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in the wonders of my mind💗.

iloveyouxx March 17th

hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didn’t look like me🧐makes sense doesn’t it😛since there can only be one *me*✹one of a kind now arent I😁/sar. one out of 8118835999âœšđŸŒ·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss you’re also one of a kind💖 sorrysorry haha :PđŸ€im just messing around xD💞also it’s 2am- but shush no snitchingđŸ€«I’ll sleep in a while😁when I’m feeling a bit more sane :>đŸ˜›đŸ©·

wanted to have my own space.💜 for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.💙

to whoever's coming across :'3💜please dont lurk here.đŸ©· I know anyone can have access to this forum :')💙but please be respectfulđŸ©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :P💛 y’all get crazy nosy haha- it’s alright.💛nothing too interesting will be here anyway💛if you would like to come in and be supportive it’s completely okie💛but please don’t make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limit💛because I’d still like this to be just my space ^-^💛)

peach-and-goma.gif

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iloveyouxx OP June 26th

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iloveyouxx OP June 26th

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iloveyouxx OP June 26th

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iloveyouxx OP June 26th

I’m so tired.

iloveyouxx OP June 26th

nvm I realized it was this whole forum

iloveyouxx OP June 26th

I’m gonna go

mytwistedsoul June 26th

I missed seeing you around. 💙 I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Would a new thread help? Or is the forums in general that are tiring? 

4 replies
iloveyouxx OP June 26th

@mytwistedsoul

💙sorry I upvoted it but then guests came. I missed you too, I know you didn’t say that but I’m gonna act like you did because I genuinely did miss you. you’re so kind :')💙

you don’t have to💜idk I hate the way cups is changing in general and the things thatve been happening it’s just so unnecessary and cruel. in my side it’s just so crazy like the rumors and all that. I don’t have to talk about it tho it’s fine. It’s just something about this thread that hurts. thanks for being here soul💙you don’t have to but you still do it and you’re amazing for that💙

 

4 replies
mytwistedsoul June 26th

@iloveyouxx I did miss you 💙 I was just afraid if I said it I'd seem needy or - idk - clingy or too much. Or that I'm making it weird or make people uncomfortable 

I hate the changes too. And the fact that it doesn't matter how many people speak out about them - nothing get fixed or put back to where it was

I'm so sorry there's so many bad things happening on the teen side. Cruelty is just so unnecessary and I wish people would realize the damage they can cause to people - even if it is online - we all still real people. No pressure or anything but you can talk about it here if it would help. But I know too that's these spaces are really private and many people lurk and silently read

You can always have this space deleted. Sometimes thread hold too much pain and it hurts to see them 



4 replies
iloveyouxx OP June 26th

@mytwistedsoul

awwe lol you thought about that :')💜you just reminded me of this one cups guy that would always go "heeyyyy nadiaaaaaa😊" and after that they’d be kinda weird and I told them that they made me uncomfy and scared eventually. but I blamed it on general anxiety and fear or male that I genuinely try to stop because I know they’re not all the same and I know it’s unfair but it’s all I’ve ever known and idk anyway, so then they started going "heeyyy (name)😊" ☠☠ right now that persons permanently banned. a commod friend told me that and some listeners saw his profile and said yeah it was a ban but idk who reported. it was really bad :') they honestly always got mad at me for that fear and made annoying examples and would go around telling others about it but they made it worse than anyone ever has before. but I don’t think it would’ve been weird💙I trust you more than most people so that’s something. 


no it’s not just the same things everyone posts about. I don’t even go to rooms anymore, it’s pms bullying and so much lying and rumors and gossip and fake friends and sadists and people who talk behind others back and everyone knows what they’re doing they just don’t care. this genuinely reminds me of school now. everyone just talks bad about others to me and you know you need a reason to block someone right? I got blocked after my friend found out about some of the rumors and it’s just I’m getting shaky ill stop talking. 

It’s with atls too and people do realize they just really don’t care. maybe the damage and hurt gives them more of a reason to keep going. sorry I’m being really sad right now I’m sorry soul :')đŸ€

yeah that is true. but honestly I never really cared about lurkers, I probably should but I mean :P I just don’t. TW I used to talk about sui here all the time and I know I said if anyone wanted to they could report me but it really wouldn’t do anything. I just don’t care I guess. idk if I can talk about it I just always feel really bad after 😞💜

I know you’re right but even on the first day I joined cups at all I ended up crying so hard I had to hold my breath because it was like 4am. there’s always been so much hurt and pain here and I feel like I made it all the way till here and maybe I want to but I don’t know if it’d be right to delete this whole thing :')💙thankyou for being here for međŸ€I was meant to go do something before my dad came back but :') oh well. 

4 replies
mytwistedsoul June 26th

@iloveyouxx Aww no it's ok to be sad. I mean I'm sorry that you are of course but I can understand why talking or even thinking about all this would make you sad. It's a hurtful situation. It's always ok to be how ever you feel. I'd rather you be honest about it then pretend to be happy when you're not. You never have to be sorry ok? 


