What Helps V/s What Hurts?
"When 'I' is replaced by 'We'... even illness becomes wellness"
How to talk to someone with a mental health disorder? [Source- ✪]
✘ It could be worse, there's plenty of people worse off than you
✔ I'm sorry - you're not alone, and I am here for you
✘ Have you tried taking this supplement or Herb?
✔ Is there anything I can do to help?
✘ Just snap out of it
✔ You might not believe it now, but the way your feeling will change
✘ We all go through times like these
✔ I may not exactly understand how you feel, but I care about you and want to try to understand how you are feeling
✘ You just need to get out and distract yourself
✔ I would love to spend time with you. Can we grab some coffee?
[Source- ✪]
[Edited by theriverissinging to remove the special character '�']
[Edited by Bubblegumwings1234 to correct formatting as per request of Amphios]
I like this so helpful @Amphios
@Amphios
Hate it so much when someone says "Oh just suck it up and get over her." Or "You shouldnt be hurting this long." My dude I will take as long as I am damn near please to move on.
@Zulegir
There is no time limit on how long a person hurts.... I do remember someone telling me to get over it, the words slip so easily off their tongue but the damage they can cause lingers....I try to think they speak like that because they don't understand but it doesn't stop the pain they cause.
@Amphios
Great points!! I have heard all of these at one point or another. The comment that tends to really set me off comes from one of my BFF who is always saying "I told you so", Do you remember when I told you about...", "Think of all the other people who have it worse than you do." I let these comments go over the last 12 years, but a few months ago I got angry and told her all the statements really p__ed me off and told her I didn't want to hear them. So far, so good! Setting boundaries here helped!
@Amphios wow loved this post really helps a lot thanks!
@forcefulCamp1976
Well the things which don't help is thinking that person suffering from depression is just like you. They are different like all humans are.
Showing compassion and learning more about depression helps.
@emraldeye
Hello, I’m happy to see your post and expression of your feelings. What helps people cope with depression is when allow them the space to come as they are and not suffer the stress of having to feel like they have to conform to an they’ve created in their head based off their insecurity around you. They need to feel safe. Safety is part of Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. It is a basic need in life to reach self-fulfillment.
What hurts is when we gaslight others and make them feel like their emotions are invalid. They begin to think they’re alike and thus can create suicidal tendencies or cause self harm.
I often think about What Helps vs What Hurts in terms of finding true and empathetic listeners here, too. 
WHAT HELPS is when you chat with your listener and you feel like you are being heard and taken seriously, and your emotions are validated ... doesn't mean necessarily that your listener will agree with you completely about what next steps to take to get on the right path in your life, but they WILL understand your point of view and EMPATHIZE. They will also ensure that you will be feeling better amd more relaxed after chatting with them than before you began. 
WHAT HURTS is when your feelings and emotions are NOT validated. If you ask your listener, for example, to communicate with you a certain way because you are more comfortable with it and they refuse because they just don't want to (For example ... I have requested that my listeners use more emojies, particularly more positive ones, when chatting with me as that helps me feel more relaxed and less apprehensive when chatting with them - most comply with this but some do not), that does not help at all. Also what hurts is when you get blocked for no reason, particularly if a chat goes sour and you can't put in a review of your experience ... and I'm talking about putting in a critical but CONSTURCTIVE review, not intending to "flame" anyone. I had this happen to me the other night. 
@AbbyHarris1976
About half of the handful of listeners I've experienced seem to be going down a list of generic responses, basically not getting to the core of my emotions or problems. Especially when I'm in a more agitated state or feel unimportant and insignificant, these kind of experiences aren't helping.
On a completely different note, had a listener basically tell me the things I was upset about we're not a big deal, "these thing happen" and "that's to be expected". Even though I barely know this person, I turned to you with my issues, trusted you, those interactions are scarring and painful.
@AbbyHarris1976 Yeah I understand I just want to....yk I feel like this app fake nobody helps
@AbbyHarris1976
First of all, I think the emoji method is very useful because it adds more emotions and characters to the people you're talking with, it makes them feel more vivid.
Second of all, sometimes people may not share the same combation or value the same stuff, it doesn't mean that they're not important or they should be taken for granted.
For me, I believe you should try giving listener more details and how the situation you enduring is affecting how you feel.
Adding more details would help you and the listener to develop a case that you can cowork together into handling and improving it.
im really sorry you've been through this and hope your next listener is going to be more supportive and way better at listening.
I'm happy that you made this step by writing this message to us, this way you help us improve our teqniques and methods into supporting and helping all the people we can help.
thank you for being strong and for being with us.
Warm regards.
@AbbyHarris1976
Wow Abby these are really helpful tips for us listeners 😉. Thank you for that and I'm sorry about you being blocked for no reason.
Thank you once again.❤️ 😊
@AbbyHarris1976 That's so true and I'm sorry you've had a couple of bad experiences here at 7 Cups. I believe the listeners are all trying their best (not trying to defend anyone but it's just my opinion here <3) and perhaps they just aren't accustomed to listening or don't feel comfortable enough yet. I think this post is really helpful in helping listeners get an understanding of what members think and how to improve ourselves, which is a big thing we're all trying to do. Thank you for this and I hope your experience with us here gets better over time!
@xinyii11
I agree there’s often a miscommunication between listeners and members and this relationship must be continually mended in order to make our community a safe and effective means of a mental health community.
What would help is for listeners to listen and not propose opinions or cast judgement. It’s their job to offer condolences and provide emotional support through their presence.
What hurts is when a listener casts their opinion on a member and causes invalidation their emotions. That damages the relationship of trust between the two and harms thus community and its mission.
@AbbyHarris1976
@AbbyHarris1976
I agree that sometimes not validating feelings can really hurt, especially when you feel like nobody understands you. Are there other tips that can help with someone dealing with depression?
this is great to show friends!
I totally agree! I heard very negative things about the listeners here, and I can't say that I've had a positive experience with anybody except my therapist on this site. I suspect the listeners aren't being vetted or trained very well. It's just the luck of the draw if you get a good one who uses the techniques we need, because they are already that type of person.
@Kathy1212 I've done the listener training, and it is pretty short.
I had enough bad experiences as a listener that I had to stop for my own mental health. You don't really get a lot of control over who contacts you, and I had some people contact me who were deliberatly trying to cause problems. I probably wasn't in a place emotionally where I should have been helping, but I never felt good about how my listening sessions went.
This was a couple years ago though, so it might be different now.
But it seems like there's a lot of problems on both sides of the system. I've only had 1 or 2 times when I had a really good listener.
@BlueBetta I'm really sorry you've had that experience. Thanks for sharing it. It helps to be reminded that there's two sides to everything.
@BlueBetta It is really painful to have your feelings invalidated when you are already feeling sad or hurt. I am sorry this has been your experience. We are constantly working on quality improvement projects.
Thank you
This is good. Thank you.
