Out of The Corner/In The World
Hi! Some of you might know of my other space here, In the corner. Or just, "the corner" in my head. This is the world! I.e this is me learning to "adult" (what?), get out of my comfort zone, accept my flaws, seek the positives in life, etc etc! My journey out of the comfort zone, basically. And it's going to be rocky, it's going to be real hard, and I'm going to end up in the corner venting about something more times than not, probably, but it's a step, I think.
Let's get out of the corner! (That was kinda cheesy!)
Hmhm
I have to do roughly 50-60 pages for tomorrows exam. Not a lot. I should have done more yesterday, honestly, i only did one of three chapters. Its a small, unimportant exam. Kind of too small syllabus to be an exam and too big to be a test. Except urdy, lots of syllabus for that. Ugh. Anyways, i should be studying. Uts 1.17pm. How many pages did i say? 60? I could take 5 mins per page and be done by dinner. And who needs 5 mins per page anyways? 2 minutes at most, probably. Some pages will just be numericals, so one minute for those. Ugh. Im so lazy, though. Probably because its an unimportant exam. Sis keeps glancing at me. She said i have the shortest attention span shes ever seen in anyone. I said i attention very well, thankyouverymuch, but meh, i probably dont xD i zone out, and honestly, i dont like where i go when i zone out. Hm-hm. Sis says i need to do things i like more so that i dont zone out. Things i like. Hm. Writing. Spending time with my cousins. Messaging my friend. Um. None of those are proper hobbies, she says. Um. Drawing but, well. Hm. Nah. This is such a dump of thoughts. God, am I lazy. Need someone to shake me. Do chemistry, do chemistry, do chemistry. We had a feedback thing in college. My friend wrote that their should be more breaks. Her english is kind of broken, but not so bad "There should be more breaks students dont proper time for break in 30 minutes" i made her add "have" after dont. I wrote that the library was very nice and that the bathrooms were very not nice. The soap smells awful. Makes your hands dirter, im sure. Im procrastinating, clearly. And not even productively. Things i like. What do i like? Writing. And? I really dont remember what i used to do when i was free before. Count rocks. I loved doing that. Sis had a collection i would categorize and count. I dont know where her collection went after moving. Its been almost an year since moving. It will be an year soon. How was moving? Horrible. 1/10 would not recommend. Somebody needs to stick dad to here. Or us there in kuwait. That would be nice. Give us a business. We need a business dad says. Jobs here are bad not good. I told sis to give tutions. Youre so good i told her. And so free. More free than 10 me's. She says she cant because she studied the cambridge curriculum and not pakistan curriculum. Silly. She could teach all the maths and english we have. Being shy. I try to let her be but it is such a waste. She could help kids. Just shy. Im not englishing right, im so. So not here. And here. I keep typing. More. Should stop. Do somehing i like. Eat? I need to learn cooking. Head hurts. Maybe thats why i keep yapping. Moms mobility is lesser. Her shoulder is not good. Hard to cook. She always, always spends time on sewing and clothes and then at night she is too tired. To clean or the dishes. And i get, annoyed, annoyed. And sis tells me to clean the dishes. And i get annoyed, cause i dont have time for hobbies and all mom is doing is sewing and online shopping and then after my work i have to do her work. And then she yells at me. Because. I waste time. On phone. Like a waster timer but. All i want is. To read. And cups. And not do chemistry. But chemistry sir is so nice. And i hate chemistry. But i do well in my tests. Because he is nice so i have to because. Urdu sir is nice too but urdu is too hard to do right. I got 56. Percent. Last year i got 85 percent in urdu. Fall. Fell down. Dont like that, not good, not good. Too much typing. Damn the headache. Small. Ugh what was i going to do? Eat. Yes. Just had breakfast- look its 1.33 it was 1.17. Time. Pass so much. While typing. Eat something, good, like fruits. Nice. So many sessions with doctor mom says and no better in the shoulder.