This used to be a good place. A place where people felt heard and seen. Listeners cared or at least were better at acting as if they did. It's really sad and horrible that there's bullying in the PM's! Wow! I'm sorry to hear that it's happening. One thing I've realized not too long ago is that if people will talk bad about others to you - they'll do the same to you and talk bad about you to others. I figure if there's a problem with me or about me I'd rather hear it straight up 

I'm glad you have trust in me. I give you my word that I'm not - well I mean I'm weird but not that kind of weird. (if that makes any sense) if you told me I made you uncomfortable - I would step back - no anger involved. I'd be sad and feel alittle hurt but I wouldn't be angry with you. I know alot of people have a general fear of men - especially if that's all they've known. I'm glad that person was banned. This isn't a place for inappropriate anything

You should probably try to get done what ever you were supposed to for your father. I know parents can get really upset about things like that 
4 replies
iloveyouxx OP June 26th

@mytwistedsoul

your notification just saved me :P also sorry if this is rushed I’m scared my dads gonna come back. 

thankyou soulđŸ©·Â 

hold on I’m gonna count the listeners I’ve had lol. nvm they changed the home page thing. there used to be a little circle with an information thing on your profile next to which step you’re on and that would lead to all the listeners you’ve ever had and a bunch of other stuff and it would show the last time you pmd them too and last time I counted it was 70 something. actually I stopped at 70 something because I had to go but yk. none of them really ever :') idk. I don’t expect to be helped but well to be fair an amount of them were newbies. and I’m honestly almost always in the queue and then I get a listener some random time in the month and the one I got 2 today for some reason and one just went "Hey Nadia" hours ago and the other one sent pics and i didn’t click on them at first but I did and I just crossed them out from the chat section. the first might seem okay but the little rating thing and the bio and idk.  I’m talking too much I’m sorry

yeah I have one friend that talked bad about every single one of my friends :') like apparently every single nice person I’ve ever met on cups is just horrible but it’s somehow so unbelievable and only to her and she talked about me too. and I found out and she blocked me and still talks bad about everyone. this is still all on cups. I’d die for someone to just talk to me like I remember last year I was really quiet and this girl raised her hand and asked the teacher why I always wore a mask :') I was quiet but that’s just because no one talked to me I could talk a lot if someone else started the convo. but it’s fine. 

â˜ ïžđŸ˜­that made me laugh lmao idk why☠I was pretty much numb up until here, this part "I give you my word that I'm not - well I mean I'm weird but not that kind of weird" xD I’m not laughing at you at all tho it was just funny for some reason xD💜

(I saved it until here because my grandparents were getting mad at me for not eating :P but I’m back)

yeah I trust that you would lol💙thanks soul💜

honestly he’s gonna yell and get mad either way. I said I was sorry if this sounded rushed and then went on with a full essay. ;-; I’m actually gonna just stop talking about myself. I hate it so much when I do that idk how I keep doing it I really genuinely actually try to stop :') idk what’s wrong with me. 

how’re you💙? please talk about yourself lol I feel so bad :’)💙

4 replies
mytwistedsoul June 26th

@iloveyouxx Omg I could scream right now. I had this huge reply written up and the whole thing just poofed 

The Internet gods must be angry with me 

It's horrible growing up with volatile parents 😞 always feeling on edge when they're home 

I just counted my listeners and came up with 94. 94! Omg 😳 although some of them are mods to open or close a room. Do you ever report the really bad ones? I don't think I've ever reported someone but I have blocked them. I think I know what you mean - like you don't expect them to really help but it would be nice to be able to have a real conversation and not hear a bunch of - fluff. About how it'll get better if you just give it time. Maybe that's just me lol. It's never a good thing when some random listener starts by sending pics 😕 It's different if it's a friend or someone you know that might send a pic of something they made or saw. But a random listener? 😬 

Hey if it broke through the numbness and made you laugh that's a good thing! Although it did sound funny when I reread it 😂 

I don't think talking about yourself is a bad thing - unless it makes you uncomfortable of course. I have a hard time doing that and actually wish I was better at it. My go to when people ask how I am is to just say I'm fine. Because my brain tells me it's just a formality that people ask that - not really so much that they care? That's sounds so horrible and I kind of hate saying it that way. Sometimes I'm probably alittle too honest with my thoughts

In all honesty though it feels like I've been fighting off an unending depression. I've just been really down lately about things that - I can't change. I keep hoping it'll pass but it just give me some slack sometimes for the anxiety to kick in. Mostly I'm grieving. I appreciate you asking 💙
4 replies
iloveyouxx OP June 26th

@mytwistedsoul

abusihubwjjhibaa I wish I could’ve seen that ugh I hate it when that happens😭that’s why I usually save my replies somewhere if I have to go or something so I could finish it off later

internet gods xD my dad went to get my glasses cos I broke them :p
.and it was meant to be fixed for him to get today and he forgot to get them after work.

☠ you have such good vocabulary lmaoâ˜ ïžđŸ’œI know I’m just stupid but I always have to google some word you say and it’s always so smart and specific. 

waiitt where’d you find that :0 94 â˜ ïžđŸ˜…:000000000000000000000000 /lh I never really just had a listener and gave up on them just like that. 

