In the Corner

@unassumingEyes

_{i actually wish you could see it lol TvT does your internet ever get better :'D💜?/lh}

@iloveyouxx i saw ittt and its so cute- xD 💖💖💖💖🥹🥹🥹

my net is like, “okay” at around 8am to 2pm xD its 8.50 am rn

@unassumingEyes ok out of 3 attempts to reply, two sent- xD 

@iloveyouxx i saw ittt and its so cute- xD 💖💖💖💖🥹🥹🥹

my net is like, “okay” at around 8am to 2pm xD its 8.45am rn

(okay means its 8.50am rn and my reply isnt sending- xD. But the gif loaded! xD)

I just make it worse

@unassumingEyes i did mess up. I did mess up- i was trying to avoid messing up and i just messed up instead- but im trying to make it better make it up to them. I just- im not good at- at people. I dont- I try, but sometimes i misunderstand and it makes a big mess- and then im just here explaining im sorry i didnt mean it like that i know what it looks like but thats not whag i was doing i did it for xyz reasons im sorry- and hoping thats enough- 

Just a random song rant lol my sis doesnt like the fact that i like "Give a little" (Le Grand x CG5) she hasnt actually listened to it just hears me singing under my breath sometimes xD but how can I not like it when it has lines like: 

Everyone projecting their dreams on me/A million life plans on what they want me to be/Saying give a little, give a little, give a little, give a little/Peice by peice Im slipping away, hey/

Be kind, be patient, be hard to please/It seems contradicting but do it honestly/just give a little, give a little, give a little, give a little/Until you disintegrate 

All the hypocrites/ With slivers in their eyes/ I'll scream that I'm sick of it/I can't see the beams in mine/ Obscene expectations/ Is the most toxic form of pride/ So, why should I deserve to do more with my life?

Not the whole song lol tho i wrote alot of lines xD its just these. Describe. Everything. Perfectly.

"Peice by peice im slipping away, hey" > me trying not to lose myself in all these expectations (hence that post of things that are me...it feels so small...it feels so small-) 

And those last three lines i mentioned of obscene expectations^^^ my thought processes be like that 😂😭

Would recommend listening to it too lyrics are awesome but the music is pretty neat as well^ 

Urges urges tons of urges ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️ xD 

Right now atleast i manage to come on cups when they come but if someday i dont- oops- 

Uhm i might end up-, 

Ugh. 

Something about me is just sad today

@unassumingEyes

big comfy hugs for you 💙 (if okay) 💙

@LoveMyMoonflowers *hugs* 🩷

Tw do you think if i were to faint they would be mad at me ? 

This is my 2nd dream of fighting with my cousin lol i havent fought with them in yearsss what is my subconscious so worried about? I be waking up like "i took it too far...i should go and apologize-" before realizing wait that never happened xD 

There goes my okayish mood its not even been half an hour since waking up but okay 👍🏻

There goes my okayish mood its not even been half an hour since waking up but okay 👍🏻

A little lonely, a little broken

Mom working sis watching a movie and im just... here

Barely

Sadly

Forgot how lonely mornings were

Tw Oh and how bout this unsettling update? You know how five of my sisters  classmates were hurt in accidents in a span of two days? 6th classmate- female this time- hurt yesterday. The class is just wild with worry. 6 ppl in the class hurt in 3days- theyre talking about evil eye and the like- its getting...unsettling, to say the least.

@unassumingEyes not to mention the guy who fainted in class and had to be carried to the nearby hospital by his friends (because, according to sis, the teachers stood by useless and did nothing to help the poor guy’s friends.) 

and still, as you can see, the government is hesitant to give one extra week of holidays for the students. God forbid they let the students live/sar

Oh my god listening to adults talk is always so chaotic listen how my mom descrubed *her* mother (and my grandmother around whom im uncomfortable) 

"Like she (grandmother) just tolerated us (mom and moms siblings) in the sidelines and only in matters of showing up she tried to force us to do better"

(rough translation from urdu to english im not a translator xD)  

Like oh my god.

