to come back since you know how everyone’s gonna miss seeing me around :>/j sorry idk. lol. I don’t want to be negative. bye <3}

um so

uh

i guess I was thinking about myself so much that I just thought when I came back everyone would be like gone already :’) and I know no one’s saying anything but I haven’t been saying anything either and I just didn’t want to talk to anyone and. I still don’t. unless they talk to me and I don’t think anyone wanted to. or wants to xd 

I know it’s a stupid post to make but I think the reason upvotes mean so much to me is because of I guess how this space used to be and it affected me a lot more than it should’ve 

and it also makes me feel like I have friends even tho I keep telling myself I don’t 

its just lonely

but um

my notifications TvT

thankyou <3 

it’s way more than enough to make me feel better. even the random 2 upvotes by the user I’ve never seen before :p lol so sweet I haven’t even talked to them before but so sweet <3 they’re probably amazing like all of you 

anywho I’m still making this in white text tho cause I probably sound stupid or said something um weird or maybe this’ll make more people leave or uh *nervous emoji*/j thankyou sm tho <3 

(oh and if you can’t upvote since you know, you so desperately want to/j than it’s okay I think like 2 people ran out of upvotes but I’ll still accept your care telepathically)

Thinking of you, Nadiaabeanieee!💖

@iloveyouxx 

@iloveyouxx 

i woke up today, and i thought about you, first thing in the morning. and then i came to cups, saw a notification from your thread, went to see if it was you or someone missing you, and saw that it was you. and my mind just went ''yippeee she's heree! <3'' hehe. even though it was you explaining some tough things you're going through, i was still happy to hear from you. you've been on my mind a lot <3 there's something in every day that reminds me of you. i'm glad you're here nadia <3 i will continue to love you, no matter what <3
*offers long optional hugs*

when I was at my aunts house for a couple of days I took some…well, a little more than some :p photos of the cats. hehe.

(only a few of them because cups only lets you put one at a time :p)

my brothers birthdays in a couple of hours 

(I have to go charge my device and the room with the charger doesn’t have internet but I’ll be back<3)

*poof*

thankyou for talking to me💖@Sunisshiningandsoareyou yous the bestest sunniebeanie everrrrevevrvrvevrvrr hehe💖you’re the reason I’m happy today💖

@justmeeva and thankyou for posting I know my reply was like, horrible :p but you always have such amazing things to say <3🩷

@cathugsandharmony @LoveMyMoonflowers thankyou for flooding my notifications with love😭💞it meant so much to me I’m not deleting a single one until it goes on it’s own hehe

imm being called :p byebye <3 thankyou for being such amazing friends! I actually really do feel better. even physically :p thankyou sm <3 

_{my i-lost-count’th all nighter in a row} 

I forgot to mention :p I’m eating now. I don’t really have a choice. and I never knew but my weight is in the average scale, I never check my weight because when my anorexia was worse I’d check every 5 minutes or even less sometimes sometimes I’d be walking outside the room (with the weight scale)  and I’d look back and close the door and check again. and even when I was dangerously underweight I’d still break down looking at myself because I wasn’t skinny enough. 

somewhere while I was starving myself my aunt took me out and I told her I wouldn’t eat anything and long story short she forced me to eat and I was crying because I felt horrible and I started counting the calories it might’ve been and I started being dramatic and doubling and tripling the amount of calories because I thought I ate a lot. and she told me it hurt her to see me feel so guilty for eating :p and she said I needed to stop because I she’s had patients with anorexia and I’m acting like them. and I said I won’t develop anorexia and she was like do you know what anorexia is

and I remember exactly. putting my fingers around my wrist and I said "it’s when, it’s when you’re so skinny your bones pop out and you’re like a skeleton" 

….