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In the Corner

unassumingEyes January 18th

Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3

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unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

Tw Is it bad that this point with a member frnd-ish on here ive gone from- i hope they dont unalive to- i hope they find peace even if its in death? Because i legit look at their situation and think- theres a reason theyre giving up? Maybe theres a limit to positivity? I try to be logical- and for so many people i think they have a chance, thye cant give up yet but- and ill never tell them this but- for them its just- id never wish death on them but if they were to gain it- peacefully- it feels like thats the only happy ending left for them? Miracles happen- and i hope something better turns out for them- but the way things are atm- id have given up if i were them long ago- despite all attempts to be logical- is that bad- that i understand why they want to be gone- and dont really have an argument against it-

1 reply
unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

@unassumingEyes (its none of yall btw- i doubt who it is will actually ever find this) 

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unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

Tw she’ll be yelling in a bit. I could prevent it maybe- but im dumb like this. I dont. I just dont. If i prevent it now, itll just happen a while later. Why bother

unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

Tensions rising, 

Not surprising, 

When will the volcano blow?

With angry glares

meaningful stares,

And no safe space to go 

(my brain o.0) 

1 reply
unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

@unassumingEyes the "volcano" did blow, btw. It wasnt thaaaat bad tho 

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unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

Help i have maximum 5+1/2 chapters and minimum 4chaps left to do today its 3pmmmm 

and if i do 4chaps instead of 5 and a half today ill hv to do 1 and 1/2 chap + numericals + conceptual questions tomorrw which is a l o t so its like do i do alot today or a lot tomorrow 😭😭

1 reply
unassumingEyes OP April 22nd

@unassumingEyes *inhales* i was interrupted and now its 4.30pm with exactly the same amount of work left???? 

*screams into the void* 

*the void screams back* 

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unassumingEyes OP April 23rd

Tw

See? The yelling is like 90% of my problmess today mom had a headache and when she has headaches shes either really nice or reallly mean and today she was really nice (no yelling at a l l) and despite:

1. Stress over exam tmrrw

2. Bad headache 

i can still confidently say today was a good day and i felt more like myself because there was no stress of  her yelling/glaring

unassumingEyes OP April 24th

Today was my last exam minus practicals. I got kinda overwhelmed 😅 the girl sittin in front of me kept asking me the answers and the teacher kept yelling :/ i got one mcq wrong :/ nd idk bout the rest of the exam- it was easy but i cldnt focus- next is practical exam on 29th. Yay/sar

Wish they wld be over already. 8may seems so far away-

unassumingEyes OP April 25th

Shesgonnayellshesgonnayellshesgonnayell

she already did once but its not over i cn feel it shes going to snap 

Howamisupposedtostaycalmwhensheyellswhenimfreakingoutbeforehand?

im so close to crying rn im alone with here and there so=o much tension in the house i cn feel it shes going to yell

2 replies
justmeeva April 25th

@unassumingEyes 

how are you now eyes buddy..? 🩷

1 reply
unassumingEyes OP April 25th

@justmeeva not great but i came here to rant about it xD thank you for asking 🤍 helped me cool down a bit. Im an angry set of eyes rn xD

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unassumingEyes OP April 25th

Tw for nothing exactly but i just put that there incase and ok this is kind of angry ranting because dnjshjd

okok so yall might hv picked up on the fact that i dont like my grandmother much (or not but whatever) i just feel real uneasy with her ok so tmrrw night is my dad’s flight back to kwt (back home but we wont get into the homesickness right now-) and like im close to dad i wanted to enjoy with him these last 2days idk when we will get to see him again and seperation isnt normal for us this is unusual and scary and like my grandmother just calls us that shes coming to visit us in an hour (??) and that she’ll stay 2day and leave day after tmrrw and im like ?? Nd my sis is like what about sleeping arrangements guess whose being kicked out to the couch thats right its me and i dont even mind that that much but grandmothers here now and its just so unfair we dont get to spend time with dad now hes talking to grandmother and i wanted to ask to go the park with him tonight its really close by and now i know he’ll probably say no cause it wldnt be right to leave grandmother at home with mom when shes our “guest” but she just announced shes coming for 2days without asking us like what if we have plans and my sis says its her right cause shes our grandmother but these were the last2days with dad and im being a good granddaughter and hugging and welcoming her but inside im just fuming and i just really really dont like this i cnt be myself for 2days now the moment she came in she started criticizing the cleanliness of the house, criticizing my sister’s clothes etc and i know my sis is irritated but i feel worse im straight up angry 

unassumingEyes OP April 26th

I try not to take things for granted.

