Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
Nothing has changed here. How about you?
@Iamwhoiamwhoami im fantastically awesomely great😁❤ don't forget to ring the hospital today ❤ I just woke up, my morning routine looks like this
@Tinywhisper11
Sounds like I need some of your coffee… ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 coffee is bad for you, that's why I should drink it all😁 you can drink strawberry milkshake 😋 actually that's also had for you, so I'll drink all that too. You can drink water😁😂😂
How is your anxiety?
@Tinywhisper11
Anxiety is still riding high with everything else. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hugs you tightly ❤❤ at least tommorow you'll know more ❤ your doing so well with all this, you really are amazing ❤❤ a lot of other people I think would have given up, I'm very proud of you ❤ ❤
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️ Thank you so very much for everything ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami friends are always there for each other ❤❤
What thoughts are going through your head about tomorrow??
@Tinywhisper11
too many as always. But I suppose the ones in the leading pack are still about being able to get through the scan so that answers can hopefully start being found.❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you can do it, I know you can ❤ do you remember how your claustrophobia started?? I get claustrophobic too, it's not easy. But your gonna be ok ❤
@Timywhisper11
Not sure how or when it started. But after my breakdown several years ago, it started being noticeable. I didn’t realize how extreme it was until the mri awhile back.
I have been through a lot of anxiety/panic attacks, but adding the panic attack with anxiety attacks was the worst ones I can remember,(that doesn’t mean much considering my memory issues).
I will try and remember that you are holding my hand tomorrow ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Iamwhoiamwhoami wait it's already the 14th 😮 I thought it was tommorow but it's today😱 quick get your @ss to the hospital
@Tinywhisper11 yep! Just double checked it's the 14th. Are you awake!?! Are you in your way!?!?
@Tinywhisper11 on* your way!??
@Iamwhoiamwhoami please wake up! Get ready you need to go
@Tinywhisper11
It’s ok, as of right now I have a few hours yet before I have to leave for the appointment. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh thank God, I was really worried, I forget about time zones ❤ ok just a few hours, just take your time, deep breaths, every thing is gonna be ok. I'm with you, in spirit, holding your hand tightly ❤ I have every faith in you, you can do this ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
I will try and remember that when I am at the mri. For now I’m just trying to close my eyes and zone out for a bit before I try and take a shower before I go.
❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok sweetie ❤ take your time getting ready, don't want to be in inscrutiating pain before you start driving ❤ becarful please ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Good luck today Iam! Tiny and I are waiting with you ❤️ I hope they find the answers for what's causing you so much pain
@mytwistedsoul soul is holding your other hand, we are right here with you ❤
@Tinywhisper
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you .
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for continuing to check in on me. Finally heard back from my doctor and they are referring me to a neurosurgeon and also referral for possibly pain injections.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami No thank yous necessary ok? I just wish I could do more to help.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami your in my thoughts and prayers ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 great minds think alike <3
MRI is over. Back home in bed trying to regroup. I’m guessing that results won’t be posted until tomorrow.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami You did great Iam! I'm glad you got it done. Now the hard part - the waiting again but hopefully tomorrow brings answers. Will they call you to give the results or to have you come in?
They should call and depending on the results probably another appointment scheduled. Also, there is a linked system that should notify me so I can view results online.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami My doctor has that too. I never really know what I'm looking for when I see them. It'll be nice to know what's going on to cause all the pain and hopefully get it fixed
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you did it! You did it yaaaaay! I'm so proud of you ❤❤❤ gives you the biggest hug ever ❤❤❤
Laying here waiting and waiting and waiting. I want to contact my doctor about something for pain management but I need to wait and see what the scan results are first. I don’t handle pain very well anymore. I also am not comfortable relying on others for anything. Advocating for myself is not something I am any good at. Especially when it involves admitting I need help. I just about didn’t ask for a wheelchair at this appointment, my stubbornness was high. However, I could barely stand much less walk. I knew that by the time the scan was over that there was a possibility that I would need to ask for assistance getting dressed. I forced my way through that situation though. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. Every day is a battle that keeps getting harder and harder to endure. I am mentally and physically exhausted. How much more am I going to have to take on. I have struggled all my life. I have not lived, nor have I survived, I struggled everyday with too many things, internal battles. My way to keep moving was to hide inside my head. I have had many things added to this mix of battles over the years. I have been beaten down time and time again as a result of these battles. I have continued this ordeal for far too long. This latest ordeal is proving to be way more than I can handle.
I have no reason to believe that this is going to get better. The older I get the more I realize that for me, today will always be better than tomorrow.
What will tomorrow bring? More of the same. Why should I continue on with this nonsense. I’m not going to magically get better. I am struggling with too many things to be able to handle the focus needed for this latest ordeal. I know it sounds like I am whining, and to an extent I suppose I am but I mainly am stating the facts as they are. Looking at all my writings here in many different titles or whatever they are called, is the proof of my point here. With the way things were headed I figured that my brain would shutdown before anything like this would happen. Just my luck, I got handed the game changer. Derailed by this latest one. I am stuck in a situation that is beyond anything I can handle. I know I have a couple of friends here which is wonderful. But that is difficult to bring into the day to day life.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm so very proud of you for doing the mri, ❤ through every battle life as given you, you've made it through them all, it truly amazes me how each day you prove all those monsters in your head and body that you are stronger than them all ❤I know having friends on here, might be nothing compared to having friends in real life. But I've never had real life friends, so to me friendship on 7 cups means the whole world to me ❤ I wish I could be there for you in real life too. But after spending a whole day with me, you'd barricade yourself in a sound proffed room😂😂 I know sometimes life sucks, but remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off😁😁hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I am in no way taking the importance of your friendship with me lightly. I never want to lose that friendship. I have never had real life friends either. I don’t believe that I would in any way be disappointed in spending a whole day with you. You should now by now after reading some of my writings that I live in the darkness, and therefore speak from that same darkness. So I hope you never take anything personally because of my writings.
❤️❤️🤝❤️❤️hugs you back
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh no no no! I didn't mean anything by saying that. I just wanted to let you know I love you ❤❤ your friendship is important to me ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 I never take offence to what you write ❤❤❤