In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
I know what id say in a goodbye letter
Not that im going to i promise not anytime soon but you know
I know what itd say-
@iloveyouxx Eid Mubarak lovely š will you dress up? Eid is the only time i really do š we have soo many guests coming today. My dads here nd im not gonna study all day
Excited š
Hope you have a great eid šĀ
@unassumingEyes
awe Iām sorry- I was vvv busy todayy TvTš©·eid mubarakššIām going to a hotel :00šand Iāve been getting loads of gets today too xDšthen I went to my uncles house and played with their cats a lot- friska and prince- theyāre so cuteš„ŗšyay to not studying all day :0 and seeing your dad :0šš„šIām excited too but kinda scared TvTš¤hope yu do tooš©·
@iloveyouxx
Oh you sound busyĀ busy :pĀ
Ive been a bit scared too :p do u want to say why ur scared?/nfta
Hugs if oki š¤
@unassumingEyes
@iloveyouxx
Dont apologize over being busy :00 issok
ļ»æi get u lol when we finished moving pt2 im like wowwww look at this place xD. But then it feels like ohhh im bragging xD. But its ok! And feel free to tag me id love to seeĀ
I cant swim :p im scared abit cuz after my dads 2 week visit here (which started yesterday, on eid :p) idk when we cn meet him again which is scary :(
Ew school :p
Talk about whatever u want!! I dont mind :p
Glad ur resting nadia frnd
Burj khalifa is amazing- but i was like 7 when i saw it so i dont remember much š¤
hugs are okiešsqueezing you tight if okayš©·
HugssĀ
Oki tccc š
@unassumingEyes
:>š©·
xD yus I wish I could live here tho lolšIāll tag you <3 when I get the energy to get up and take photos heh :P eventually xDš
oo well I ac took swimming lessons every friday before covid :P then after quarantine Iāve never done a sport ever again xDTvTĀ
awwe >:šim sorry :(šis he usually away for work :0?/nfta I hope he visits again not too far from now >:š¤
ew indeed :p *thowsš„š„š„at school and all the crazy expectations D:<š„stopš„makingš„everythingš„soš„muchš„harderš„haveš„someš„empathyš„* >:0š„š„
ouu thatās a lotta years back hehe xD but yus it is amazingāØšš¤
oop well Iām bored and still here whoops :PPšimma sit here for a minute I guess :33šŖš
@iloveyouxx
ļ»æeeeeee i missed the post its been like a day omgg sorry :0000
Oki cant wait to see the place that caught potato frnds eye š
I was supposed to learn swimming in grade 5 in my old school and then we changed schools in grade 5 and i never got to š
Not usually this is a new development for who knows how long š details are messy hehe. No idea when he can visit again next
š„š„š„š„š„š„ schools have 0 empathy. Im aiming to have a school- and a sane and kind one at that! But it will be hard- really hard- very very much hard. Dont think its easy please. I have been observing as well as a 15yr old can and i say- it will be very hard to establish a good, considerate school. But i will work for it.Ā
YupppĀ
I left u for so much longer than a minute im sorry šššĀ
That went well. We had like all our cousins over and by all i mean all 8 of em =D and we went to a park (oof, so crowded) and 4 kids cried in total š¤šš
Saw this online
I failed, but I wasn't a failure
I hurt, but I wasn't a victim
*thinks*
In theory this is right...in practice?Ā
"Ofcourse not" my brain says. "If you failed, ur a failure! Whats more to it?"Ā
Stupid brain
@unassumingEyes
thatās definitely something to think about š¤Ā
Concerned about my healthĀ
Vision troubles, feeling faint, tired easily, headaches taking a bigger toll on me etc...
Either i lost too much weight or lost it too suddenly
Idk m a bit worried tbhĀ
Like i just hv a normal, usual headache but here i am in bed barely able to type feelin so tired and drainedĀ
Tw (death, cemetery, grave)
I was scrolling old pics and found my maternal grandfather's grave pic. I didnt kno we had that, ive never seen it before. Ive always thought ill be buried in pakistan- ofcourse i would! But
But
His grave doesnt have a carved headstone, it has a board on it with a marker writing his name and "La Illaha Illah Allah"
There is no god but Allah (God).
The cemetery floor is not levelled- each grave is raised, and you can clearly see it. Theres no bouqette of flowers, rather roseĀ petals are thrown all over the grave. Similar rose petals are used in local weddings. I dont know what to make of that little detail.
My cousin who saw the death always assured us, he died- laughing. But whats it change? He is in the ground. I dont think he or my late paternal aunt got coffins. Just bags in the ground.
Im creeped out
@unassumingEyes
this is really random but I got the urge to check on you again :Pš©·( @justmeeva do I get another award >:DD??/lh)
howāre you eyeslovely <3? (and other frendosš@LoveMyMoonflowers @justmeeva )
I missed you tho we talked like yesterday I think :Pš
todays national grilled cheese sandwich day XD I dunno- when Iām bored I search up what say we celebrate today :PP is that weird ;-;?š¤
itās also hamster dayyš„ŗš¹š
eyesbuddy I wonder if thereās a baguette dayš§or potato dayy :00š„š
*googles*āØĀ
21 march is international french baguette day XD and potato day is 19th or august XD 4 days after my birthday :PPš¤
anywho I started blabbering hehe whoops <3 howāre youšš?