*deletes long paragraph :')*

even tho I deleted my very long paragraph I’m gonna say it’s definitely not just you💙

☠why am I laughing againâ˜ ïžđŸ˜­my emotions are so confusing today :') it’s just I thought it was obvious lol I should’ve made it more clear sorry xDđŸ©·but they weren’t just pics of the sunset or something xD oh and no I never really reported / blocked anyone :P I guess they just give up and move on to someone else usually. but some of them still message me 

xD😂😂

okie im a slow typer so this’ll take a while💙

i understand how difficult it can be to talk about yourself, (maybe I don’t relate but I know I’ve been there for sure too, and now it’s mostly the opposite where I can open up too much. but I understand) especially when it feels like the person asking might not genuinely care. it's actually common to default to saying "i'm fine" because it feels like a safe uncomplicated reply that avoids delving into deeper emotions? and it might feel pointless to talk about it when "no one cares".(or maybe that is just me heh, if I’m wrong you can correct me💜) this tendency to downplay our feelings or assume that others are asking out of mere politeness is something a lot of others experience. it doesn't sound horrible at all💙and I understand💙

being open about your thoughts and feelings, even when it’s hard, is really brave friend. I know you haven’t exactly said a lot but I also know you struggle with talking about you and admitting that you’ve been struggling with depression is a big deal. I’m a bit worried between the time I couldn’t reply it gave you the chance to overthink it or what you said😞I know I can do that and maybe I’m just thinking about it too much and you didn’t really think about it much yourself but I’m sorry I wasn’t here. depression can be so heavy and exhausting, especially when it feels never ending. sometimes it’s like you’re just waiting for a break and you can’t really get one. or sometimes you just want a break from existing and life and just everything and it feels impossible, maybe it’s not like that either and I’m just reading way too much into the little sentences I know but I do care about you and I’m trying to figure it out so I could help. I know I’m not exactly doing that well😞but when I say I care I mean it, from the bottom of my heart💙and I so wish I was better at helping because seeing others you care for hurting and not being able to do anything about it. I know I can be so extra but I just want you to know that I’m here for you and I’m listening and I want to be able to understand. and if you don’t want to talk about it than I’ll stop. 

feeling down about things that are beyond your control can exacerbate these emotions and it's a harsh reality that some aspects can't be changed, when something affects us negatively and we can’t do anything about it. and this can lead to a sense of helplessness an frustration. the hope that these feelings will pass is a sign of resilience, even when it feels like relief is fleetingđŸ€

stupid question but can I ask how you’ve been grieving😞I know it’s stupid. but from what I kn  there’re 8(?) types of grief and I don’t want to jump to assumptions for this one💜I know that for a lot of people grieving can be a deeply personal and non linear process, I hope you’re giving you the space and time to grieve💙

I don’t know if you’ve heard of it but there’s a book "The Mindful Way Through Depression" by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn. (I copied the names my spelling could never) if you ever have time maybe you could read a couple pages off a website💜? but no pressure💙I have other books but that one’s specifically for depression. I know that you’re trying hard to manage your mental health. and that alone makes me want to thank you💜for still always trying and still hoping others in the process💙

(btw I’m not that slow of a typer xD I had to go because my dad came back and I kept saving each sentence I wrote until I could finish it all together :P but right now he’s mad but distracted and I’m surprised I got to reply before tomorrow- it’s 11:42pm ;-; but you know, still before midnight. I really am happy we could talk about you too thođŸ€he’s still distracted but I’m not that risk taking lol I’m gonna go ;-; take care❀? I hope you feel better tomorrow.)

4 replies
mytwistedsoul June 27th

@iloveyouxx The sad thing is that I usually do save messages I'm writing. For whatever reason this time I didn't 


How did you manage to break your glasses? 

You are definitely not stupid. Alot of them are words that most people wouldn't use I guess lol - thank you though 

I had to take the scenic route on the path. Push the button with the leaves and then go down to progress. All your listeners should be listed there

Tbh I didn't think it was sunsets or puppy dogs. Which is just really disturbing. I'm really sorry people do that to you. I think alot of people do that stuff for shock value. It's still in really bad taste

Nope you got it exactly. It's an uncomplicated answer. I struggle with my emotions. If what I feel is right or acceptable. I actually used to be more open and it was easier to share. It took alot of work to get to that point. Problem is - I shared with the wrong person - here. Someone I trusted or thought I could trust. Everything I shared was used against me

I didn't over think it at all. I know that people get busy and life happens. Plus I know you probably have to be careful with your phone because of your father. And your grandparents were visiting. It's ok 💙 

And I know you're dealing with alot of things too and I want you to take care of you first ok? And I want you to know too that if there's anything I can ever do to help - I am always willing to hear what you have to say

The grief is a mixed mess. For awhile it was anticipatory grief. I had a dog and she was getting worse. Then my father got sick. I lost them both in November a week and half apart. I'm an only child. He was the only family member I had any contact with. My parents divorced years ago and my father and I weren't close for a long time. He was abusive. But we had reconnected. He had a GF and she had a daughter. Their relationship was close. I missed out on that. For what ever reason he named me to do his final stuff with his will. So in some ways I'm grieving but yet I'm not. I push it down because there's nobody to go to. His GF never saw him the way I did. For her and her daughter he hung the moon. Who am I to destroy that image of him for them? And I'm grieving the childhood I never had 

I will definitely check out that book you suggested. Thank you! 
Yes please don't get yourself into trouble with your father just to reply to me ok? I would feel really bad about that 

Thank you for letting me take up space here and for listening 😊

I hope you were able to get some sleep. You take care too ok? 💙

4 replies
iloveyouxx OP June 27th

@mytwistedsoul

for me sometimes when I press post the whole screen just pauses and you can’t click anything at all. even the tabs and after a couple minutes it turns grey and leads to the log in page again

