In the Corner

@iloveyouxx okay, thank you 🩷🩷

Me rn 👎

Woke up with stomach ache too :0

Sitting in a safe space with my schools books rn gonna start studying and stay here for half an hour feel okay-ish 

Like feels like i dont hv the right to be okay because other people arent, and i dont have the right to be unokay because other people are worse off, so im just here

Honestly i dont hv it that bad. Mom yells but thats not tw abuse. My dad believes in me for whatever reason. My sis is okay smtimes and not okay other times. I have good cousins, good friends. I used to have a good school. 

It just gets overwhelming sometimes. And the sense of anticipation...the constant "knowledge" that it can and will get worse...the need to prepare

Sometimes im not okay

Sometimes thats more often than otherwise

Sometimes its selfish

Sometimes its scary

Sometimes its desperate

Sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like i have the right to hurt, too

I deserve nothing

Sometimes i want to tell my close irk frnd smth. Whether holding my breath or my religious self conflict or just ajything. I was so close last night but

I cant lose her, you know? Not her

Have yall seen Cinderella live action 2015?

"I dont believe anymore"

That was probably the only movie i prefered the live action of over the animated version 

Felt more real

Oh its that mood

Lily was a little girl-

@LoveMyMoonflowers missing you

@unassumingEyes

*hugs if okay* i miss you too. i’m sorry. i’m mostly away from cups now. i have to deal with things in my stupid head… i’m sorry. 

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

Its oki. Its good to take time for yourself. Dont worry about us. We will always wait for you 🤍

@unassumingEyes

okay friend… 💜 *sends more hugs* i do miss you friend.

@LoveMyMoonflowers

*hugs back* 

Thank u 🤍 i miss u too much to say in words 😌

@unassumingEyes

*keeps hugging* awwww. 🥺😭😭

I opened up to my close frnd a little bit today. I told her a secret, and she told me a secret nd i deleted all the msgs in the chat before anyone else cld see

It helped, a bit

Here is a truth from a liar: 

We dont know who we are lying to

I dont think ive really processed like, a lot  of things? 

I know what id say in a goodbye letter

Not that im going to i promise not anytime soon but you know

I know what itd say-

@iloveyouxx Eid Mubarak lovely 💕 will you dress up? Eid is the only time i really do 🙃 we have soo many guests coming today. My dads here nd im not gonna study all day

Excited 🙃

Hope you have a great eid 💕 

@unassumingEyes

awe I’m sorry- I was vvv busy todayy TvT🩷eid mubarak💕💕I’m going to a hotel :00💜and I’ve been getting loads of gets today too xD💙then I went to my uncles house and played with their cats a lot- friska and prince- they’re so cute🥺💖yay to not studying all day :0 and seeing your dad :0🎉🥖💗I’m excited too but kinda scared TvT🤍hope yu do too🩷

@iloveyouxx

Oh you sound busy busy :p 

Ive been a bit scared too :p do u want to say why ur scared?/nfta

Hugs if oki 🤍

@unassumingEyes

@iloveyouxx

Dont apologize over being busy :00 issok

i get u lol when we finished moving pt2 im like wowwww look at this place xD. But then it feels like ohhh im bragging xD. But its ok! And feel free to tag me id love to see 

I cant swim :p im scared abit cuz after my dads 2 week visit here (which started yesterday, on eid :p) idk when we cn meet him again which is scary :(

Ew school :p

Talk about whatever u want!! I dont mind :p

Glad ur resting nadia frnd

Burj khalifa is amazing- but i was like 7 when i saw it so i dont remember much 🤭

hugs are okie💕squeezing you tight if okay🩷

Hugss 

Oki tccc 💕

@unassumingEyes

:>🩷

xD yus I wish I could live here tho lol😭I’ll tag you <3 when I get the energy to get up and take photos heh :P eventually xD💕

oo well I ac took swimming lessons every friday before covid :P then after quarantine I’ve never done a sport ever again xDTvT 

awwe >:💜im sorry :(💙is he usually away for work :0?/nfta I hope he visits again not too far from now >:🤍

ew indeed :p *thows🥖🥖🥖at school and all the crazy expectations D:<🥖stop🥖making🥖everything🥖so🥖much🥖harder🥖have🥖some🥖empathy🥖* >:0🥖🥖

ouu that’s a lotta years back hehe xD but yus it is amazing✨😛🤗

oop well I’m bored and still here whoops :PP💖imma sit here for a minute I guess :33🪑💜

