In the Corner

@unassumingEyes 

how are you now eyes buddy..? 🩷

@justmeeva not great but i came here to rant about it xD thank you for asking 🤍 helped me cool down a bit. Im an angry set of eyes rn xD

Tw for nothing exactly but i just put that there incase and ok this is kind of angry ranting because dnjshjd

okok so yall might hv picked up on the fact that i dont like my grandmother much (or not but whatever) i just feel real uneasy with her ok so tmrrw night is my dad’s flight back to kwt (back home but we wont get into the homesickness right now-) and like im close to dad i wanted to enjoy with him these last 2days idk when we will get to see him again and seperation isnt normal for us this is unusual and scary and like my grandmother just calls us that shes coming to visit us in an hour (??) and that she’ll stay 2day and leave day after tmrrw and im like ?? Nd my sis is like what about sleeping arrangements guess whose being kicked out to the couch thats right its me and i dont even mind that that much but grandmothers here now and its just so unfair we dont get to spend time with dad now hes talking to grandmother and i wanted to ask to go the park with him tonight its really close by and now i know he’ll probably say no cause it wldnt be right to leave grandmother at home with mom when shes our “guest” but she just announced shes coming for 2days without asking us like what if we have plans and my sis says its her right cause shes our grandmother but these were the last2days with dad and im being a good granddaughter and hugging and welcoming her but inside im just fuming and i just really really dont like this i cnt be myself for 2days now the moment she came in she started criticizing the cleanliness of the house, criticizing my sister’s clothes etc and i know my sis is irritated but i feel worse im straight up angry 

I try not to take things for granted.

i dont take my dad’s like existence for granted- if i did before i hvnt since i was 12. I cant leave a room when he’s in it unless smone tells me to- how can i waste any time with him there-

I dont take my friends for granted- i cant- i hvnt since i was like 9- i mean it for both cups frnds and irl frnds. Idk how to show it, prove it, but i dont, i really dont

I dont take water for granted, or food, or health, or electricity, or school, even with all the stupid exams. 

I dont. Or atleast, i try real hard not to.

they still say im spoiled. They still say im selfish. They still im ungrateful. 

How? When? Maybe the only thing- or one- ive ever taken for granted is mom- maybe i am ungrateful for that- but idk, i cnt blame myself for that. For hving mixed feelings on her

Tw

Lightening struck right next to the neighbours tree. The clearest, closest lightening ive ever seen. White and purple with a shade of blue. Like a crack in the sky, a glimpse into a world that will never be ours.

And the thunder was louder than anything ive ever heard

My 2yr old cousin jumped and rushed to the door, sobbing in fear. My 4yr old cousin squeezed into a corner, shaking her head when we tried to pursuade her to come out. I felt a headache as splitting as the lightening filling the sky come on, but i shook it off to help pry the 2yr old off our front door. He calmed down after a bit. The same could not be said of me. Only one thought ran in my head, from then till now,

I was so tired. I am so tired.

Water rushed down from our top floor. Uncle and aunt had to leave with their kids but the rain showed no mercy. I felt my self control slipping.

My 4yr old cousin left the corner, only to latch on to her father. 

I felt the despair. If the rain doesnt stop dad wldnt be able to go back. It wld be a mess.

My uncle said i looked tired.

I didnt cry, not because they would have judged me, but because they wouldnt have. 

The lightening meant a million unspoken things, all of them were true

@unassumingEyes 

*sends optional warm hugs* i hope everything will be okay 🥺🩷

@justmeeva *hugs* there was a pause in the rain and my aunt uncle and cousins left. Dad ordered some pizza from nearby- those pizza delivery men who arrive on time no matter the weather xD- and its calming down now. The weather is calmer, my parents are calmer, my sister...

Is unreadable as usual in terms of emotions, but imo is faking calmth and I 

Am probably not even faking it right xD

(Tw me considering attempt plans- out of nowhere i swear i didnt have a n y plans before- while waiting for cups to load. Cups loaded and i just went all monotone "oh. Ir loaded." And then i saw eva hugs and i just pushed the plans away. Cant miss out on eva hugs heh xD idk why i started planning. Started suddenly, stopped suddenly. 

Those last two words should not have given me that mental image.

Maybe i should log off cups. If my sister found this everz she wld be so mad. She wld be sooooo mad xD

Nah-)

@unassumingEyes 

i’m glad to hear it’s a bit better now 🩷 pizza sounds amazing lol :p *keeps hugging you tight* 🩷

i’m glad eva hugs could stop them 🥺 anytime you need more of em, don’t hesitate to ask <3

@justmeeva 

🤗 

Thank you 🩷 eva buddy is too kind 🥹

@justmeeva im sorry u just said like 2 lines and i dumped on u u dont hv to read that

@unassumingEyes 

nono don’t feel bad about it lovely. it’s very much okay, really 🩷

Alive. He's alive. He's- 

Member friend is-

Alive

How do u tell smone u thought they were d-ad? You dont, i suppose

Everyone else might think i over reacted fearing him gone

But i know what we spoke of last

And now

That doesnt have to be our last conversation anymore

He's alive

And my overthinking brain is wondering whats different what isnt, what he needs what he doesnt, what i should say what i shouldnt but none of that matters 

Cause he's still alive 

Watch me not know how to react other than the obvious relief and joy. I never seem to know how to react- 

I want to tell everyone. I want to spin my sister in a circle and jump in front of mom and msg my irl friends that he's alive 

But they dont know him. They dont know cups. And i cant have them ask

So i sit down and think it over and over again and try not to burst

I am trying real hard not to burst 

Im useless

(Is that okay?)

