in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
Iām so tired.
I missed seeing you around. š I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Would a new thread help? Or is the forums in general that are tiring?Ā
@mytwistedsoul
šsorry I upvoted it but then guests came. I missed you too, I know you didnāt say that but Iām gonna act like you did because I genuinely did miss you. youāre so kindĀ :')š
you donāt have tošidk I hate the way cups is changing in general and the things thatve been happening itās just so unnecessary and cruel. in my side itās just so crazy like the rumors and all that. I donāt have to talk about it tho itās fine. Itās just something about this thread that hurts. thanks for being here soulšyou donāt have to but you still do it and youāre amazing for thatš
Ā
@iloveyouxx I did miss you š I was just afraid if I said it I'd seem needy or - idk - clingy or too much. Or that I'm making it weird or make people uncomfortableĀ
@mytwistedsoul
awwe lol you thought about thatĀ :')šyou just reminded me of this one cups guy that would always go "heeyyyy nadiaaaaaaš" and after that theyād be kinda weird and I told them that they made me uncomfy and scared eventually. but I blamed it on general anxiety and fear or male that I genuinely try to stop because I know theyāre not all the same and I know itās unfair but itās all Iāve ever known and idk anyway, so then they started going "heeyyy (name)š" ā ļøā ļø right now that persons permanently banned. a commod friend told me that and some listeners saw his profile and said yeah it was a ban but idk who reported. it was really badĀ :') they honestly always got mad at me for that fear and made annoying examples and would go around telling others about it but they made it worse than anyone ever has before. but I donāt think it wouldāve been weirdšI trust you more than most people so thatās something.Ā
@iloveyouxx Aww no it's ok to be sad. I mean I'm sorry that you are of course but I can understand why talking or even thinking about all this would make you sad. It's a hurtful situation. It's always ok to be how ever you feel. I'd rather you be honest about it then pretend to be happy when you're not. You never have to be sorry ok?Ā
@mytwistedsoul
your notification just saved me :P also sorry if this is rushed Iām scared my dads gonna come back.Ā
thankyou soulš©·Ā
@iloveyouxx Omg I could scream right now. I had this huge reply written up and the whole thing just poofedĀ
@mytwistedsoul
abusihubwjjhibaa I wish I couldāve seen that ugh I hate it when that happensšthatās why I usually save my replies somewhere if I have to go or something so I could finish it off later
@iloveyouxx The sad thing is that I usually do save messages I'm writing. For whatever reason this time I didn'tĀ
@mytwistedsoul
for me sometimes when I press post the whole screen just pauses and you canāt click anything at all. even the tabs and after a couple minutes it turns grey and leads to the log in page again
I honestly donāt know I broke the last ones horribly (both sides were broken off the like front lenses part and they were also cut through the middle tho-) and these were new since my eyesight got so much worse. according to the doctor :p my eyes are severely sensitive to the light and I have really bad dry eyes and my eyesight went down by 3. idk 3 what but 3ā ļøand I didnāt get those glasses a long long time ago so I basically messed up my eyesight really fast. and my family said that canāt happen to people my age and your eyesight only starts getting that much worse when youāre in your 40/50s. which idk I kinda doubt it :') because the doctor said while he put that light to my eyes through that big machine thing that the dry eyes and sensitivity to the light are because of too much screen timeā ļø and he said usually this isnāt because of screentime of education but rather when itās used on entertainment. he seemed really mad but it was probably a bad day :') but yeah this time I think I slept on them or something- I know I sound really careless but I just remember my dad found them somewhere and got mad but they werenāt broken tho one side was just a little loose but still not broken.Ā
it was 86 for me :0
ugh I hate it when people do that :') the same thing happened to me but I guess it never really stopped me. Iām quiet irl but I know I talk too much here. itās so hard to trust someone again Iām sorry/genš
yeah thankyoušI donāt have a phone either, itās just my school tablet. and my brother has a phone and he doesnāt know I have a fingerprint on that :p lol that sounds bad. and I have a face id on most devices. my grandma has 3 phones my dad has 8 my brother has 2 my grandpa has 2. and they actually use them
no itās okay :0š¤I donāt really matter lol really tho and helping even tho Iām probably not makes me feel worth something. Iām not gonna take care of myself :') and I know you say that but you really really donāt. thankyou thoš¤/gen
i'm so sorry to hear about your losses and the complex emotions you're dealing with. losing both your dog and your father so close together must have been so painful.šit sounds scary. the relationship with your father sounds particularly complicated with the history of abuse and then reconnecting later on.Ā :')šit makes sense to feel conflicted about grieving someone who caused you pain and it's also valid to mourn the childhood you didn't have.š Itās a lot to handle on your own. it's a lot to go through just at all espe.cially when you feel like there's no one to turn to who would understand. i donāt want to just throw you onto something else. and you donāt have to thank mešI really do like listening, thankyou for letting meš¤
ššyouāre welcome :0 I think I already did that xD but itās okayš¤
I didnāt sleep at all heh but itās okayyšthankyouš
Iām sorry I know this isnāt replying properly but the person that opened this device for me is gone and I was meant to give it to them before they left and Iām not meant to have this and Iāve been so scared and trying to keep it open just to finish this at least- I sound really dramatic and I know I skipped replying to a bunch of stuff probably I donāt really remember. Iāll try and come on later and reread it but maybe youād have to remind meĀ :')Ā Iāll try and remember tho. ttylš