@iloveyouxx

eeeeee i missed the post its been like a day omgg sorry :0000

Oki cant wait to see the place that caught potato frnds eye 👀

I was supposed to learn swimming in grade 5 in my old school and then we changed schools in grade 5 and i never got to 😞

Not usually this is a new development for who knows how long 😞 details are messy hehe. No idea when he can visit again next

🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖 schools have 0 empathy. Im aiming to have a school- and a sane and kind one at that! But it will be hard- really hard- very very much hard. Dont think its easy please. I have been observing as well as a 15yr old can and i say- it will be very hard to establish a good, considerate school. But i will work for it. 

Yuppp 

I left u for so much longer than a minute im sorry 😭😭😭 

@unassumingEyes retag cause cups nommed my tag so mayb it nommed ur tag too 

@iloveyouxx

@unassumingEyes

_{it didddd I’m sorry :0 imma reply in a sec :0🩷thankyou🩷}

That went well. We had like all our cousins over and by all i mean all 8 of em =D and we went to a park (oof, so crowded) and 4 kids cried in total 🤭👍👍

@iloveyouxx tommy helped get.my post back. Thank you love 🤍

Tired

Saw this online

I failed, but I wasn't a failure

I hurt, but I wasn't a victim

*thinks*

In theory this is right...in practice? 

"Ofcourse not" my brain says. "If you failed, ur a failure! Whats more to it?" 

Stupid brain

@unassumingEyes

that’s definitely something to think about 🤔 

Concerned about my health 

Vision troubles, feeling faint, tired easily, headaches taking a bigger toll on me etc...

Either i lost too much weight or lost it too suddenly

Idk m a bit worried tbh 

Like i just hv a normal, usual headache but here i am in bed barely able to type feelin so tired and drained 

Tw (death, cemetery, grave)

I was scrolling old pics and found my maternal grandfather's grave pic. I didnt kno we had that, ive never seen it before. Ive always thought ill be buried in pakistan- ofcourse i would! But

But

His grave doesnt have a carved headstone, it has a board on it with a marker writing his name and "La Illaha Illah Allah"

There is no god but Allah (God).

The cemetery floor is not levelled- each grave is raised, and you can clearly see it. Theres no bouqette of flowers, rather rose petals are thrown all over the grave. Similar rose petals are used in local weddings. I dont know what to make of that little detail.

My cousin who saw the death always assured us, he died- laughing. But whats it change? He is in the ground. I dont think he or my late paternal aunt got coffins. Just bags in the ground.

Im creeped out

@unassumingEyes

this is really random but I got the urge to check on you again :P🩷( @justmeeva do I get another award >:DD??/lh)

how’re you eyeslovely <3? (and other frendos💕@LoveMyMoonflowers @justmeeva )

I missed you tho we talked like yesterday I think :P💜

todays national grilled cheese sandwich day XD I dunno- when I’m bored I search up what say we celebrate today :PP is that weird ;-;?🤍

it’s also hamster dayy🥺🐹💖

eyesbuddy I wonder if there’s a baguette day🧐or potato dayy :00🥔💗

*googles*✨ 

21 march is international french baguette day XD and potato day is 19th or august XD 4 days after my birthday :PP🤍

anywho I started blabbering hehe whoops <3 how’re you💕💕?

@iloveyouxx

Cheers for nadias second award 🥳🥳🥳

Immmmmmmmmmmmm......meh 🙃 just had some family drama lols sorry :D 

(Carefully constructed Eid walls around bad feelings are falling down as Eid goes and now im kinda like messing up and lashing out :/)

I miss you every second in the most non creepy way 🩷 and thank u tho ur making me feel all 🙃 when earlier i was all 😞

My sister will love that tidbit of info 🤭 big grilled cheese sandwich fan.

Thats a nice lil..whats the word, quirk? Of yours imo. We all have these little things that are a part of our essence. I love the word essence for some reason xD.

Awww hamsterrrs

All days are potato days 

Idk why it makes sense for potato day to be on august 🙃

21 march is smth else too i cnt remember...my aunt and uncles anniversary i think?

Next time i buy them bagguette 🥖

I am 🤭 but tbh better than before seeing this 🙃 thank u 🩷 hru?



