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Ramblings 3

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 31st, 2023

Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.

3107
Tinywhisper11 August 21st

@Iamwhoiamwhoami good luck with your phone call ❤❤

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

Well, social services was absolutely no help. No transportation, nothing to assist with getting meds that can’t be mailed. Advocate for myself….what’s the point?


1 reply
Tinywhisper11 August 22nd

@Iamwhoiamwhoami ohhhh!😥😥 that's just ridiculous😞 I'm so sorry

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

Exactly why I try and avoid hoping for anything. I will be disappointed every time. I don’t want to deal with any of this anymore.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

I’m done advocating. Anxiety is extremely high since call. Pointless, all of it is.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

Darkest of thoughts rampant. When is it going to end?

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

Laying here rocking back and forth trying to find a reason to go on. I ask for help and get no help. I have gotten no response from my doctor regarding wheelchair/walker help. Called a medical store and they need prescription from doctor for them.

I ended up going to another online place and ordered a wheelchair and a rollator…walker with wheels and brakes?.?.

I honestly and truly can’t do this anymore.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

I never knew there could be another level of alone until now.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

How much more will be piled on? I am barely functioning. I can’t handle what I am struggling with now, add anything more and I will not be functioning at all.

I’m suffocating under this mountain, I feel like I’m being targeted for my failures. Either way I am in the pit of my own creation.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

Everything is out of focus. I am laying here rocking back and forth and trembling. Can’t seem to find any reason to continue. There are none. I’m beginning to believe that continuing to “find the strength “ is a complete waste of time and energy. All this based on the lie that it will get better.

my reality is it never gets better just worse.

Previously, no matter how bad things got I was at the minimum able to rely on myself to handle the basics. Now that has been stripped away from me, I can’t rely on myself and the relying on others,surely is not an option for me.


Iamwhoiamwhoami OP August 21st

I tried and failed. Story of my life. What future could I possibly have at this point. I don’t believe there is much of one.