i dont take my dad’s like existence for granted- if i did before i hvnt since i was 12. I cant leave a room when he’s in it unless smone tells me to- how can i waste any time with him there-

I dont take my friends for granted- i cant- i hvnt since i was like 9- i mean it for both cups frnds and irl frnds. Idk how to show it, prove it, but i dont, i really dont

I dont take water for granted, or food, or health, or electricity, or school, even with all the stupid exams. 

I dont. Or atleast, i try real hard not to.

they still say im spoiled. They still say im selfish. They still im ungrateful. 

How? When? Maybe the only thing- or one- ive ever taken for granted is mom- maybe i am ungrateful for that- but idk, i cnt blame myself for that. For hving mixed feelings on her

unassumingEyes OP April 26th

Tw

Lightening struck right next to the neighbours tree. The clearest, closest lightening ive ever seen. White and purple with a shade of blue. Like a crack in the sky, a glimpse into a world that will never be ours.

And the thunder was louder than anything ive ever heard

My 2yr old cousin jumped and rushed to the door, sobbing in fear. My 4yr old cousin squeezed into a corner, shaking her head when we tried to pursuade her to come out. I felt a headache as splitting as the lightening filling the sky come on, but i shook it off to help pry the 2yr old off our front door. He calmed down after a bit. The same could not be said of me. Only one thought ran in my head, from then till now,

I was so tired. I am so tired.

Water rushed down from our top floor. Uncle and aunt had to leave with their kids but the rain showed no mercy. I felt my self control slipping.

My 4yr old cousin left the corner, only to latch on to her father. 

I felt the despair. If the rain doesnt stop dad wldnt be able to go back. It wld be a mess.

My uncle said i looked tired.

I didnt cry, not because they would have judged me, but because they wouldnt have. 

The lightening meant a million unspoken things, all of them were true

6 replies
justmeeva April 26th

@unassumingEyes 

*sends optional warm hugs* i hope everything will be okay 🥺🩷

5 replies
unassumingEyes OP April 26th

@justmeeva *hugs* there was a pause in the rain and my aunt uncle and cousins left. Dad ordered some pizza from nearby- those pizza delivery men who arrive on time no matter the weather xD- and its calming down now. The weather is calmer, my parents are calmer, my sister...

Is unreadable as usual in terms of emotions, but imo is faking calmth and I 

Am probably not even faking it right xD

(Tw me considering attempt plans- out of nowhere i swear i didnt have a n y plans before- while waiting for cups to load. Cups loaded and i just went all monotone "oh. Ir loaded." And then i saw eva hugs and i just pushed the plans away. Cant miss out on eva hugs heh xD idk why i started planning. Started suddenly, stopped suddenly. 


Those last two words should not have given me that mental image.


Maybe i should log off cups. If my sister found this everz she wld be so mad. She wld be sooooo mad xD


Nah-)

2 replies
justmeeva April 26th

@unassumingEyes 

i’m glad to hear it’s a bit better now 🩷 pizza sounds amazing lol :p *keeps hugging you tight* 🩷

i’m glad eva hugs could stop them 🥺 anytime you need more of em, don’t hesitate to ask <3

1 reply
unassumingEyes OP April 27th

@justmeeva 

🤗 

Thank you 🩷 eva buddy is too kind 🥹

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unassumingEyes OP April 26th

@justmeeva im sorry u just said like 2 lines and i dumped on u u dont hv to read that

1 reply
justmeeva April 26th

@unassumingEyes 

nono don’t feel bad about it lovely. it’s very much okay, really 🩷

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