@unassumingEyes

yusss a social butterfly :D✨✨🎉🎉🥳💖

awe💜we hate family drama D:💙what happened lovely >:🩷/nfta at all.🤍

🩷 yu so sweet🥺💜I do too💕just didn’t wanna sound weird xD💙I told one of my cups friends that I’d missed her and she was like "huh how we talked like 2 days ago?" TvT- we don’t talk as much now but I guess that just made me I dunno try and act like I *dont* get attached to almost everyone that seems "nice" to me~✨:')

xD 

…~✨essence✨~…whys that such a..luxurious xD word ajsjnsjsixksi xD✨✨👑

yusss hamsterssss :33🐹😛💙

yk also most people in the world are born on august :P I’m so random xD maybe I was gonna say smth like including potatoes tho most potatoes and people were invented on august✨I- honestly don’t understand myself😭🫠

hehehe 21 march is a lotta things :P international color day, memorial day, human rights day, world poetry day, world down syndrome day, harmony day, etcetc :PP omg yuss buy em a baguette🥖🥖🥖

awwe I’m so happy I made you better🩷🩷even if it’s only a little-💕

im- hm :'P *deletes paragraph*✨i could be better but issokie💙I won’t dump on you hehe :P💜

@iloveyouxx

We love a social queen 💕 and an antisocial queen 💕 and just a queen if its nadia queen 💕💕

*considers answering* 

*doesnt know if i shld*

I get attached. So much. So easily. And then i just u know am a horrible human being 🤗 i wont explain that o.0 u probably dont get it 🫠

I love the word essence. I like it better than just "personality" or "character". Its more than that. Its...our essence xD idk

Hamsters for the winnn ✨️✨️

I have another frnd born in august so im not surprised 🤭 she loves potatoes too 🙃 potatoes and people. Heh

Baguette 🥖 for  ur anniversary, my dear aunt xD. Shed see the humour in it. Shes cool like that

(World poetry day? Im in love with a day now xD)

🩷

Dump on me and i dump on you? Like trading secrets. Nfta at all but just an idea 🙃

Love youuuu 💕



@unassumingEyes

awwe hehe puts crown on😛👑✨✨✨💕💕

_{I feel like I kinda do in a different way. I feel like I’ve gotten so attached to our friend they don’t even like me anymore and now I’m fighting my own mind cos they genuinely meant a lot to me :') I have no idea why they kinda..switched..tho. I really loved them :') (platonically💜like the way I love @justmeeva lmao nothing weird :P🩷)(and all of you ofc hehe I just thought of eva randomly as sumone I love xD)I’m sorry if it seems like others don’t understand tho💜}

_{nu I love it too and agree so much XD✨✨✨essence✨✨✨}

_{hehe that’s funny lol xD potatoes and people🧍🏻‍♀️🤝🥔✨}

_{oouu cool aunt hehe😛I’d have to explain that a bunch of times before my aunt understood it lol :P💙}

