In the Corner

Im an idiot

I dont have time for the CDM program! It doesnt matter i want to do it! Ill burn out this way!

Why did i send the mail confirming my acceptance as a trainee?? 

Because i want to i guess. I just…want to do smth i want to do, you know? Something for me. Besides they said i need to dedicate 2-3 hours per week. Thats not alot. I can do this.

Right? 

🤞🤞

lets just do the 2weeks trial and see what happens?

*Ughhh*

What does she want from us??? 

We tell mom in respectful, careful words that we dont feel comfortable with grandmother staying over. Visits fine but living with her is uncomfortable and we prefer not to do so unless explicately necessary. 

And she just goes and invites grandmother to stay over.

Not just invites. She insisted. Keep arguing why grandmother should come. Ignoring the fact that her kids clearly expressed why grandmother shouldnt come.

Idk when she will come or how long and i hate this. I hate this. What part of uncomfortable doesnt she get? I get shes her mom but we're her kids and visits should have been enough, we spent the whole of february and march living with grandmother, we have the right to live by ourselves now, so why 

@unassumingEyes it makes me feel sick to even think about. 

I dont wamt ro exist in this world 

I dont wamt ro exist in this world 

I came here to post xD but all the words poofed-

lets just say- its 43-44 degrees Celsius- and we hv no electricity for fans or ac right now- 

@unassumingEyes 

that’s so much- i’m dying at 20- 

@justmeeva 20 is like a blessing for us xD but yall probably consider like idk less than 10 degrees celsius as normal? While i wld freeze in that so xD

@unassumingEyes 

mm idk i think like 15-20 is “normal” i just personally hate heat and much prefer winter so 20 and above is basically a desert to me lol

@justmeeva that makes me think of sis! Even in winter, (10-20 degrees, less than ten in early mornings) she complains of the heat xD i think snow areas are best suited for her 🙃

By the way, i want just feeling *** thinking of grqndmother staying over. I actually got sick, lol. Oops?

@unassumingEyes ooops that was a typo-

@justmeeva @iloveyouxx @LoveMyMoonflowers

I just wanted to say smth kind of weird- smtimes i get in like a low mood and i think of yall- and i think of yalls talk spaces. Not things i read there- i dont read urs nadia unless uve been hiding long enough for me to want to check if ur still on cups- but i think of the names, u know? I think of evas crazy mind- and i think we all got a bit of crazy eva but i dont think ur crazy enough for it to need acknowledgement- but i understand why u cld feel like that :p. And and ni's little solace- and that makes me think of soup and bears and softness, just the name of it- and in the wonders of nadias mind- and there are lots of those nadia frnd- lots of wonders. I think of them and i think of you all and i think i must be very lucky to have met you all 🩷✨️ idk how yall cn love me djfgjdbd i barely know who i am past everyone irls expectations. But im trying to figure that out and yall are just here like. I thought. Idk. If i wasnt like mom wants and sis wants and dad wants noone wld care about me- but i find out dad wld and you guys. Dont even know how different (fake) i am irl and still like me?? Dkdhdn

It gives me hope, i guess. That i can be myself and itll be okay. Yall give me hope <3 wish i cld give yall sm in return 🩷

@unassumingEyes 

awwee eyes, that’s the idea of cups. that’s the idea of friends. that’s how the rest of the world and the rest of the people should be too, but, you know.. that you’re accepted for who you are. that you can be comfortable being yourself without the feeling of being judged. that’s what we’re for 🩷

as for giving back, you are, eyes friend. you being here, your upvotes, your comments, as much or as little, they’re all meaningful. at least to me they really really are. just knowing you’re here. 🩷 

and no doubt, though i feel like i don’t say it to you enough, i’m really happy to have met you too 💗 

@justmeeva *hugs eva if okay* you made me go all 🥹 zjxhhxx 🩷 

@unassumingEyes 

*hugs you back tight* 💕

I just did the second thing for the CDM but i can already tell im having tons of fun- xD and want to keep doing this. 

But also studies  and the course dad got me to take (its paid! i cant waste that i need to make it worth it-) and how is summer vacation becoming stressful- 

i have 3 months vacation 

and all i can think is 

i need more time!

Tw because its Impossible for sis to be wrong ofcourse! No, mom! Its always my fault! Im sure i must have done something wrong by talking to you to get her to start being rude! Dont tell her off, ever! Just tell me im "arguing too much"! Im not arguing with myself mom, shes there too! 

Things that are me/mine and not what anyone else expects to be me/mine: 

- cups. And the cups username bcz omg i have so much mental conflict about my name rn its like my name doesnt respresent me it represents who i pretend to be and its such a mess- cups auto generated unassumingEyes and i fell in l o v e- 

And then i came in gc and ppl called me eyes that first day and im like yeah thats me im eyes 

And it just 

Its mine

Love that-

. Fanficiton accounts lol part of the reason i read fanfics is like its totally my thing noone expects me to barely anyone knows i do (sis does but without any proof) it- helps

. CDM program literally thank you cups academy it feels so good to do smth i want to even tho im going to have to do some serious time management this is fun 

. Writing secrets of the grave. I swear if mom and sis read this book im writing they would hate it they would absolutely hate it theyd call it emo and ask me sarcastically if i suffer so much abuse and theyre "so bad" that im writing "dramatic nonsense" lol i might never show them that means i cant publish it but thats what happens lol

. Drawing flowers from irl pics this is hard and i dont use colours which my mom hates she says i shld add colours but i dont ✨️care✨️ xD 

. And i love purple 🟣 and teal (no teal emoji, really? xD) 

These are like such few things tbh im trying to understand myself- the real me- but its hard. For one, i dont like the type of poetry my family likes, i enjoy the "dramatic" type. I write songs smtimes too, i can hear the tune in my head, but i cnt do that- um and i like typinggggggg for some reason lol 