Why does it feel like we’re protecting adults from the fact that they didnt protect us?

Ok, tell me if im being weird, or dumb

So i didnt want grandmother over for 2days right? Well it got worse-

First of all, she was supposed to leave today. I think she’s going to leave on Monday now. Or maybe way after? She bought a toothbrush and chose a blanket and tried to convince my sister to buy a bathroom scrub for our bathroom that she liked and bought a towel and keeps talking about how our house suits her more than it suited us and im like, in my head, “if ur trynna do what i think ur trynna do, im not letting it work” there is no way shes moving in like sndjhhdjuhs??? 

Tw

And she offered to bathe my 18yr old sister??? My sister was like no thank you and shes like why not and my sister is like im too old for that and she said ur not too old for me, ill get the dirt off of you from all the places and wash you right and my sis just said no thanks again and im like

????? Shes 18yrs old?? Thats disgusting, right? Aint no way im over reacting?? 

@unassumingEyes 

idk i agree with you, it is.. strange. softly said. /lh

@justmeeva

Mmm yea if the adults try anything with her moving in im gonna put on a firm protest 

Watch me stress tomorrow. Or you know, dont. Whichever

Here because its easier to hurt myself than others 

why did that sum up so much for me-

Scrolling fics titles and 

Soldiers without a war

yeah. Really does feel like im fighting without anything there to fight for or against sometimes

Tw i knew i remembered right. Vague memories but true. I flicnh for a reason when uncle gets mad. I ache for a reason when he yells at 14year old cousin.

my sis kept telling me she never remembered him raising his hand against the boy.

i was 1yr older than him. I was with him alot. 

I remembered, vaguely, but i remembered. I was right. 

He stopped because-

it makes me so mad why he stopped

@unassumingEyes

Tw According to my grandmother he stopped because she threatened to move out unless he stopped hitting 14yr old cousin.

According to my grandmother. I dont know who to trust 

Im just reeling. Theres so much i remember but dont. Like i dont hv clear memories, images. But i remember in *words* like

He used to get angry when it wasnt cousins fault.

Cousin used to cry, sometimes. I have no mental image of this at all.

Cousin wld argue back but my brain says i could tell he was scared.

I 

Yeah.

*comes and sits here if okay*

…hi. i haven’t been here in a while. i’ve been hiding a bit. i’m sorry.

@LoveMyMoonflowers cups frnds hide a bit recently. Makes me a little worried but also glad they know its okay to take time for themselves. And it is okay 100000%. Really. And im not alone here, usually. And u dont have any obligation to me sooooo 

Iss ok 💓  

Look at this funny face frnd: 

(ﾉﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

^me yeeting away flower frnd's troubles 

@unassumingEyes

*hugs you tight if okay but not too tight* I missed you, im sorry 

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

*hugs back*

I missed you too 💓 

(So many cups glitchesss :0) 

@unassumingEyes

*keeps hugging* 

@LoveMyMoonflowers

🤗🫂

@iloveyouxx 

Missing you. I guess it hasnt been that long since we talked? But i miss you anyways :p and- i thought u shld know. I was like, wish nadia knew i missed hee and then i realised i cld just tell u :p  

Issok if ur hiding or busy 🩷 im willing to wait 🩷

Oh

@unassumingEyes

_{my mind is a teenie bit blank with replies right now lovely :P🩷I replied to everything in that other page🩷just incase you don’t get the notification💜I’m thinking of sumthing to say that I didn’t say there xD💙also it’s kinda long :P🤍so tyt to reply💕}

_{(tyt just almost autocorrected to zucchini☠️?)}

_{watching the movie rn from the beginning xD you can’t stopp meeeee xD✨😛I just read what’s included and why it’s (apparently) R-rated- :P🤍it actually does seem scary😭but right now knowing what’s included I’m so concerned about 5yo you like howd you manage😭🩷plus some inappropriate scenes so idk how your sister made you watch it T^T💜but haven’t seen much so far so I’ll tell you where I get to :P💖ttyllll love yuu <3}

@iloveyouxx

Zucchini?? How?