_{(fr xD I love everything poetry🖤✨)}

_{nah I love that idea💖/gen :D okay :D get ready😭😛imma try and not be annoying :3 today I went to the pool which I guess wasn’t as scary as I thought. but my hairs so fricking messed up😭everyone that’s seen my natural hair before always says that millions would do literally anything for my hair and I have it natural. but I hate it so much. my natural hair is curly and poofy and thick. it probably doesn’t even suit me cos people say they can’t imagine what I’d look like with curly hair since I always have it straight. this is the dumbest thing to talk about but I’ve always been so concerned about how I look since I was like 6😭I get a hair treatment every 6 months and get it done in between- so that it’s always straight ofc. and no I’m not like spoiled} :') my aunts older than my dad so she forces him to let me and she’s the one that takes me each time- my aunts just like the rest of my family which like whatever I guess :') but she’s actually kinda nice. all the females in my family- istg and I’m not even joking- every time they see literally anyone they say one of these "they lost so much weight" "they gained so much weight" "they’re so fat omg" "they’re so skinny omg" "they need to lose weight" "they need to gain weight" "they’re so ugly" actually no I’d go on but you get it. eating disorders run in my family and I’m not even joking. my family fights every. single. time. we eat. not to get the food. but to not. "you haven’t eaten anything in weeks" "I swear I ate no stop I’m so full I swear on the quran I’m not eating" "now you eat" "tell you what? sit down and eat before I do something I don’t want to" etc. it goes on but. o well :') I developed anorexia when I was really young. I genuinely didn’t eat for months and I’m not over exaggerating- my ribs popped out but yk what even when my bones popped out I still looked in the mirror and broke down. I’d go on the weight scale every 5 minutes and I’d excercise so much I’d feel my heartbeat in my legs and my body would go numb and all that- at some point I woke up to my heart beating- *so* loud. not too fast. but loud.  ended up in hospital. where my dad fought with the nurse. yk why? cos :') see I don’t like this part cos no one ever beleives it. my dad hates it when someone compliments me. but yeah I went far off sorry. then there’s the males in my family. I.. don’t even know what to say bout them :') rapi.sts. when I was 7 years old I was playing on my male cousins ipad. and I know this part will sound bad but basically on my grandmas phone there were *so* many photos of that cousin and his sister, my other cousin, literally in so many places and traveling all over the world, and I know it’s stupid but I swear as a 7 year old my one and only intention was to look at those again cos I swear I found it so cool and always liked going through those and searching in an ipad is prolly dumb but it genuinely was my only intention :') to admire all those places and cool edits and all that- and ofc :') I opened the photos app- and. we’re just gonna say inappropriate photos. I didn’t even know. stuff. as a 7year old. so. :'D when I realized what it was I closed it right away and every single night for idk how long I’d remember it. not picture it. that’s just *** gross. but I’d remember and i had this horrible feeling in my stomach- and since then every time I’d be doing something random or fun or smth I’d get that feeling and everything would be ruined. it’s nothing tho :') now that we’re in a hotel my dad has to sleep with me. not- like that- ew. like next to me. cos we have 2 beds and everything else was fully booked tho my dad argued with the lady- she kept telling him it was fully booked but yk my dad. so now the second I fall asleep he. idek dud :') "touches me inappropriately" I guess. you prolly know about my mom- or maybe I didn’t say it in this forum- my mom ran away from my dad when I was 3(years old). ever since then my dads…..I don’t like saying this word😭 ever since then my dads R’d me and abused me. I was 3. and now I’m. well I’ve stopped saying my age on here cos it reminds me of smth but I’m between 13 and 18 obv :P. he still does but whatever. :') I’m so scared eyes. well atp I’m just talking to myself. but imma still say eyes. eyeslovely.. in my country- if I were to report my dad for everything- not just R/SA there’s more. if I were to go to police and stuff. my dad would either go through life sentence- or death sentence. I know I won’t I never will but that’s so big eyes you don’t get it it’s so unimaginable. I can’t do anything here anymore. I found a gun in my dads drawer and *** he’s not a police btw☠️i feel like I’m taken over eyes. I’m so small compared to people. I’m everyone’s puppet. I shut up and I do what I’m told. and yk what *** me who cares about me right? it’s just my dad not stopping when I bleed or scream and him being dangerous and yk other stuff I won’t go on about. but I’ve seen him abuse a cat eyes. my cat. *** I call him my baby. louis. you know louis. you’ve seen him. he didn’t like hurt him bad he just..does stuff like pretend to just be walking and purposely kick the cat hard, press on its tail. I take it away ofc. he has no empathy. I don’t get people eyes. louis so innocent and she meows so cutely when she’s sad but- it’s so sad. and that cups friend. I say I’ll forget about it but it’s almost always on my mind with a bunch of other stuff. like the fact we have to swim for those 6 weeks every Wednesday. I don’t know how ill get out of it. you don’t get it no one gets it/lh/nm. what am I really expected to do-. I have Ms o’hara this term for all my pe classes for some damn reason and ofc she has to be that one teacher that couldn’t give two *** bout you :') I swear I’m praying that i break a bone or some *** so I don’t have to swim. I know it sounds extra. but people in my set are so nasty eyes- not in a health way just personality- so judgy and cruel and just. evil. they don’t care. I thought they cared about looks but yk in my school I used to get complimented almost everyday and no that’s not common. at all. o yay look my dads back and he just threatened me. he went on his phone and I guess I can stay abit but I’m sorry eyeslove I can’t risk anything- I love you🩷

you don’t have to read or reply- just have your turn to dump on me hehe :P🩷and I’ll read when I can- I love this idea btw- I needed it- thankyou💖really💕💕/vvgen💖

_{love you moreee💕💕}