I honestly don’t know I broke the last ones horribly (both sides were broken off the like front lenses part and they were also cut through the middle tho-) and these were new since my eyesight got so much worse. according to the doctor :p my eyes are severely sensitive to the light and I have really bad dry eyes and my eyesight went down by 3. idk 3 what but 3☠and I didn’t get those glasses a long long time ago so I basically messed up my eyesight really fast. and my family said that can’t happen to people my age and your eyesight only starts getting that much worse when you’re in your 40/50s. which idk I kinda doubt it :') because the doctor said while he put that light to my eyes through that big machine thing that the dry eyes and sensitivity to the light are because of too much screen time☠ and he said usually this isn’t because of screentime of education but rather when it’s used on entertainment. he seemed really mad but it was probably a bad day :') but yeah this time I think I slept on them or something- I know I sound really careless but I just remember my dad found them somewhere and got mad but they weren’t broken tho one side was just a little loose but still not broken. 

it was 86 for me :0

ugh I hate it when people do that :') the same thing happened to me but I guess it never really stopped me. I’m quiet irl but I know I talk too much here. it’s so hard to trust someone again I’m sorry/gen😞

yeah thankyou💙I don’t have a phone either, it’s just my school tablet. and my brother has a phone and he doesn’t know I have a fingerprint on that :p lol that sounds bad. and I have a face id on most devices. my grandma has 3 phones my dad has 8 my brother has 2 my grandpa has 2. and they actually use them

no it’s okay :0đŸ€I don’t really matter lol really tho and helping even tho I’m probably not makes me feel worth something. I’m not gonna take care of myself :') and I know you say that but you really really don’t. thankyou thođŸ€/gen

i'm so sorry to hear about your losses and the complex emotions you're dealing with. losing both your dog and your father so close together must have been so painful.😞it sounds scary. the relationship with your father sounds particularly complicated with the history of abuse and then reconnecting later on. :')💜it makes sense to feel conflicted about grieving someone who caused you pain and it's also valid to mourn the childhood you didn't have.💙 It’s a lot to handle on your own. it's a lot to go through just at all espe.cially when you feel like there's no one to turn to who would understand. i don’t want to just throw you onto something else. and you don’t have to thank me💜I really do like listening, thankyou for letting međŸ€

💙💙you’re welcome :0 I think I already did that xD but it’s okayđŸ€

I didn’t sleep at all heh but it’s okayy💜thankyou💙

I’m sorry I know this isn’t replying properly but the person that opened this device for me is gone and I was meant to give it to them before they left and I’m not meant to have this and I’ve been so scared and trying to keep it open just to finish this at least- I sound really dramatic and I know I skipped replying to a bunch of stuff probably I don’t really remember. I’ll try and come on later and reread it but maybe you’d have to remind me :') I’ll try and remember tho. ttyl💙

4 replies
mytwistedsoul June 27th

@iloveyouxx It's sort of funny and sad that everything comes down to screen time. Which maybe it does - idk. The blue light maybe? Do you take eye drops for the dry eye? I've heard it helps because that can cause eye problems too. Idk I think some people are just more prone to eye problems and alot can effect it. I don't think having them break necessarily means your careless. Sometimes accidents just happen


I'm really sorry that it happened to you too. It really hurts when you think you can trust someone with your deeper thoughts - only to find out that it was just something they can use against you. I'm quiet in rl too. I don't socialize very much if I can help it lol

Wow they all have so many phones! Nah I think it sounds like something a sister would probably do to her brother and it's not as though you're doing anything bad on it. 

Oh I have to disagree with you there. You do matter and you're worth more than you can even imagine. I know it doesn't feel like that right now - one day I hope you can see your worth. It does help to try and help others. Sometimes trying to shine the light for others ends up lighting up our own paths in the process 💙

It is complicated 😞 It's confusing to love and hate someone at the same time. It hasn't been all that long so some of it just takes time and with having to take care of all his final things I haven't really given myself any time to grieve really. I just notice certain things are missing. Texts and stuff. There were things we had talked about doing together that we never got the chance to do. And there's things that I wish we had talked about - things I wish I would have said and now it's too late

They control you alot don't they? 😞 You don't have to answer that. I mean I can understand being protective but you're alot smarter than they think. What do they think you'll do? It's really hard being afraid of doing something wrong - even if you arent

No worries ok? You did great with replying 💙
4 replies
iloveyouxx OP July 1st

@mytwistedsoul

I saw a video where this person took that mensa iq test and got 133, then for a couple of hours just scrolled through and watched low quality content, brain rot, it wasn’t for too long(I think it was 4hours)but they took the test again and it went down to 118. It is possible for it to have a temporary effect on cognitive function- I think it was interesting to watch lol :0 how they did in the test the second time could’ve been influenced by other things 

yeah the doctor prescribed them and I have to use them every morning and night. I take 14 types of medication a day :’) and some of them dissolve in water and some are in powder form and some are pills and some you drink and I honestly don’t take any of them. I have to but the idea bothers me and I know I should but I guess I just don’t want to :’) most of them say they’re for adults so idk why I’m taking them. maybe that works in some situations

also no I’m just really really clumsy I thinkđŸ˜…đŸ©·my brother doesn’t trust me with anything 

