OUR ORIGINAL POETRY: Share It Here
Hello there everyone!
If you're reading this it means that you probably are quite fond of poetry and writing it to. This is a thread to post all and any poetry that you may have, be it happy, sad, angry or just silly. All styles are welcome (free verse, couplets, slam) and it would be great to have at least one poem up a day for all of us to enjoy together!!
This is a slam poem I wrote earlier this year about my past experiences with friends, titled lies. Please give constructive feedback. I love you. Why do you feed my desperate soul these lies? I see you huddled in a corner with your "so called friends." I know that as soon as you lose interest in them you'll mercilessly move on without a second thought. Most of them will not care, knowing it was all a farce, however, there will always be that one naive person who thought what they had was real but people will make fun of them and call them a fool when really she is anything but that... All because she believed in the friendship they shared. Heart torn out and ripped into shreds so miniscule that not even the most tender of hands or capable fingers can put it back together again. Betrayal fresh in her heart she seeks a new path; one of secrecy and caution. Even years later, the memories linger piercing her soul like a cats claw when it buries itself into the trees flesh, using it as a scratching post. These clawed memories are dragging her down the drain like quick sand. All she's looking for is acceptance in this cruel world of hate and misery. What used to be understanding gazes, turn into judgemental glares. Trusted figures turn into gargantuan monsters of rage. Towering over her cowering form crouched on the floor, they scream words like arrows repeatedly stabbing her. Laughter echoes around as they find her helplessly sprawled out on the floor in a puddle of her own blood. Wounds encircle her limp body, yet, even as she cries out for help, not a single being comes to her aid. She bleeds their words of torment desperatly searching for something solid to grab onto in this sea of turmoil. They remain ignorant and are blind to what they're doing to this once beautiful girl who is now covered in the scars of her past but must keep trudging up the steep road full of potholes despite the injuries that limit her not only mentally but physically as well. She is trapped, in her own cage of protection but the metal bars are burning her and its too late for escape. Unspoken words hang off her dry lips: a plea of help. Begging to be spoken not daring to be said, she suffers in silence as the world spins but to her everything is frozen. Time doesn't seem to pass, its always the same but on the inside she's wasting away, crumbling to dust. Whatever was left of that girl has now been blown by the wind.
Dear @WildRoseHorses,
Slam poetry is so interesting, and I lovethis one.
Given that slam poetry is performance poetry, I ordinarily find it isn't experienced best in print, which lacks the poet's vocal tone, pauses, pitch variations, volume variations, and (in some cases) anguished appeals to the audience.
But this poem has LOTS of power in print. The overall impact is wrenching ? I can only imagine what it?s like when you read it to a live audience!
For me, the strongest elements of the poem are the narrative elements rather than the metaphorical elements. What I mean is, I was impressed by the poet's ability to choose compelling moments within a string of events, and by the poet?s eye for the piercing detail to illustrate each moment. I was impressed by the poet's ability to perceive and select human feelings, actions and reactions to tell the story effectively.
With regard to imagery --the image of a heart torn out and ripped to shreds is not new, but the idea that the pieces are so tiny that not even the most tender hands and competent fingers can put the shreds back together? That image worked for me because it suggested that the person doing the shredding was extraordinarily thorough and energetic (and callous) in his or her destructive actions, and it further suggesteda level of injuryso devastating that love from others would not heal it, thus disabling the victim from responding to tender love in the future.
The severity of the damage is further portrayed by the reaction of self-protection: "Betrayal fresh in her heart she seeks a new path; one of secrecy and caution." That reaction rang soooo true to me!
There were other apt details that lent power, I felt. Although the idea that a merciless person would leave friends behind is fairly routine, the comment that most of them wouldn?t care anyway because they already knew it was a farce from the start -- that comment portrayed a group of cynical, world-weary young people ? chilling, in contrast to the trustful, warm, nae poet. Effective contrast, I thought.
In your intro to your poem, you requested constructive feedback, so I'll give some additional feedback, for whatever it?s worth --or not.
There were a few things that caused me some slight confusion or double-takes until I could re-read and figure things out. For example, the line ?I see you huddled in a corner? initially brought to mind a person hunched over, alone, isolated or in pain ? but then it turned out that the huddle was like a tight team huddle excluding others. I don?t know if anyone else had a similar double-take moment. Also, the line about how they couldn?t ?put it back together again? had (for me) an unintended echo of Humpty Dumpty.In addition, the word ?encircle? gives me a sense of something external to the body ? a belt encircling a waist, for example. So the idea of the wounds encircling her body caused me to stall and re-read several times to get the intended sense of it.
There were other things that I found comment-worthy, but I?ve said more than enough! (Old teachers leave the classroom but the passion for literature and budding writers doesn?t leave!
Please feel to send me a private message is you?d like to chat further about writing.)
Last, I think my favorite line was this one: ?Why do you feed my desperate soul these lies?? The idea of a ?hungry heart? goes back to Beowulf at least (and further, for all I know) and into contemporary music as well. But the marked rhythm of this line, together with the soul as desperate, had a strong impact.
Overall, this poem conveys a whirlwind of disillusionment and damagewith realintensity. Amazinglypowerful writingfrom such a young poet!Thank you for sharing it with us.
