In the Corner

Somebody help cups frnd in sr

(if i try ill just make things worse)

Sis- "im still mad at you" 

Me- "okay?" 

:0 

I wld apologize if i thought she really did accidentally twist her hand and genuinely thought it was because of me but she (sis) never said that to me. Not a single mention of twisting her hand to me. Only mom made that claim to me. Im not going to apologize for saying i need the tablet to study

Today i got away with not speaking much. Just answering qs. U know, cause sis is mad at me about that whole nonsense.

Wonder if i cld do that everyday? Just speak when asked and not a word more? 

Dont think bout that. Dont...think about that.

Tw

Um

How do i explain-

I had two breakdowns yesterday-

One was infront of mom and sis-

I thought id say more but um 

Nvm-

My sis yesterday watching me gasp for breathe was like "shes probably more sensitive because she has nothing to do i was like that in my summer vaca too"

(I cried harder at the word sensitive-)

And moms like well shes going to study and she enrolled in this course (dad wanted me to do it i said yes im dumb like that) and sis is like "no i mean something fun!" 

And i cried harder-

Something fun? 

That in itself is funny

I was going to do the CDM program here i even applied it looks fun but now with studies and the course i know i cant so im going to give that up

And im writing? But i wldnt call writing fun? Its like, a part of me, i do it like i eat, and breathe, and sleep- so yeah its peaceful to write but not exactly fun. Its difficult

I dont- do fun. I did fun in kuwait. I did fun with my friends. Fun is gone now. Or rather, i left fun. So if im sensitive because of a lack of "fun" i shld rlly just get used to it.

Ofcourse my mom will always make excuses for my sister. So what if my sis is wrong? I should be more patient. I should speak respectfully. I should be "decent". She tells me to tell her my side of the story, and then when its obvious i was right, she turns around and tells me i should be patient with my sis. She tells me that i know my sis is like that so i shld be more forgiving. And let sis get away with it? What is she teaching us? That sis gets a free pass for everything and im supposed to be a saint? And when i try to point this out she tells me to shut up? 

I swear, she tells me to shut up again, im not going to speak easily next time. 

Im an idiot

I dont have time for the CDM program! It doesnt matter i want to do it! Ill burn out this way!

Why did i send the mail confirming my acceptance as a trainee?? 

Because i want to i guess. I just…want to do smth i want to do, you know? Something for me. Besides they said i need to dedicate 2-3 hours per week. Thats not alot. I can do this.

Right? 

🤞🤞

lets just do the 2weeks trial and see what happens?

*Ughhh*

What does she want from us??? 

We tell mom in respectful, careful words that we dont feel comfortable with grandmother staying over. Visits fine but living with her is uncomfortable and we prefer not to do so unless explicately necessary. 

And she just goes and invites grandmother to stay over.

Not just invites. She insisted. Keep arguing why grandmother should come. Ignoring the fact that her kids clearly expressed why grandmother shouldnt come.

Idk when she will come or how long and i hate this. I hate this. What part of uncomfortable doesnt she get? I get shes her mom but we're her kids and visits should have been enough, we spent the whole of february and march living with grandmother, we have the right to live by ourselves now, so why