@iloveyouxx It's sort of funny and sad that everything comes down to screen time. Which maybe it does - idk. The blue light maybe? Do you take eye drops for the dry eye? I've heard it helps because that can cause eye problems too. Idk I think some people are just more prone to eye problems and alot can effect it. I don't think having them break necessarily means your careless. Sometimes accidents just happen
@mytwistedsoul
I saw a video where this person took that mensa iq test and got 133, then for a couple of hours just scrolled through and watched low quality content, brain rot, it wasnāt for too long(I think it was 4hours)but they took the test again and it went down to 118. It is possible for it to have a temporary effect on cognitive function- I think it was interesting to watch lol :0 how they did in the test the second time couldāve been influenced by other thingsĀ
yeah the doctor prescribed them and I have to use them every morning and night. I take 14 types of medication a day :ā) and some of them dissolve in water and some are in powder form and some are pills and some you drink and I honestly donāt take any of them. I have to but the idea bothers me and I know I should but I guess I just donāt want to :ā) most of them say theyāre for adults so idk why Iām taking them. maybe that works in some situations
also no Iām just really really clumsy I thinkš š©·my brother doesnāt trust me with anythingĀ
yeah and I guess it is my fault toošI hate how gullible I am itās just. unbelievable how idiotic and credulous you can be. I can be :ā)š©·awwe me too lol ā ļøš itās okay I think it doesnāt affect me that much- I once saw someone say- (I donāt remember where btw-) "Iām not antisocial Iām selectively social. thereās a big difference!" and- sameš
he caught me on it but I just said I stayed up all night and kept it open from when he gave it to me. which is pretty impossible I kept reopening it every couple of minutes :p
loving and hating someone simultaneously can be confusing and emotionally taxingšnot having the time to grieve properly while taking care of all his final arrangements must make it even harder to process your feelings. if it needs some time to process than try and find some timeš? Ive never had someone that close to me go like thatšI know my imagination canāt be compared to the actual experiencešI can try and think about it and even that hurts and it definitely hurts so much more for you because itās not the samešI did lose someone a couple years ago and I kept begging my family before that if we could go visit because they were sick. we wouldāve had to travel but even before they got sick I think since I was 6 Iād been wanting to go and I never got to, those plans you never got to fulfill can be especially painfulš
Itās okay to have regrets about things left unsaid and undoneštw-? I saw a video basically explaining how the past canāt be changed and the more we think theyāreĀ the more weāre stuck but itās still hard. I feel like it canāt be changed nothings gonna change from then when we think about it but itās okay to be stuck there and need time to process it before looking forward. just my opinion thošthe person in the video was nice. grieving is not a linear process. itās what I always got told. allowing yourself to feel these emotions, even if itās just a little bit at a timešand itās okay to go at your own paceš
nfta but does this all take a lot of space in your head or is it harder to think about? Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
I donāt think they think Iāll do anything bad :ā) idk why they do it. awe thankyou :pšI still think Iām stupid thoš I know I depend thinking that on things that donāt define how smart you are exactly but idk
thankyoušI think that was horrible but personal opinion I guess :p Iām trying not to downplay compliments anymore and I donāt think Iām doing great :D but thankyouš
@iloveyouxx Sorry it took so long to reply back. I kept getting pulled away but I remembered to save it as I went lol. Not falling for that againĀ
@mytwistedsoul
I understand what you meanšIt makes sense that youād want to create new better memories to help balance the past and It's hard when things don't work out the way we hope. It's okay to need time to work through it all and come to terms with thingsš
the days you don't think about it donāt mean you care any less. Itās just part of how your mind and heart are processing everything, Iām sorry the rest of your family arenāt the nicest that probably made grieving so much harderšwithout having a support system or people you can talk to, do you have someone irlš/nftaĀ because people get offended when I ask that-Ā
@iloveyouxx No apologies necessary. There's no obligation to reply. I do worry sometimes because I've had people get pretty upset if I would reply to others and not them. Now it's just a "listener" friend. That's a long long story with that one lol
Iām gonna go again. I might come back if my dadāsĀ late or if he leaves again but idk.Ā
@iloveyouxx
i've run out of hearts/reached the heart limit but me sending hugs š
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@mytwistedsoul
@iloveyouxx With this particular person it's that I have to reply regularly to them. They don't hang out in the forums at all. To chat with them takes hours and it's hard to sit still that long. Not to mention having a conversation is me asking them questions and getting one word answers. It's just really draining. I have had people who got upset if I answered others first And others in general lol
@mytwistedsoul
;-; hours of that? what would you even talk about? is it for them :p whatās the point of talking like that :p and if someone just gets upset because you replied to someone else before them thatās just weird unless itās important Iām honestly just confused thoš