I get dizzy. In college. Now. Thats new. I told sis and she said something about emotions. Wrong. Diagnosis. Um. Mom got up. Kitchening. Cleaning maybe. Sis is reading, procrastinating. Am i a good writer? I dont know but sis said shes intrigued she read my book without asking but thats okay im trying to not make it depressing but it is depressing cause i get depressing sometimes. My uk friend has exams. I want to call her but she has social anxiety and doesnt like calls. She said we wpuld try to call someday. I said its okay but you know miss her miss sensible people in my life. Sis is half sensible she tries i should really eat will help the head avoid painkillers
I got dizzy again thats new too how nice dont read the whole. Hold on dizzyb ok dont read the whole text blob sorry so much get like this sometimes sis cabt get me to be quiet when headache but today i hv blisters so just typing shld hv uses notes app instead sorry hv a good day dont worry im fine gonna eat
17 pgs of this chap and 1 revision chapter left. Done by...done by 5? Maybe? Hope so? Then urdu till 10. 10.30? 10 is enough. If i dont. Procrastinate
I didnt eat because the idea of getting up is abhorrent . No library during exams. Sad. And reporting time is 7.30. Boo. Means get up at 6.30. Boo. Dont like at all. They hate when we sleep. Next exam is english. Easypeasy just dont procrastinate and dont mess up. Like a messer up. Ugh. Food. I told sis to feed me. She wasnt pleased. Fair.
Antonio has the loveliest pfp
I made myself some noodles, and the headaches much better, but i think im coming down with a case of the flu. Makes sense, my friend had it. My throat is quite unhappy.
Its 5 and im not done with chemistry, but there are worse things. 17 pages left, but im stuck at this silly Le Chateliers principle. I left it earlier to do the other chapter and now im back here. Le. Chatelier.
Le chatelier states very sensible things. Its a bit confusing but easy enough. The difficult is the _examples_
@unassumingEyes 14 pages what am i doing on here again-
@unassumingEyes 7 pages. Buffer solutions are left. And common ion effect (the examples are gonna be a pain)
Why couldnt i have gotten a mean chemistry sir so that i wldnt fewl bad about failing? (Not genuine tho thankgod i hv good teachers xD)
Sometimes I wish we could talk in person... In certain moments, there's an impression that you would benefit from that. You obviously can't talk to your mother about her conduct. Your father isn't around all the time because of necessity; your sister isn't always around either (I think?) & you two aren't always that close. Who do you have to talk to over there?
@unassumingEyes - Also you're still not eating enough. I know it. 🧐
@slowdecline48 my sister is around, but- her whole personality is a thing xD not that type of close, you can say. She struggles with empathy (and doesnt even admit it!)
If i had someone, cups wouldnt be such a frequently visited place for me, would it?
(You make eating sound easy, but i assure you it simply is not)
@unassumingEyes I kinda guessed that...still dunno what ARFID is but it sounds like a legit condition indeed. Is it like how some people get aggravated whenever they hear someone else chewing?
Wonder if medical MJ would work for you...the munchies are a well-known side effect.
@slowdecline48 kind of. Like sensory issues (if it feels, looks or smells wrong, it can taste amazing and i still cant eat it), and low appetite. I eat much lesser than others my age at a time, and noone believes me when i say im full. It is what it is
Im not diagnosed with ARFID, mind. But when you can tick all the symptoms... 🤷♀️ obviously, mom wouldnt take me to get diagnosed. A child of hers not being perfectly normal (or rather, extraordinary)? Impossible
Exam went okay but i am definitely getting the flu. Horrible body pain and headache, not to mention the nausea. Tw I can just imagine the invigilators face if id thrown up.
Well- came home, took panadol. Sis is in a mood (sleepy) and mom is browsing ***. I requested breakfast. It will take a while...
Next is english, which is code for "im going to spend all day resting and read maybe 3 pages of english"
Dw, i do that every english exam
S***... I'm sorry, little one.
If Pak's climate is anything like where I live, then "'tis the season"...but not for joy. 🤧 😒
Gonna pick up packages of cough drops the next time I go out...hopefully I'll find some with menthol. They usually work great. I'd send you some if I could.