Oh my god.

That is literally my mom. That is literally my mom and shes talking about *her* mom like that and oh my god- 

How??? She faced the same thing and shes just doing what her mom is?? How does she not realize that she is doing the exact same thing she complains grandmother did???? What. 

 I cant think anything except oh my god atp- 

Does that mean either sis or i or both of us will be...parents...like mom and grandmother? Does it go on? Ive heard generational trauma and the "break the cycle" but. It is breakable, right? I want kids someday, but not if...not if im like that.

@unassumingEyes 

"Only in matters of showing off"*** (not showing up) 

Today was good. Bad morning but got better after 2pm. Went out with fav aunt and her family, ate icecream, laughed a whole ton. It was nice, it was good. 

Neutral thoughts

Mom...accidentally keeps calling me by my sister's name. Which like...ok...its an accident..but- bad timing, much? Im kinda insecure already? And i dont get how people mess up names tbh. To me- everyone is too unique to mess up their names- and i get sis and i are similar looking but its not s o much- there are alot of differences appearance wise. Our voice is different too, minus when we laugh. So like- 

Stop calling me by her name, maybe? 

On Pinterest and-

“so what if you’re a ghost of yourself? You can haunt me”

That. Is. It.

I have officially snapped.

That- that whispered sentence as i struggled to remain calm, that, mom, is the last you'll hear of me talking so much as long as i want. I dont care if you dont see me. You wont hear me no matter what I do and I am sick of talking to a blank wall because no matter what you try I am not sis and i will never get the care you give her (who you think she is! That isnt my sis! My sis is gone! I dont know where she is anymore i dont know that robot is not her). You say. She is wrong. And still- still!- for two mins you glared at her and that was it. Are you kidding me. That would- in the exact same situation that would not have been it for me. It would have been worse. You didnt even yell!

You didnt even yell! 

And then sis walked out of the room in a temper (a temper! A temper at being glared at! She got mad cause you glared at her! Mom. She got mad cause you glared at her and im not allowed to get mad when you yell for hours this isnt making sense it isnt-)

And you told me. I should have warned her that you would be angry.

You said. You said! That i knew you were mad at her. That i should have told sis that you were mad so sis cld fix what she did before you scolded her. You said I should have. 

I should have warned her. How many times have i warned my sis? She doesnt like it! She feels bossed around when i try to warn her that mom will be angry.

She doesnt listen

And now she did something wrong- and you didnt even yell, god, how did you not even yell, how- and it was suddenly my fault for not warning her which i didnt because she doesnt heed my warnings!

How was this my fault?

How was something entirely unrelated with me- a thing sis did wrong- still pulled back to me! I tried to defend myself because what- but sis came back again and mom dropped the topic to talk to sis (calmly! About a chair! She just let it be! She just. Let. It. Be. I never got that! I never got that i canticanticant-)

SHE DIDNT LISTEN

Im sick of it! Im not speaking except for the barest minimum now. None of them listen- noone listens- i love talking but no one listens- noone at all- im not- im done 

For once the tears in my eyes wont fall.

For once

Im...angry

At...everyone

Almost everyone. 

Cups is fine. 

I am bad at this

"At what" 

This *points vaguely at everything* 

@unassumingEyes maybe im not hopelessly bad at it (all)

I dont know? 

I mean, im working on it (all!) Thats something? 

I just dont know-

I could lie to close friend to make her happy- and i lie so much so not a big deal except.

I dont want to lie to her? 

You know what? Suddenly i dont want the hearts. Let my post be blank. Blank, blank, blank

@iloveyouxx @LoveMyMoonflowers @justmeeva 

this is random :p but im 16yrs old now :p i didnt tell on my actual birthday because i dont feel comfy telling that in such a public forum :p weird, paranoid, brain :p

but im *16* tada!