@iloveyouxx
Cheers for nadias second award š„³š„³š„³
Immmmmmmmmmmmm......meh š just had some family drama lols sorry :DĀ
(Carefully constructed Eid walls around bad feelings are falling down as Eid goes and now im kinda like messing up and lashing out :/)
I miss you every second in the most non creepy way š©· and thank u tho ur making me feel all š when earlier i was all š
My sister will love that tidbit of info š¤ big grilled cheese sandwich fan.
Thats a nice lil..whats the word, quirk? Of yours imo. We all have these little things that are a part of our essence. I love the word essence for some reason xD.
Awww hamsterrrs
All days are potato daysĀ
Idk why it makes sense for potato day to be on august š
21 march is smth else too i cnt remember...my aunt and uncles anniversary i think?
Next time i buy them bagguette š„
I am š¤ but tbh better than before seeing this š thank u š©· hru?
ļ»æ
@unassumingEyes
yusss a social butterfly :DāØāØššš„³š
awešwe hate family drama D:šwhat happened lovely >:š©·/nfta at all.š¤
š©· yu so sweetš„ŗšI do toošjust didnāt wanna sound weird xDšI told one of my cups friends that Iād missed her and she was like "huh how we talked like 2 days ago?" TvT- we donāt talk as much now but I guess that just made me I dunno try and act like I *dont* get attached to almost everyone that seems "nice" to me~āØ:')
xDĀ
ā¦~āØessenceāØ~ā¦whys that such a..luxurious xD word ajsjnsjsixksi xDāØāØš
yusss hamsterssss :33š¹šš
yk also most people in the world are born on august :P Iām so random xD maybe I was gonna say smth like including potatoes tho most potatoes and people were invented on augustāØI- honestly donāt understand myselfšš«
hehehe 21 march is a lotta things :P international color day, memorial day, human rights day, world poetry day, world down syndrome day, harmony day, etcetc :PP omg yuss buy em a baguetteš„š„š„
awwe Iām so happy I made you betterš©·š©·even if itās only a little-š
im- hmĀ :'P *deletes paragraph*āØi could be better but issokiešI wonāt dump on you hehe :Pš
ļ»æ@iloveyouxx
We love a social queen š and an antisocial queen š and just a queen if its nadia queen šš
*considers answering*Ā
*doesnt know if i shld*
I get attached. So much. So easily. And then i just u know am a horrible human being š¤ i wont explain that o.0 u probably dont get it š«
I love the word essence. I like it better than just "personality" or "character". Its more than that. Its...our essence xD idk
Hamsters for the winnn āØļøāØļø
I have another frnd born in august so im not surprised š¤ she loves potatoes too š potatoes and people. Heh
Baguette š„ forĀ ur anniversary, my dear aunt xD. Shed see the humour in it. Shes cool like that
(World poetry day? Im in love with a day now xD)
š©·
Dump on me and i dump on you? Like trading secrets. Nfta at all but just an idea š
Love youuuu š
ļ»æ
@unassumingEyes
awwe hehe puts crown onššāØāØāØšš
I feel like I kinda do in a different way. I feel like Iāve gotten so attached to our friend they donāt even like me anymore and now Iām fighting my own mind cos they genuinely meant a lot to meĀ :') I have no idea why they kinda..switched..tho. I really loved themĀ :') (platonicallyšlike the way I love @justmeeva lmao nothing weird :Pš©·)(and all of you ofc hehe I just thought of eva randomly as sumone I love xD)Iām sorry if it seems like others donāt understand thoš
nu I love it too and agree so much XDāØāØāØessenceāØāØāØ
hehe thatās funny lol xD potatoes and peopleš§š»āāļøš¤š„āØ
oouu cool aunt hehešIād have to explain that a bunch of times before my aunt understood it lol :Pš
(fr xD I love everything poetryš¤āØ)
nah I love that ideaš/gen :D okay :D get readyššimma try and not be annoying :3 today I went to the pool which I guess wasnāt as scary as I thought. but my hairs so fricking messed upševeryone thatās seen my natural hair before always says that millions would do literally anything for my hair and I have it natural. but I hate it so much. my natural hair is curly and poofy and thick. it probably doesnāt even suit me cos people say they canāt imagine what Iād look like with curly hair since I always have it straight. this is the dumbest thing to talk about but Iāve always been so concerned about how I look since I was like 6šI get a hair treatment every 6 months and get it done in between- so that itās always straight ofc. and no Iām not like spoiledĀ :') my aunts older than my dad so she forces him to let me and sheās the one that takes me each time- my aunts just like the rest of my family which like whatever I guessĀ :') but sheās actually kinda nice. all the females in my family- istg and Iām not even joking- every time they see literally anyone they say one of these "they lost so much weight" "they gained so much weight" "theyāre so fat omg" "theyāre so skinny omg" "they need to lose weight" "they need to gain weight" "theyāre so ugly" actually no Iād go on but you get it. eating disorders run in my family and Iām not even joking. my family fights every. single. time. we eat. not to get the food. but to not. "you havenāt eaten anything in weeks" "I swear I ate no stop Iām so full I swear on the quran Iām not eating" "now you eat" "tell you what? sit down and eat before I do something