yeah and I guess it is my fault too😞I hate how gullible I am it’s just. unbelievable how idiotic and credulous you can be. I can be :’)đŸ©·awwe me too lol â˜ ïžđŸ’œ it’s okay I think it doesn’t affect me that much- I once saw someone say- (I don’t remember where btw-) "I’m not antisocial I’m selectively social. there’s a big difference!" and- same😁

he caught me on it but I just said I stayed up all night and kept it open from when he gave it to me. which is pretty impossible I kept reopening it every couple of minutes :p

loving and hating someone simultaneously can be confusing and emotionally taxing😞not having the time to grieve properly while taking care of all his final arrangements must make it even harder to process your feelings. if it needs some time to process than try and find some time💙? Ive never had someone that close to me go like that😞I know my imagination can’t be compared to the actual experience💜I can try and think about it and even that hurts and it definitely hurts so much more for you because it’s not the same😞I did lose someone a couple years ago and I kept begging my family before that if we could go visit because they were sick. we would’ve had to travel but even before they got sick I think since I was 6 I’d been wanting to go and I never got to, those plans you never got to fulfill can be especially painful😞

It’s okay to have regrets about things left unsaid and undone💙tw-? I saw a video basically explaining how the past can’t be changed and the more we think they’re the more we’re stuck but it’s still hard. I feel like it can’t be changed nothings gonna change from then when we think about it but it’s okay to be stuck there and need time to process it before looking forward. just my opinion tho💜the person in the video was nice. grieving is not a linear process. it’s what I always got told. allowing yourself to feel these emotions, even if it’s just a little bit at a time💙and it’s okay to go at your own pace💜

nfta but does this all take a lot of space in your head or is it harder to think about?                                                                    

I don’t think they think I’ll do anything bad :’) idk why they do it. awe thankyou :p💜I still think I’m stupid tho😅I know I depend thinking that on things that don’t define how smart you are exactly but idk

thankyou💙I think that was horrible but personal opinion I guess :p I’m trying not to downplay compliments anymore and I don’t think I’m doing great :D but thankyou💙

3 replies
mytwistedsoul July 1st

@iloveyouxx Sorry it took so long to reply back. I kept getting pulled away but I remembered to save it as I went lol. Not falling for that again 


I can believe that lol. Some days there's entirely too much time spent doom scrolling. Or too much time spent falling down what ever YouTube rabbit hole was available 😬 anything for a distraction. So I'm probably down to minus IQ points by now lol

14 medications? Omg. I think that would be hard to take that many. Like is there any room left for actual food? Hopefully there's a reason you're taking them even though they're labeled for adults

You have a good heart. Idk if that's a thing that you can be at fault for though? I like that - selectively social. Yeah lol I just select not to 

Oh that's hard too. I know it can be hard to put things together to travel but it would have been nice for you if you could have visited with that person

I feel the same way I guess. I know it can't be changed but I need time to work through it all. I had thought that maybe knowing him now that I'm an adult I thought maybe it would help temper the past with newer memories of him. It just didn't work out that way and I have to work through everything to accept that this is just the way it is. Some days it's all I think about. I don't have any other family I wanted to get close to. They're all - just not very nice people. But some days I don't seem to think about it or him at all. I feel bad for those days that I don't 

Compliments are hard to take. Idk how people don't. Maybe they think and feel the same way about them but just don't say anything about it? 

2 replies
iloveyouxx OP July 2nd

@mytwistedsoul

no I don’t think you took a long time💙I took
6 days- that’s a long time I didn’t apologize- also it’s okay💜I kept upvoting random things when I’d get to get on but it wasnt trying to remind you or anything, that’s how I feel when people do that :p

i know I can spend such long time on a screen and it doesn’t even feel like it- my screen time average on just one of the devices I use is 12 hours (no one else uses it because we’re not really meant to :p) and my school device is more. my brother barely uses his phone idk why, he goes for walks with it for music and it also tracks his steps and sometimes uses it but he gives it to me and I haven’t checked there. noo I think you’d get something good T^TđŸ€I actually did that test I just can’t get results but I genuinely guessed all of it-

i can list them :p i only finished one of them and that’s those big circle vitamin c pills and they dissolve in water- I still don’t eat and I need to take some of them 1 hour after I eat or before I eat with idk and most of them are just things that I have deficiencies of and I remember being forced to go to the nurse and the nurse put this thing on my finger and some other tests then asked me if I ate breakfast in the morning- and I said I did because she was about to call my dad and I didn’t want him to blame me for going to the nurse so she just kept telling me to eat on my way out and things like ask your friends if they have food and ask your teachers- ;-; I fainted that day which is fine it was just less common then

i don’t remember if I mentioned it but not too long ago strangers used to go up to me and just say the most unbelievable things just to get my reaction and it was entertaining to them :’) I was that gullible but other than that I just trusted everyone and I didn’t believe that anyone could actually just not be nice because how could you not love nd I excused everything that wasn’t nice as a bad day or they’re doing it out of love and care and worry. it is my fault I was just dumb

😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂smh😂😂😂

oh wait I didn’t mean to :’) it’s okie it passed I didn’t mean to make it about me tho😞💜sorry

