Loneliness on 7Cups
Hello guys 
I have been on 7Cups for a little while and I have to say that, in some occasions, it has been helpful...in some others, it has been actually very frustrating.
I got here, as I believe many of you, searching for support, friendship, or, most likely, just someone to talk to. I live a very lonely life, in a desperately isolated place (an island with few hundreds inhabitants), and, unfortunately, I have several psychologic problems (or psychiatric?...who knows...) that developed after a not easy life. The last 3 years, especially, have just been a daily torture, a sequence of bad events that corroded me little by little. As I just wrote, I live on a little island, here we only have 2 little food stores, nothing else. Until few months ago, we didn't even have a general doctor, so, no chance to find any kind of help from professionals in the psychiatric/psychologic field. Once reached the bottom of my sorrow and despair, and having nobody that could help me, I found 7Cups.
I talked to some listeners, wrote here and there...and figured out so many times it feels like talking to myself...I wasn't able to build any stable "talking friendship", which is what I actually need. I feel like a throw stones to the void...just write sentences that maybe noone will ever read, and for sure, that noone will answer to.
I am pretty sure I am not the only one feeling like this here... I don't want this to sound like a complaint, 7Cups is anyway good, but I wish I could find someone who wants to just keep talking to me, and that wants to be listened.
Is my hope in vain? 
@MeMyselfAndHer I am sorry that you feel this way. As a listener, the listeners here are generally trained to be empathetic and understanding; not to be overtly friendly. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always here :)
@carefreeWords70
I just found this thread. It's probably a waste of time writing this since I doubt anyone will see it or reply, but what you and others wrote resonated strongly with me.
I don't live on an island, I'm in a city, but I might as well be. I'm very lonely. I have one person here I call a friend and she's even more fucked up than I am, with an assortment of major life problems. I provide support for her, but there's no one for me- except my cats. I've always been the one to provide support for family and friends, but it was seldom reciprocated. Now, I have no family I'm close to. In the past, I had a few friends here- one at a time almost, but they moved, and the closest one died of a brain tumour some years ago.
I do have a couple of friends who live in other locations, and the periodic phone calls and email contact is nice, but it's superficial. As is the online contact I have with people in a forum. Though there, I often feel ignored and that what I share is dismissed as being unimportant and often gets no responses.
I have tried and keep trying unsuccessfully to connect with people in the real world- but if I do manage to make a casual acquaintance it doesn't go to the next level. I usually feel invisible. I'm on the shy side, reserved, and I have MAJOR trust issues due to some highly traumatic past experiences. I suck at small talk, and my interests are not what most people care about. I'm passionate about art and history, read mostly non fiction, love documentaries and don't own a television. I prefer classic rock, classical and light jazz. I'm not out doorsy and I don't drink. I'm also limited income and while I've looked into meetup to try and meet people- very often I can't afford the locations chosen for food /drinks.
I know I'm a good person-I have a good sense of humour, I'm caring, reliable, responsible, and no one wants to know me. I feel like a freak and a loser- like there's an invisible barrier separating me from others and I don't know how to break through it. I've thought about therapy- but my current crap insurance doesn't have mental health providers.
Like the other posters- I really want friends, people I can talk with, share what's going on with me and my life and feel like they have some interest. As I would reciprocate. But I don't know how that will happen. Even posting this feels like an exercise in futility.
@ForcefulCranberry
I will not ignore you. I know how it feels.
I have tried to establish some friendships here, but it's hard. This website is just not meant for this, I believe.
So...I don't know if this is against the rules, if it is, I apologize, but at this point I this it is necessary to act differently.
This is my personal mail: cinicalchic@libero.it
I would love to hear from you 
@MeMyselfAndHer
Thank you- i've sent you a message.
Like a number of people here- I feel like I don't fit in where I live. But it's a large city- and I keep telling myself there have to be people on my wavelength. So I keep trying to find them- meetups, other events, CL. In the past I've taken special interest classes. Once in a rare while I've managed to find someone who became a friend, but mostly I'm not successful. It's frustrating and depressing.
