Space After Argument

@Mikanicolay

Hey there, that all depends on the person and situation in itself. If your partner needs his space sometimes it's a healthy thing to do. How are you during this time?

Yes after arguments most relationships take some time to settle down. Its important to clear your positions as to why the conflicts started in the first place, and discuss peacefully when the situation calms down @Mikanicolay

Sorry for commenting on an old post, you may have resolved this already, but in case youre not sure how you feel about his behavior or if anyone is going through something similar… How he acts once he reconnects is the best indication of whether this behavior is healthy. If he comes back and wants to pretend the fight never happened, that’s not a great sign of healthy coping. As others have said, some people do need more time to get their thoughts together and prefer to get their emotions in check before continuing a difficult conversation. If he’s ready to resolve the issue and has constructive things to say about it, then that’s just his process. Of course, it’s still up to you to decide what you’re comfortable with. Two people can have perfectly healthy coping mechanisms that work against each other.

I need your question answered as well. I’m in a relationship and I haven’t seen my boyfriend in 11 days.

Everyone has different ways of dealing with stress and giving someone space usually helps. I think it would be best if you gave him his personal space and then have a talk after. Hope everything goes well!

Yes. In a relationship we must constantly balance our mental health and boundaries, our needs, but also at the same time we must be conscious of our partner’s needs and the needs of the relationship for intimacy and connection.

At a certain point if he keeps asking for space the distance will grow in your relationship. At a certain point “space” might become a pretext for avoiding the issue. Although pressuring him to commit to a timeline of when he wants to deal with the issue really would not take into account how emotions like anger and frustration actually work.

In the end though, people need to decide if they want to be angry forever, or if they want their relationship to survive, if they want a solution to move on to a better place in their relationship, or do they just want to stay unhappy and frustrated and stuck in the argument?

If he is also experiencing stress outside of the relationship, he MAY be questioning the relationship more generally, whether it is right for him right now with everything he already has going on in his life. That questioning and doubt might cause him to be more reluctant about resolving the issue with you when he is uncertain as to what he actually wants from you, from the relationship. Also the nature of the argument may have caused him to question and have those doubts if it was a serious argument. How you handle it can also contribute to his reticence to resolve it. For example if he adamantly feels you did something wrong, but you won’t accept any responsibility or accountability then he might feel that working on a solution is just a waste of time because maybe he feels you both don’t even agree on what the problem actually is or who is at fault.

To be clear I have no idea what the argument was about and as not saying you’re at fault. I am just offering perspective as to thoughts that might be going through his mind and how he might be thinking and considering the issues right now.

If you want to move past this, look first to your own attitude and behaviour. What do you communicate to him during this time? Is it a willingness to listen? Is it self-pity? Is it blame and conflict oriented frustration? Impatience? Accusations? When we want peace, we do not begin by expressing aggression. When we want understanding, we do not begin by attacking and blaming. The outcomes we desire should guide our behaviour and attitude. If you want connection and love in your relationship, then your behaviour should reflect that ALWAYS. And even more so when there is tension and distance; that is when you need to make MORE efforts to nurture trust, intimacy and positive regard.

Hope this was helpful to you in some way! Wishing you both all the best.

CastInTheCradle

Honestly speaking, if he cared about what u r going through he would have responded or tried to communicate, but he didn't. That suggests a toxic relationship. If u r bothered deeply about it and it is affecting ur day to day mental health, its better if u talk to him clearly and let him know that this is not something u r comfortable with, and depending on his response u should prepare for whats coming.

Also it's never worth it to lose ur mental stability for any relationship. As he is thinking for himself rn, u should think for urself too.

This happened with me, so I can tell what's going on.

@Mikanicolay

I definitely think it's normal that your boyfriend wants space after an argument because some people need that extra time by themselves to reflect and recharge. I can understand how it might make you feel uneasy, not knowing or fully understanding why he needs so much space. I think it's incredibly mindful of you to notice that he's been experiencing some stress outside of the relationship. So him needing space might not actually be about your relationship or the argument you had.

Do you think asking your boyfriend if there's anything he wants to talk about (whether it's about you guys or outside stresses) would be a good thing, or how do you think that would affect your relationship?

I'm wishing you both the best, I hope you can reconnect and find a way to resolve this long-term.

@Mikanicolay

Hey, its okay to feel stressed after an argument. Every person functions differently. Some people like to talk it out and respond. While others like to think through before they respond. He might be the one that is more reserved , think out through what he is feeling about and then respond. So this saves your relationship and does not sabotage it. Give him some time, I am sure he will come around.

@Mikanicolay hi there..well I wouldn't say it's normal or not, should be based on the individual, and you know him better, in the sense that you'd definitely feel it ,if this is not right or it is, but mostly communication is key in every relationship and respecting each other's feelings and sometimes Compromise for the better,if he (your boyfriend) is asking for a week..just see where it goes