in the wonders of my mindđ.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnât look like međ§makes sense doesnât itđsince there can only be one *me*âšone of a kind now arent Iđ/sar. one out of 8118835999âšđ·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youâre also one of a kindđ sorrysorry haha :Pđ€im just messing around xDđalso itâs 2am- but shush no snitchingđ€«Iâll sleep in a whileđwhen Iâm feeling a bit more sane :>đđ©·
wanted to have my own space.đ for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.đ
to whoever's coming across :'3đplease dont lurk here.đ©· I know anyone can have access to this forum :')đbut please be respectfulđ©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pđ yâall get crazy nosy haha- itâs alright.đnothing too interesting will be here anywayđif you would like to come in and be supportive itâs completely okieđbut please donât make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitđbecause Iâd still like this to be just my space ^-^đ)
Iâm so tired.
I missed seeing you around. đ I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Would a new thread help? Or is the forums in general that are tiring?Â
@mytwistedsoul
đsorry I upvoted it but then guests came. I missed you too, I know you didnât say that but Iâm gonna act like you did because I genuinely did miss you. youâre so kind :')đ
you donât have tođidk I hate the way cups is changing in general and the things thatve been happening itâs just so unnecessary and cruel. in my side itâs just so crazy like the rumors and all that. I donât have to talk about it tho itâs fine. Itâs just something about this thread that hurts. thanks for being here soulđyou donât have to but you still do it and youâre amazing for thatđ
Â
@iloveyouxx I did miss you đ I was just afraid if I said it I'd seem needy or - idk - clingy or too much. Or that I'm making it weird or make people uncomfortableÂ
@mytwistedsoul
awwe lol you thought about that :')đyou just reminded me of this one cups guy that would always go "heeyyyy nadiaaaaaađ" and after that theyâd be kinda weird and I told them that they made me uncomfy and scared eventually. but I blamed it on general anxiety and fear or male that I genuinely try to stop because I know theyâre not all the same and I know itâs unfair but itâs all Iâve ever known and idk anyway, so then they started going "heeyyy (name)đ" â ïžâ ïž right now that persons permanently banned. a commod friend told me that and some listeners saw his profile and said yeah it was a ban but idk who reported. it was really bad :') they honestly always got mad at me for that fear and made annoying examples and would go around telling others about it but they made it worse than anyone ever has before. but I donât think it wouldâve been weirdđI trust you more than most people so thatâs something.Â
@iloveyouxx Aww no it's ok to be sad. I mean I'm sorry that you are of course but I can understand why talking or even thinking about all this would make you sad. It's a hurtful situation. It's always ok to be how ever you feel. I'd rather you be honest about it then pretend to be happy when you're not. You never have to be sorry ok?Â
@mytwistedsoul
your notification just saved me :P also sorry if this is rushed Iâm scared my dads gonna come back.Â
thankyou soulđ©·Â
@iloveyouxx Omg I could scream right now. I had this huge reply written up and the whole thing just poofedÂ
@mytwistedsoul
abusihubwjjhibaa I wish I couldâve seen that ugh I hate it when that happensđthatâs why I usually save my replies somewhere if I have to go or something so I could finish it off later
@iloveyouxx The sad thing is that I usually do save messages I'm writing. For whatever reason this time I didn'tÂ
@mytwistedsoul
for me sometimes when I press post the whole screen just pauses and you canât click anything at all. even the tabs and after a couple minutes it turns grey and leads to the log in page again
I honestly donât know I broke the last ones horribly (both sides were broken off the like front lenses part and they were also cut through the middle tho-) and these were new since my eyesight got so much worse. according to the doctor :p my eyes are severely sensitive to the light and I have really bad dry eyes and my eyesight went down by 3. idk 3 what but 3â ïžand I didnât get those glasses a long long time ago so I basically messed up my eyesight really fast. and my family said that canât happen to people my age and your eyesight only starts getting that much worse when youâre in your 40/50s. which idk I kinda doubt it :') because the doctor said while he put that light to my eyes through that big machine thing that the dry eyes and sensitivity to the light are because of too much screen timeâ ïž and he said usually this isnât because of screentime of education but rather when itâs used on entertainment. he seemed really mad but it was probably a bad day :') but yeah this time I think I slept on them or something- I know I sound really careless but I just remember my dad found them somewhere and got mad but they werenât broken tho one side was just a little loose but still not broken.Â
it was 86 for me :0
ugh I hate it when people do that :') the same thing happened to me but I guess it never really stopped me. Iâm quiet irl but I know I talk too much here. itâs so hard to trust someone again Iâm sorry/genđ
yeah thankyouđI donât have a phone either, itâs just my school tablet. and my brother has a phone and he doesnât know I have a fingerprint on that :p lol that sounds bad. and I have a face id on most devices. my grandma has 3 phones my dad has 8 my brother has 2 my grandpa has 2. and they actually use them
no itâs okay :0đ€I donât really matter lol really tho and helping even tho Iâm probably not makes me feel worth something. Iâm not gonna take care of myself :') and I know you say that but you really really donât. thankyou thođ€/gen
i'm so sorry to hear about your losses and the complex emotions you're dealing with. losing both your dog and your father so close together must have been so painful.đit sounds scary. the relationship with your father sounds particularly complicated with the history of abuse and then reconnecting later on. :')đit makes sense to feel conflicted about grieving someone who caused you pain and it's also valid to mourn the childhood you didn't have.đ Itâs a lot to handle on your own. it's a lot to go through just at all espe.cially when you feel like there's no one to turn to who would understand. i donât want to just throw you onto something else. and you donât have to thank međI really do like listening, thankyou for letting međ€
đđyouâre welcome :0 I think I already did that xD but itâs okayđ€
I didnât sleep at all heh but itâs okayyđthankyouđ
