In the Corner

Tw Is it bad that this point with a member frnd-ish on here ive gone from- i hope they dont unalive to- i hope they find peace even if its in death? Because i legit look at their situation and think- theres a reason theyre giving up? Maybe theres a limit to positivity? I try to be logical- and for so many people i think they have a chance, thye cant give up yet but- and ill never tell them this but- for them its just- id never wish death on them but if they were to gain it- peacefully- it feels like thats the only happy ending left for them? Miracles happen- and i hope something better turns out for them- but the way things are atm- id have given up if i were them long ago- despite all attempts to be logical- is that bad- that i understand why they want to be gone- and dont really have an argument against it-

Tw she’ll be yelling in a bit. I could prevent it maybe- but im dumb like this. I dont. I just dont. If i prevent it now, itll just happen a while later. Why bother

Tensions rising, 

Not surprising, 

When will the volcano blow?

With angry glares

meaningful stares,

And no safe space to go 

(my brain o.0) 

Help i have maximum 5+1/2 chapters and minimum 4chaps left to do today its 3pmmmm 

and if i do 4chaps instead of 5 and a half today ill hv to do 1 and 1/2 chap + numericals + conceptual questions tomorrw which is a l o t so its like do i do alot today or a lot tomorrow 😭😭

Tw

See? The yelling is like 90% of my problmess today mom had a headache and when she has headaches shes either really nice or reallly mean and today she was really nice (no yelling at a l l) and despite:

1. Stress over exam tmrrw

2. Bad headache 

i can still confidently say today was a good day and i felt more like myself because there was no stress of  her yelling/glaring

Today was my last exam minus practicals. I got kinda overwhelmed 😅 the girl sittin in front of me kept asking me the answers and the teacher kept yelling :/ i got one mcq wrong :/ nd idk bout the rest of the exam- it was easy but i cldnt focus- next is practical exam on 29th. Yay/sar

Wish they wld be over already. 8may seems so far away-

Shesgonnayellshesgonnayellshesgonnayell

she already did once but its not over i cn feel it shes going to snap 

Howamisupposedtostaycalmwhensheyellswhenimfreakingoutbeforehand?

im so close to crying rn im alone with here and there so=o much tension in the house i cn feel it shes going to yell

Tw for nothing exactly but i just put that there incase and ok this is kind of angry ranting because dnjshjd

okok so yall might hv picked up on the fact that i dont like my grandmother much (or not but whatever) i just feel real uneasy with her ok so tmrrw night is my dad’s flight back to kwt (back home but we wont get into the homesickness right now-) and like im close to dad i wanted to enjoy with him these last 2days idk when we will get to see him again and seperation isnt normal for us this is unusual and scary and like my grandmother just calls us that shes coming to visit us in an hour (??) and that she’ll stay 2day and leave day after tmrrw and im like ?? Nd my sis is like what about sleeping arrangements guess whose being kicked out to the couch thats right its me and i dont even mind that that much but grandmothers here now and its just so unfair we dont get to spend time with dad now hes talking to grandmother and i wanted to ask to go the park with him tonight its really close by and now i know he’ll probably say no cause it wldnt be right to leave grandmother at home with mom when shes our “guest” but she just announced shes coming for 2days without asking us like what if we have plans and my sis says its her right cause shes our grandmother but these were the last2days with dad and im being a good granddaughter and hugging and welcoming her but inside im just fuming and i just really really dont like this i cnt be myself for 2days now the moment she came in she started criticizing the cleanliness of the house, criticizing my sister’s clothes etc and i know my sis is irritated but i feel worse im straight up angry 

I try not to take things for granted.

i dont take my dad’s like existence for granted- if i did before i hvnt since i was 12. I cant leave a room when he’s in it unless smone tells me to- how can i waste any time with him there-

I dont take my friends for granted- i cant- i hvnt since i was like 9- i mean it for both cups frnds and irl frnds. Idk how to show it, prove it, but i dont, i really dont

I dont take water for granted, or food, or health, or electricity, or school, even with all the stupid exams. 

I dont. Or atleast, i try real hard not to.

they still say im spoiled. They still say im selfish. They still im ungrateful. 

How? When? Maybe the only thing- or one- ive ever taken for granted is mom- maybe i am ungrateful for that- but idk, i cnt blame myself for that. For hving mixed feelings on her

Tw

Lightening struck right next to the neighbours tree. The clearest, closest lightening ive ever seen. White and purple with a shade of blue. Like a crack in the sky, a glimpse into a world that will never be ours.

And the thunder was louder than anything ive ever heard

My 2yr old cousin jumped and rushed to the door, sobbing in fear. My 4yr old cousin squeezed into a corner, shaking her head when we tried to pursuade her to come out. I felt a headache as splitting as the lightening filling the sky come on, but i shook it off to help pry the 2yr old off our front door. He calmed down after a bit. The same could not be said of me. Only one thought ran in my head, from then till now,

I was so tired. I am so tired.

Water rushed down from our top floor. Uncle and aunt had to leave with their kids but the rain showed no mercy. I felt my self control slipping.

My 4yr old cousin left the corner, only to latch on to her father. 

I felt the despair. If the rain doesnt stop dad wldnt be able to go back. It wld be a mess.

My uncle said i looked tired.

I didnt cry, not because they would have judged me, but because they wouldnt have. 

The lightening meant a million unspoken things, all of them were true