Out of The Corner/In The World
Hi! Some of you might know of my other space here, In the corner. Or just, "the corner" in my head. This is the world! I.e this is me learning to "adult" (what?), get out of my comfort zone, accept my flaws, seek the positives in life, etc etc! My journey out of the comfort zone, basically. And it's going to be rocky, it's going to be real hard, and I'm going to end up in the corner venting about something more times than not, probably, but it's a step, I think.
Let's get out of the corner! (That was kinda cheesy!)
Grandmother went home today. Aunt plus kids visited. Most fun ive had in weeks (and will have for the rest of the coming week)
I managed to get a lil bit studies done tho. Written work but better than nothing. Helped with cleaning up after and now im going to rest before returning to studies for a half hour-one hour. Whatever i can do.
...i dont want to sleep tonight. 5 Nightmares in the past 3 nights. None of them were...realistic, but ive never been able to tell that im asleep mid-dream.
We have exams again from february. Three tests on monday, and hw. Because why not. Yeah. I should probably stop the rest soon
With sis badgering me, i actually managed to learn one and a half test, and do two hws. Its 4.50pm, and i just have about 5-6 pages urdu (trust me that will easily take an hour lol) and an islamic test to prepare.
Can sis badger me more often? Im usually drowning in stress by now. Huh. Maybe i really am bad at time management, despite my efforts and help from AI in scheduling 😵💫
@unassumingEyes Maybe at some point you should ask for help from real people, instead of an AI that doesn't really know what your specific issue is. Finding time management experts online & telling the top two about your problems in scheduling might be the way to go.
Yeah, nightmares can be a b****...I get them too, though probably not as often as you. Do your nightmares have a common theme, or any other recurring features? With mine, it is helplessness...I'm often facing (an) enemy(-mies) & either can't escape or don't have anything to fight them off with.
@slowdecline48 experts cost money 😃
Im sorry bout ur nightmares, including the one you mentioned in your journal. My nightmares are less scary and more a kind of...sad. no recurring theme i can think of, but i tend to forget them. Just cant shake off the feelings. Last one had me awake feeling betrayed and guilty equally. 🤷♀️
Some girl kept arguing with chemistry sir. Stupid baseless nonsense. Trying to establish superiority or some thing. "No sir iTs OkAy yOu mEsSeD uP wE aRe hUmAn"
At one point she said something really rude, and still my chemistry sir didnt react with the amount of anger that would have been understandable. I suppose theres also a certain level of care male sirs have to take when dealing with girls... anyways, when she said that, i really did see red for a second. And horrified, honestly. Like, what? It was beyond disrespectful. I almost spoke then, to point how much of an utter idiot she was being (pardon me), but sir looked at me quickly and i knew to shut up
But it makes my blood boil
...
The wisdom and patience with which sir responded reminded me so much of dad, and for a second i was overwhelmingly hoomesick for kuwait, home and his presence.
He will visit soon. That is my only consolation
But it really is so stupid, what she said.
No matter where you go in the world, in any group of people there's always at least one. It sucks but "humans gonna human". Unfortunately, a**holism & b*tchitis are usually chronic conditions...there is no cure for them other than self-awareness in the afflicted perpetrator & a subsequent desire to improve his/her conduct. In my experience, that is a rare occurrence indeed.
Pride and Prejudice will finish tomorrow. I have been reading this book since the start of the collage year. My solace, through angry days, sad days, exhausting days, and overwhelming days. A soft smile from the librarian- and a witty book that captures human thought processes and bias so well it blows me off my feet
Over, tomorrow. The happy ending I dread.
Thats life i guess. Move on. Keep going. A new book, a new comfort i hope. Maybe there will be more Jane Austen books in the library soon. Maybe therell be something else good.
@unassumingEyes I always hated when some books come to an end. You know it's coming and I used to try and postpone it, read some chapters over again trying to prolong the inevitable. 😅 Jayne Austen's book Persuasion is ranked 2 after Pride and Prejudice at least that's what "The Reader" says
@mytwistedsoul ive read persuasion, actually, thats why i tried this one! Loved both of these books.
I didnt read the last few pages xD but i was in a bad mood today
@unassumingEyes I hope your day gets better. Although it might be night there now. Which in that case I hope tomorrow is a good day 💙
@unassumingEyes That is why we read a book more than once...one of the reasons, at least.
