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ForcefulCranberry
1,246 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 4, 2015
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I feel like such a loser
Depression Support / by ForcefulCranberry
Last post
 March 30th, 2016
...See more Just the fact that I'm posting my feelings to invisible people because I don't have anyone in the real world confirms my belief that I'm the world's bigggest loser and screw up. I'm not a teen or even 20 something- I should have my life more together. But obviously, I don't. Making friends and connecting with people is harder as you get older, I know that. People have their own lives and families and less time for friends. But somehow others manage to connect with people, develop friendships and support system and I can't. I can't manage to connect with people any more than on the most casual superficial level. I go to Meetups and other events like art openings and usually feel invisible. And when I'm uncomfortable or ill at ease, I tend to retreat and pull back within myself, which I know doesn't help. Social anxiety is such fun. I have one real world 'friend' and she's a rather self centred person who I don't believe I can rely on. I've been there for her in assorted crises- but there isn't reciprocation. I do have some long distance friends/acquaintences I email regularly, and I interact with people on a forum I belong to- but it's not the same thing. And even on the forum- I don't feel fully accepted or that people pay attention to things I post the way they do for some of the others. My core belief is that no one really gives a damn about me or wants to know me- and it keeps being confirmed with every time I'm ignored and every rejection. The thing is- I know I'm a good person and a good friend- but it feelslike there's an invisible wall between me and the rest of the world. The fact I don't have kids, a dog, a normal 9-5 job or do church doesn't make things easier. I just feel totally alone, insignificant, unimportant and unwanted. And I don't know how to change things.
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