OUR ORIGINAL POETRY: Share It Here

I make everyone happy as I can

Cos I don't want to see them being sad

I try to make them laugh with my bad jokes

If I can make someone smile then I feel happy inside

being happy is important feeling to have

It's hard to live, In the shadow of guilt. How can i be brave While building my grave, Is there time while you smile, See me through, To my soul and pray, The tinted dark don't, Become black or gray. It's hard to breath, With the stone instead of heart. The life has change, Form bad to worse, Changing ; Ohhhhh ; Changing my ways ; For whom ; I don't know ; I don't want, How to be me. Than how can i change, Change my heart to red. It's really brave for coming so far, It's hard to live, In the shadow of guilt, With heart turning into shades of grey.....

//fallout//

I.

all i want to be able to do right now is tell my story

i think it would help me start to heal

(finally)

but that?s hard to do

because I don?t even understand it myself

and i?ve never been all that good with expressing my feelings

i always preferred to etch them into my skin instead

because that way,

they were real

but i never had to utter them aloud

they were always too dark, too unfathomable

to be put into words

anyway

and now they?re permanent.

even if i wanted to forget them

(god, do i want to forget them)

i never can

and neither can the world when they?re on display

like this

II.

i spent my childhood with a hole in my chest

a hole i never noticed

(that is, i knew it was there but

i guess i just assumed that this was life,

that everyone else had one too)

and so i assumed my position -

a damsel who clutched her distress

like a security blanket laced with poison

until it started to choke me

III.

eight.

that?s how old i was the moment

i first began to self-destruct -

just a little scratch to quiet

the voices

telling little me how

worthless

she was

the funny thing is

it always felt normal

like this was what i was built for

like i was meant for the darkness

IV.

if you spend enough years

being told

(subliminally or otherwise)

by your head

your family

that asshole at school

your first boyfriend

and

all the wickedness of the media

that your body is wrong

thatyouare wrong

you start to believe it

and you take it upon yourself

(being the perfectionist that you are)

to correct yourself

and you relish the compliments

as you shrink

and it becomes harder to walk up the stairs

V.

they told me

sit down, shut up, close your eyes

and pray

man loves woman

you?re a sinner

sinner

and i listened.

the day i realized

what they?d done to me

i lost me

i still don?t know if i?ve found her yet

VI.

there were mornings

and afternoons

and evenings

when i forgot how to speak

and i flirted with the prospect of

not existing

because

the walls i?d built to prevent discovery

began to cave in

and my 2 am crimson screams

were never heard

(i?d hidden them well beneath my shiny exterior

and sleeves i clutched so tight

my knuckles went white)

VII.

now

my arms and thighs

are a roadmap i don?t quite know how to read

maybe i never will

VIII.

?better? seems so distant

but i don?t want to stay here

anymore

this darkness is so easy, so

comfortable

but it?s been my home for too long

it?s time i put up a fight

I made this last night at 3.

we can dance on the rings of Saturn, and burn hotter than the sun. we were together forever, before the universe had even begun.

I sit alone
All by myself
And I know that I brought this on myself
I built a wall
To shield myself
From everyone that would leave
Thought no one really wanted me
So when they tried to leave
I opened up the door for them
And locked it when they left
I chased no one
No one
That was my big mistake
And now I've finally figured out
That I was all to blame
Maybe if I went after them
Maybe they would have stayed

to all the broken dreams and wasted years

to night after night sleeping on a pillow full of tears

to arguments that no one won

and family vacations that weren't all that fun

to expectations that couldn't be met

to unjust rules intended to protect

to all the time wasted while living at home

to parents by whom I'll probably be disowned

so long, farewell, good riddance

lgbtq

on my name-tag are written five letters

all in lowercase, no vowels

is this a word?

does it define me?

people tell me it holds meaning

they use big words

i don't understand

they push and prod me into a corner

where a herd of other people stand

wearing masks, all alike

every name-tag holds the same five letters

a mask pushed over my face

istand for hours

unable to see, to speak

as the world whirls around me

without me

then darkness

silence

the mask pulled off

My corner glows with color

illuminating the dark that was thrust upon it

no one speaks

breathing

living

quietly beautiful

I see value

I forget the five letters

Grey clouds above my head

Teardrops in my heart

Unclaimed melodies

I must make a brand new start

At first you didn't know

If it was right to feel this way

But the weeks turned into months

And still this numbness didn't sway

At first it was a solution

To feel once again

But then you felt to much

And the skin couldn't mend

At first you went away

Into an almost tomb

With white halls and bare walls

and a silence that boomed

But you came back stronger than ever

You picked yourself up at your worst

I know you can get better

Even if it didn't seem so at first

like a rat in a maze
I whittle and raze
till not a man is left
till all is theft and my life is forfeit
For I shant forget
That I can't, it was given
Of a man smitten
With a woman Wiccan
They gave birth to a villain
and gave me my place
Lost without a trace
filled with all the reminders
of old middle school binders
with horrible memories of hardships endured
memories of relationships I've abhorred
The lasting sorrow
till tomorrow
passing onward ever endured