I understand what you mean💙It makes sense that you’d want to create new better memories to help balance the past and It's hard when things don't work out the way we hope. It's okay to need time to work through it all and come to terms with things💜

the days you don't think about it don’t mean you care any less. It’s just part of how your mind and heart are processing everything, I’m sorry the rest of your family aren’t the nicest that probably made grieving so much harder😞without having a support system or people you can talk to, do you have someone irl💙/nfta because people get offended when I ask that- 

yeah I mean I mostly dodge them or if it’s irl I always have to look around :> I wanted to see how long it would take me to finish this so I checked the time when I started- and it’s been exactly 59 minutes😅an hour now but I started at 11:37 and it’s 12:38 now- sometimes I just keep reading what I’m trying to reply to and I’m reading it but my brains not really catching up and absorbing that knowledge-

1 reply
mytwistedsoul July 3rd

@iloveyouxx No apologies necessary. There's no obligation to reply. I do worry sometimes because I've had people get pretty upset if I would reply to others and not them. Now it's just a "listener" friend. That's a long long story with that one lol


That's usually about how long I end up on my phone in a day sometimes. Today it's only been about 5 hours so far but they'll probably be some games played later. Or another trip to YouTube. Idk - are there things you're supposed to do during the day? Chores and stuff? Do you have a yard to spend time in? Sorry just being nosy I guess 😬

If you're not eating that would explain the deficiencies I guess? That might explain the fainting too? Like low blood sugar? Idk. Is it ok to ask why you don't eat? I mean you don't have to answer of course

Nah not dumb just young and naive. Innocent like kids are supposed to be. That's really lousy though that people would do that. Did it make it hard for you to trust people now that you're older?

Hey you're allowed to talk about yourself here. This is your thread after all. Unless it makes you uncomfortable. Please don't be sorry though

Sometimes compliments are kind of triggering I guess because they're hard to believe. I always want to argue against any people give me. But then I worry that it sounds like I'm calling them a liar 😕 I've learned to just say thank you and keep the rest of those thoughts to myself 😅

Lol I get side tracked a lot while I'm replying to people. And then sometimes I forget things or ask the same question twice - I'm sorry if I've done that here 

This will disappear on my phone as the text has sloowwllyy slide to the right. One of the many things that irritate me with the changes they've made lol 😕
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iloveyouxx OP June 26th

I’m gonna go again. I might come back if my dad’s late or if he leaves again but idk. 

1 reply

@iloveyouxx

i've run out of hearts/reached the heart limit but me sending hugs 💜

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iloveyouxx OP June 27th

18

3 replies
iloveyouxx OP July 3rd

@mytwistedsoul

oh wow xD that does sound like a long story I love long stories xD/nfta I’ve had some really crazy cups times before so I’m not that surprised but was it when you’d reply to others before them or just reply to others at all?đŸ€

wait really so it’s not just me :0 I just woke up, also yeah I’m really busy but I use my device after 12am and then just whenever I can, I don’t go out often :0 or
at all
 :p okay maybe I do sometimes I just can’t remember the last time😅no it’s okay I like questions💜I can’t really be told things without detail idk if that counts as nosy :p💙

tw
yeah lol💜and it is okay but idk how to explain it. I started getting obsessed with being skinny when I was almost 9 and it’s just a lot of things that happened that would make me so much more dedicated to starving myself and all that. and it wouldn’t be things like insults on my weight mostly just compliments and I already noticed that for me when I get compliments on something i wanna do it better and when I was 10 I developed anorexia :p nd my bones popped out even my cheekbones but I still genuinely cried about my weight but for the wrong thing and yeah long story short I ate somewhere when I was 12 because I thought I was gonna di.e and I knew it was because I wasn’t eating and that’s a long story :') my lungs hurt so bad and my heart was so so so so loud and I didn’t have even a little bit of energy and I was shaking so I ate an apple and cried while eating the apple because I felt bad :') and um now I’m here with alot of worse symptoms but it’s less of body image even tho it is still bad but also just not caring about myself. I don’t remember when I last ate but I do eat when I’m really forced to :p so if we’re all outside in a big place with like all of my family for an event there’s always this one person that doesn’t take im not hungry not matter what☠theyd actually attack me if I kept going like that-

nonono😅someone once told me they could turn into any animal😅and someone told me they had fire powers. and someone told me they were secretly a celebrity. and oh yeah so many people would tell me they could read my mind. people still didn’t believe in that stuff then. I had to learn that santa didn’t exist in the hardest way/srs and I thought he just died but he did exist. no it’s just that I trust too easily :')💜if you really push you could probably get anything out of me 

I still hate this thread so much I prefer talking to you tho like 5 pages back :’)💙I had a dream that you got mad and started talking to a specific cups friend about how you don’t know how to stop talking to me and xD that me talking so much made you overwhelmed and you wanted to end the convo xD and then I woke up xD btw I know it doesn’t mean anything because I saw your upvotes last before I fell asleep and I’ve been having so many random cups friend dreams :p I had a dream my friend here worked at mcdonalds :p and I had another dream that everyone on cups had a get together except we were bubbles with our username hovering over us and I had a dream where my other cups friend had a youtube account and I had a dream where me and some cups friends were running from a dragon but we were all cartoons and pixelated and the dragon just needed some love. I had a dream where one of my cups friends was fighting me for a trophy :p and she was on a broom for some reason she was flying around