You could try other great authors. How about Proust? I've never been into French writers but they still have their fans.
@slowdecline48 the issue is not a lack of good books...its how limited my college library is- and i dont have access to any other library. Hence...the online reading.
You know whats really annoying?
I find out my mom gives people parenting advice. My mom.
No whats worse is that its actually good parenting advice. The stuff i agree with. Aka the stuff she doesnt do.
Im sory this makes me really angry 😀😀 like. Dbsnnd. And everyone over there is like omg shes such a good mother and im like omg no she doesnt do any of that i thought she didnt even know how to but apparently its a conscious decision on her part to be
Harsh
Thats the kindest word i can use for it 😀
No like i once confronted her about it cuz when we're mad we're also dumb 🤓 and she said "im not ashamed of being strict"
Yeah
Okay
Thats so not the issue but okay
How about controlling and verbally abusive instead
Im sorry 😀 i always avoid the word abusive because i dont know not exactly but also yes kind of and i really, really dont know but id like it if she stopped giving parenting advice and stopped just parenting i guess honestly like ive wanted another sibling for the longest time but maybe its good she didnt get a third kid atp
@unassumingEyes All kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids...did I already say that on here? Probably.
Well, congratulations. It had been pending for a few days, and it finally happened, jve officially gone insane. Completely ***.
In other words, i just calmed down from a, how do you say, rather hysterical mix of laughing and sobbing while feeling like absolute sh**, thank you very much
In the words of the simple people, i just had a fantastic breakdown. Infront of mom and sis, because who doesnt love an audience?
The trigger? Theres an online intercolleges quiz competition going on, and i was in rank 11 for the first round in chemistry. Well, the second round (lasting three days) started today, and my wonderfully kind app decided to save me from the exertion of solving the quiz, and f-ing glitched. Excuse my french. So now, the app has registered my result as a nice, big zero, when the quiz didnt even open for me, and my rank has fallen to around 406- or something
Roughly 20 minutes after which came the sobbing. After which came the laughing, and the weird mix of them both
Well. I cried till i literally couldnt, and then felt way calmer. Oh, im still horribly disappointed- theres two more quiz rounds, but how am i going go get back up from rank 406?
Besides, its not just the quiz. I spent all day yesterday in that horrible mood- and today was even worse, now. Lovely.
Oh, and i still havent finished my book. But hey, im not failing as much as before in urdu, cause now instead of 8/20, i got a whole freaking 11. Hard work really pays off.
Majority of this post is bitter and sarcastic. Incase someone cant telĺ by how awesome today was.
Oh, why am i still typing, anyways?
@unassumingEyes I'm sorry that happened. 😞 Apps are great until they're not. Is there anyway to contact someone and explain what happened? Surely they'd see that there aren't any answers, not even wrong ones. Shouldn't they have something in place just in case?
I'm sorry, girl... 😔 All of us have days when the 💩 hits the fan. Murphy's Law is real, as real as the laws of physics. When that arch-fiend Murphy starts messing with something we depend on, he can turn our day (or days, or week) into a great steaming, stinking pile of raw fertilizer.
I've had days like that...know how you feel. Just get through it as best you can.
Better, today. Maybe just needed to get it ouft of my system. But i was exhausted in the morning, and a mess all last night
I finished pride and prejudice, and the librarian was in a good mood and oh-so-kind today, i was practically skipping on my way back to class after. I checked which other books are there in english in the library. Some were about love a bit too much so no, but the others:
Wuthering heights
Oliver Twist
Treasure Island
These are my three options. Im leaning more towards wuthering heights, but not sure. Ive read the kids versions of the other two. Treasure Island looks a bit not my thing, honestly
Theres also a collection of Shakespear, but my UK friend who has shakespear in her english syllabus says it wont make a bit of sense to me without those sites that modernize the language use. Or something.
May I recommend a couple of Mickey Spillane novels?...any of 'em will do, since they're basically all the same... 😃
But seriously, your friend has a point. Shakespeare's plays are full of antiquated lingo, like "dost thou go forth cross-gartered, ye varlet?"
@slowdecline48 i’d read anything you recommend, if i could only get my hands on it.
do you know Kafka? There are books of (on? Kafkas collection, or something) in the library. I dont really know what theyre about. Googles being vague.