@Annie thanks so much!!! I really appreciate you taking the time to write this and I will use the feedback to improve what you said. I'm so happy that you enjoy my poem. Thanks again! :-)
This is what I'd say to my twin sister if I was brave enough. This is only part of my worry for her and a fraction of a fraction of her story.
Dear sister,
Have you smiled yet? Have you eaten?
Are you
okay?
Please reply soon.
Dear sister,
Why are you crying? Why do you yell?
Please be
okay.
Get back to me soon.
Dear sister,
Why are you so thin? Why are there scars?
Please don't
die.
I feel lost now.
Dear sister,
Are you here? Why aren't you listening?
Please don't
yell.
Goodbye, sister.
Give it to her. If you love her, make sure sheknows
Thanks, I'll try. She's been a bit hard to talk to but I'll try
@Monarda heartbreaking... intense, full words. wonderful choices in phrases.
Now and Forever
Where did you go?
I miss you so.
It seems like a million years ago,
When I could talk,
And laugh,
And joke,
And smile.
Those days were the best,
But they are over now,
They have taken their bow,
And I shall never see,
My beautiful queen.
She is gone now,
Ripped away,
By the beast I couldn't slay.
Where did you go?
All i ask,
Is one more laugh,
One more smile, one more kiss,
One more day,
One more.
But this desire
Will die with fire
Because you've been ripped away,
By the monster I couldn't slay,
Who has taken you away.
All the shining armor,
It couldn't save the day.
It's over now,
Those days have taken their bow.
Our love is dead,
Just like me, laying in my bed.
The tears are falling down,
Past my ever frown,
Because I can never smile again,
Not without you.
Where did you go?
I miss you so.
And when i think of you,
I can't breathe.
Can't move, can't smile.
My beautiful baby girl
Is gone.
And I shall never forget
The times we had,
Laughs we shared,
Smiles we made.
Because you are part of me,
Can't you see?
I need you,
Now and Forever.
This poem is a masterpiece, it made my heart ache. I love it. You have an amazing talent :)
This is a great poem! Great rhyming!
@NinjaJosh427,
LOVEthe extended metaphor of the hero, the dragon, and the lady in need of rescue. "All the shining armor . . . couldn't save the day." Poignant, compelling.
Thank you
I Can't Find the Door
In a room with no windows, no light, no sound
Hands pressed to the wall, gliding over metal and stone
It is cold here, alone in my cell
Blinded, numb, pleading, let me out
I can't find the door
I am tired, I need rest, just for a moment
A respite, a sleep, short and sweet
I'm tired of searching
Someone please let me out
I can't find the door
Knees to chest, eyes closed
Dizziness overwhelms me and I feel the ground
A little voice
Says don't give up now, but
I can't find the door
Legs shaking, thin as paper
I pull myself up, claws digging into the wall
A scream rips through me, arms wide, face to the sky
Let Me Out
I can't find the door
Fists, feet pounding
There must be a way
Heart pounding, blood pumping
Is there a way?
I can't find the door
Hands bloody and raw
My blood the only heat
The pain that should be
Isn't and still
I can't find the door
Breath heaving, I fall
My eyes flutter closed
A sob, a tear
A scream, wrenched from my soul
There is no door
Dear @Anna770, the desperation, fear, weariness, frantic struggles,and ultimate despair are terribly vivid here. Frighteningly well written.
Ever seen the ocean deep,the deepest one is like my dream, changes every time I breathe ,the calmest second become angry,the tide of emotions become my enemy, ever seen the the ocean blue ,the darker the shade the darker my mind where my demons reside
Onward it moves
This shell, Prison
Masking the creature within
Outwardly blank
Inwardly black, Shriveled, Twisted
Costume of flesh, to ward off suspicion
Creature cries out, yet shrinks from notice
IT IS UNWORTHY
LOVE A silk thread winding, Between you and me is binding; A bond of endless happiness, With love's warmthness. just one minute seems, Like an hour's dream; Think of the moments together, It'll seem like life rather. This moment i want, It to have an endless font; It is the one with which , I can spend my life's ditch. The whole world seems suddenly, To be most beautiful and heavenly; I can hear the songs as well, Of the love birds which in heaven dwell. So let us drink merrily, The poison of love heavenly; And slowly get lost for ever, In our own world and return never.
Idk could be triggering for some people with self harm just that I've said it. Beating hearts and empty eyes smiling lips but sad eyes drugged bodies and empty bottles Clean wriss but cutted hips.
The dept
Sometimes feel like this,
Wait by the cliff trying fit in this bliss.
I fought everyday by the devil in me ,
I felt im fooling myself for the truthin me.
This eagle ,
Flys into thejungle.
Every sorrow and pain ,
I took with me to the grave.
I'lltake your legacy,
Fightall the enemies,
Cross over seas ,
But dont forget me causs you are the one ,
Told me that " this battle is to won ".
So i'll wait and wait ,
Cause the one that brings you here is the fate .
INSANE
My life is like a moonless night
Without even a tinge of light
Despair and dismay shine at my doom
My eyes search for even a slightest gloom
The only hope that remains with me
Is living my whole life with an enemy
Friend in disguise but cursing my life
Yet, I can't get out of my despise
People call me - Insane
But I am just a guilty disdain..