awwe ): I had the same problem and then I saw someone reply to a quora post talking about it and they said "why would anyone stop to call an ugly person pretty" (as an example) and when I used to go out with my aunt I always got complimented by strangers or my aunt would be seen as my mom and she would be told she had a beautiful daughter or something like that (not bragging or anything we were in a pretty closed? place I guess and it wasn’t that recent). in primary I had to write 3 things I love about myself :p and I was asking other people :p do you just doubt all of them in your head😞I feel like people get mad when I doubt their compliments

oh yeah I get distracted so easily but I think you’ve been replying well considering you probably have more life than me lol :0💙

that used to be different?💜:0 I know even if you have a wider screen it still goes away almost the same :')đŸ€I’m doubting that I tagged you right fsr but replying here because you wouldn’t be able to see it any other way- this is random but in my dream you were in teen side again and everyone was calling you twisted and it kept glitching to this website http://www.staggeringbeauty.com/  (tw flashing lights? and it’s really sudden) idk why and I still wasn’t convinced I was in a dream :pp💜

3 replies
mytwistedsoul July 4th

@iloveyouxx With this particular person it's that I have to reply regularly to them. They don't hang out in the forums at all. To chat with them takes hours and it's hard to sit still that long. Not to mention having a conversation is me asking them questions and getting one word answers. It's just really draining. I have had people who got upset if I answered others first And others in general lol


Nope lol I think we all probably spend way too much time with our devices. I mean you can do just about anything with them. Plus they're easier to carry. I rarely spend time in the house but I live out in the woods and away from people so being outside is nice lol

Oh man 😞 you were so young! I mean I know there's a lot of people who think that being real skinny is beautiful - it's just not healthy. Which I. sure you know that and I don't mean to sound like I'm scolding you or trying to make you feel bad. You should eat at least something every day. I'm sorry - I'm probably saying all the wrong things right now

Oh lol! Well yeah those are kind of far fetched but would be pretty fascinating to a kid. I would have loved to be able to turn into an animal or control fire. If I was lucky being able to do both would have been awesome! 😎 

You have some pretty wild dreams! I wouldn't do that. If I feel over whelmed I just get quiet for alittle. The bubble dream would be kind of cool. We're the bubbles different colors or anything? The pixelated one sounds pretty amazing. Especially with a dragon in it

It's even harder to compliment yourself. I see the threads here "name 3 things you love about yourself" I never go to those lol. Because if I say I'm kind - it sounds conceited? At least to my ears it does. But yeah I just keep those thoughts in my head

Thanks 😊 I try to keep up with replies but I do have work to do. Or someone needs my help with something - usually the neighbors lol. Plus there's pets

So I have to admit the wiggle worm on that site kept me busy for longer than it should have 😂 but that is so cool! Thank you! 

As alittle p.s. - I hope you're ok. I don't know what happened - with the attempt - that's not something anyone should get mad at you for. Upset maybe - hurt yeah. But hurt because they care about you 💙
3 replies
iloveyouxx OP July 9th

@mytwistedsoul

;-; hours of that? what would you even talk about? is it for them :p what’s the point of talking like that :p and if someone just gets upset because you replied to someone else before them that’s just weird unless it’s important I’m honestly just confused tho😅


woah thats so cool you have a farm too right? is it a farm? I think it would be freeing to live away from people outside lol <3 and take care of different animals and pets that’s the adorable and sweet part I’d like that, I genuinely always thought of getting done with graduation and becoming old enough to just travel and live far away from everything. I don’t know tho 

😂😅no you’re not💙nd you dont have a reason to apologize💙I know it’s not and yeah but people are just beautiful naturally :p and that’s why it doesn’t always really suit the people that force it. I think and believe everyone’s beautiful because I don’t give any fake/stereotypical meanings to it, I guess I just don’t apply it to me

😭I know😭I’d still love those😛if I had to pick a power I.
..wouldnt be able to :p

nope we just had our usernames over us but um my dreams are really confusing andđŸ˜¶â€đŸŒ«ïžmy friend turned into a book and started talking, the pixelated dream was cool tho💙oh and yeah thanks for the reassurance💙

aww if you did end up posting that tho I would agree and upvote it every 24 hours right after it refreshes, being conceited is showing an excessively high opinion of yourself and being kind is having/showing a friendly generous and considerate nature, I don’t think you’d sound conceited💙you know you wouldn’t do the same things to a person that’s hurt you- unless you would and it’s okay they probably deserve it anyway/j/j you know you care and think about others, I can describe you with the google meaning of kind :p💙friendly, generous, considerate💙I never know what to say for those either tho, in primary we had to write 3 things we love about ourselves on our table and I didn’t know what to write. and I started asking other people and they were like um I like your earrings you can say that and I actually did and I got to 2 and the teacher yelled at me to write 3 down :p I think I already told you about that

aww💙my neighbors are just idk. I barely consider them my neighbors they’re just there most the time. you reply really fast for someone who has a lot to do in the day💙