I donāt want to" etc. it goes on but. o wellĀ :') I developed anorexia when I was really young. I genuinely didnāt eat for months and Iām not over exaggerating- my ribs popped out but yk what even when my bones popped out I still looked in the mirror and broke down. Iād go on the weight scale every 5 minutes and Iād excercise so much Iād feel my heartbeat in my legs and my body would go numb and all that- at some point I woke up to my heart beating- *so* loud. not too fast. but loud. Ā ended up in hospital. where my dad fought with the nurse. yk why? cosĀ :') see I donāt like this part cos no one ever beleives it. my dad hates it when someone compliments me. but yeah I went far off sorry. then thereās the males in my family. I.. donāt even know what to say bout themĀ :') rapi.sts. when I was 7 years old I was playing on my male cousins ipad. and I know this part will sound bad but basically on my grandmas phone there were *so* many photos of that cousin and his sister, my other cousin, literally in so many places and traveling all over the world, and I know itās stupid but I swear as a 7 year old my one and only intention was to look at those again cos I swear I found it so cool and always liked going through those and searching in an ipad is prolly dumb but it genuinely was my only intentionĀ :') to admire all those places and cool edits and all that- and ofcĀ :') I opened the photos app- and. weāre just gonna say inappropriate photos. I didnāt even know. stuff. as a 7year old. so.Ā :'D when I realized what it was I closed it right away and every single night for idk how long Iād remember it. not picture it. thatās just *** gross. but Iād remember and i had this horrible feeling in my stomach- and since then every time Iād be doing something random or fun or smth Iād get that feeling and everything would be ruined. itās nothing thoĀ :') now that weāre in a hotel my dad has to sleep with me. not- like that- ew. like next to me. cos we have 2 beds and everything else was fully booked tho my dad argued with the lady- she kept telling him it was fully booked but yk my dad. so now the second I fall asleep he. idek dudĀ :') "touches me inappropriately" I guess. you prolly know about my mom- or maybe I didnāt say it in this forum- my mom ran away from my dad when I was 3(years old). ever since then my dadsā¦..I donāt like saying this wordš ever since then my dads Rād me and abused me. I was 3. and now Iām. well Iāve stopped saying my age on here cos it reminds me of smth but Iām between 13 and 18 obv :P. he still does but whatever.Ā :') Iām so scared eyes. well atp Iām just talking to myself. but imma still say eyes. eyeslovely.. in my country- if I were to report my dad for everything- not just R/SA thereās more. if I were to go to police and stuff. my dad would either go through life sentence- or death sentence. I know I wonāt I never will but thatās so big eyes you donāt get it itās so unimaginable. I canāt do anything here anymore. I found a gun in my dads drawer and *** heās not a police btwā ļøi feel like Iām taken over eyes. Iām so small compared to people. Iām everyoneās puppet. I shut up and I do what Iām told. and yk what *** me who cares about me right? itās just my dad not stopping when I bleed or scream and him being dangerous and yk other stuff I wonāt go on about. but Iāve seen him abuse a cat eyes. my cat. *** I call him my baby. louis. you know louis. youāve seen him. he didnāt like hurt him bad he just..does stuff like pretend to just be walking and purposely kick the cat hard, press on its tail. I take it away ofc. he has no empathy. I donāt get people eyes. louis so innocent and she meows so cutely when sheās sad but- itās so sad. and that cups friend. I say Iāll forget about it but itās almost always on my mind with a bunch of other stuff. like the fact we have to swim for those 6 weeks every Wednesday. I donāt know how ill get out of it. you donāt get it no one gets it/lh/nm. what am I really expected to do-. I have Ms oāhara this term for all my pe classes for some damn reason and ofc she has to be that one teacher that couldnāt give two *** bout youĀ :') I swear Iām praying that i break a bone or some *** so I donāt have to swim. I know it sounds extra. but people in my set are so nasty eyes- not in a health way just personality- so judgy and cruel and just. evil. they donāt care. I thought they cared about looks but yk in my school I used to get complimented almost everyday and no thatās not common. at all. o yay look my dads back and he just threatened me. he went on his phone and I guess I can stay abit but Iām sorry eyeslove I canāt risk anything- I love youš©·
you donāt have to read or reply- just have your turn to dump on me hehe :Pš©·and Iāll read when I can- I love this idea btw- I needed it- thankyoušreallyšš/vvgenš
love you moreeešš
Tw im in that mood again. The one where i deliberately want to trigger myself. Thats a weird one huh? Ive searched up in these moods, how to purposefuly trigger yourself. It doesnt make sense, i know. Youre thinking "why would you want to do that?" Idk. Its like another of my own weird sh forms. Trying to trigger myself. I deserve it. I dont. I do. I dont know.