(Imagine if I sent a package of OTC meds & appetite stimulants--& it got the attention of Pakistan's government...might be hilarious)
@slowdecline48 our government? Wouldnt even notice. You might have to bribe them, at worst. Im sorry, but even pakistanis dont like the government 😂
Tis indeed the season, and considering how often i got sick last year- all precautions are being taken 😀
English is turning out to be more than 3 pages, but still just reading it so far. Easy peasy, if the nausea would be kind enough to leave. Rest everything is better. Small mercies.
Mom was listening to an urdu vlog, and something came up about ISIS and Pakistan. I searched it up, but all i got is "Trump's intelligence nominee warns of growing threats from ISIS"
No mention of pakistan. Hmm.
@unassumingEyes One other detail: Pakistan is officially considered a "non-NATO ally" of the United States by our government. That will affect how Pak is mentioned in the news, depending on what source your mom (or anyone else) listens to.
@slowdecline48 humour me. Is that good or bad? From our viewpoint, please and thank you. Ive been so out of touch with the news since moving an year ago. I dont know whats going on xD
Overall it's pretty good--for you. Being an ally of the US will make Afghanistan, Iran, India & any other regional power think twice before making any moves against you. Your gov't & India's gov't can rattle sabers at each other & maybe have skirmishes in/around that contested area (I forgot its name), but India is unlikely to try to escalate the situation no matter what Modi says or does in public. (The fact that you have nukes is also a deterrent) India & Pakistan are allies of ours, so if tempers flare then we'd inevitably send in negotiators, ambassadors etc. to help everyone calm down & hopefully find a solution.
It's not a great deal for us, however...at least I don't think so. Right now we need to trim down our international commitments, & focus on the important stuff. The only nations I'm interested in right now are Taiwan & Israel...in that order. Taiwan is top priority because it manufactures certain computer chips that we need, & will only need more in the near future. That is one part of contending with China's rise & its desire for global hegemony...we definitely have to manage that as best we can. Aside from that, we need to keep foreign entanglements to a minimum.
@slowdecline48 America minding its own business? No offence, but whens that going to happen?
According to our textbooks, last time we were America's ally , they kinda left us hanging the first chance they got. But hey, every coin has two sides, or hwoever the saying goes
(Mere FYI contested area is Kashmir)
"America minding its own business? ...whens that going to happen?"
I hear that.
Just for perspective, if we weren't extending & maintaining influence in your part of the world, China would be doing so instead. Jinping & co. have been playing the game for a while now. China's regime does lots of deals to build infrastructure in "the 'stans"...particularly Kazakhstan (one of the most important nations in the world right now) in exchange for access to mineral resources & other favors. If it weren't China then another great power would do the same. It has ever been thus. Central Asia has seen quite a few empires in its history, no?
@slowdecline48 yes, but the difference is that we still like China. Ofcourse it could be different. Its a mere matter of, "oh, we're wrong, but if we werent, they would be." Well, to that, ofcourse. That is indeed how the world works 🤷♀️
@unassumingEyes also i do realize i very heavily implied that America is wrong here. Youre probably exasperated by my "no offence"s at this point, but im a bit hyper-aware of the fact that im a literal newbie regarding politics and world affairs. I have opinions but i dont have any of that tangible proof to show for them, so- why risk being offensive? 😀
@unassumingEyes ISIS has a base in north Africa...haven't heard any concrete about them operating in Pakistan. Southwest Pak is Pashtun territory, last time I checked. Their outfit is Taliban, not IS.
@slowdecline48 its not about their base...was somethhing about ISIS versus Pakistan. But google tells me of no such tensions as of recent
That was the point I was getting to. ISIS has no reason to hold a grudge against Pakistan, given current facts about the org (particularly its motives) & what I know of your country. The only hypothetical reasons I can imagine for ISIS even looking in your direction are
- a major disagreement or rift develops between ISIS & the Pakistani Taliban. Even then, most of the fighting would be in southwest Pak & southern Afghanistan. If you & your family stayed up north, you'd probably be okay.
- Pakistan's government becomes pro-West & directs its military to help American forces in our foreign interventions. That such a thing would occur is unlikely...one reason being that Pak's military sometimes gives orders to the gov't instead of taking them.