😂😂😂oh😂same😂 https://poki.com/en/g/runman-race-around-the-world#fullscreen you’re welcome I found it on the useless web :3 have you seen that? I go there when I’m bored

awe💙I feel kinda bad talking about it now but basically what happened was a close friend went to one of my other close friends pms and started talking about me I guess and um. yeah basically just saying they were so damn mad at me and :p I’m trying to explain it with a normal tone TvT but they were mad because (from their words) I knew how they were :p how they had this protective anger etc etc and I could’ve just upvoted or said something but um. I left for a week no exactly 7 days and they were already going to my friend about how now it’s like a broken friendship etc nd how I talked to everyone before them but I came back and talked to everyone the same hour including them and they knew I attempted and that’s why I was gone they knew that and they even said that that night they felt bad but the next day they were just "so damn mad at me" and yeah. :') but yeah to them I should’ve probably risen from the unconscious before I had to lose my best friend. It’s okay tho I mean I forgive them I kinda try talking about it but I know I’m not good at idk and they don’t want to and either way it’s fine I’m over it and it’s not that big of a deal I guess I hope they’re okay
im not making a lot of sense rn-

i honestly think I would’ve felt bad if this was gone and I never replied, I’m only able to be on at a really specific time and it’s really limited, you don’t have to reply to this💙
love.gif

3 replies
mytwistedsoul July 23rd

@iloveyouxx Well this one wasn't reply to very fast at all. I'm sorry about that. Idk I think the tags are screwy - which when haven't they been lol


It usually is me asking questions about any and everything to which he gives one word replies. Recently he's upset because I'm not meeting his expectations. Which it's not the first time

It's sort of a farm but yet not? There's woods all around with a small open area for the horse and the chickens have a spot. There's no cows here although I'd like one lol. They have the cutest little miniature highland cows now

It so sad that the teacher yelled at you because you didn't have three. That doesn't help at all when they yell 😕 especially if you're struggling to think of something good about yourself. Three things I would pick for you - thoughtful considerate and caring 💜 

That game is alot harder than it looked! 😅 I'll have to try that again later. Thank you!

I'm sorry things went that way with your friend. It's hard when things like happen. It definitely could have been handled differently. They could have talked to someone that didn't know either of you. I can see maybe getting upset about the attempt and concerned for you 😕 Sometimes little time can help things smooth out. Hopefully that happens between you two 💜

Aww that's ok ok? There's no pressure to reply and I totally understand about only being able to be online at certain times. I definitely wouldn't want you to get into trouble 




2 replies
iloveyouxx OP July 23rd

@mytwistedsoul

it’s okayy and I know, it’s so hard keeping up with replies that way so I understand💙I just upvoted because I thought you didn’t get the tag- which- you didn’t :D

im gonna be honest tho it’s 3am- or almost, 2:53 am. and my dads definitely awake I can hear him on a call :p and- I’m being reallyyyyy risky xD😅because he forgot to take our devices. I surprise myself sometimes

its a listener right? nfta but how’re you not meeting his expectations💜? 

awwwwwwee those are so adorable! I used to call them fluffy cows when I was younger, I don’t remember where I saw it but you had pictures of the horse and chickens, oh wait I just found them, it was from the snippets from your life forum, looking at those makes me feel like I’ve never seen real chickens or horses before or maybe it’s just been a while-? I’ve never seen any irl. still tho I think it’s really cool that you take care of animals like those💙it looks like it’d really peaceful to live there, is it?💜

she used to yell a lot at me for some reason and I was new to the school and I remember one time she yelled at me to go put these computers in the IT class and I went there and started crying lol T-T but once she said we should always consider others feelings and I started thinking maybe she was just having a bad day and I felt really bad and tried being kind to her every time I saw her and then she mocked me infront of the whole class for asking if she was okay when it was the class’s fault she was frustrated but I didn’t do anything but um it’s fine lol, awww thats so sweet💜💜I don’t know if I already said 3 things for you but even if I did I might as well do it again/j mmmm
.empathetic loyal and kindhearted💙

xD😛I have so many medals on it and my friend on here that knows I play that says I need to get a hobby but
 :pđŸ€·đŸ»â€â™€ïžit’s easier to play on wider screens, you’re welcome xDđŸ©”Â 

maybe? hopefully. I mean I’m okay with it now I hope they're okay tho, thankyou💜

that only took me 26 minutes woah :0 well that’s little for me, but I didn’t get in trouble or anything💙he locked the door on himself and that usually means he’s not coming out any time soon I’m glad I took the time to reply to this before he woke up tho, thanks for talking to me💙/gen

1 reply
mytwistedsoul July 24th

@iloveyouxx Thank you. I try to keep up but yeah sometimes it's impossible. And when the tags are goofy it's even harder

I admire you're bravery! You must keep a finger ready on the close tabs button lol

It is a listener. He actually messaged me but not for me to talk to him about anything I'm dealing with. But for us to talk about things he's dealing with. It started when I had very few boundaries. I actually do feel bad for him tho because I know he's got alot going on but I suck at keeping up with people's expectations

Yes! They are fluffy cows! 😊 The horse's name is Danny. He's pretty cool and very friendly. The chickens are pretty friendly too and they like to be petted and will take treats from your hands

That teacher sounds like she should choose a new profession. 😕 Idk if people realize that things like that are what makes it harder for kids to go to them when they have problems later on. It's bad enough to get yelled at all the time but to mock someone is just really cruel

Hey that's great! I didn't know you could get medals on it! I'll definitely have to check it out on the laptop. Hey playing games is a hobby too. Anything you like doing can be a hobby I think

It takes me forever to type sometimes lol  I get sidetracked too easily at times

Thank you too for talking with me 💙

How's your foot doing? Is the pain alittle less now?

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iloveyouxx OP June 27th

19