Sooo thats eyes, so far! Still figuring it out 💙 

@unassumingEyes 

and the fact that your automatic pfp was purple too hehe 💕 

 @justmeeva eek yess i loved that <3 and when i had to change it (some others hv the same pfp so i thought enough with this confusion!) i just stared at mine for a while before searching “purple” online xD

tw 

The weather today is awful. Its 39 degrees Celsius- feels like 43, says the weather app. I can definitely agree that it feels like 43. Ive survived 50 back in kuwait, yeah, but also there was a 24/7 AC there. No such thing here, no siree! Here, it costs like, a lot, to turn the ac on for like, an hour. We have it on right now- just turned it on like a second ago- but thats because in 15-30 mins, we’re gonna be living without electricity. Believe me, no fans, no ac, no cooling. I stepped outside for one second and my feet are protesting against that heat. All well and easy to say theres no such thing as climate change when your living in cool climates, but i dare anyone who says that to go to school or work or even just live here for 3 days! Only, i cant dare that, because they wouldnt survive a day. And the area where we live is relatively new. You know what means? Construction. Lots and lots of construction. Houses, schools, hospitals, markets- you name it. Cool, except the workers dont get an off. In 39 degrees celsius. It does not feel like 39! 43 is definitely more accurate. And temperatures can go as high as 48, you know. Never heard of 50 here like in kuwait- thank god- but 48. You know whats going to be on the news? Heat wave. People collapsing. Dont call me morbid, its true. Schools timings have shortened, no such luck for colleges and workplaces though. Im burning, what do you think the workers are feeling? Be grateful for electricity, guys. And cool climates. And accept climate change is a thing or im going to melt before the polar ice caps and i will not be the only one.

Sincerely, 

A pile of really hot ashes right now/sar

Um. Is anyone online right now?

Sorry but i need- someone- im this close- 

um 

@iloveyouxx @justmeeva @LoveMyMoonflowers whoevers awake- 

@unassumingEyes (im fine frnd came on in sr didnt do anything dumb) 

@unassumingEyes 

i was in school, i’m sorry lovely 😞 i’m glad someone helped you though 🩷 *sends optional warm hugs*

@justmeeva its not your faults, im okay, i love you 🩷 *hugs* 

Tw 

My brain just went-,

Imagine each star is a mark of scar on a teen's arm 

How many teens- 

39 (feels like 44) 

Holidays in schools announced soon. Expecting holidays in unis and colleges. No idea about work places yet

Tw see what i mean? So many accidents on the road nowadays. How do you expect people to drive under the sun after hours in the heat? 5 of my sister's classmates have gotten in accidents over the past two days. 5 in 2 days. What do they expect? If colleges, unis and workplaces dont declare holidays/shorter timings/work from home etc it will only get worse. Absolute stupidity to expect us to be ok in this heat. Even robots couldnt do it. In June summer vacations will start. Its only a week more. In the past two days there have been 5 accidents just among my sisters classmates. Even taking 5 per 2days as minimum accidents going around in the city, that is atleast 15 accidents in the week. Cant they give one week off instead? How much will it hurt? It is better to face those consequences than send us all to the hospital god forbid. So mad at them right now. Sisters classmates around 19-20 yrs old. Theyre still young. The class is going crazy with worry and why shouldnt they? Im so mad

Tw keep searching easy ways to unalive and they be giving me helpline numbers xD im not going to do anything lol. I mean, i think of it but then i wldnt get to see 14yr old cousin become 15yr old cousin and cheer 12y old cousin when he wins next years match too (yes he will i believe in him 🤭🥳) or 17yr old start grade12 or literally any of their milestones and tbh they feel like siblings and i am so going to cheer them on as long as i can 🥳 

But its nice to know the ways- idk why

Oh ****

Dont overthink it dont overthink it dont overthink it its nothing everythings fine- 

@unassumingEyes im overthinking it- 

@unassumingEyes

_{:0 it’s okay, I’m sure it’s nothing- idk what it is :D but I’m sure it’s nothing🩷don’t overthink it. it’s not worth so much of your worry🩷and your thinking :p thinking is bad🩷/lh}

@iloveyouxx

How does one not think nadiaaa 😶😭 teach me-/hj 



@unassumingEyes

okayokay :D so first :D you take this 🧠 this is bad, this is a bully and harmful for us D: and you take this 🗑️ and you go 🚮 and now all the energy you never had to waste on a silly subject won’t be a problem anymore🩷

you can talk about whatever it was/is if you want :0🩷wanna hear a funny story hehe :p? It’s funny to me :p🤍

@iloveyouxx

🧠—>🗑️—>🚮🧠—>🤯

it came back- xD

funny story sounds nice :p 

im just overthinking its probably nothing xD just yesterday we were invited to relatives house and when we were leaving 14yr old cousin poofed :p which is weird because every time we left their house, even when it was like 3am (to go back to kwt etc) he was the last person to go back inside. He’d stay as long as we cld see him frm the car and wave to us. It was like, constant. I take comfort in constant things like that :p but yesterday. I keep replaying the  part where we left. We live in the same country so its not that big a deal now- but i tick off saying bye to all my cousins and uncle and aunt and grandmother and- where was 14yr old cousin? Its just- unusual. That he didnt even come to say bye. That stubborn boy always comes no matter the circumstances :p nd he wasnt- there- it was weird- plus im worried my other male cousin- 12yrs old- is withdrawing from everyone. Thats not good :p 

@unassumingEyes

@iloveyouxx thats not loading but it says massagecat.gif and the mental image i got of that is so cute- xD 

@unassumingEyes

what😭eyes internet has gotten worse😭but it really is so adorabllleeee xD💖