(feels like i was 13 just yesterday…)

@unassumingEyes

eyes!! :0000000💖okie I won’t make it a big deal if you don’t want that- but :000000 happy late birthday!!!!!!💜💕🩷💕🌈🎉💗💕💖💖💓💕🌈💗🎉💕💜💜🩷🩷💕🌈💜🎉yu should’ve told me🩷but I get not being comfy with that💜if yu did tell me I would’ve made a huge birthday post for yu :p so makes sense xD maybe if yur not comfy don’t tell me xD💕

it feels like I was just 13 yesterday too🤍well- maybe cos I was- :') I’m not helping-🤍I still feel 11 tho. I keep forgetting how old I am :p🤍

eyyeyeysyshshathisuyjiasohyigshohgibusyosihuowjsyiosuhinsjbhwjanknakj

what’s your favorite type of cake💗? maybe I shoulda reacted a lil more gently-

@iloveyouxx hehe dont worry <3 my bday was awful tbh- ✨anyways✨- 

i wld hv told u if i cld hv dm’d u or smth i just didnt want to make a public post :p 

thank you 💖💕

chocolate for the win—- buttt fun fact my bday and my dad’s bday is the same isnt that amazing :p and he doesnt like chocolate :p and two cakes are too much :p so bday cake shld always be vanilla 🥳

we dont celebrate bdays tho. My sis just spent her 18th yelling that shes an adult all day xD i didnt do anything on my bday :p 

@unassumingEyes

eyes >: nuuu >: having an awful birthday is the worst thing that can possibly happen to you- in a dramatic sense✨but I had the worst 8th birthday and I still remember it- I wish I could’ve make it better for you :') my brothers birthday is the one day I’m extra nice to him :p no one deserves a bad birthday >: it’s the day everyone’s meant to celebrate your beautiful existence on this earth😞💖

what :0 eyes yu know my grandma and my brothers birthday are also on the same day :0 it is amazing :0💖and so cute💕blop:p couldn’t you buy one of those cakes where half of it is chocolate and the other half is vanilla- there’re loads of those of different types too.💜

huh >: that’s sad. but idk.💜I know I’d celebrate your beautiful existence on this earth :p🩷your sisters an adult :0 :0 :0 :0 wow :0 idk I expected her to be a lot younger-even tho you already said that :p maybe more..- mature- no offense.🤍I’m not ready to be an adult lol :p🤍

@iloveyouxx omg 8yr old u didnt deserve a bad bday (or any yr-old-you) :p. Ur so nice ❤️✨️ my mom forgot my bday. And thus forgot my dads bday too, obviously. I disliked the second fact more :p and i mentioned my age once all day to sis nd she glared at me o.0 

My mom told me, back when she was nicer xD, that i was a gift for my dad on his bday :p ive always loved that thought, tho its kind of scary. My dad- he looks at me like he thinks im smth amazing. He believes in me so much fr- my mom and sis always tell me to shut up and he said no, let her talk, maybe one day she'll be an orator. That was years ago and i still remember that xD 

My mom makes the cake (back when we celebrated :p We dont anymore- no gifts no wishes no cake) and she didnt know how to make half vanilla and half chocolate :p so on my/dad's bday we had vanilla and on sisters we had chocolate :p 

@iloveyouxx also i am not ready to be an adult either xD im terrified. And its just a few more years?? Help :p and sis doesnt feel like an adult. She feels like...

Ive said this before and its kinda rude but she feels like a robot :p does whatever mom wants fr. I try to tell her id support her no matter what but i guess its not enough? I think she believes she wants what she does- but i see the sudden changes- how she randomly starts "wanting" what mom wants for her- its like o.0 u dont have to like that just cause mom says so- she doesnt get it-

@unassumingEyes

eyeesssssssssssssss im late :( but still 

haaaaaapppppppyyyyyyy bbbiiiiirrrrttthhhhddddaaaayyyyy tooooo yyyooouuuuuuuu *sings even though i can’t really sing properly* ✨ 

*hugs for you if okie* i’m proud of you 💜 im in schoolybobs classybobs right now but im gonna write you a note later on when i can 🥺 i wuv you 💜

@LoveMyMoonflowers love you too ❤️❤️ and love the song xD ❤️❤️ hope school goes okay ❤️✨️