Nadiaaaaa frnd i saw ur post (Didnt get time to reply) but ur watching the sequeeel xD 

Orphan is the movie i watched basically and Orphan: First Kill is like Orphan 2 but its like based before Orphan does that make sense??? But i think those can be watched individually 

(I will neveeeer watch Orphan: First Kill the first one was bad enough xD)

Also tiny correction number 2 (o.0 i sound like a teacher???) I was 9! Not 5! Id be way more traumatized if i was 5 o.0 like i remember the scenes from orphan and imagine me as 5 and im like nope! Nooope! xD 

Actually i was less than 9 but i think around 8-9yrs old unnecessary details when ur terrified 🤭

I keep typing "9hrs old" skdhjddbf

Love you tcc ill try to repond to the other onee 🩷



@iloveyouxx okok heres the reply to the other one 

Hmmmm

Ok but like i heard of that (the auggie thing) but didnt know if it was true or over exaggerated xD

wbsjwuabhahabahanahahhahaha eyes I’ve been meaning to tell you XDDDDD so. I have this like thing on my tv- full of series and movies. mostly arabic ones honestly so I don’t go on it much- but I swear- I was casually scrolling through them😭and that exact movie was right there😭TW "Orphan: First Kill" 

See my other post on Orphan and Orphan First kill xD

Smh they never turn on the lights xDD

wyshusjgtihitwuyihguw😭😭😭💜and then the girl pulled out that knife then it somehow suddenly turned into a pencil when the other guys came? then they told her to put it down then they were talking about the girl- I watched a little after that :P there were more details but I’ll spare yu xD🩷I’m about to fully rewatch it tho :0 since I didn’t understand much the first time :0💙also poor 5yo you T^T I’d be horrified in every scene😭🩷

Huh howd the knife turn into the pencil xD

Orphan first kill sounds clumsier than orphan but it cld also be my memory exaggerated it 

(Remembers that one scene

And that other one

Oh and that one

Hmmm

Yeah no that was a scary movie xD)

Tbh it makes me kinda sad cuz sometimes i consider adoption and 

Then i remember this movie o.0 and it just- scares me off. And the movie was based on a true story- an actual woman looking like a child, adopted, criminal etc like

Im traumatized o.0 and now i cnt consider adopting when im older (if im older-) 

:0000000000000000 that’s so cool :000000 I’ve made like hot chocolate xD and cereal xD and..egg sandwiches xD I think you’ll make the yummiest most nom-able donuts :3🍩🍩💕

Psst if u search Em's kitchen microwave mugcakr the recipe is real easy! Thats the only thing ive ever made o.0 and omellete o.0

shower head :00 shower 🚿:0👩🏻‍🦲- shower head :0000 sorry :0xD it’s how I cope✨T^T

🤭🤭

awwe same tho and seals and hamsters and bunnies and turtles :3🐧🦭🐹🐰🐢💕friend is it just me or like isn’t the penguin emoji so like off🐧like why the side view- 

Most animal emojies are just...strange

Hehe kitties are super cute

Gasp we have been decieved by the onion looking garlic

Huh who uses that as a head??

I m not majik sadly xD

🩷

I am

Probably

Not

Going 

To 

Dump

(Sorry!)

Im fine (stop doubting it i am i am i am)

🥖🥖🥖

Big brains!!

Leaving...cups or leaving-leaving?

If i sound calm

Thats because im pretending 👍🏻 

No but frrr my brains like noooooooo dont leave and my brains also like but if u need to leave cups its ur choice but noooo dont *leave* leave and its, like, whichever it is i cnt stop you but nadia frnd how do i say i dont want you gone without sounding incredibly clingy, selfish etc 😭

Those cups ppl u told shld hv showered u in love and affection and care and even then it wldnt be enough bcz u deserve so much more bcz you deserve-

Proper parents.

Kind teachers.

Good friends.

Less work.

More love.

More hugs.

More pats.

More cats.

And its like you have this 🤏 much of all that when you deserve this much ♾️ and i dont hv that much to give but i love you 🩷

Ur special to me too 🩷

Its okay 🩷 

Im fine 

Ish

Everythings...there

Tc 🩷 or just...try 🩷🥔

( i cldnt erase most of ur msg oof gtgg)

Im

Fine 

💚

@unassumingEyes

*offers hugs* it’s okay not to be, too. <3 your allowed to feel what your feeling here, your allowed to be real. your accepted no matter what 🥺

I- 

I just opened this and all the words disappeared? Hold on 

Nope theyre gone.

Gone gone gone.

The weather got real bad. Just spent an hour with mom getting rid of all the water in the house. Had a bad headache all day and i cn tell its going to get worse. My back aches all over. Mom yelled at me and my sister fell and mom yelled again and we didnt have any gas all day and now it just came and we're going to try to make dinner before it goes again and.

And.

Im forgetting. What keeps me here. 

I need these stupid exams to finish before i forget myself

I need-

Why do i exist? Just...why bother? Why why why?y

I 

Am

Fine. 

I 

Am

Fine. 

I 

Am

Fine.