Iâm sorry I know this isnât replying properly but the person that opened this device for me is gone and I was meant to give it to them before they left and Iâm not meant to have this and Iâve been so scared and trying to keep it open just to finish this at least- I sound really dramatic and I know I skipped replying to a bunch of stuff probably I donât really remember. Iâll try and come on later and reread it but maybe youâd have to remind me :') Iâll try and remember tho. ttylđ
@iloveyouxx It's sort of funny and sad that everything comes down to screen time. Which maybe it does - idk. The blue light maybe? Do you take eye drops for the dry eye? I've heard it helps because that can cause eye problems too. Idk I think some people are just more prone to eye problems and alot can effect it. I don't think having them break necessarily means your careless. Sometimes accidents just happen
@mytwistedsoul
I saw a video where this person took that mensa iq test and got 133, then for a couple of hours just scrolled through and watched low quality content, brain rot, it wasnât for too long(I think it was 4hours)but they took the test again and it went down to 118. It is possible for it to have a temporary effect on cognitive function- I think it was interesting to watch lol :0 how they did in the test the second time couldâve been influenced by other thingsÂ
yeah the doctor prescribed them and I have to use them every morning and night. I take 14 types of medication a day :â) and some of them dissolve in water and some are in powder form and some are pills and some you drink and I honestly donât take any of them. I have to but the idea bothers me and I know I should but I guess I just donât want to :â) most of them say theyâre for adults so idk why Iâm taking them. maybe that works in some situations
also no Iâm just really really clumsy I thinkđ đ©·my brother doesnât trust me with anythingÂ
yeah and I guess it is my fault toođI hate how gullible I am itâs just. unbelievable how idiotic and credulous you can be. I can be :â)đ©·awwe me too lol â ïžđ itâs okay I think it doesnât affect me that much- I once saw someone say- (I donât remember where btw-) "Iâm not antisocial Iâm selectively social. thereâs a big difference!" and- sameđ
he caught me on it but I just said I stayed up all night and kept it open from when he gave it to me. which is pretty impossible I kept reopening it every couple of minutes :p
loving and hating someone simultaneously can be confusing and emotionally taxingđnot having the time to grieve properly while taking care of all his final arrangements must make it even harder to process your feelings. if it needs some time to process than try and find some timeđ? Ive never had someone that close to me go like thatđI know my imagination canât be compared to the actual experienceđI can try and think about it and even that hurts and it definitely hurts so much more for you because itâs not the sameđI did lose someone a couple years ago and I kept begging my family before that if we could go visit because they were sick. we wouldâve had to travel but even before they got sick I think since I was 6 Iâd been wanting to go and I never got to, those plans you never got to fulfill can be especially painfulđ
Itâs okay to have regrets about things left unsaid and undoneđtw-? I saw a video basically explaining how the past canât be changed and the more we think theyâre the more weâre stuck but itâs still hard. I feel like it canât be changed nothings gonna change from then when we think about it but itâs okay to be stuck there and need time to process it before looking forward. just my opinion thođthe person in the video was nice. grieving is not a linear process. itâs what I always got told. allowing yourself to feel these emotions, even if itâs just a little bit at a timeđand itâs okay to go at your own paceđ
nfta but does this all take a lot of space in your head or is it harder to think about? Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
I donât think they think Iâll do anything bad :â) idk why they do it. awe thankyou :pđI still think Iâm stupid thođ I know I depend thinking that on things that donât define how smart you are exactly but idk
thankyouđI think that was horrible but personal opinion I guess :p Iâm trying not to downplay compliments anymore and I donât think Iâm doing great :D but thankyouđ
@iloveyouxx Sorry it took so long to reply back. I kept getting pulled away but I remembered to save it as I went lol. Not falling for that againÂ
@mytwistedsoul
I understand what you meanđIt makes sense that youâd want to create new better memories to help balance the past and It's hard when things don't work out the way we hope. It's okay to need time to work through it all and come to terms with thingsđ
the days you don't think about it donât mean you care any less. Itâs just part of how your mind and heart are processing everything, Iâm sorry the rest of your family arenât the nicest that probably made grieving so much harderđwithout having a support system or people you can talk to, do you have someone irlđ/nfta because people get offended when I ask that-Â
@iloveyouxx No apologies necessary. There's no obligation to reply. I do worry sometimes because I've had people get pretty upset if I would reply to others and not them. Now it's just a "listener" friend. That's a long long story with that one lol
Iâm gonna go again. I might come back if my dadâs late or if he leaves again but idk.Â
@iloveyouxx
i've run out of hearts/reached the heart limit but me sending hugs đ
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@mytwistedsoul
@iloveyouxx With this particular person it's that I have to reply regularly to them. They don't hang out in the forums at all. To chat with them takes hours and it's hard to sit still that long. Not to mention having a conversation is me asking them questions and getting one word answers. It's just really draining. I have had people who got upset if I answered others first And others in general lol
@mytwistedsoul
;-; hours of that? what would you even talk about? is it for them :p whatâs the point of talking like that :p and if someone just gets upset because you replied to someone else before them thatâs just weird unless itâs important Iâm honestly just confused thođ
@iloveyouxx Well this one wasn't reply to very fast at all. I'm sorry about that. Idk I think the tags are screwy - which when haven't they been lol
@mytwistedsoul
itâs okayy and I know, itâs so hard keeping up with replies that way so I understandđI just upvoted because I thought you didnât get the tag- which- you didnât :D
im gonna be honest tho itâs 3am- or almost, 2:53 am. and my dads definitely awake I can hear him on a call :p and- Iâm being reallyyyyy risky xDđ because he forgot to take our devices. I surprise myself sometimes