Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
ever look at the upvote notifications and be like “damn did i really talk that much?”
@justmeeva i was just doing that eva stop reading my mind😭🤭
@unassumingEyes
xD 🤜🤛
slow internet is such a mood killer istg.
@justmeeva cfhhfgfc ur telling me??/lh our net literally doesnt turn *on* some days just because xD
*yeets bad net*
(...brings good net)
@unassumingEyes look at that. I spent 3mins waiting for this to post. And then the whole page reloaded. And then i saw thaf it had already posted AND was hearted. Like...
Why xD
@unassumingEyes
wow- you gotta have so much patience for that i would’ve like built my own wifi thingie if it was like that every day- /lh
@justmeeva i hv no choice but to endure🤭🤭
@justmeeva
how’s evabuddybeanie feeling today? :o 💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
mm mixed, sometimes eh sometimes okay, rn i'm distracting myself so i'm okay <3
this feeling when you’re like actually kinda okay, but deep down you could easily have a breakdown if you wanted to.
when we talk, i like to believe i’m the only one for you, even if i know i’m not. i like to fool myself into thinking i’m anything special, though that’s just how you talk to any other person. just for that one moment, i like to think i’m the only one.
i closed my eyes and all there was was darkness. all black. then, i saw a tiny bit of light. it was a warm tone, like the light of a candle. it kept flickering for about a minute, and then, it started decreasing. it was getting smaller and smaller, until there was a dark blue ring around it. the dark ring got bigger slowly, the light getting smaller. it was like the light was just being consumed by a black hole. until.. there was no light at all. complete darkness again. a sign?
remember that little light? i think mine’s gone. @LoveMyMoonflowers
@justmeeva
yk… i think it’s ok to feel like our lights are gone. i think it’s ok to feel like they have dimmed :') or to feel like… we don’t feel like shining right now. it’s okay to feel these things. it’s human. 💙 it’s real, it’s valid, it’s okay. 💙
it’s okay to sit in the dark sometimes. but i know that oftentimes sitting in the dark is a lonely experience. :') we may be in the darkness and feel comfy in the dark but it’s also so lonely sometimes isn’t it? :') it feels cold. 💙
eva beanie… when you’re not okie… friend, you are still you. and me knows sometimes we feel like, maybe not been sometimes, maybe it’s most of the time or all the time - but we might feel like we don’t even know who we are. it’s confusing. :') “who are you…” that can be such a confusing, strange, alien question. like… what does that even mean. :')
but me thinks, not okie-eva beanie, okie-eva beanie, pretending-to-be-okie eva beanie, depressed-eva beanie, overwhelmed eva-beanie… even when the world is too much, and things in your life, everything seems wrong and crazy and messy and it’s just too much… 😞 even when you don’t feel that light in you anymore, when you don’t see it… that doesn’t mean it isn’t there anymore. :') i see it, eva beanie, and i feel it, always. even when i read the posts in your diary thread and i see that, life is indeed hard, and you’ve been hurting and you’ve been struggling, even amid it all, i know that eva beanie’s light is still there. 💙 some days, it may be shining brightly. but other days, it may be hiding and that’s okay. 💙 even the stars aren’t *always* peeking through the sky and shining their light. sometimes they hide too. sometimes our light hides and we just want to sit in the dark because it’s a little more familiar and a little comfier :') and that’s okay. *sits with you* 💙
i’m not sure if my words made any sense at all, but… yeah. :') 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers
it made sense, and it was beautiful. i don’t have many words rn lol but i know that i want to thank you. thank you thank you thank you. 🩷
@justmeeva
*hugs if okay* 💙 i meant those words. you’re special to me, you mean lots to me and i love you friend. 💙
dude i just realised my typo. “even” not “been” smh @_@