@MeMyselfAndHer I think we might be almost the same person. My island is slightly more populated than yours but still very small, 1 food store, no fulltime doctors etc. I think you're a whole year younger than me. This is the most beautiful place I've ever lived but it sure can be really lonely.
@MeMyselfAndHer
I can relate to how you feel. I dont live on an island, but I live in a small town. Ive never felt like ive fit in anywhere. Ive lived here for over 10 years and I dont have one true friend. Every person I have met has just hurt me or just judges me for one reason or the other. Im better off alone than to be friends with people who arent going to accept me for who I am, or people who are going to lie to me or betray me. Ive never had friends who have supported me or have helped me when ive needed it but they all expect me to be there for them. So I just avoid them as much as possible. I havent been a kind of person who wants to go out and be social all the time anways, I rather be at home with my cats than to be with people anyways. I do have a supportive husband who Im very thankful for, and i know how lucky I am to have that.
@MeMyselfAndHer I feel the same. I get what I call watching TV listener.
With responds like "wow" "I'm sorry" "its ok." I don't feel like they are really engaging the conversation.
Send me a message maybe we can talk and exchange stories.
Lord knows im struggling to beat depression. Im sparring and finding myself once again. I staying busy as possible. To all who fighting the pains. Bend your mind to not be bent. Is a real journey. I swear if you walk the path to self freedom. Then look back to not go backward. You ll be amazing how far u came. Thats the true victory road. God bless
@adaptableHouse4111
Thank you for your post! It was very inspiring!
@JanahisHere Thank you very much. This puts a smile on my face. I never thought Ill be fighting for my spirit. Keep flashing that infectious smile. Looks good on ya 
@adaptableHouse4111
@adaptableHouse4111
Thank you for then encouraging words.
I am sorry that you are going through this.
Thank you! I would never thought a human being could cause me this great suffering im feeling.
@adaptableHouse4111
I completely understand. I feel this way myself.
@MeMyselfAndHer
Hey Her! Just in case someone has not shared with you yet, we actually have a program for long-term relationships with listeners! You guys can either do it structured (where there is a weekly set up lesson and report for both of you to do for 8 weeks (we will add more weeks later)), or you can keep it casual with the understanding that you both want to have a long-term relationship!
Here is a link to how to find a lister in the program! https://www.7cups.com/forum/LongTermSupport_169/Buildinglongtermsupportiveconnectionson7Cups_1136/HowtoUseBrowseListenerstofindyoursponsorsponsee_64177/
I hope you are able to find someone who can work with you soon! I know how important these relationships can be! Good luck!
i don't have friends. really, not any. i don't have anybody to talk to. not even the listeners on here take my request. i constantly feel like i'm standing in a crowd yelling for help and nobody hears me.
I never knew there was so many sad, lonely, unwanted people out there, for years, I thought it was mostly me who was unfortunate. Coming to this site showed me there are thousands of people in similiar situations as I am in - someone with no children, husband, family, friends or neighbors.
@ThatAnxiousAce
I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. Big hugs
@ThatAnxiousAce I hear you. Hope you are feeling a little better today
@ThatAnxiousAce
I completely understand how you feel. I feel this way all the time.
@ThatAnxiousAce
I feel the same way. I really need someone to share more like a one on one chat. If I could afford a counsler or I would have one. But can totally relate to not having any friends. I also have family members that aren't able to understand and do not want to hear my crap anymore. It's really hard for me to take even one step at a time or one minute at a time.
@ThatAnxiousAce
I completely understand how you feel. I am in the same boat. Anyone who i had tried to reached out for help either don't know how to help me or they won't help me.