- #2 + we go into Afghanistan again. I don't see much chance of that happening, either.
- 🤷🏼♂️ H€ll, I dunno...your prime minister Sharif publicly allies himself with Israel in a press conference. 😂 Next-to-nil chances of that, too. (If he did, however, I'm sure Israel would protect him as best it could if Pak's army refused to do so)
To sum up: your mother needs better intel sources.
@slowdecline48 hmhm. Also if sharif were to do the last one, with again no offence, he would be practically asking the nation to attack him.
Politics are so confusing. I dont know what either the ISIS or the taliban want, but id be very happy if they would just not. Thats just naive, tho 😅
"id be very happy if they would just not."
You & me both, Eyes. And a whole lot of other people would agree with us.
@unassumingEyes Maybe some peppermint or chamomile tea would help the nausea? 💙
@mytwistedsoul cant stand mint. Cant really stand chamomile either, but sis has been making me drink it since i got sick, so there you go 😀
@unassumingEyes Lol! She's got you covered! Tbh I'm not a fan of chamomile either. I hope you feel better soon Eyes 💙 Make sure you rest!
@mytwistedsoul thank you soul 🫶
I need to take english more seriously, i know. Just because its easy for me doesnt mean i get careless. But- its the only subject i get to relax in
Groans in sick
Just let me get through tomorrows exam fine
Rest when you can, O appetite-challenged one... Try to take it easy whenever you have the opportunity.
Could they not have given a more interesting essay topic than "Pakistan, a beautiful country"? I felt like i was in 5th grade. Most boring english exam ever. The easy topics are actually harder to write about. Beautiful country. Mate, how would i know anyways? I lived in kuwait. Everything i said in the essay was so general. "Crystal clear lakes" (ive never seen any) "The famous River Indus" (which i only know the Indian part about- what? I was in an indian school till 5th, cut me some slack) "awe-inspiring" (not that i would know) and so on and so forth. Well. Its something
[cw: unseriousness, geopol]
@unassumingEyes You could've written about the stirring of pride in the hearts of the people when Pakistan's army was driving its tanks & personnel carriers down the streets in the last parade they had...the rocky, alpine fastness of the Silk Road, & the shrewd surefootedness of the smugglers & their pack animals & pickup trucks...maybe even the blinding star-bright flash of the explosion from the nuclear test back in '06 when the government thought "okay, now we have a bomb. Let's see if it works...& let's make the Indians s*** their pants."
On the other hand, your teacher might not necessarily have approved... 😉
@slowdecline48 my english sir is very weird. For all i know, he might have
We were taught about the nuclear thing as a more of "the Indians did it and now we're freaking out so now we gonna play the intimidation game" considering the effects it had on pak-west (and also pak-japan) relations ... its a real case of choose your enemies wisely 😀
Religion talk (just a lil)
When i was young, in the indian school, my classmate walked with me to islamic class. After that she had to go their own class for non muslims, which had something to do with manners and ettiquettes. I remember looking at her and feeling suddenly really sad because i thought she would go to h-ll because of her religion.
Then i thought that she probably thinks the same thing about me
Then i stopped
And thats probably where my religion dilemma originated from xD
Omg my sis just got annoyed at mom for my sake
Like no this is rare this is rare sis gets why i gett upset but also she is moms favourite and doesnt get it and also she loves mom more than i do for sure so like this is rare and i shouldnt be so pleased but its good to have someone on your team sometimes
Anyways more politics (i want to say, blame slow (sorry lol) but i mean. It was gonna happen. It was gonna happen-) i considered sending the link bt thats a no-go (cups) but if you search Imran Khans open letter to pakistan military you'll get it its causing quite a stir around here
Anyways leaving the politics again healthwise im still a bit down and exam wise we have an off tomorrow for Kashmir day and emotion wise
Well
Do i or do i not rant? Tis the million dollar question
Oh boy...just saw a short clip about it. If I had to guess, I'd say Khan's remaining lifespan after that might be measured in weeks...at most.