@MeMyselfAndHer Hey there! I'm really sorry that you feel this way! There are so many listeners who would happily be there for you with open ears and open arms! You could try browsing the listener page (www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners) and filter your search for anyone who's accepting Long-Term Members, because these listeners will more than likely be there for you for some many months however, if you have no luck, I'm always here for you if you need to talk! www.7cups.com/@Georgia
@MeMyselfAndHer Sorry to hear all that. Actually 7 Cups forbids us listeners from forming any kind of real friendship or connection. We are supposed to be like the catalyst that sits in between the solution and the solvent. We only try to walk by your side until you find your way to the solution. Not being the solution itself. This formula makes people feel very artificial and impersonal but it prevents people from adjusting their whole lives or serious decisions according to the things that the listener says. Remember: Most people come here seeing the "professional listeners" ad. A lot of people might confuse a listeners offhand remark with a kind of default or legit directive. And that's a bigger problem. So instead of being direct and intrusive we try to be observant and reflecting.
And there are also many members who report listeners for being too friendly with them. We don't want to be reported for that. Actually people being too friendly is a bigger problem here than the general of them being apathetic.
Either way anyone who feels lonely can message me if they want to talk. I try to respond as much as I can.
Thanks for making this clear @bluelotus99
I did have a couple of listeners who werent helpful and also intrusive. One got flirty after one chat and it went on until I ended the chat, it was very uncomfortable for me. Another one was just very rude and got too personal. How do you pick these guys?
I would love to be a listener myself, but I always think how am I able to help someone if I cant relate to them, or if I accidentally made them feel worse. The listeners that I mentioned above are very irresponsible, and makes me question everything 😂 Ill only be sticking to forums now *shudders*.
@SailingFox
I have 4 listeners now that I keep up with regularly and theres a lot a friendly small talk (and Im okay with that 🙂) and there hasnt been anything going on that I would consider alarming. 🙂 In my case, I didnt pick any ... they all came to me after reading some of my posts.
There is one person who is a 7 Cups listener who I had actually met outside of 7 Cups here in Chicago before he moved out of the city. Im still rather suspicious of his actual motives behind being a Listener, though. I havent connected with him on here on a member-Listener basis and dont plan to. Recently, he mentioned to me about being rated 5 stars (which I already knew about) but for all I know, he could have logged on with other fake accounts and rated himself ... he doesnt have a large following and is not very active in either feed or forum.
When looking for a good Listener, I would suggest looking at their follower and following list along with their rating, and also if possible read their posts and feed. 👍
@AbbyHarris1976 wow, that sounds kinda creepy 😥 and yes, quite suspicious! Thabks for the tip on getting good listeners! ❤️💯🙌🏻 I appreciate that.
sorry for the late reply, I havent been as active as I would like to lately due to work 😥😭
@SailingFox
I know, right? Work has been quite stressful here, too ...
Because of that failed friendship with that (not so much) friend who turned out to be a listener, it kind of helped me, in somewhat of a dark way, to use some discernment in determining whether listeners who contact me are doing so for the right reasons.
I'm actually okay with those who want to ask me for advice on being better listeners, even though I'm not a listener myself (due to my work schedule and I don't have the best time management skills to be taking on realtime chats too often), because I want to do what I can to support them in supporting others ... I have actually gotten some chat requests for my advice and insight and I always do what I can to help them so long as I know their intentions behind being listeners are for the best. 
@AbbyHarris1976 I think its wonderful that people are asking for advice from you even though you are not officially a listener! ❤️ I wish I could do that, but I still question myself whether I am capable of doing it.
And yea, work just sucks the life and energy out of you till theres nothing left for anything else 😩😭
@bluelotus99 I really didn
@bluelotus99 you raise interesting points about the listeners. Im 26 and recently had a listener who I am sure was much younger than me and was unable to relate to what I was talking about in any way and really just had no idea about ‘adult life
Im not sure how the vetting process works but surely they should pair people of similar ages. Imagine I was talking to a 15 year old about something heavy!
@ can I ask them their age and gender
